Chapter Thirty Five

Bella

I could hardly believe the trouble the family had gone too on the off chance that I might prefer Sophie not to go back to Ray with me. I knew my dad who arranged with Esme to meet us in town the following day would be disappointed not to see his granddaughter but I agreed that it would be better if Sophie didn't hear everything. It was bad enough having to tell her that her daddy wasn't ever coming back without the chance of her hearing other things and I certainly didn't want to leave her with Sue if she turned up with him. Esme seems concerned about this possibility but when I asked her about it she just smiled,

"It's nothing dear, don't worry."

To be honest, I didn't think I had it in me to worry about anything else right now, my emotions were all used up except for gratitude and when we explained to Sophie what Rosalie had managed to arrange she was beside herself with excitement.

"See Santa? Really? Can I mommy? Please, can I?"

"Of course you can but mommy has something she needs to take care of so would it be OK if Rosalie and Emmett took you to Alaska?"

Sophie looked puzzled,

"Alaska? I thought Santa lived at the north pole."

Rosalie smiled and squatted down to speak to Sophie who was lying on the floor admiring her new slippers,

"It's a secret. He only lives at the north pole for six months of the year. The other six months he lives in Alaska with his friends the polar bears."

Sophie's eyes grew wide,

"Polar bears? Wow."

"Yes but don't forget, it's a secret just between us."

Sophie mimed sewing her lips shut and Rosalie laughed.

"You promise me you'll be a good girl for Rosalie and Emmett and behave when you see Santa."

"I will mommy, I won't let you down I promise."

I hadn't expected them to leave so soon but I think they did it so I would have time to prepare for my upcoming ordeal, I was just relieved when everyone had gone, Sophie with Rosalie and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme to sort out some business leaving just Jasper and me alone together, really for the first time since the whole thing started.

I wasn't quite sure what to say, I guess I was overwhelmed by everything that had happened today and apprehensive about tomorrow and Jasper seems to understand my mood.

"Don't worry Bella, they'll take good care of Sophie."

"Oh, I'm not, I guess I should be knowing everything I do but somehow I just know they'll keep her safe and make sure she has a wonderful time. We're both very lucky to have friends like the Cullens and you, especially you."

He moved from the chair to my side on the bed and took my hand, his felt strangely warm and I wondered if he was OK but before I could ask he spoke,

"Bella, I don't know what's going to happen to me, I mean I don't know if Carlisle can put right whatever is going wrong inside me but as long as I am able I will look after you. It's the least I can do to repay your kindness, your….love for me."

Smiling I gazed at him,

"Why do you hesitate over that word? It's like you think you aren't deserving of such a thing."

He grimaced,

"I'm not Bella, really I'm not. I won't go into my past right now, it's not important at this moment and I want you to know that I love you even though I'm not worthy. I…..I spoke to Esme and she seems to think we should have a story ready for your father. I guess how we met, why you went home to meet my folks that kind of thing. Any ideas?"

I moved closer and lay my head on his shoulder feeling instantly safe and content,

"Well, we met one snowy night when my car broke down, Sophie and I were walking home and you stopped to help. I wanted to thank you for your help and you visited, you saved Sophie's life and I guess at that moment I realized I was in love with you."

I felt him chuckle a kind of rumbling in his chest and his arm snaked around to cuddle me.

"And that's the story you're going with?"

I nodded kissing his neck,

"It's the truth so why not? I'm a terrible liar, I don't have the memory for it and my dad's gonna see how I feel about you. He'll disapprove but he'll see it."

"Because of Sophie? Or the fact you were still married?"

"My dad was over the moon when Steven left, he never liked him but then I don't think he would approve of anyone, I guess it's dads the world over, no one is ever good enough for their little girl. Mind you Steven didn't earn any brownie points with the accident and then luring me away from college, my dad had high hopes for me, I did too at one time. I just hope my stepmom isn't with him, now she is a bitch."

"Yes, Esme told me she's a Quileute, we're hoping she won't be with him either or things could get awkward real quick."

I straightened up,

"I thought Esme looked concerned when I told her about Sue, why?"

He closed his eyes sighing heavily,

"How much do you know about the Quileute legends?"

"Legends?"

The question took me by surprise but I just shrugged,

"I heard them, I used to go to the res a lot when I was little. My dad's best friends were Quileutes and when Harry Clearwater died my dad got close to his widow, Sue. She and I never hit it off, jealousy on my part maybe. She was so possessive of him and of course, I dated her nephew then blew him off, that didn't help the situation but back to the legends, I remember the spirit warriors and the enemies, the cold ones, but why?"

"The Quileutes are a guardian tribe, it means they have men who turn into guardian form to protect the tribe from…..from my kind."

Now I was open-mouthed in shock,

"Guardian form? What does that mean? And they know about va…...the Volturi?"

I still couldn't bring myself to use the V word it would make things just too real.

"Yes, they turn into other forms, animal forms to protect the tribespeople from us."

"Wait a minute, the wolves in the stories, you mean the Quileute men turn into wolves? Like werewolves? I don't think I can take much more of this Jasper."

"I'm sorry but you need to know, not all the men turn, only a small number but they are capable of killing us when they do. If your stepmother recognizes Esme or me as…...well, she could cause problems. I mean she wouldn't give us away, that would be too difficult to explain but she could tell the other Quileutes. We do have one thing in our favor, or at least Esme does. Many years ago Carlisle made a treaty with the Quileutes, so long as they don't bite a human the Quileutes won't tell the palefaces what they really are. She's hoping the treaty will be binding even away from Forks but I'm not one of the family. Of course, there's nothing to say she will recognize us, she isn't a guardian herself and she's probably never seen a….one of us in the flesh. It would just be easier, less complicated if she didn't come, still, we'll get by."

"Jasper, how come all these strange beings exist yet no one ever talks about them except in books and movies?"

"That's the point, they do talk about them but in the same breath, they talk about zombies and aliens. The longer we remain a myth, a horror story, the better. Everyone knows men don't turn into wolves or bats, no one gets drained of all their blood and left out to be found, Frankenstein, Mr. Hyde, the Chupacabra, they are all myths, stories to frighten children, it's the best cover you can get."

I found myself shaking now,

"I want my world back when the most frightening thing out there is a human criminal or an escaped zoo animal. Why did this happen to me, Jasper?"

As I said it I felt a pang of guilt, it was hardly Jasper's fault after all.

"I'm sorry, don't listen to me, you got the worst break of all, they turned you into one of these creatures and tortured you."

He wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close,

"Bella, whatever happened in the past, all the terrible things, they're over. You gave me a fresh outlook on life. You proved to me that I'm not beyond love, not beyond redemption, and as long as I have you I can face anything either world can throw at me."

"But you have no idea if Carlisle can help you, aren't you afraid?"

"Not while you're here, not while Sophie believes in my goodness and see I haven't had an episode since he injected me so that's a good sign."

I smiled,

"Yes, it is but are you really fine? You look tired, so very tired."

"I'm fine but I wouldn't mind resting for a while."

"Good, then come here."

I pulled him down beside me on the bed and pulled the comforter over us snuggling around him and laying my head on his chest.

"Talk to me Jasper, tell me what it was like when you were a boy, anything, I just want to hear the sound of your voice, it soothes me."

"Sends you to sleep you mean."

He said it with amusement in his voice but I ignored that and he began to speak telling me about his life as a small boy in Texas, how he learned to hunt with a slingshot and plow a straight line with his brothers. How his momma would sing them to sleep at night and teach them their letters and numbers because they lived too far from a school and anyway school was for the better off kids whose parents didn't need them to work the farm with them. It sounded idyllic but harsh too, I couldn't really understand that kind of life having been brought up with all the modern conveniences. I heard how his baby sister died of measles aged only six months, how his oldest brother became crippled when the horse he was riding fell on him and crushed his hip.

"Those scars, I thought Carlisle did that to you but maybe I was wrong, did you have an accident as child Jasper?"

He stiffened and I could have bitten my tongue,

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked, forget it. I really am so sorry."

"No need to apologize, Bella, I guess you saw them when I was sick at your place. They happened a long time ago but since I became what I am. One day I'll tell you about them but it's not the right time, not now."

"Sure, no problem."

I cuddled up and closed my eyes thinking I wouldn't be able to sleep now, not after my latest stupidity but then he turned and we were face to face.

"I really don't deserve this but I do love you Bella and being here like this with you is the best thing that's happened to me in more than a century. Thank you."

We kissed and my body ached for him but now was not the time for that either so with a small sigh of disappointment I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off aware of his hard lean body so close to mine, only a few millimeters of clothing between us but it may as well have been steel or concrete it was just as impenetrable as either of those.