Susan and Elaine left three hours ago, and I've just been sitting on the couch since then. I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this. I just can't understand why she would say yes if she didn't want to get married…why she waited this long to take it all back. It all just hurts.

There's a part of me that keeps eyeing the clock, waiting for her to come home. I've always been able to read her…I want to see the look in her eyes…maybe then I'll understand this just a little bit better. I want to know if she's scared…angry…regretful…if she's suddenly lost that sparkle in her eye…the one she had the first night I was here…when she told me she was in love with me again.

Fifteen minutes later…and she's still not here. It's a little past six…she was supposed to be here half an hour ago. She hasn't called…I understand her not calling during lunch like usual, she's just backed out of an engagement…her engagement to me…but not calling to at least say she'll be late. The thought makes me worry a little, and because I love her I'm willing to put my bruised heart and ego to the side as I pick up the phone. But her cell phone doesn't even ring…it just goes straight to voicemail, and I don't bother to leave a message. I call her office and wait as the phone rings repeatedly.

"Hello…" the woman's voice is rushed and unfriendly…like she's dying to get me off the phone before even knowing who's calling…it's different that the kind receptionist I usually speak to when I call Peyton's job.

"Hi, is Peyton Sawyer available" A loud sigh comes from her end of the line.

"Can you hold on for just a second…thanks" and she's got me on hold, listening to crappy music before I can even think about answering her. Five minutes goes by before I hear her voice again. "Sorry…umm, Miss Sawyer is currently not available…I can take a message, but she won't be able to get back to you until tomorrow."

"Isn't she off tomorrow" I frowned slightly…she had taken tomorrow off specifically so she would be able to spend time with everyone on their first day here.

"She was supposed to be...but she may be here tomorrow. I'm sorry sir, but either way she won't be getting in touch with you this evening." There was nothing professional about her tone or choice of words…she sounded extremely irritated, like she was dying to get me off the phone. "Can I take a message?"

"Can I talk to her…I just need to know what time she'll be getting off" I was starting to get aggravated myself…today hadn't been a good day…not even close to it. I'm in no mood to deal with a bitchy secretary who probably wants to finish painting her nails.

"I'm sorry, but Miss Sawyer has specifically said she does not want to be interrupted for anything."

"But…"

"I'm sorry…she's not accepting any calls right now…and its pretty safe to assume that she doesn't know what time she's getting off. Can I take a message or not"

"Not…" I hung up the phone with a frustrated sigh. How the hell did a woman like that have a job answering phones...last time I checked receptionist were supposed to be polite and pleasant.

I sat back on the couch, letting my anger fade and slowly turn back into hurt. Was she really that desperate to stay away from me? Maybe she was going to wait until she was sure everyone else had gotten her before coming home…if she did that then she wouldn't even have to acknowledge me…she could spend all her time talking to Brooke and Haley…then she could go and play catch-up with Nathan. She wouldn't have to see me at all...I'd wind up sleeping on the pull-out couch upstairs. I just don't understand what happened to make everything change so quickly.

Knocking on the door tears me out of my thoughts. I have to force myself to get to my feet and move down the hall. It's not that I'm not happy about seeing everyone, but this means I have to put on a smile for them…and smiling is the last thing I want to do right now. I haven't felt this kind of searing pain since…since Amy died. That thought makes me stop dead in my tracks…a few feet from the door. I loved my wife…very deeply…I treasured her from the moment she walked into my life until the moment she was so cruelly and abruptly taken away from me. But it's for the first time that I'm realizing that I had never given Amy all of my heart…and that makes guilt rip through my entire body, makes my stomach knot and my throat get unnervingly dry.

Knocking again brings me back to reality, and I take the last step foreword and pull the door open. "Hi…" Brooke's smile is so bright and I can't do anything but force myself to return it, even though I want to do nothing more than cry.

"Hey" I take a step back to let them all in…Brooke and Haley almost run past me and into the apartment.

"Daddy…" I hear her scream happily, and I don't have to pretend to smile as I lift Sam into my arms. She throws her small arms around my neck and leans her head against my shoulder.

"I missed you…so much" I whisper into her hair. I had called to tell her goodnight every night.

"I missed you more" She had been staying with Nathan, Haley and Kristen for the past two weeks and I know she enjoyed herself, but it's good to hear that she still found time to miss me.

"Sure you did…" I laugh as she pulls back and makes a defiant face.

"Where's Peyton" I tense a little at her question.

"She's be home a little later" I lean forward and kiss her forehead gently, causing her to break out into a smile. Her smile…it's an exact replica of her mother's…and it forces unwanted thoughts…realizations…back into my mind. I honestly believed that I had had given Amy all of me…let her in completely…loved her with everything I had…with every fiber of my being. But…if the idea of Peyton no longer loving me…not wanting to be with me…not wanting anything to do with me…if that's causing the same amount or pain and heartache as Amy's death…then that was all a lie. I had never let my wife all the way in…I had never given her that piece of me…the small piece that I only gave to Peyton.

Brooke had told me once that there's a certain smile I have...two of them actually…both of them I reserve for Peyton…one that only shows up when I'm talking about her…and the other when I'm talking to her. I know without a doubt that I loved Amy…while we were married I knew no one could compare to her…and when she died…I thought no one would ever be able to replace her. And it's tearing my heart apart to think that maybe I was wrong…to look at my little girl and know that I held her mother on an extremely high pedestal, but even during our marriage…I had placed someone else just a little bit higher.

"Hey you okay man…" I blinked hard and turned to see Nathan staring at me with a worried expression.

"Yeah…I'm fine" it came out barley above a whisper as I set Sam down on the floor and watched her run over to Kristen.

"You sure" he raised brow as he kept he gaze focused on me.

"I'm fine Nate" I manage to make my voice a little stronger.

"Good…" he opened his mouth to speak but stopped when Brooke's irritated voice echoed through the house.

"Where is Peyton?" I'm sure she just asked the same question Nathan was about to. I turn my head to see her standing at the foot of the stairs with her hands placed firmly on her hips.

"At work."

"No…see I spoke to her earlier and she said she was leaving early…that she would be here" I tuned out most of what Brooke said…the only thing I really picked up on was the fact that she had spoken to Peyton today. Apparently she really was avoiding me. "Lucas…" I shook my head and looked down to see Brooke glaring up at me…hands still on her hips.

"I know she didn't plan on it, but she's working late…I'm sorry" I quipped back at her…the last thing I need is for them to catch on that something's wrong…I've got my mom, Haley, and Brooke…who would be badgering me with a million and one questions if they even suspected something was off…not to mention my younger brother…who would throw all his energy into beating my ass at the slightest indication of my doing something to hurt or upset Peyton. So I threw the sarcastic comment out there and let Brooke glare at me before hitting me in the arm. And it was left at that…Peyton was just working late…and I wasn't the slightest bit upset about anything.

I ordered pizza and watched as everyone else finished off the two pies. Brooke was the only one to notice that I hadn't eaten, and the look she gave me let me know that she wanted to talk despite me lying and saying that I had already eaten. It was as everyone else was getting settled in their rooms that Brooke dragged me upstairs and onto the terrace…no one else knew that there was a third level…so we didn't have to worry about anyone interrupting us.

"What's up Broody…and don't you dare say nothing, because I know that's a lie." I watched her slip out of her sandals and roll up her pants before sitting on the edge of the pool and letting her feet dangle in the water.

"I've just been doing some thinking today" I walked over to the edge and looked over before letting my body lean against the metal rails.

"About…" she pressed with an eyebrow raised.

"Do you remember earlier this year…when you told me that I had two smiles that were just for Peyton?" I watched her smile and nod.

"Yeah…what about it"

"We talked about Peyton while she was gone…while Amy was still alive…I was wondering if…" I let the statement hang as I looked down at my feet.

"Did you have that smile then…" I looked up at her and met her eyes…waiting. I watched her smile pick up a hint of sadness, but she didn't break eye contact. "Yeah you did…you always have Luke…even when we were dating in high school. Ever since junior year you've had those two smiles that are just for her. Amy didn't change it" Her voice was small with the last statement.

"Do you know how guilty that makes me feel…" tears burned behind my eyes.

"Luke…" her lips stayed parted for a moment before she bit her bottom lip gently.

"That makes me feel like I was cheating on her or something…I loved her Brooke…I swear I did" I closed my eyes and swallowed hard.

"I know you did Lucas…we all know that you did. You didn't betray Amy…I'm pretty sure that even she knew Peyton still had a piece of you're heart…and she was okay with that because she knew how much you loved her…she knew that you gave her everything you could. But you gave that piece of yourself away to Peyton a long time ago Lucas…before you ever met Amy…I'm 99 percent sure that you gave it away before you even knew me." She stopped and gazed out over the water. She opened her mouth to speak again but stopped and pursed her lips back together…she was struggling to find the right words.

"Just say it Brooke…" she rolled her eyes as she looked over towards me.

"You've always loved Peyton…whether you just loved her or you were in love with her…she's always been in you're heart. But that doesn't make you a bad person…it doesn't mean you were a bad husband…that you betrayed Amy then….or that you're betraying her now."

"I was in love with a woman who wasn't my wife…while I was married." I can hear my voice cracking, and my throats getting dry again.

"Yeah…but you loved Amy too Luke...you loved her very much…you two had a wonderful marriage. Your love for Peyton didn't affect your relationship with Amy…especially since you didn't even know that Peyton was still in your heart. This thing between you and Peyt, it's always been there, and it's always gunna be there. What you two have…you'll never find anything like it…it's truly one of a kind. What you had with Amy…it didn't match it…but it came close Luke…and that's something special. Just know that being in love with Peyton now…it doesn't take away the love you shared with Amy." Her smile had brightened again and I gladly returned it.

"Thanks Brooke."

"Anytime Broody" she winked at me before letting a small yawn escape her lips. I glanced down at my watch and my smile quickly disappeared. It was past midnight and Peyton still hadn't come home. "Hey listen…I'm gunna head over to her office and see what's going on. You can go ahead and go to sleep…I know you must be exhausted." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'll see you in the morning Davis"

"Bye…" she called over her shoulder as I started down the stairs, Haley greeting me when I reached the bottom.

"Hey…third floor?" She asked in shook and I could only laugh and nod.

"Terrace…pool and such."

"Brooke up there?" I nodded and let her pass me and head up the steps. I walked down the hall and glanced into the living room, a smile forming on my lips as I looked at Sam and Kristen curled up on either side of Nate on the pullout couch. They had stacked the cushions on the floor in the corned, pulled the bed out and put on the sheets. Nathan was now sitting in the center of the bed, an arm around each of the girls and a book in front of him, as the two tried to keep their eyes open.

I made way to the other end of the hall and down the stairs, and then out of the apartment. I waved down a cab and anxiously in the back as the radio played. I hummed along to a familiar song…Hundred by The Fray…I remember when the song came out in high school….and I also remember hearing it when Peyton came back to Tree Hill after being gone for ten years. Both of those times and even now…I find myself relating to the lyrics. "And who's to say its wrong, and who's to say that it's not right, where we should be for now…so this is where you are, and this is where I've been…" I let the song echo through my ears and the words run through my head, and before I knew it I was standing in front of the building for Cosmopolitan. I have no clue what I'm gunna say or do once I get up there, but I force myself to walk up to the door anyway. I'm not surprised to find the door locked and I press the call button and wait impertinently until a petite red head shows up.

"Sorry we're closed…come back tomorrow." I recognized her voice…it was the receptionist I hung up on earlier.

"No thanks…is Peyton still up there" she frowned at me and then proceeded to cock an eyebrow up.

"You're the one that called for her this evening aren't you…I remember telling you she didn't want to be bothered."

"Look…it's past midnight…she was supposed to come home early today but she's still hear…will you please just let me in"

"Sir…"

"If you don't let me come up I'm just gunna stay down here and keep pressing the call button." She scowled at me and gritted her teeth, but she pulled the door open wider and let me in anyway.

"Follow me…" she instructed after locking the door again. We took the elevator up to the tenth floor and then I followed her down the dark hall. I could hear the phones still ringing, and the red head quickly left my side and sat down at her desk, the phone instantly glued to her ear. I watched her for about five minutes as she switched lines every few seconds, occasionally trying to carry on two conversations at once. I suddenly understood why she had been so irritable early…and I felt bad for getting angry. I laughed when she gritted her teeth and pulled the wire out from the back of the phone. "Sorry" she stood up and braced herself on her arms. "…I've seen you here before…you know were her office is…just…go back there" she waved me off with both of her hands before sitting back down. I got ready to apologize, but she had already plugged the phone back in and was talking animatedly again.

I shook my head as I turned as started towards Peyton's office. She was talking to someone. My heart skipped a beat when I heard a male voice come out of her office, her laughter following the voice. "You're a lifesaver…you know that"

"Yes I know…I love you too Peyt."

"And you adore me" her voice was light and playful…she sounded…happy. I pushed all my assumptions out of my head, and I knocked lightly on her door before sticking my head inside. She had her hands one the guys shoulder's as he sat in front of her computer. I watched her look up and meet my gaze.

"Lucas…what are you doing here" she moved from around the desk and came to stand in front of me. I walked into the office, my hands buried deep in my pockets.

"Well everyone's at the apartment…and you're not." My voice was cold…I could hear it and I could see her cringe slightly. I really didn't mean to come off that way, but I can't help it.

"I really didn't plan on this…someone messed up the system…so me and every other editor as well as a receptionist from each department are here trying to get things back on track." She looked exhausted…circles starting to form under her eyes, which were starting to turn red.

"And you are now back on track" Her eyes got wide as she turned to look at the guy that was getting out of her chair.

"Oh my God…Brian…you're the best…I so owe you" she walked away from me and towards him, throwing her arms around him with a smile on her face. "Thank you for saving me from a nervous breakdown."

"It's not a problem…I just expect to be treated like royalty every time I walk into this building…oh an and all expenses paid trip to...Hawaii…at a top notch hotel." She placed her hands on her hips as he smiled at her.

"I bet you do…"

"You know I could go press a few buttons and re-crash your entire system." She scuffed as she raised a brow.

"How about I convince Rachel to go on a date with you" I watched her smirk at him as he tried to hide his smile.

"That could work." He nodded in approval before grabbing his coat off the back of the chair. "So I'm gunna go double check all the computers downstairs…and then I'm going home…you have someone to walk you out."

"Yeah…I'm good" she turned back to look at me. I watched the relatively thin guy walk up to me, a genuine smile on face.

"Brian Sanders" He stretched his hand out to me and I shook it.

"Lucas Scott…" He nodded towards me and I couldn't stop the look of confusion that washed over my face.

"So you're the guy that's had her smiling for the past two weeks." I looked past him to see Peyton blush. I couldn't stop the small smile that crept onto my lips…maybe it hadn't all been an act.

"Go home Brian…" She flashed him a smile before pointing out the door. He smiled back at her and held his hands up in defense.

"I'm going…I'll see you later Peyton." I watched him walk out of the office and then turned my attention back to her. She was playing with her hands…one of her many nervous habits.

"You ready to head back to apartment…sorry you had to come all the way out here this late." She shut down her computer and then looked back up at me…I had her alone…I wasn't letting her just walk away from this.

"So imagine my surprise this morning when I walked into the kitchen." I closed her office door and then turned back around.

"Okay…so I guess we're doing this here." She sat against her desk and then nodded towards the chair in front of her. "Sit down." I did as she asked and sat in the chair, my eyes never leaving her.

"Why…if you didn't want to get married…why did you day yes…why did you wait until the day everyone comes up here to change your mind" my voice was raising and I had to force myself to calm down.

"Lucas…I still wanna marry you…but I can't…and it has nothing to do with us" she gestured between the two of us before crossing her arms back over her chest.

"What…you lost me Peyton…you wanna marry me…but you can't…but the reason you can't has nothing to do with either of us…sorry but that makes no sense to me" I looked down at the floor.

"It has to do with Sam…" I shifted my gaze back to her. "Like I said…I do wanna marry you…but I won't commit to it until you talk to her. She's you're daughter Luke…she's young, but she is old enough for you to sit down and talk to about this. You have to find out how she feels about all of this first. I don't want to be some kind of intruder in her life. She barely knows me…and I won't just push my way into her life." There's something about the look in her eyes and the tone of her voice that tells me she's putting herself in Sam's shoes. Peyton did go through losing her mother at a young age…she can relate to Sam and what she's going through.

"I'll talk to her…I don't wanna just spring this on her either…it wouldn't be right." I reach out and grab her hand in mine. "But don't worry about being an intruder…or her not liking you…she's been talking about coming to see you since I told her about the trip up here…and guess what…she asked where you were when she came into the apartment." I watched a smile creep onto her face.

"Yeah…but liking me and wanting me to marry her father is a completely different story. She may like me Luke…but she really doesn't know me that well…and I don't know her that well either…but I would like for that to change. I love all the things that I do know about her but I want us to know each other better, we need to know each other better before we…" you once again took her free hand and gestured between us. "…can even think about marriage."

"You know…you make it sound like getting engaged means we're getting married tomorrow." I pulled her off the desk and down onto my lap, my arm wrapping around her waist.

"I know it doesn't mean that…but I do know that getting married means being a family, and as much as I would love that…you need to talk to your daughter and let her know that I'm not there to replace her mother. I would eventually have to say that same thing to her, but as her father you have to let her know that your not trying to forget about her mother…or trying to make her forget. She needs to hear from both of us that Amy will always be her mom…and I'm not trying to take that away from her."

"I love you…you know that. I'm understand what you're saying Peyt…but because of Sam's age…you do realize you'll be taking on that role…she may not call you mom, but that's what she'll think of you as…you'd be the one she turns to about the girly stuff that she can't talk to me about...like boys and…other things…she'll go to you for the sex talk…because when she gets to that age she won't come to me 'cause I'll lock her in her room and forbid her from ever coming out." She laughs as me before leaning in and placing her lips gently on mine.

"I know that…but she needs to know that she's not required to put me in the role…that looking at me that way is completely optional. She needs to know that she doesn't have to call mom…that I'll still just be Peyton."

"We'd both be very lucky to have you in our lives…to have you as part of our family." I leaned in a pecked her lips. "But for now…we'll put the engagement on hold…and I'll talk to Sam…either tomorrow or the next day…but I will talk to her."

"I don't want you to tell her that this is going to happen…I want you to ask her if it's okay…if she'd be okay with it."

"And if she says no…"

"She comes first" I nodded in agreement…I had asked solely to see what Peyton's response would be. If Sam had told me she wasn't okay with us getting married, I wouldn't have tried to pressure her into anything…I wouldn't have been one of those fathers who says 'well I'm the parent so you have no say'. She's my daughter…and although she's only seven…she is old enough to have a say in what happens in our life.

-Peyton's POV-

We wound up back at the apartment at a little past one. I opened and shut the door quietly before setting my bag down on the side table. "It's good to be home" I whispered as I let my body fall back against Luke's. It's been a long day and going to bed and curling up in his arms sounds really good right about now. We take synchronized steps towards the steps, but stop when the light in the living room comes on.

"Bout time you came home…" I pull away from Lucas and walk quickly over to the couch…a wide smile on my face. By the time I get to the couch, he's already standing and he pulls me into his arms.

"I missed you Nate…" my voice is muffled by his shirt, but I know he heard me, because he pulls me closer to him.

"I missed you too." He pulls back a little and drops a kiss on my forehead. I hear the stairs creak, signaling Luke's departure. "I missed your long curls too" I smirk up at him as he ruffles my hair….I forgot that the last time he saw me my hair was short and straight.

"This just seems more…"

"You…" I smile and nod before falling back into his chest. He smells the same, and I gladly let myself relax deeper into his embrace. "You're smelling me again aren't you" I laugh lightly with a nod.

"You should be happy…it means you smell good."

"I always smell good…I can't be this hot and not smell good…that just wouldn't work."

"You don't smell good after you finish playing ball." I raise a brow and watch him smirk as I pull away from him.

"So you think I'm hot after I finish playing ball" I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Oh God…"

"It's okay…who wouldn't think that…sexy my without a shirt on…can't go wrong." He shrugs his shoulder and lifts his shirt up, showing off his abs. "I know, I know…it's too sexy for words"

"Too cocky is more like it" I poked him the stomach with my finger before let his shirt drop back down.

"Oh so were playing that game huh…" he nodded towards me and smiled a little too brightly. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer to him, his fingers attacking my sides.

"Okay…you're gunna wake everyone up" I manage to get out while trying to suppress my laughter. I burry my head in his chest to muffle the few giggles that escape my lips.

"No…you're gunna wake them up" his hands move onto my back, causing me to pull away from him and arch my back, my hands on his chest trying to push myself away.

"It's gunna be you're fault" I whisper just as he stops and lets his arms loop around my back.

"I'll get you tomorrow…when everyone's awake" his eyes go wide for a second and his eyebrows shoot up before returning to normal.

"Yeah…sure you will." I counted with a smirk.

"We'll see…" I stuck my tongue out at him. "Oh facial…"

"Not over the phone…this is in person…I win" I threw my arms up in the air and point down at myself. I gave him the cheesiest smile I could as he rolled his eyes.

"What are you gunna do a little victory dance know"

"Don't be a sore loser…loser" I couldn't help but laugh as I broke away from his loose grasp and sauntered around the room, my arms waving around about me. I caught his gaze and smiled at him. "You love my victory…it's hot…like me." I watched him scuff as I threw out the line he once used on me.

"Whatever you need to believe Sawyer" he walked towards me with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You don't think I'm hot" I mock pouted as I stood in front of him. He looped his arm around my neck and pulled me towards the stairs.

"Do I think my little sister is hot…" he rested his head against mine as we started up the steps. "Do I really have to answer that…?"

"I'm older than you" I pointed out as he pulled me closer.

"Do you have a point?" I laughed as we reached the top of the stairs. He dropped another kiss on top of my head before pulling away. "It's on tomorrow" He pointed a finger at me as he stood in the doorway of his room.

"Or coarse." I placed my hands on my hips and rolled my eyes at him. "Goodnight Nate..." he stepped forward and pulled me back into his chest.

"It's good to see you again…to see you smiling like this again" I looked up at him…meeting his gaze, both of us smiling.

"It's good to feel like this again." His lips hit my forehead gently before he let me go.

"Goodnight" I gave a small wave before turning around and heading further down the hall. I found Lucas standing in the doorway, his eyes closed and breathing shallow. I tapped him lightly on the shoulder and watched as he slowly forced his eyes open.

"What are you doing" I asked with a small laugh.

"I figured I'd let you do the honors…" I looked at him in confusion and he just smiled. "She wasn't waiting for me…" he nodded into the bedroom and I followed his gaze. I smiled when I saw Brooke curled up at the foot of my bed. I walked into the room and sat down next to her. She stirred a little but stayed asleep, so I laid down next to her, my face inches from her. I parted my lips slightly and blew on her. I stopped when she wrinkled her nose and pulled her head back a little. I watched as she lazily opened her eyes…a smile immediately forming on her lips when she saw me.

"P. Sawyer" she whispered, still half asleep.

"The one and only…it's late…go to bed…and I don't mean go to sleep in my bed…I mean go get in the bed with Alex…I'm tired." I pointed to myself and we both laughed. She sat up slowly and I did the same. She wrapped her arms tightly around me.

"I know…I just wanted to see you…I missed you…" she pulled back, her eyes still only half open.

"I missed you too best friend" She gave me a close-mouthed smile that I gladly returned.

"Goodnight P. Sawyer" she slid off the bed.

"Night Brooke" I watched he wave to Lucas before she disappeared around the corner and down the hall. Lucas watched her until she went into her room and then came in and closed the door behind him. We both got changed quickly before sliding into the bed and under the comforter. He wrapped his arms around my waist as he pulled me into him.

"I love you"

"I love you too" I whispered back to him before closing my eyes and letting myself drift into a comfortable sleep.