I'm sorry for not getting this out sooner you guys! I got severely side-tracked last week due to being in the studio a lot (I'm working on alternate musical projects and preparing to go back to school later in September) but I will be uploading as much as I can! This chapter is a little short, but it's also really funny, and it was fun to write! This series always is, so enjoy!
I'm beginning to think this was a mistake…. But wait a minute…. WAIT a minute! He's getting back up, he's talking to the girl, and he's getting her attention…. He's doing it.. He's DOING IT! Yes! I can't believe it. Maybe I was wrong for once, I mean I know how intelligent I am when it comes to human emotions, but maybe I was completely wrong this time! Maybe he might actually have a chance with this girl. The girl in the yellow bikini though…. MMM MM! Scrumptious! Purple passion was right; she shouldn't keep those two chocolate balls of delight to herself. That bikini looks so tight on her I think I might see me some nip! And… is that a cannabis leaf on her left boob? ….. Boobies AND Ganja? AWESOME.
But wait…. Hmmmm something feels weird. Like I've forgotten something, something I should've told Yamal about Beli…. Hmmmm… OH SHIT! That's right! I forgot to tell him in order to download her personal information he has to touch her! I quickly run over to Yamal to get his attention and tapped him on the shoulders while he was talking to that Beli chick. I'm sorry I have to be rude buddy, but this is for your own good!
"Yamal!" I call out to him. "YAAAAHHHH! SWEET ALLAH!" He almost jumped out of his skin, it was kinda hilarious how jumpy he was. He fell over on the sand and left little Ms. Beli Dancer confused as all hell. "Yamal, what's wrong? Did something scare you?" Beli asked him while he was on the ground.
I stoop down on my knees and tell Yamal what I forgot to tell him earlier. "I forgot to tell you something, you need to make physical contact with Beli in order to get her personal info! Now's the perfect time." I whisper to him. If he's on the ground, Beli can help him up. Am I good, or what? *WOOP WOOP*.
"What happened?" Beli asked him while he looked up at her from the ground. Her huge boobs were hanging right over his face, and he suffered a serious nosebleed looking up at them. The guy looked so fucking tense it was like he had seen a ghost! HAAAAAH! This is too adorable! I might bust a gut!
"Ahhhh- Ahhh… Nothing! Nothing at all!" Yamal said rather nervously.
"Your nose is bleeding….Are you okay?" Beli asked him while offering her hand up. Yamal couldn't help but look at those big puppies she's rockin'. I certainly would do MORE than just look. But Yamal is a "Gentleman" so he just takes Beli's hand and gets on his two feet. Physical Contact: Established! Mission complete! Where's my XP Points?!
"Ahhh thank you Ms. Beli! Uhhh….. please forgive my outbust- I MEAN Outburst!" Too easy. WAY too easy. Even for him.
Beli blushed at him, kinda confused at his words. "Uhm….excuse me?"
"Nothing, I was just apologizing for falling on my bosooms." OH MY GOD. STAHP.
"What….?" Beli said with a slightly weirded out whimper in her voice. Can this get anymore awkwardly adorable?
"I must go now Ms. Beli! Please! Forgive me for being such a ninnie! I will see you around! For now I must give you the ta-tas! Bye bye!" And he's off like an Olympic runner. God you'd think the dude would've seen some fucking BREASTS in his life, damn. Though I'll give him this…. That is legitimately the funniest shit I've ever seen him in.
"KYU! Kyu where are you?! Get out here you hair-raising harlot of harmonious hampering!" That was quite the Onomatopoeia.
"You rang, bro?" I said as I appeared right behind him out of nowhere because magic bitch.
"AAH! What was that all about?! You scared me half to death! I get very self-conscious about people behind me Kyu!" Oh my god he's such a nub.
"I was TELLING you something important! You had to make physical contact with Beli to download her information. Touch the Huniebee and watch what happens." He did exactly as I asked and it uplinked with his phone, downloading all of her information. Her birthday, her favorite kinds of food, and especially her specific trait!
"This is quite the strange little device Kyu… it knows everything about her! Well maybe not everything, but it seems to know quite a lot! …. For example…. she likes fish n' chips with pizza burgers and milkshakes?" That doesn't sound right. How could such a slim cutie pie like her with only a slightly pudgy belly be into all those kinds of foods? I mean, those sound like foods that your fat ass grandpa would eat!
"Weird. But now that you know, I want you to pay attention to something for a second. Look at this." I pointed straight to her preferred trait, OOH this is a new one. "Her preferred trait seems to be romance. She does NOT like sexuality, so maybe it's actually a good thing that you're such a nub. But at some point, you gotta' be able to smash that ass my super smash brother. So we've got A LOT of work to do before you're ready to go out with Beli-Belly." That'll be my personal nickname for her now. Beli-Belly. Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?
"Smash?! Why would I want to smash her?! Are you mad Kyu?!" What do you mean?! OF COURSE you should smash the girl your into! Why wouldn't you?!
"What are you talking about?! I would think that at some point you'd want to have sex with her, right?!" ….Wait….. oh dear god please don't tell me he….
"… OHHHHHH You meant intercourse. I see." That's it. This guy is a total spaz. You know those little anger vein marks that pop on anime characters heads? Yeah one of those things is on my side forehead right now. *BAM* I bonked him on the head and left him on the ground like the moron that he is.
"Let's go home….. YOU need a lesson. BAD." I said as I dragged him back to his place. "Eggghhh why does it look like the room is spinning? Eheheheh….." Oh boy. You see what I'm dealing with here folks? It's not all bad though! His dorkiness might pay off in the end. Plus, the guy is pretty good at making a fool out of himself and Beli seems way too fucking nice just to write him off. So I can make this work. After all, I made a clueless, wimpy nerd an absolute stud by setting him up with a cheerleader. If a love fairy of my caliber can pull that off, then just imagine the sparks that'll fly once I set these two up with each other! ….Oh god I really am turning into Cupid, aren't I? Rule 43 anyone?
Now we arrive back at his apartment, and I gotta say it's pretty high-rise! He lives in the south side of the fat cat district of Dawnwood in a tower building with his own apartment. He's got a high view of the buildings down below and everything! His apartment is filled with a lot of religious stuff, cloths on the walls with weird markings, I think Muslim language…. lettering. I don't know what it's called, I'm not the best at religion ok. I said I was intelligent, I didn't say I know everything. He also had a lot of plants and ferns lying around, apparently he really likes plants and scented candles because WOW it smells really good in here. I can't lie, dude cleans up good.
So now we're sitting in two chairs facing each other and discussing our next moves, but first I had to teach him a few things about the ladies….. and be pretty straight up with him. Time for a dose of tough love. "Ok, Yamal we have to talk. Before we go for Beli, you REALLY need to learn a thing or two about women." I tell him straight up while folding my arms and legs.
"What does that mean? Do women not find my personality charming or likeable? Am I not fit for the job?! Because I train myself by running through the park for an hour 4 times a week and my cardio has kept me quite fi-"
"NO! I mean…. Ugggh. Look dude, you're a likeable guy. You're very cute, and I think you have…. SOME degree of charm. It's just …well…. You're kind of a total dork." I had to be honest. This caused him to tense up and turn white in disbelief, like he had been haunted by a ghost or something.
"WHAT?! How could you say such things Kyu?! Me? A total… d-…. DORK?!" Well judging by how much you're bouncing off the walls with over-reactions I'd say YEAH you're a major fucking dork.
"YES I said dork. We need to work on you a bit before you can officially court Beli." I said back to him.
"But Kyu I-" Oh no ya' don't! I'm in charge buddy! I clear my throat and interrupt him to get him to listen to me.
"*clears throat* WHO is the expert love fairy with super amazing magic here?"
"You are Kyu." He said while narrowing his eyes nervously as a beat of sweat drops down his forehead.
"And WHO is the love expert that has set up multiple people with their dream girls?"
"YOU are Kyu…." He said, sounding ….. Really defeated. Jesus.
"Yes, I am. So if you want to win a date with Beli, then listen to me. Otherwise, trust me, she won't really like you at the rate you're going. Hell, you already made things awkward talking about her tits at the beach, which honestly I don't blame you for those chocolate mammies are to DIE for, but that's not the crux of the problem here!" I kept saying to him.
"What the real problem is revolves around you acting so… goofy and weird. Not to mention not exactly having a good grasp on "Comedy". So as your personal love fairy, it is my duty to show you what exactly constitutes good comedy!" I say to him while standing up and putting my hand on my chest.
"And how are you going to do that?" Yamal said looking up at me from the low point in his slump. "By….taking the stage of course!" I snap my fingers and take the stage! Strap in ladies & gentlemen, because Kyu is about to rock your insides with extreme laughter! I'm gonna bust your guts, make you scream for more, and have you rolling on the floor! Your body won't be able to take what I've got packing! ….Ok I know ALL of that sounds wrong, but bear with me.
The next thing you see a poof of pink fairy dust and Yamal sitting in a comedy club with a bunch of other people looking up at the stage in front of them. The spotlights turned on, and a certain super cute pink-haired love fairy takes the stage, the crowd cheers me on as I adjust my bowtie while wearing a simple outfit. I had on a black jacket with a pink shirt inside as well as black jeans and white shoes, very simple, but OH so sexy.
"Heyyyyyy all you sexy people out there tonight let me see those ding-dongs & pink snowballs raised up high!" YUM. The crowd cheers me on as I prepare to make the audience laugh with my little comedy routine. This won't take long folks, but someone's gotta show Yamal how it's done.
"Thank you so much guys, Y'know I had a revelation the other day! Right now we're in an anime made by Japanese people, and I gotta confess something real quick….. Japanese people are the most perverted race of human beings on the planet!" The audience laughed, but Yamal just looked weirded out.
"It's true! We are kinda all perverts!" Oh my god is that Aiko?!
"Yeah, forget the French people, you think those fru-fru frenchies are the dirty ones? Two words peeps….. *clears throat* TENTACLE. HENTAI." The crowd just busts out laughing.
"The French don't have that shit! The people of American don't have that shit! Hell they don't even have that in Korea! And they practically need it more than we do!" The audience erupts in a massive uproar of laughter.
"Hentai in of itself is the weirdest shit ever. I mean… I masturbate to a lot of hentai obviously." Pause to let the crowd laugh at how ironic that is. "But, it's still fucking weird! Like I could literally have my panties down at my legs masturbating to some hentai and then when the man & woman, or woman & woman I don't judge, get straight down to it, this happens." You know when you're watching Hentai and the girl starts moaning and she sounds like a dying baby giraffe? Or maybe like Hinata Hyuga from Naruto trying to take a really hardcore piss on the toilet?
"EHHHHHH! MOTTE, MOTTE KIMOCHI!" I said mockingly as I humped the air. The audience was in stitches. I mean, I love hentai porn, but seriously you'd think they'd at least SOUND like they're enjoying it. It's so weird and it confuses my girl boner sometimes.
After that little stint I take a bow, the crowd cheers for me and I bid them farewell. "Thank you so much everyone you've been a wonderful audience! Good night!" I said while waving and snapping my fingers, breaking the illusion.
"See? THAT'S comedy. Try to do something like that, it would be so much funnier if you didn't resort to just… puns or something. If you make witty or ironic observations, maybe even throw in a little self-deprecating humor every now and again, you'll make people laugh!"
"But….. that wasn't really all that funny. It was mostly gross and over-sexualized." I plopped my face into the glass table in front of me. UGH… This guy is too much of a priss to get laid.
"OK fine! Then do something that isn't insanely sexualized, whatever! Now let's go through with our next move. You know what time it is right?" I say to him with my eyebrow raised.
"OH! No I do not! Let me go get my Versace watch!"
"NO! No you …..Tccchhhh I mean…. You don't… D'AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" I'm losing my mind here folks… he's REALLY testing my patience. I swear I'm gonna bust a nut, and not in the good way.
"I MEAN it's time to check the Huniebee and focus on our friend… Beli. Can ya' do that for me?"
"Oh….OHH! Of course! Yes I can do that." God, if there is a god above us in heaven, kill me. Kill me right now. Strike me down with the holy thunder of zeus so that I don't have to deal with this spazoid anymore!
So, he pulls out his huniebee and checks Beli's information. "Right now…. It looks like she is at the fitness club!" OOH! This is perfect. She's probably teaching yoga right now. Time to boogie! "Alright, grab your shit we're goin' to the fitness club! You ever practice yoga?" I ask him while getting on two feet.
"All the time! It's how I manage to stay ever so flexible. Watch!" Wait, he's actually gonna show me?! OH god he's sitting down on the floor and contorting his bones into so many positions, it's almost like he's tying himself in knots or something like a pretzel. He's become pretzel legs! I'm sorry but how do you humans do that?! That shit is crazy. We love fairies have bones and organs like you humans do, but even with magic we can't do that shit! I'm SOOOOO Jell!
"See? I have become the pretzel man! Put some mustard on me."
"Don't make it gross. Now c'mon! We gotta go before her class ends! Let's rock!" With that being said, Yamal grabbed his best clothes, a few of which were white with gold trimmings, a pair of khaki pants, one of those weird ruby jewel things that Indian people put on their foreheads, never got those by the way, and this BIG ass hat!
Ok I know what it is, it's called a Turban. I'm not stupid. But HOLY SHIT is it big. I'm pretty sure it's bigger than his head. If only he'd let me see something else that's that big…. Hmmmmmmm. What? Don't look at me like that, he might be a spaz but he's still cute. Besides I want my payment! I'm not just doin' this for public service y'know! Public service ain't my thing! I wouldn't even work the corners for "public service"…God I have got to stop thinking about sex all the time.
Beli's Perspective"Alright everyone, just take a deep breath in…. let your thoughts flow freely within focusing them…. And instead focus on centering yourself…. Making sure to let the stress that you might be feeling wither away so as not to disrupt your chakra flow…." That's me; I'm starting the class at about 2 in the afternoon. It will most likely continue through 4 o clock.
"….And once you have centered yourself….. let us begin by going into Lotus Position." Lotus position is one of the most basic poses in yoga, it's very simple. It's like the meditative position, except you cross your legs upwards. Yoga was always so calming for me, it truly helps to put my mind at ease. I am a person who naturally practices spirituality and stuff like that, so forgive me if I sound a little off sometimes with the terminology, hmhmhmh.
"So… now we shall meditate…. Remember to breathe easily…. Not too fast…. Not too slow…. Just breathe easily and let your chakra flow… try to find the balance in your chakra…..and then we will head into our first Asana." An Asana is one of the many Yoga positions that require a great degree of flexibility to perform. They might seem kind of hard, but they are actually fairly easy as long as you train yourself. I'm honestly not sure how I'm able to do it, let alone teach, considering my somewhat chubby build. But, by the great grace of Buddha, he has given me a gift. A gift I cherish every day.
I truly do love teaching Yoga though, it keeps me active and in tune with the spiritual nature of the world. Maybe that's why I'm not super fat, my flexibility and activity keeps me at least somewhat slim despite the fact that I'm chubbier than most girls. I consider that a blessing in disguise, but to some it would be right in front of my face. You'll find out my reasoning why a little later….
After we did our Asana poses, and there were quite a few of them, I decided to break the class for lunch time so that we could let them rest. I myself was quite hungry, so I had to break for a bit in order to let everyone else replenish their energy. "Ok class, we shall take a short 30-minute break and then we will pick things up again with our latest Asana, yes?" I asked everyone. They responded with a resounding "Yes!", which took me back a bit. I didn't expect everyone to respond so sharply!
The class dispersed for a while and I went into the outside lounge area to eat my lunch as well. You'd think I'd be a healthy eater, right? I'd have mostly vegetables and fruit, and healthy stuff on my mind right? Well…..
No, anyone whose played the actual game knows that you snack on fatty foods more than Peter Griffin munches on Nachos Bell Grande! …. Oh wait…. I'm getting an update….. Don't tell me to be quiet and stop breaking the fourth wall!Not really. I'm kind of a picky eater, but…. Now and then I get severe cravings for foods that add to my weight. Out of my lunch bag I take out some hummus, a few carrot sticks, maybe a Naked smoothie or two….
Heyyyyyyy I like the sound of that. Where can I get one? =w=And….. a nice cheeseburger with delectable tomato sauce, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, the whole nine yards. This is severely unhealthy for me….I can't help myself though! I'm so weak….. but it's sooooooo good! I'm just….going to take a bite. Just one bite wouldn't hurt. It's not like I'm exactly hurting myself by doing this. I mean sure my lunch is a little unbalanced, but what's one pizza cheeseburger going to do to my body right? Plus it already has vegetables on it, so what's the worst that could happen?
Yamal's PerspectiveI have finally arrived! Hello again my friends, it is I Yamal Rajhad. Me & my love fairy accomplice have arrived at the fitness club, where the lovely Beli awaits! I must tell you something though…. it does feel a bit strange that we're basically stalking her like this. I do not know what to say to her if she finds out that I somewhat followed her here. Kyu told me to roll with it and keep my cool, so that is what I will do for now.
I'll bet you $50 he loses his shit and blows our cover.I heard 'dat! ANYWAY, I get out of the car I came here in, a white ford explorer, white is the purest color of all the colors my friends, never forget that, and approach the outside of the fitness club. Taking in the smell of the afternoon air with a big whiff! "MMMMMMM….. the smell of the air…. Kyu…. Do you know what 'dat smells like?" I say confidently with my fists on my sides!
"What? Ballsweat? Pit stink? Bad perfumes that some lady got at the mall?" Where did she even pick up such scents?!
"Nooooo….. that is the smell… of LOVE in the air!" YES! Very much so myself!
Kyu sniffed the air twice and looked at me somewhat strangely. "All I smell is a dirty pair o' nikes." Ai Ai Ai….
"You know what I mean! It is time to once again meet the beautiful Beli! I, Yamal Rajhad, shall claim my golden ticket to love! The prince, shall meet his princess!"
"Could do without the theatrics but, I like your enthusiasm! Let's go get 'er pal!" Now she's talking! Looks like I have rubbed off on her my friends.
"Oh look! There she is right now!" Wait, huh?!
I look over and I see her eating lunch on a bench near the entrance to the fitness club. She's all alone by herself, which is not exactly something I thought I'd see from her. She is wearing a short purple top that shows her midriff, as well as see-through purple pants that give us a rather… intricate view of her underwear. "I can see her underwear…." I said as I held my nose to stop it from bleeding out.
"HAH! I never would've expected her to be wearing such a revealing outfit. That Beli might be a CLOSET FREEEEAAAAK." Do not say such things about her!
"That is hypothetical Kyu! Do not make such…. Devious assumptions!" I tell her raising my voice!
"Alright Casadonesia, let's not get our panties in a bunch. Go ahead in there and talk her up! Maybe you could get in on her Yoga class." She says to me. Alright! Time to put my confidence to the test! I walk up to her slowly, and I begin to get her attention from a far.
"Ms. Beli! Hello! I did not expect to see you here!" She responded by looking up at me and acknowledging me! I have cast my rod and got a bite my friends!
"Oh... Yamal? From the beach? Funny running into you here at the fitness club." She said as she…. strangely hid something behind her back. What is she hiding from me? Certainly not anything shameful I hope.
I took a seat next to her without asking and started to talk her up. "You are looking very well today, what brings you here?" I ask her without hesitation!
"Well I have an afternoon yoga class today. I teach yoga here at the fitness club." She said with a bright smile. "OH! That's amazing! I actually engage in Yoga and meditation all on my own in my home, mostly meditation, but occasionally Yoga." I tell her, you've seen me meditate before so you know exactly what I am talking about.
"Oh, that's wonderful Yamal. Perhaps you'd like to join my class?" Praise Allah! This might be somewhat easier than I thought! I have caught a big bass my friends!
"That sounds wonderful! I believe I would enjoy meditating with you Ms. Beli. It would definitely brighten my day. But, if you are teaching a class, why are you out here?" I asked her.
"Well I'm eating lunch, we're currently taking a short break right now." She lifted her left hand but kept her right behind her back. WHAT is she hiding? It cannot possibly be that bad that you'd have to hide it. I really should not press her on it though, so I just ignore it and go on about our conversation.
"Oh I see! I should've brought something with me. I have a delicious shawarma that I had taken with me for later! Would you like some?" I asked her.
"Yes I'd love some! Just let me get some of my carrots out of the bag and finish the rest of my lunch." She said to me. She then reached into her lunch and turned her body a little, inadvertently revealing what she had behind her back… a burger? She eats food like that? How does she keep it off?! She has an amazing figure, and yet she's eating food like that?
I never would've expected it, but then again she is a Yoga teacher, so that must be how she keeps all of it off. Either that or she only eats it in spurts. I cannot blame her, One time I had eaten an entire box of Chinese food! I know…. So deviant my friends! An entire bowl of shrimp fried rice! SHRIMP. FRIED. RICE! It was delicious… but OHHHH so unhealthy for your body!
I swear to god I'm going to bang my head against the wall until your wall breaks….We shared a decadent lunch together and talked about Yoga most of the time, she was very ecstatic about Yoga as well, citing it as one of her favorite things to do. But now it is my turn at the wheel of the narrations my friends! So we shall flip the preverbal script, and talk about me!
"So what exactly do you like to do in your spare time, Yamal?" She asked me.
"I am a comedian of sorts, I perform stand-up at the Dawnwood Country Club during late nights." This made her light up! She is very interested indeed, but we must keep the interest going somehow.
"You are a comedian? Wow, I'd love to hear you joke around a little, as long as your comedy isn't too vulgar. I'm not exactly a fan of… vulgar comedy." But… Vulgar comedy is the best kind of comedy! My first set list was about bitches!
"Oh NOOOOO nonononno, I try my best to keep things clean with my comedy! Everything that I do is family friendly!" Now I have to keep that promise, I have to make… family-friendly comedy! G'AH! Help me, my friends! This is not a family-friendly save haven!
"Wow, I'd love to see you perform then. We surely must keep in touch so that I know when to come see you. It would be a nice night out on the town." She tells me. So once we finished our lunches, we exchanged numbers and the class went on.
We began in the lotus position, and I perched myself directly in the front of the class, joining as a new student. Seems like we were only meditating at first, but I liked this class. It was very silent and relaxing, plus I got to be around Ms. Beli, so that worked in my favor as well. I don't know what it was but something felt…. Different as I meditated in front of her. I felt like I was trading energies with her, I could feel her chakra…. And it seemed…. Unbalanced. Like there was something hindering her from her fullest potential…..
Now, this only intrigues me even more my friends! How could such a beautiful woman be so unbalanced? This is a mystery I had to find out! I will become the Indonesian Sherlock Holmes and solve the mystery of love! Until next time, stay golden my friends!
Thank you for being patient with me everyone, and again, I'm sorry I've missed many days of writing. There's a lot on my plate right now as I'm preparing to leave the homeless shelter I'm in right now. So bear with me if I miss any days. Oh, and this doesn't count as a date between them, their REAL first day is in the next chapter!