A/N: I hope you all had a fabulous holiday weekend! I did! I loved all your thoughts and tears over the last chapter... I know.. our hearts are aching... Hang tight!
To my lovely ladies who help and suport me: Nikki, Mandi, Dawn & Sandy and to my lovely beta pixiekat who guards Bella from the haters and lves Edward with all her heart.. I heart you lady!
Grab some tissues... ENJOY!
Ch 37
EPOV
Watching Bella walk away was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. With each step she took, my fear and anxiety that I'd never see or hear from her again skyrocketed. A heavy ache settled in my heart while worry ate through my gut as I drove back to Marcus' house. When I arrived, the boys were busy doing the last of their packing and Marcus was finishing up some dishes. I gave them all a halfhearted wave and I continued on to my room.
With the door shut, I gave into my wild thoughts and dread. Pictures and images of Bella reading the letter, laughing at me, and then throwing it away flooded my brain. The thought that she'd read it but decided she wasn't in love with me pummeled my heart. On and on it went until I was an overwrought mess.
That was how Marcus found me, huddled on my bed, the pillow that still held Bella's scent in my arms, rocking slowly back and forth. His touch jerked me out of the chaos of my thoughts and I looked up at him, my mind racing with questions I wasn't sure he'd be able to answer.
"I'm so fucking scared, Marcus," I whispered at last, giving voice to my thoughts.
"I know, son, I know. But you did the right thing. You can't make her love you. Now you need to have faith that things will work out." His voice held no patronization, just seasoned wisdom.
The honesty and compassion I heard in his words was all it took for the damn to break. For the first time since I lost my dad, I cried; I cried for Bella. All the pain, fear and loneliness that had slowly built up ever since I realized I loved her came pouring out. Marcus held me, just like he did all those years ago, and let me get it out of my system. I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that, minutes or hours, didn't matter. By the end of it, I felt better, lighter.
When my face was all cleaned up and the snot cleared away, I looked over at my uncle and wondered how a great guy like him was still single. I vaguely remembered him dating a nice lady when I was younger. She had been around for a few summers and then suddenly she wasn't.
"How come you never married, Marcus?" The question popped out without any thought on my part. But once it was out, I found myself wanting to know the answer.
Marcus got up from the bed and looked out the single window in the room; the silence was heavy with anticipation. When he finally turned to face me, his eyes were filled with sorrow and regret.
"Remember when I made you promise me that you'd eventually go after her?" I nodded and he gave me a weak smile. "I made you do that because I never went after my Bella, Edward. Every day I regret that I never did." With that said, he walked out of my room. As he trudged away, I realized just how old he was and how in that moment, he looked it.
The flight home was quiet and somber. Even Jake, who could find a way to lighten any mood, kept quiet. The guys talked in hushed whispers as I stared out the window. With each minute and mile that passed, I felt my body and my heart becoming more numb. Everything was muted and dull; sounds and colors. While I knew I made the right choice, the reality sucked far more than I ever thought possible.
As we took the train back to our apartment, I tried to give myself a little pep talk. Reminding my heart that I would keep so fucking busy that I wouldn't have time to miss Bella. I snorted at my pathetic attempt at denial. I knew I'd miss her with every beat of my heart. When we arrived back home, I headed right to my room, giving Jake and Mike a much needed reprieve from my moping. I had to find a way to keep it together. Letting myself go wasn't going to help matters.
I had made my bed, now I had to lie down and deal with it.
As I unpacked, I exchanged texts and calls with Marcus and my parents to let them know I'd arrived home back safe and sound. I made promises to my parents that I would be home for Thanksgiving. I was pleasantly surprised when Mom told me that Marcus would be coming as well. He normally only visited at Christmastime.
With the busy work done, I threw myself back into school mode. I had meetings with my advisor regarding my student teaching assignments as well a few meetings with the teacher I was assigned to that I needed to prepare for. It was a poor distraction, but it was all I had. So I clung to it with all the tenacity that I could muster.
When I finally fell into my bed that night, my body exhausted but my mind racing, I looked up at the ceiling. I had grown used to feeling Bella next to me, wrapped up in my arms. Being in my bed alone only emphasized how alone I felt. In the dead of the night, I did something I rarely ever did- I prayed that Bella would come to her senses sooner rather than later. Then I made a vow in the silence.
"I'll come for you, Bella. If you keep me waiting, I promise I'll come for you."
The summer is over.. they're back in school... hang in there.. its going to be sad for a bit.. Leave me your thougths and if you have any.. your love.. and I'll see you on Thursday!