Chapter 36: Bad Timing

I sat on Jacob's couch, shivering and soaking wet. I had changed out of my wet clothes and into pyjamas, but I was still soaking. Jacob gave me a sweater of his, and I relished in the heat of it. I still hadn't told him what had happened. I didn't want to. I knew that if I told Jacob what had happened, he'd want to fly to Toronto to kill Carlisle himself. I was numb. I felt as though I had been betrayed by Carlisle.

"Where's Billy?" I asked, breaking the silence between us.

"He moved out," he said. "We put him in a retirement home. None of us liked it much, but he knew that it was getting too hard for him to move around this place with the wheelchair."

"So now this house just belongs to you?" I asked.

He nodded. "Billy didn't want to sell it. You can stay here for as long as you like."

That made me want to burst into tears. "Thank you, Jacob."

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Probably not," I said honestly.

Was I wrong to be this angry at Carlisle? He had been right; I had kissed Jacob while he and I were together, and I had also cheated on Edward with Carlisle.

"Jake, I'm going to go to bed, it was a long flight," I said.

"You can have my room," he said.

"I'm not going to kick you out of your own bedroom," I said. "I'll take the couch. Don't worry."

"We could share," he suggested.

"No," I said.

He sighed. "I figured that wouldn't work. Just take the bed, don't worry. You deserve it after a long flight."

"Thanks," I said, and made my way upstairs. I went into Jacob's room, and collapsed onto his bed. It felt good to be under the blankets and on a comfortable bed. I grabbed one of the pillows and hugged it close to my body, wishing it was a person.

That night, I cried myself to sleep.

Over the course of the next week, Jacob and I tried to find routine in our life "together". Most nights he would sleep on the couch, but some nights I had made myself fall asleep on the couch so that he could have the bed. A couple times he had attempted to kiss me, but I would never let him.

I wanted to go back to Toronto and make things right with Carlisle. The problem I had to face now was telling Jake.

We sat across from each other at the kitchen table, silently eating dinner together.

I cleared my throat and met his eyes. "I think I'm going to go back to Toronto soon."

He dropped his fork into his plate. "What?"

"I have to go back and make it right with him," I said. "I…I can't take this anymore."

"Just stay here, Bella," he said, desperation seeping into his voice. "Leave it all behind. Start fresh here…with me."

I shook my head. "No, Jake, I'm sorry."

He sighed. "I'll take you to the airport, then."

"Thank you," I said. I left the table and went upstairs to gather my things and put them in my suitcase.

The drive to the airport was quiet. I could tell Jacob wasn't happy, but I didn't really care. I needed to go back to Toronto to make things right with Carlisle.

I ordered a ticket once at the airport, and checked in. I said goodbye to Jacob, and promised to talk to him soon. I waited in the waiting area, nervousness seeping into me. What would happen when he saw me? Would he be angry with me?

When it was time, I walked onto the plane, legs feeling like jelly.

Carlisle

"She isn't here?" I asked Alice, rain hitting my head.

Alice looked confused. "No…she isn't…is she supposed to be?"

I rubbed my face, feeling stressed. It had been a week since she had left, and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to go find her. I had assumed she would come here, to stay with Alice…but I was mistaken. Where else could she have gone?

Then I figured it out. She was staying with Jacob.

"Thank you, Alice," I said, turning to leave.

"Wait," she said. "You look exhausted. What's going on?"

"It's a long story," I said. "I'll explain later."

I got back into the cab, and told the driver where to go. As we pulled up to the house, I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw that there was a light on inside.

"Wait here," I told the driver.

I got out of the car, and went to the door and knocked. A few moments later, Jacob opened the door. The look on his face at seeing me told me that he wasn't exactly pleased at my appearing, but at that moment I didn't care.

"Is she here?" I asked desperately.

"I just got back from taking her to the airport," he said. "She's waiting right now to board a plane to go and see you."

At that point my mind was moving at a mile a minute.

"What time does her plane leave?"

"Nine-thirty," he said.

"Thank you, Jacob," I said, turning and leaving his front porch. If I hurried I could catch her before the plane took off.

"Go back to the airport, as quickly as you can," I said to the cab driver, once I was back in the car.

He gave me a weary look.

"I'll pay you extra," I said. "I just have to get there before nine-thirty."

The driver looked at the clock and looked back at me wearily again.

"Please," I practically begged.

"Alright, but I can't make any promises," he said.

"Trying will be enough," I said.

I searched my pockets, wishing I had remembered to bring my phone so I could call Bella. Why had I been so stupid?

This question had been floating around my head for the past week. How could I have been so stupid and idiotic? I had caused this entire thing. Why had I done that? Why had I been such an idiot?

I leaned back against the seat of the car, blowing all of the air out of my lungs. Had I completely ruined what we had?

We got to the airport with only a few minutes to spare before nine-thirty. I paid the driver and ran into the airport. Once inside, I looked at the huge board with flight numbers, looking for the gate to the Toronto flight. I ran as quickly as I could to it, amid an announcement on the loud speaker that it was the last call for anyone who was boarding that flight. That made me run even quicker, I just wanted to catch her. I kept running, even though I was being shouted at to stop. I didn't listen, I just kept running. I had to catch her. I couldn't wait any longer before speaking to her. I couldn't.

When I finally made it to the gate, the waiting area was empty.

"Do you have your boarding pass?" the woman at the podium asked me.

"I…I don't have a ticket," I said, trying to catch my breath. "I need to speak to someone on that plane."

"I'm sorry sir, without a boarding pass you cannot enter the plane," she said.

"Can't you call her off the plane?" I asked. "Please, this is urgent."

"I'm sorry sir, the plane is going to take off now," she said. "I apologize, but there's nothing we can do."

I sat down in one of the chairs in the waiting area, feeling defeated and exhausted. I held my head in my hands.

Bella

I landed in Toronto and took a cab to the apartment. I was so nervous about seeing him again. As the driver pulled up to the curb outside, I paid him, and slowly exited with my suitcase. I stared up at the building that was looming over me, nervousness hitting me like a wave of nausea. My stomach was tightly knotted with nerves.

I fished my key out of my purse and went inside. I called the elevator, and waited. It came all too quickly. I rode the elevator up to our floor and went down the hall to our apartment. I paused before opening the door. What if he was fucking Jennifer right now? What if he had moved on from me and decided I wasn't worth the trouble? I took a deep breath and unlocked the apartment door and opened it.

It was dark and silent inside. Was he asleep? Did I want to know if he was sharing his bed with someone other than me?

"Carlisle?" I called, turning on a light. I looked around. The couch had a blanket and a pillow on it. That was…odd. I made my way into our bedroom, to see that the door was slightly open. I pushed it open all the way and peered inside. From here, it looked like the bed was empty, so I turned on the light.

The bed looked as though someone had been tossing and turning in it. Not in the same way Carlisle and I "tossed and turned" together. It looked the same way Jacob's bed had looked when I had slept in it.

He wasn't here. Where was he? Now I just wanted to go back to Forks. I felt defeated, and upset. I sank onto the bed, the realization crashing into me that the best thing I had ever had had been ripped away from me. Maybe it would be better to just go back to Forks and spend the rest of my life with Jacob. He seemed to be the only option I had right now.

He was probably with her right now. He was probably with her in her bed right now. He had moved on from me, it was time for me to as well. I didn't want to, but I had to accept that this this was over. I had lost him, and I would never get him back.

I loved him and understood him. It was so clear that he was the only one for me, yet it apparently I wasn't the only one for him. I loved him with all my heart.

And I still did.

I accepted my defeat, and left the apartment again, leaving all the lights on and a note for him, pouring my heart out for him to read.

I hoped beyond hope that I could get another flight back to Forks soon.

Carlisle

I sat on the plane, trying to get comfortable. I was all too ready to go back to Toronto. I needed to hold Bella in my arms again and tell her how sorry I was. I needed to speak to her…I needed to make things right.

I hadn't slept much in the past week. Every night I would try to fall asleep, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking that she'd come home. I kept expecting to hear the front door open. Any small noise and I would immediately be wide awake, hoping it was her.

As the plane began its descent into the airport in Toronto, I got off the plane and navigated my way out of the airport. I hailed a cab, and went to our apartment. I hoped that she was here. Where else would she be? She had just left Forks, and there was nowhere else that would make sense for her to be. I was exhausted, and I just wanted to go upstairs and talk everything over with her.

I went upstairs, anticipation building in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't wait to see her again. I excitedly walked down the hall to our door, and flung it open. All of the lights were on, and I sighed in relief. She was here.

She was actually here.

"Bella?" I called.

Nothing. No answer. Had she gone into the bedroom to sleep? I made my way down the hall and peered into our room. She wasn't there. Disappointment flooded through me. Where was she?

I searched every room of the apartment. She…she wasn't here.

I went to the kitchen, and slumped into a chair, resting my elbows on the table and holding my head in my hands. Now what?

My eyes caught a folded piece of paper on the table, with my name on it. I took it and unfolded it.

Carlisle,

Coming back here to find an empty apartment made me realize that it actually is over between us. I don't blame you for moving on so quickly…I wish that I could say the same happened for myself. I'm going to go back to Forks again. I'm going to live my life there…with Jacob. I wouldn't have thought that this was how it would turn out for me, but it's the only option I see fitting enough for me. I sincerely hope that you have a good life, because you definitely deserve it. I think it's safe to say that you're the greatest man I have ever met, and I am so grateful for the time I spent with you. I only really left this note to let you know that it was in fact me here, and not someone robbing the apartment. I wanted to try and fix us, but now I know that there's no point.

Love, now and always,

-Bella

I had to reread the note numerous times to truly understand it. I knew what happened. I had probably just missed her. She must have thought I was out somewhere with Jennifer. I leaned back and closed my eyes. I looked at the clock above the oven. It was three in the morning. This afternoon I would attempt to get a flight out to Forks. At least this time I knew for sure she'd be there.

I went into the bedroom, and got into bed, knowing that this would just be another sleepless night for the most part.

Bella

"Just hold me," I whispered. "Please, just hold me."

Jacob held me tight against him; we were sitting together on his bed.

"I just…I was so sure we could make it work. I was so sure that we could actually figure something out. I had hoped that we could work it out," I said. "I…I didn't think that he could move on so quickly. I don't blame him for it, what else would there be to do other than move on?"

Jacob was quiet. He didn't say anything.

"Can we sleep?" I asked. "I just…I need to be finished with this day."

"Of course," he made a move to leave, but I pulled him back.

"Can you stay with me?" I asked, feeling far too weak and vulnerable. I just needed somebody.

"Of course," he said. He wrapped me in his arms and I rested my head against his shoulder. I could get used to this, to be honest.

I fell asleep and actually slept better than I had in ages. That night, I woke up. I still had my head on Jacob's shoulder, so I hadn't tossed and turned at all. Soon after I woke up, Jacob did as well. We went downstairs together to get something to eat. I sat down at the kitchen table and watched Jacob move around the kitchen.

He sat down next to me with two bowls of cereal and handed me one.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"You're probably not going to like this," he said. "But…"

I was about to ask what he was talking about, but he leaned in and kissed me. I didn't want to, but I kissed him back. His mouth moved with mine, and he took my head in his hands. My hands instinctively went to his hair, and I ran my fingers through the short strands.

A knock at the front door made me jump and break away from him.

"I'll get it," he said.

I moved the cereal and milk around my bowl, hunger vanishing.

"Let me see her!" yelled a man's voice…a voice that I would recognize even in death.

"She doesn't want to see you," Jacob said.

"She can tell me that herself," Carlisle said, entering the kitchen.

Our eyes locked onto one another. I stared at Carlisle, taking in just how exhausted he looked. Stubble lined his chin, and the bags under his eyes were very prominent. He stood in the doorway, watching me intently. I couldn't break eye contact with him, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. It had seemed like so long since we had seen each other.

Finally, he broke the silence.

"Can we talk?"