This chapter I know for a fact is a couple of days late - Sorry, but I had Prom two nights ago and a sleep over last night. Though we did very little sleeping as we went to bed at 5 am, and didn't get to sleep 'til about half past and my friend's running alarm went off at 6:45 am! A bloody RUNNING alarm I ask you! AGH!
Anyway, if there's any glaring spelling or grammatical mistakes don't be surprised - I'm tired! So just let me know and I'll come back and change them. Also does anyone know how to spell 'I don't know' in French? I can say it but can't spell it and in my sleep deprived state I can't be bothered to find a translator. I ask because in the flash back that's in this chapter I attempted to spell it but I suspect I epically failed. So if anyone can let me know, Great! I'll change it as soon as I know how to spell it.
Now on to today's chapter. It's a rather long one compared to normal to make up for the lateness. Hope you enjoy!
Severus looked up from the photo album when he heard the door of the hospital wing open and close. Trixabelle entered wearing smart black trousers and shirt with the cloak her aunt had made for her thrown over the top. The gloves Molly Weasley had given her adorned her hands and a matching hat kept her ears warm for although there were fires lit all over the castle this winter was as hard and unforgiving as those experience when the Dark Lord was rising to power once more.
"Molly has been ensuring your warmth I see." He stated when Trixabelle sat on the chair by his bedside.
"She seems to think that she has to make up for the last seventeen years." Trixabelle smiled. "She's thinking of visiting tomorrow with Mr. Weasley if you feel up to it and Lucius and Draco intend to come after your next healing if you are awake. Harry is insisting on visiting in the morning if you want to see him or not – something to do with a debt to be repaid."
"Bloody great fool of a Gryffindor." Severus muttered. "Tell him there is nothing to repay."
"I tired. He wouldn't listen."
"No wonder he never injured his head when flying suicidaly whilst playing quidditch – he's hard headed and stubborn. Just like his father."
"Well long and short is everyone in the castle pretty much has either asked me how you are or are demanding to visit."
"Why has this been brought here?" Severus indicated to the photo album to change the subject. Even after all these years he was not accustomed to being shown gratitude and kindness after the way both the Dark Lord and, as much as he hated to admit it, Dumbledore had taken him for granted.
Trixabelle sighed. "Birthday present from our ever clear thinking aunt and uncle… You don't have to accept it if it makes you feel bad. They won't mind."
"I want to see them all, all the same."
"Well budge over then." Trixabelle said and began to climb onto the bed next to him. She pulled his arm around her and looked at the photos on the page that was open. "Ugh baby photos, let's skip these all I do is sleep and look 'far too cute for your own good' as Uncle John used to say."
She began to turn the page but Severus stopped her.
"Humour me."
Trixabelle was about to tease him for being 'all soppy' but remembered that he had never seen her as a baby bar the day she was born and considered that if their roles had been reversed she would want to do the same and so let him peruse the photographs of her infancy in silence. She looked at them too laughing when the moving images showed her doing something amusing and at other times cringing at her own clumsiness.
Then a photo with Sabine appeared. Trixabelle ran her fingers over the photo and sighed.
"What the hell am I supposed to think of her now, Dad?" she asked sombrely.
"I would like to say I have advice for you but I do not." Severus squeezed her arm. "They were happy memories once, although you know the truth it does not mean they cannot be so again does it?"
"I guess not." she paused, chewing her lip for a moment and then spoke. "Remember when I said that something in the vision feels familiar from my childhood?" Severus nodded. "You think it's that I sort of remember being around Bellatrix for something like that, don't you?"
Again Severus nodded. Noting the doubt in her voice he wondered where she was taking this. Trixabelle gazed at the photo in which she and Sabine were making cornflake cakes and had made a complete mess of the kitchen and the aprons Aunt Ruth had given them. She remembered that Sabine had started a food fight and even though she had told Sabine it was a bad idea had joined in anyway.
"It's not that. Somehow I just know it's not that. I don't know how but… I think it's from when I knew Sabine." She traced a finger over the outline of her former friend. "There was always a… an unusual… auror almost around her. Not like the kind that Professor Trewlawney goes on about, but one of dishonesty. I know why I felt that now but… somehow I can feel that same sort of dishonesty in the vision. It's slowly been getting clearer since we came back her after Christmas. I'm not sure if it's the same but it's… similar."
Severus considered this for a moment and had the spark of an idea but immediately dismissed it. Instead he once again employed his daughter's attention to the photographs.
The next picture was once again of Trixabelle and Sabine. Sabine was flying around on the toy broom whilst Trixabelle looked away looking pale. Another was a day at the park and both were swinging much higher than people twice their age on the swings. The next picture showed Trixabelle jumping off from the top of the swing's ark and gently floating down to the ground using her magic to slow her fall. Other parents could be seen gasping and then sighing in relief and amazement.
For a year's worth of photographs Sabine was present in most of them and Severus saw his daughter smile and laugh with the person she had known to be her friend. Then after Sabine was killed the photos were just of Trixabelle with either her aunt or uncle, or just her by herself. The Parisian flat slowly became cluttered with a wide variety of muggle inventions and more and more pictures were taken in Trixabelle's room rather than the living room or kitchen.
"You look positively terrified." Severus commented as he looked at a photo of her and Uncle John flying on a broom above roof level of the French version of Diagon Alley. Uncle John was controlling the broom whilst Trixabelle was sat on the back holding on for dear life and had scrunched her face up.
"I hate flying." She grouched. "And he knows it. When he landed I purposely threw up all over him – he never took my flying again."
"Did you not think that there was a more mature way to communicate your displeasure of flying?" Severus asked hiding his amusement.
"When we landed he said it was a childish fear so I showed him what flying does to me in the most childish way imaginable. I was, oh, fourteen at the time."
Severus chuckled but the action had him coughing for a few minutes afterwards. Trixabelle passed him a glass of water and turned the page. The photos skipped to the summer holidays of that school year and they showed the small family to be on holiday in Cannes.
"We had pain au chocolat every morning for breakfast with the most amazing vanilla milkshake. Could have lived off those. There was this quaint little café in a side street that we had dinner in for the whole week – by the end of the week I could just about order dinner because I had the same thing every night." She laughed and told the rest of the story of the holiday which consisted of spending time at the beach and looking at the white cliffs of Dover through a telescope that they had to put two Euros in to make it work.
"I always asked what England was like. Mostly the answer was cold and rainy. I'm inclined to believe them."
"We're in Scotland." Severus dead-panned.
"Oh yeah. Well it rained a lot at your house and that's in England right?"
"No, Trixabelle, our home is in England."
For a moment Trixabelle felt something warm and squishy flow through her heart. Sometimes when she awoke she wondered why she wasn't at Beauxbatons for a couple of minutes before remembering what had happened over the last few months and for a moment or tow after that felt as though she had only just arrived. Each morning when it happened awe spread through her and she felt the same gratitude towards her father as the day he had had her Sorted in front of the entire school. In some ways having a father was still strange to her and she often found herself wondering hwy he let her stay when his life had turned so dangerous after her arrival. Hearing him say 'our home is in England' sent another wave of amazement through her.
Severus saw the emotions flash thorough her eyes and was sure he was feeling the same as her. He still found it hard to believe that she had risked herself in the way she had to meet him. He was after all only the snarky dungeons git. No. That's who he had been. Sure he could be that person when he needed to be, but he was just Severus Snape now. Severus Snape his daughter's father. Once again he was amazed at how a young girl had been able to make him change the way he thought about himself when people he'd known for most of his life hadn't been able to no matter how much they tried. Minerva, Filius, Pomona, Poppy and Dumbledore had all tried. The Golden Trio had even done their best.
After his time healing at The Burrow he had still held himself in contempt. He'd come to terms with the bad decisions and mistakes he had made but he hadn't forgiven himself. Not even a little. But since Trixabelle had entered his life he'd slowly been forgiving himself. Little by little he felt himself becoming the person Lily had believed he could be if only he'd tried.
Both sat staring at the photographs before them, each to their own thoughts until Severus slowly turned the page.
They flicked through the rest of the holiday photos without saying anything.
"When this is all over can we go see England?"
"I confess it is something I have been intending to do for some time." Severus sighed.
"You mean, you've lived here… fifty five years and you've not seen much of it?"
"I travelled a lot as a Death Eater but we did not take in the scenery."
"What about –"
"We were a poor working class family therefore holidays were a privilege we were not gifted with."
Then there were photos from the holiday before Trixabelle entered her sixth year of education. They were all taken in Paris. Money had been tight and so they had taken day trips around the city at the weekends. They had gone to museums and parks, eaten out on occasion and once took the train to Cannes to eat at the quaint café once again.
"You were a lonely child." Severus murmured. "Forgive me."
"Already have. You were just doing what you had to."
"You are still bitter about many things."
Trixabelle didn't answer but turned to the last but one page of the album. It was of a red ball dress that had arrived a few days before Trixabelle had decided to experiment with Apparating. It was floor length and had delicate lace embroidery of flowers and silver beads on the bodice. A note was resting on the dress saying 'who the bloody hell sent me this?'.
The night that Trixabelle had left Beauxbatons was the night of Madam Maxime's birthday ball. All the other girls in the school were excited and had been preparing themselves since day break with various beauty regimens. In the evening after class they had all been busily employed helping each other with hair and make-up, zipping each other's dresses and doing final bits of preparation.
Trixabelle on the other hand sat on her bed staring at the dress she had been mysteriously given, her mind blank. She didn't notice the excitement of the others in her dorm or the jovial atmosphere which permeated the walls of the palace. She just sat on her bed in casual clothes and stared at her dress without even seeing it. Eventually she became aware that all was quiet.
Slowly she looked around the dorm and realised that once again she was alone and no one had bothered to talk to her all evening. No one had even glanced her way. The only attention the people in her dorm had paid her in the last few years had been when she opened the mysterious gift and unveiled the beautiful dress. She'd been asked who had sent it but when she saw the tag with unfamiliar writing on it she responded with the French phrase she had learned by rote: j'ai nais pas. I don't know.
Now sat alone she remembered how much she secretly craved to have at least one friend in the world.
Music drifted through the open window. She walked over to it, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. Down below in the courtyard everyone was dancing the night away without a care in the world. Laughter rose up to taunt her, reminding her of her isolation.
The word 'home' languidly floated to the front of her mind. She began to wonder what the word meant. Home was a place where you lived… and felt wanted, loved and comfortable. When she was in Paris with her Aunt and Uncle she did feel wanted and loved… but not comfortable. There were snippets of memories, the emotions heightened by the muggle inventions, which invaded her mind and were slowly wearing her down. Looking back now she felt that even back then she knew there was something wrong, something false about those memories.
She loved her aunt and uncle she really did, but Paris wasn't home anymore. And here, at Beauxbatons she had noting. No emotional ties and no friends.
If she didn't want what she had here then what did she want? Looking down on those that she should have been able to call friend she felt truly lonely. But she refused to cry over it. She was no more alone than she had been five minutes ago and she wasn't crying then so what was the sense in crying now? Laughter once again floated up to her and she remembered that the last time she had truly laughed was at the start of the summer holiday when she had fallen in a fountain because she hadn't been looking where she was going.
Laughter. That's what she wanted. She wanted to laugh the rest of her way through her education with friends to surround her and help her if she needed it, but that wouldn't happen here. There were too many memories, too much hurt and pain. If she couldn't get it here or with her aunt and uncle then where? Somewhere new that much was obvious, but she couldn't just run away. Not to a place where she wasn't known.
You're known at Hogwarts, she thought to herself. He doesn't know you exactly but he knows you exist. You've wanted to do this since you were eleven, why wait now when you know there is nothing for you here?
Without allowing herself to pause or talk herself out of it she took her wand and sneaked down to the field where the seventh years had been learning how to Disapparate. She met no one on the way, no one was on the field and no one would miss her. At least not until morning.
Then so be it, she thought, I'll leave here alone and gain happiness over there.
"It was signed with love, was it not?" Severus's voice cut through her pensive state. She welcomed the intrusion of her thoughts.
"Yeah but…" she turned to face her father. "You sent the dress?"
"If you had not arrived I would have brought you home not too long afterwards."
"Forgive the intrusion, dear." Madam Pomfrey said to Severus and smiled at Trixabelle. "Time for your healing."
Once the healing was over Trixabelle picked up the photo album again and turned to the last page. On it was a picture of Severus holding a baby. It took her a moment to realise he was sat in their aunt and uncle's flat and the baby was in fact her. It then took another moment for her to realise that the photograph was taken on the day he gave her up.
"They should not have put this in here." Trixabelle growled and snapped the book shut.
Severus took it from her and opened it to the last page. His face fell slack and his eyes shone with regret.
"I had not realised…"
"They shouldn't have taken it in the first place."
Severus shook his head. "Before I left I allowed myself to truly feel what it is to be a father. There is no sadness in this picture."
"Though there is plenty in this one." The voice of Draco intoned.
Trixabelle, who had her back to him, made a face at her father and then turned round to glare it him. Draco remembered that glare well from his days as a student under her father though it had usually been reserved for Potter. Now, fifteen years later, he was receiving the glare from both his former professor and the man's daughter. Even though Trixabelle was fifteen years younger than him he flinched slightly when he caught her eyes.
Trixabelle smirked. "Is there a proper reason you're scared, Draco or are you really that much of a wimp?"
"Shut it, Belle." He snapped back.
"Oh, French are we today? Better than the last time I saw you and you were being a total snob I suppose."
"Trixabelle." Severus warned.
"Well I'm going to go and take a kip over there." she said and hopped off the bed and lay down on the next one. "Don't wake me up." she said glaring at Draco slightly before closing her eyes.
"How is he, Poppy?" Harry Potter whispered the next morning.
"Oh, just fine, Mr. Potter. Slowly but surely wins the race I believe is the muggle saying." Madam Pomfrey replied.
"Since when has Severus ever done anything slowly?"
"I assure you, Potter, I can do a great many things slowly when necessary. Do you not remember from the many detentions you earned yourself whilst breaking as many rules as possible and endangering the lives of yourself and your friends when you were a student?" Severus intoned only now opening his eyes. Harry's loud entrance had woken him up a few minutes ago but to exact revenge he had pretended to be asleep and would have stayed like that all day if it were necessary.
"Being ill I see has not dampened your snarky attitude I see, Snape." Harry shot back with a cheeky smile.
How have things come to this? Severus sardonically thought. Then he recalled the healing time he had spent at the burrow with the very same boy. True once he had let himself admit that he was Lily's child too he had been willing to treat him with the respect he deserved, but sometimes it was still strange to converse with the boy without degrading him. There was however still an amount of sarcasm and a few quarrels just because their personalities were so different.
"Believe me Potter if it were still in my power to expel you I would not hesitate."
"Never worked when you did threaten that anyway." Harry muttered to himself.
"Now, Harry dear, do not wear the man out." Madam Pomfrey said sternly.
Severus harrumphed and slowly sat up. Breakfast was waiting for him on the bedside table in the form of bacon, scrambled eggs and a round of toast. To drink there was a pot of tea and a glass of orange juice.
"Stop drooling, Potter." Severus chided when he saw that Harry was staring at his food.
Harry snapped his mouth closed.
"You should have asked me to go with you." He said.
Severus rolled his eyes. Would the Gryffindor idiocy never stop? He admired Harry's kind nature but his Gryffindor bravery was still as annoying as ever. Hadn't the boy learned that his idea of heroism was actually a suicide attempt? Every time he had been labelled as 'brave' it was a cover up for his stupidity apart from hunting the Horcuxes and sacrificing himself in the Forbidden Forest.
"Tell me what that would have achieved, Potter, apart from further enraging the Dark Lord's best and last lieutenant thus putting us all at even greater risk?"
Harry stayed silent.
"You have a brain, Potter. Use it."
"Well I see you're well enough." Harry muttered.
"Oh, Severus dear we were just leaving. I'm so glad you're awake." Was the first thing he heard that afternoon after falling asleep yet again. Honestly the over shrill voice of the Weasley matriarch was a sound he could do well without for now.
"Do not let my change in consciousness alter your plans." He said.
"Nonsense, we can sit here a while longer, can't we Arthur?"
Severus looked to the older man quiet askance in his eyes.
"Of course, Molly." Arthur relented. "Just for a few minutes, I'm sure Severus wants his rest."
They both sat down and Molly prattled on about what she and her family had been doing since they arrived, how they entertained the younger children and what they did in the evenings to relax.
"Your Trixabelle has been talking to our Charlie about dragons these past few evenings. She seems fascinated by the subject." Molly said.
"She appears to be attracted to danger if her track record is reliable and accurate."
"Severus, you're awake." Minerva's voice imperiously called from a few feet away.
"Come, now, Molly, I'm sure Minerva is not here purely for a social call." Arthur prompted and the husband and wife left together.
Severus let out a sigh of relief. Whilst Molly was one of the few people he'd say he was close to she was only tolerable in small doses sometimes. Today he'd had an overdose.
Filius and Pomona were also with her, all looking grave. If he had the strength he would have sat up straighter against his pillows.
"What is wrong?" he asked. "What has happened?"
"We're telling you, Minerva it is useless!" Pomona irritably said and crossed her arms over her chest.
Filius didn't say anything but clambered onto the chair and with a wave encouraged his colleague and friend to stay silent whilst Minerva explained why they were there.
"We are concerned about Trixabelle." The headmistress started. "She is working too hard and resting too little. You need to talk to her, Severus."
"What would you have me talk to her about? Two days ago you were under the impression that she was coping as well as we can expect of her."
"Ask her to sleep at night!" Minerva snapped. "Tell her to eat without marking work and to for heavens sake think about herself."
"Do not forget, Minerva." Pomona interrupted, "That it is you who put her in this position. Filius even told you she would do this! You should have asked an Auror to take over, not a child!"
"Enough, Pomona." Severus calmly commanded. "I would have done the same."
Madam Pomfrey, noticing the argument walked over to the group of people ready to oust them from the hospital wing when Severus spoke to her.
"Poppy, allow Trixabelle to come here for dinner –"
"No, Severus! She is over working as it is!" she snapped back. Her cheeks darkened and she put her hands on her hips in exasperation.
"She is not here to work. I will ensure she eats a decent meal and then sleep. Minerva ask Millicent to take over from Trixabelle tonight. Filius ensure her friends that she is being well taken care of. Pomona, being ingredients for a sleeping pepper-up potion, I doubt she will allow this to happen two nights in a row and will need all the help she can get."
"You trying to fatten me up as well?" Trixabelle asked when she saw the amount of food that was on the tray Winky brought.
"Winky is just doing as she is told, Miss Trixabelle. Winky hopes Miss Trixabelle likes what Winky has brought her." Winky bowed with the tray still in her hands.
"It looks delicious, thank you."
For half an hour not a word was said by either father or daughter whilst Trixabelle took her fill. She then sat back in her chair and yawned. She then sat back upright when she saw that her dad was trying to get out of bed.
"Err… Dad, you sure about this?" she asked.
"Would I do it if I wasn't?" Severus lied and slowly pushed himself from the bed.
Trixabelle rose from her chair and stood by his side in case he fell. He walked over to the next bed and sat down on it, worn already.
"Wow, Dad, real progress after making it to our rooms." Trixabelle mocked once again reminding him of his childish stunt a few days ago.
"Hot milk, dear?" Madam Pomfrey asked Trixabelle.
Smiling Trixabelle took the mug and began to drink it. She sat next to her father and drank it quickly. She had finished most of the milk before pausing and looking at the liquid suspiciously.
"Sleeping-pepper up?" her narrowed eyes turned to her father.
The potion would send her to sleep and then when she awoke the pepper up would take effect and give her energy for a few hours. If she didn't drink all of it though she would be left even more tired than before. She drank the rest without taking her eyes from her father. As soon as the last drop had been swallowed she began to feel woozy and feathery light. Swinging her legs round onto the bed her head fell against the pillows and then she just didn't have it in her to move.
"Bloody Slytherin git." She muttered and closed her eyes, instantly falling asleep.
Brushing a lock of hair from her face Severus said, "Sleep now, my little fool."
In the morning, let us just say Trixabelle wasn't overly pleased with her father who she found asleep in her chair.
After that Severus quickly healed. He'd arrived, almost dead, in the middle of January and by the end of the month he was allowed to stay in his rooms where Trixabelle allowed him to mark work. He still had to go back to the hospital wing for the potions he had to take and for checkups a couple of times a day. Until he was allowed to teach classes he was relegated to the guest table where he was warmly welcomed by everyone.
As he sat there he often gazed over to where his daughter sat in his seat, sometimes doing last minute marking but always conversing with the other professors as if she had been sitting there for years. In the last week she had been happier in herself now that she was completely satisfied that he was going to fully recover and she was smiling a lot more, acting more like herself. In the evenings when they marked work by the light of his fire they would talk about the classes she had taught and every day he was impressed with the way she had taught lessons. Surely she could see being a teacher was her natural path.
One day, the thought, we might sit side by side at that table.
It was the beginning of February that the easy pattern of his recovery was interrupted. Severus had gone to the hospital wing for what he hoped would be the last of the unnecessary checkups. Rachel was looking over him, asking him questions about his health and how he had slpet last night when Minerva opened the doors ushering Sybil Trelawney in looking extremely worried. Her lips were pressed into a line so thin they were almost none existent. Rachel left his side and went to help guide Sybil to a bed.
Sybil lay there too quietly.
"She came to me like this." Minerva said. "She's just had a vision."
"There's something wrong. Severus, fetch your daughter." Poppy said. "It seems that once again we must rely on her for help."
Severus had already left the room.
"Aren't you supposed to be going for a check up?" Trix asked not even looking up from the lesson plan she was reading when she heard the door open. Why did her father have to be so unreasonable about the hospital wing sometimes? It's not like he even had the excuse of breakfast to get out of the check up since the first bell of the day hadn't rung yet.
"You are needed there. Sybil…"
"What has she gone and done now?" Trix grouched under her breath as she rose to a standing position.
"Madam Pomfrey has requested your expertise. Being the only other Seer residing in the castle I expect you to help her with your intimate knowledge of the gift."
"Curse more like." Trix whispered but from the curious look on her father's face she knew he had heard her.
She slipped through the door and began asking him what he'd seen before he was sent to collect her. He told her exactly what he saw.
"Oh well that's no bloody use." She snapped and then said, "Sorry."
Hope you enjoyed that chapter! Let me know exactly what you think in a review!
Next time... We find out what has happened to Trelawney. Ron gets a line which I think is perhaps my favourite line in the whole story given Trix's response.
Still I am merely borrowing J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter universe.