Pang De may as well have been a mobile mountain from the eyes of the Wei soldiers that gathered at the gates to see him off. He moved slowly and with definitive purpose and there wasn't an ounce of human fear or doubt to show through. To any officer, opposing or not, to see such a towering force atop a white horse, armed with both a fierce weapon and a coffin would have felt terror gnawing at their resolve and threaten to eat them from within.
A warrior from Xiliang and once one of their fiercest oppositions, camaraderie came hard for Pang De as the Wei officers were not only weary of his daunting appearance but where his loyalties once lied. Cao Ren would have been a liar if he did not express some small suspicions when Pang De had come into their employment but it was not long before he had come to accept the warrior as one of their own. Clearly, the soldiers stationed with them had yet to accept him or Pang De must have felt that way to encourage this decision.
Already there were whispers of disbelief and admiration circulating the besieged men in the foyer of the castle and Cao Ren ignored the servant that was preparing his umbrella as he broke through the crowd to reach Pang De before he could ride off. "Lord Pang De, there's no need for this display!"
Even as the words left his mouth, he knew he was wrong. And yet he still felt he was obligated to stop him. Perhaps it was for the normally stoic and quiet warrior to explain himself to the rest of the soldiers and he was willing to take the fall for it. Action spoke louder than words but sometimes words were needed. He held true to this, even when Pang De stared down at him.
"No, Lord Cao Ren. This isn't a display. This is a final stand," said the warrior from Xiliang, his voice reinforced steel and making the blade on his weapon obsolete compared to the power in the voice he possessed. He did not speak much, but when he did, all listened. "I mean you no disrespect and I understand your strategy here, but this siege cannot last forever. You know this and I know that if anyone can draw this out to our favor is it you, but this is not how I will leave this world."
Any good commander would have been appalled at such bold words and Cao Ren knew that he should have sought to reprimand him for it. It threatened morale, something that his men were already in danger of losing, and from where Lady Ren hid from the window, she could see the immediate effect it had on the soldiers around them. She couldn't blame Cao Ren for almost losing his composure and she admired him to remaining so firm, even when he sounded desperate to the ears. "We must hold out a little longer. Wu will come and together we will-"
"Lord Cao Ren, your faith in Wu is admirable and I mean every word of it." Pang De cut him off without so much as raising his voice as there was hardly any need to. His voice was just as powerful as those arms that held such a heavy polearm as though it were naught but a twig and thus raising his voice would have been overkill. Such a powerful and intimidating warrior, and yet so much restraint. Lady Ren couldn't help but feel intimidated and yet in complete admiration for this warrior. "But my warrior's pride will not allow me to sit by and wither away under a hope of rescue. I am to be the master of my own fate, and I would rather find death on the battlefield."
The officers gathered around Pang De sprung to life with murmurs of agreement and bravery seemed to spread throughout them, morphing them from the near empty husks they were before to a more lively and spirited bunch. Cao Ren could feel a spark of life igniting within him, even when he clung to his own hope within an unrelenting vice grip. Lady Ren knew the risk that both Pang De and Cao Ren were taking in allowing the warrior to speak so freely. He could have crushed what little morale they had left and rendered the besieged officers ripe for the picking for the ravenous officers that kept their fangs and claws dug in deep and yet the words he chose were enough to enspirit them. It breathed life into them where there wasn't one before and she couldn't help but feel such life entering her too.
"Open the gates, Lord Cao Ren, and allow me to ride out." Pang De spoke above the crowd, noting that other soldiers were grabbing their own weapons and calling for their horses but paying them no mind. Nothing could distract the warrior from his task and Cao Ren was certain that he'd only bust through the gates on his own if he dared try to deny him. "I will take the fight to Guan Yu myself. I will remind him that the warriors of Wei yield to no man, even if he is proclaimed a God. I will remind him that our fangs are just as sharp as our hide is impenetrable."
Cao Ren knew that he could not deny the man his right. He outranked him and could throw such a rank on the table and demand he refrain, but in his heart, he could not deny the warrior his decision. He was willing to throw his life on the line and all for a gamble and he was going to take others with him, and yet, who was he to deny him the chance to strike against their foe? He admired Pang De but could not even begin to express it. To think, this was the most that the warrior of Xiliang spoke in his entire career in Wei and it would to be his own death dirge.
All it took was a single hand motion and the order was obeyed. The gates began to open and those that would ride out with Pang De were ready, weapons in hands and horses fidgeting beneath in anticipation. Outside the protective walls of Fan Castle, the Shu officers looked on with their own wave of anticipation, perhaps expecting Wei to send out another messenger and preparing to intercept. They weren't expecting an offensive and Cao Ren hoped that the element of surprise and Pang De's skills would be enough to earn them victory this day.
"Hold onto your hope, Lord Cao Ren. Wu will come and we will find victory here," Pang De said, taking advantage of the racket caused by the grinding of the gates to address the Wei commander more privately. Only then did his voice drop but only in volume, never in resolve. "I admire your conviction and faith."
"And I admire your courage and resolve. May the Heavens favor your charge."
And that was it. It was likely that these would be the last words ever spoken between the two though Cao Ren held on to the hope that they would have another opportunity. Just as he held faith in Lü Meng, he held onto the hope that Pang De would return alive, but his seasoned heart and mind, both of which had survived many a bloody conflict after the other, steeled himself for the worst. There was no rush out of the gates when they were open but it was not out of fear of the man at Shu's front, mounted atop a famed horse with blood red fur and looking every part the God of War that so many in this era proclaimed him to be. No, there was no fear in Pang De's form and none in the men that chose to follow him and surely their opponent could see that.
"Lord Guan Yu, here stands before you the proud men of Wei. We will not yield. We will not surrender. Know this," Pang De spoke his words and threatened to make the earth tremble beneath him. He rose his coffin for Guan Yu and the rest of the men gathered behind him to see and proclaimed loudly and fiercely. "Either you or I will be leaving this battlefield in this coffin. The way of the warrior will not permit otherwise!"
They were too far away to see what expression might exist on their opponent's face but the way he held himself bespoke a man that was both impressed and enraged that any would dare address him in such a manner. Lady Ren looked upon the man that her husband and his rival in Wei had united to fight and could not stop the shudder she felt at the mere sight of him. What kind of a man could inspire such a reaction when there was so many li keeping them apart?
"Do you think he'll win?" She heard Lü Ba ask. He gave in to the loud snerking of the pug that tried to hop onto the window sill to see and scooped him up to see, placing a hand on the dog's muzzle to keep him from yapping his excitement for all to hear. Lady Ren pulled her gaze from the famed God of War and to her son and was grateful for it. "What if he does win? They wouldn't need Wu anymore if Guan Yu falls here… what would become of us?"
Ren wished she had an answer and yet she didn't let it be seen. She only smiled sweetly as she settled in to watch the fight. She didn't care for violence but she could not be the wife of a general of war without knowing it to be inevitable. She watched, not out of wanting bloodshed, but to study Guan Yu's moves so that when her husband arrived she could give him guidance.
"Nothing, dear. Your father will come and Lord Ren wouldn't allow any harm to come to us. Now watch the fight and learn, Ba. We must earn our keep here even if we're guests."
Ba, ever filial, gave a firm nod and set Baozi on the window sill though keeping one hand firmly placed on the collar to keep him secured. Pang De led the brave warriors of Wei in the charge and those that didn't rush after them came to man the defense, the battle reigniting once more. Whatever reserves he had would simply have to wait. He tried to hide his own concerns from his mother and he didn't want her to see the fear in his eyes as he looked upon the man that his father would come to fight. If a warrior like Pang De fell to him, then what chance would his father have?
The arrow clattered on the ground next to Gan Ning, no a single ounce of blood to be found. The noise woke the former pirate up from his slumber and his hands came up in self defense, though it wasn't needed. Lü Meng had every intention of driving the arrow deep and piercing the heart, but courage left him when he needed it the most.
He couldn't do it. He simply couldn't do it.
Gan Ning laid awake below him, arms up and ready to strike, but there wouldn't be any that came from Lü Meng. Not tonight. He glanced at the arrow and back at the general, as Lü Meng pushed himself to his feet to leave the home. Lü Meng didn't think of the consequences of leaving his back exposed to a man he just tried to kill and a part of him knew that he should have been more weary and alert.
And yet, it didn't cross his mind. How quickly he wanted to snuff out the man's life, only to stop himself before he could even commit to the swing. Why did he stop, he asked himself, putting some distance between his home and himself. He eventually stopped and stood in place, but he paid little mind to his surroundings or how Gan Ning was closing in on him. He heard the bells approaching but he couldn't will himself to care. And he hated it.
Twice he allowed Gan Ning to live and this time he didn't even have Zhou Yu to talk him through his thoughts. That only drove the blade even deeper and Lü Meng wanted to scream but he held it in. By Heaven's will, he managed to hold it in but for how long? The bells stopped and a confrontation was imminent. How long would his will hold out would be up to Gan Ning, and somehow that only guaranteed trouble.
"What's your damage?" Gan Ning at least waited until he was within arm's reach before addressing him and Lü Meng wished he could be delighted that he hadn't chosen to shout but he felt nothing of the sort. Something fell near his feet and he didn't bother looking at it. He knew what it was. How could he not? "What's this?"
"It's your arrow," Lü Meng said, his voice holding not a scrap of anger that it once had. No, in the wake of that justified rage was spite, leaving a bitter after taste and his voice lacked emotion but not conviction as he explained. "I planned to kill you with it, to avenge that servant you murdered. Just like I wanted to kill you to avenge Ling Cao."
He had no idea what to expect from Gan Ning by this point. At some point, he thought he knew the former pirate and in a way, he prided himself in that. He had seen a side of the man that Gan Ning allowed no one else to see and knew he held potential, even when others showed doubt. Lianshi and others reminded him that he knew Gan Ning, the true one and not the one he allowed others to see, and yet, how true was that now? He did not think Gan Ning would be so cruel to a helpless servant and in that it caused that poor man's death. Did he truly know Gan Ning? Had he ever?
"You were gonna kill me?"
The pain he heard in that voice, the betrayal that coated his words, were more offensive to him than if Gan Ning would have boasted his feat or physically lashed out at him. This sparked some life into him again and yet he tried to fight it down though why he wasn't even sure. Perhaps it was out of habit or to prove that Zhou Yu's training hadn't been lost on him, but whatever the reason he held onto it. He remained firm, even when the thought of Gan Ning feeling betrayed offended him to the very core of his being. "Yes."
The situation was too tense. Even the crickets seemed hesitant to interrupt the session between the two and were silent. Not at all helpful but Lü Meng wouldn't be looking to them for help. No. He made his own bed with this and he accepted this with some shred of dignity though it was poorly grounded and threatened to collapse upon itself at any moment.
Eventually Gan Ning broke the silence and his question rendered Lü Meng useless. "Why didn't you?"
Lü Meng turned to face the former pirate, half suspecting him to be red with fury and his curiosity merely a ruse. But perhaps that was giving him too much credit, to use his emotions to his advantage. No, when he looked at him, he seemed genuinely confused, and he mistook Lü Meng's silence for not understanding or not hearing him, as he repeated himself. "You had a good chance to do it. Why didn't you?"
He knew he would have to answer him eventually but he held back. Of all of the crazy things he had already done and would continue to do for the sake of his duty, he found himself wanting to do nothing more than to hide away. How could he tell him the truth without exposing himself for the former pirate? For all he knew, he would take advantage of that opening and everything he had worked for and gained would be taken from him in a heartbeat. He could even try to kill him for his answer. Right now, he truly didn't know what Gan Ning would do or how he would react, and that only dug at him even more.
He could have lied. He could have deflected the answer. He could have even outright refused to answer. Let the man wither in turmoil with a question he could never answer. And yet, he wouldn't. Gan Ning wouldn't care, he told himself, and that made his confession all the easier. "Because I'm not like you. I'm not a murderer."
It may have been a low blow and perhaps it was wrong for him to put himself on that moral high ground. After all, he wouldn't forget or deny what had lead him into Lord Sun Ce's services in the first place, and apparently Gan Ning was quick to remember that as well. "Pah, get off your high horse, Ossan. You're a killer, just like me. Remember that bully you gutted?"
"Yes. I do." Lü Meng spat, regretting his decision to go this route but standing by his decision nevertheless. He opened that door and he would close it for good. "But I did it in the heat of the moment. I was wrong to do so, and I regretted it. I may have ran from it, but I didn't brag about it."
"Spin it however way you want. You're no better than me." Again, Gan Ning was quick to blow him off and this approach took Lü Meng by surprise. He was expecting a flurry of words, or a fight, but who would have thought an attempt on his life would invoke some kind of profound insight in the former pirate? How much did he truly not know of Gan Ning? "We're men of war, you and I. Killing's what we're suppose to do, remember? From where I stand, you do a damn good job at killin' our enemy."
"But they're soldiers, men who can defend themselves, not some poor servant that was beaten and then tied to a tree to be used as target practice!" Lü Meng bridged whatever distance between them and threatened to wake those stationed nearby, but by Heaven's grace he remembered to curb his volume. It didn't make his words any less fierce and he felt far too much pleasure in seeing the man wince. "Killing to defend yourself and killing an innocent are two different things, Gan Ning. That man didn't deserve that fate. It was a life!"
"Yeah? Well, life is a life, so what makes that servant's life worth more than a soldier out in the field? If you're going to get on your high horse about some soldier that up until a week ago you didn't even know existed, then what about every life that's taken?" And Gan Ning once again surprised him and it wasn't just the finger that pressed against his chest that stopped Lü Meng dead in his tracks. Where did this come from? When did Gan Ning ever possess such wisdom? And why now? Why did he have to fling it at him now, when he was so vulnerable? "Look, why don't you admit the truth? You don't care about that servant's life- you don't even know his name, so stop acting like that's the reason you're upset."
The ball of fire in his gut was returning and with it life, but it was not a good feeling. It was growing pit of every negative emotion he could name and even a few he couldn't and this wouldn't aid Gan Ning in the least. He regretted not plunging that arrow in deep because he knew he missed his chance and this time there was no one there to convince him to spare him a third time. No one but himself, and the prospects of him not just wrapping his fingers around the man's throat and squeezing until there was no life left in that wretched body of his was slim. And yet, none of it showed on the outside. Not yet. If it did, surely Gan Ning would have fled by now.
"And why do you think I'm upset?" Lü Meng asked, his voice deceptively frigid. A layer of ice to mask the inferno that churned deep within. When he got no immediate answer, he repeated himself. "Why do you think I am upset, Gan Ning?"
Now there was an inkling of apprehension in Gan Ning's form but it didn't last long. The former pirate replied in earnest, "You're mad because you think you got me all figured out. You think you can control me, just because you're higher rank than me, but you can't. You can't control me, and that's why you're angry."
It hurt. It physically hurt to hear Gan Ning carry on like that. He wanted to outright deny such a ridiculous theory, and yet, it played a part in his rage. The bulk still came from the death of the servant and his own guilt, but he could not deny that was a factor in it. It was a bigger factor than he had initially considered and it was this realization that nearly threatened to drive him into another frenzy. And Gan Ning pressed the advantage, never once stopping to consider how he dug his own grave deeper, and deeper, and deeper. "You can keep your own men on a tight leash, but not me. You can't stand not having someone under your thumb. Ever since Zhou Yu took you in to be a strategist-"
"We are not going there," Lü Meng said and to make a point he slapped the hand on his chest away and pushed the former pirate back to put some well needed space between them. He was too close and Lü Meng couldn't trust that he wouldn't go white with rage, like he done with Yu Mao or Zhuge Liang. Gan Ning appeared surprised by the sudden shift but wisdom took him and he neither pushed back, drew close, nor was willing to bring up the former Chief-Commander again. When Gan Ning opted for silence, he pressed on, attempting to move the topic away from Zhou Yu before the former pirate had a chance to desecrate his late teacher. "If you think that's what it means to be a general and to have a unit under your command is all about, then you're wrong. Having men under my care means that I am responsible for them and their actions. Whatever they do, good or ill, is a direct reflection of their commanding officer. Their success is my success, their failures are also my failures. Yes, there is some level of control that I must exert, but not out of pleasure, but out of necessity instead.
"My inability to control your actions reflects poorly on me, and I accept that. So, in a way, you're right," he said, some of his anger quelled though not nearly enough for his own liking. The smug grin that Gan Ning wore threatened any amount of solace he found, small it may be, but he somehow managed. "I foolishly trusted you and because of that, his blood is on my hands, just as much as yours. And if you're not going to repent, then that leaves it in my hands, even though I don't think you deserve it."
Gan Ning scoffed, thinking little of his insult or threat and only reminding Lü Meng just how little he truly knew this man. "Why waste your time? Why are you so caught up on looking out for me when you could just write it off as a failure and move on? Last I checked I wasn't your responsibility."
"You are my responsibility, remember? I brought you before our lord, I spoke in your defense when Ling Tong and several others wanted you dead. Perhaps you could have done this on your own, but I could have just as easily handed you over to Ling Tong for justice as I promised I would."
Surprise registered on Gan Ning's features and this time it lasted long enough for Lü Meng to feel some kind of control was being handed back to him. "You promised the kid you'd avenge his dad?"
"I did, and I wanted to, but I didn't go through with it, because I thought you deserved a chance. What a fool was I?" He knew he was too bitter and now he was too tired to think of the ramifications this revelation might have on Gan Ning. He was beyond ready to accept defeat and call it a night though he knew he'd get no sleep this evening. "Even if that was the cause of my anger, that doesn't excuse the fact that you killed a man, one that was assigned to you. I will be reporting this to our lord and I will have him decide your fate, whatever it may be."
Only then did Gan Ning seem to show some other emotion unbearable smug and it was all too easy to remind himself of why he shouldn't feel any sort of pity for the man when he looked to him for guidance. "And what punishment do you think that will be?"
"Death should be the punishment, considering it was not only murder but direct insubordination, given that I'm a higher rank than you. But whether our lord will call for that or not, I cannot say. I can tell you for certain that he doesn't appreciate the notion that there are cold hearted killers in his employ and the fact that you seem to show absolutely no remorse for this doesn't help your case."
He should have felt more pleasure in telling Gan Ning this and the way he looked at him almost penetrated his disgust with the former pirate and force a smug laugh of his own. He refrained from laughing but that was about it. "What? Did you think that just because my mother invited you to own home and fed you that I wouldn't report this? If anything she was stopping me from making another decision I'd regret and offering you a good last meal."
"Our lord wouldn't do that, though." And yet, for the few brief moments that his genuine fear could be seen, it was still worth it. Lü Meng hadn't said it simply to rattle his nerves, however. It was simply the truth and Gan Ning's denial did him no good. If anything it only made Lü Meng all the surlier. "Not me. I'm far too valuable for him to risk losing, especially with the upcoming fights."
It was a cruel joke for fate to play on him and yet he couldn't deny he was being played. His own words were being thrown back at him in a way he hadn't expected and the arrogance in Gan Ning's statement made him want to vomit. He could taste the bile in his throat but he held it down through sheer force of will. If hubris could take a human form, no doubt it chose to inherit the body of Gan Ning this day.
"Oh? And tell me… where did you ever get -that- idea?"
He was surprised with how cold he sounded to himself though he knew it would be wasted on the likes of Gan Ning. He felt his hands going numb from just how tight he curled his fists into balls and it took every ounce of willpower not to throw that balled fist into Gan Ning's smug face as he explained. "Heh, call it a hunch, but why else would Lord Zhou Yu have mounted such a grand rescue at Yiling? He could have left me for dead but chose to mobilize the bulk of the army to rescue me and my men. What does that tell you?"
The second mentioning of Zhou Yu didn't have the same effect as the first. The first, he wanted to cut off all mentionings because he was too emotionally compromised to even think of the late Chief-Commander. The second time, tied in with the mention of Yiling and their whole fiasco at Nanjun, brought an onslaught of memories. Zhou Yu's voice, ever calm, ever collected before it was forever marred by Zhuge Liangs treachery, entered his mind and his words soothed him, despite it being weeks since he heard it. A commander should use any situation to his advantage.
He couldn't stop himself from smiling and he did not leave Gan Ning in the dark for long. "It tells me that someone's looking out for you and has, on many occasion, spoken on your behalf, and perhaps that someone will decide not to do so anymore."
There was no need to stress who that 'someone' was and yet Gan Ning appeared surprised by the sudden revelation. It wasn't enough to chase away the gruesome image of the poor servant's death or erase what had been done, but seeing Gan Ning's surprise and smallest inklings of horror was cathartic in its own right. It would not bring that poor servant back to the living nor would it avenge him, but seeing this side of Gan Ning pleased him a little too much and he forced himself back before he got carried away. "You… you were the one that pushed to rescue me at Yiling?"
"I did. When Lords Zhou Yu and Lu Su felt it was too dangerous, I pushed for your rescue," Lü Meng said, not smugly but simply matter-of-factly. He wanted to be smug, but he was afraid to admit that he wasn't comfortable with that approach. What would he gain from arrogance here? If there was something to gain through a blatant show of arrogance, he couldn't think of what it could be. Thus far, this approach was having a greater effect than he could possibly imagine and so he rolled with it. If there was ever one consistent trait that he'd be known for, it was honesty, and that policy alone did the trick for Gan Ning. "I believed that you'd be worth the trouble of keeping in our employment, because despite what I think of you as a human being, as a warrior, you're hard to match, when the odds are in your favor at least. Your skills are impressive and needed, and when pushed, I think you could do things that no one else in Wu, or China for that matter, can do. Was I wrong?"
It was a loaded question and one that he knew Gan Ning would feel stumped on. That wasn't the purpose he asked it, however, but he at least took comfort in knowing that Gan Ning's answer would be hard thought and not just a quick lie to appease him. Eventually Gan Ning gave his answer and the way he glanced down to hide what Lü Meng hoped to be shame was gratifying to see though he made no outward notion of that. "No. You're not wrong."
"You could be our greatest assets, Gan Ning. You certainly build yourself up that way and those that don't truly know you admire you to no end." He considered what he just said and realized that he had inadvertently thrown himself into that group. But it was ultimately true and he pushed onward before Gan Ning could think to put two and two together. "It would be a shame to see your time here wasted and for such an avoidable reason, but how can you possibly expect me to overlook this when I make my report? Lord Quan will want answers and he'll demand justice."
He could see the wheels turning in his head. Gan Ning wasn't smart, but he wasn't an idiot either. He simply lacked foresight, and hindsight, and perhaps common sense as well. He was a man that thought only with his emotions, and in a way Lü Meng could sympathize. Things were falling into place and Gan Ning was becoming aware of his own mortality despite his best efforts to hide it, and as much as Lü Meng thought he would enjoy seeing him squirm, he felt no such joy and why he didn't was a mystery he was not willing to solve at this moment in time.
And yet, in spite of this, he knew that Gan Ning would not beg for mercy, either from him or from Sun Quan. In Gan Ning's mind, he did not see any error in his actions, which spoke of a mentality that Lü Meng couldn't even begin to comprehend or want to and thus begging for forgiveness was simply out of the question. He wouldn't beg for either mercy nor forgiveness, and Lü Meng could almost feel his own resolve threatening to crumble at the thought of him accepting such a grim fate. But then again, he knew Gan Ning a little better than that, and this made him address the matter in particular, "You could try and find employment elsewhere, but I doubt any would take you in. Lord Liu Bei would be mortified by what you've done and would send you away- he has no need for murderers in his army, especially unrepented ones. You could fake it, but I'd imagine Lord Zhuge Liang would see right through you and he wouldn't be nearly as lenient or forgiving as Lord Zhou Yu was or Master Lu Su is.
"Then I suppose you could try Lord Cao in the north, but I'm absolutely certain you'll be killed on the spot." Lü Meng knew that Gan Ning was going to mention the Wei lord and he was quick to cover that escape route as well. "Whereas Lord Quan is forgiving, Lord Cao isn't and the moment he hears of your deeds and knows of your inability to follow orders and work with others, he'll execute you on the spot. I'm starting to think he has the right idea when it comes to dealing with insubordination."
"There's others I can go to."
"Who? Liu Zhang? His army will be defeated and his land taken over by Lord Liu Bei. The Nanman down south? If you can get past the tigers and rivers- I'm told that if the tiger's don't devour you, the rivers will. You could attempt Xiliang, but you'd have to pass through Wei and there's not a single officer in Wei that wouldn't recognize you with your famous bells." Lü Meng waved off every single option as though it were on a list and each possibility, each hope, was crushed before the former pirate's eyes. Still, he felt no pleasure in any of it. Should he have? Would Zhou Yu have? Gan Ning's silence urged him to continue, recalling a lesson he had learned while under Zhou Yu's tutelage. "You could try your luck, regardless of the danger. There's openings for you, but few, if any, safe harbors. Your best bet would be to simply accept responsibility for your actions and ensure our lord that you'll never harm another member of the serving staff again.
"In fact, it may serve you better to outright avoid any member of the serving staff again. You can request the rest of yours to be reassigned, to show how serious you are in ensuring your temper never gets the better of you again in their presence," he said, pressing the advantage now that he had Gan Ning where he needed him. He had a good idea of what he was doing, despite never having done something quite like this before and learning only from what he observed from his teachers. Who better to practice an unfamiliar skill to him than Gan Ning? "There's always the matter of insubordination that you'll have to worry about, assuming our lord can look past the first and true offense. You disobeyed a direct order and this isn't the first time you've done so. With no one to speak in your defense, he could easily decide that you're too much of a risk and could exile you, or execute you, should he fear you're too dangerous to fall into our enemy's hands."
Finally Gan Ning spoke up and the resentment in his voice offered him some hope that he had played his cards right. "And, let me guess… you're not going to speak in my defense again?"
He knew he was treading a dangerous path. One wrong move, one slip of the tongue, and the consequences down the road could be catastrophic. He couldn't see the future and nor could he pretend he could. He knew Gan Ning would be vital to Wu's chances at survival, but he couldn't say how vital. Others had doubted his proclamation and Gan Ning's actions recently threatened to kill his own faith, but he had already invested much time and effort in this endeavor. With Wei gathering their forces at Ruxu, Gan Ning's execution could be disastrous, and he did not wish to take that chance. The dice had been cast and he had already placed his bets. The least he could do was not change the horse in mid race.
"I shouldn't, but I will, because despite everything, Wu needs you. Or warriors like you. Wei's gathering their strength again and it would be devastating to our troops should you be lost by your own hands," Lü Meng said, raising his lip with a sneer but otherwise careful to remain as stoic and firm as possible. He didn't wish to sound desperate, because they weren't. Without Gan Ning, they could find a way, but it would be difficult and he couldn't deny the troops' morale would be crushed at the thought of their beloved hero's execution just before an upcoming battle. He also didn't want to sound smug because he knew that it would only serve to push someone like Gan Ning away if he thought for a moment that he was being manipulated. He was, for all intents and purposes, but it would be best for him never to realize the depths of it for now. "These are turbulent times and we're going to need every man and resource we have in the coming fights. Even ones as crazy and bloodthirsty as you."
He felt he might have gone too far with that last statement, but he couldn't stop himself from taking such deep shots. Considering what he was willing to do to allow the former pirate to live, he figured that Gan Ning could stand for the insult, assuming he even considered it such. The fact that he hardly flinched at the parting blow confirmed his own fears were for naught and his smile was lacking in the usual smugness that was his default state, giving Lü Meng some hope that he had found the best outcome for this situation all things considered.
"However." Before Gan Ning to utter a word, Lü Meng interrupted him, his voice taking a darker and gruffer tone and meaning to strike deeper than any sword or arrow could penetrate, and despite standing at the same height, the former pirate no doubt felt very small as Lü Meng addressed him. "Know that I think very highly of you, Gan Ning, and in doing so, I will be delegating several tasks in your directions, tasks that are otherwise insane, possibly even dangerous. I will be expecting you to jump on those tasks and be the perilous hero that our men believe you to be."
There it was. Of all the emotions that Gan Ning possessed, blatant fear was one that he seldom saw and he reckoned the soldiers he boasted to never witnessed such a sight. He even reckoned that he was the only one that saw such a thing and while he wanted to feel honored that Gan Ning allowed him to witness it, he was certain that it was more of a slip up than anything else. He gave Gan Ning credit in how quickly he tried to hide this and his recovery was admirable. "What about the whole 'not order someone to do something you can't do yourself' thing? You willing to drop that?"
"And who said I was?" Lü Meng countered, careful not to smile lest he send the wrong message. "I still hold true to that, however, you strike a far more terrifying stance than I do. Your name already strikes fear into the hearts of our enemy and who am I to take that away from you? Use that to your advantage if you must, but I know you're capable of many great things. Don't you think so?"
Had Zhou Yu been there, he might have admired his attempt to cater to another man's ego to encourage the desired response or so he hoped. He might have been critical of the execution and offered him advice afterwards, but for now, it seemed to do the job. Whatever reservations Gan Ning had were chased away and the bolster to his own ego no doubt aided in that. "Heh, you know it. Fine, then that's that. I'll ask him to reassign the rest of my servants- I don't need them anyways. I can serve myself."
"Good. We'll get the matter straightened out in the morning." Lü Meng felt only a fraction of the way fulfilled, but he'd settle for it. The servant's death would not have been in vain and he would take the measures to atone for it through keeping the former pirate on a tighter leash. It would have to do, he told himself, and he was willing to withdrawn to his home for the night. He knew sleep wouldn't come easily but he was spent and he longed to end this encounter on a triumphant note, no matter how shaky it was. He bowed his head to the former pirate but said nothing, getting two steps away before he felt Gan Ning's gaze digging into him. "Yes?"
"Ossan… eh… forget it."
It took everything in his power not to turn around to face him, but he held strong. He kept his own gaze forward and waited for Gan Ning to say what was on his mind, but once again, his own cowardice seemed to get the better of him. With a huff, Gan Ning left for his own home, the bells growing distant with each step and sparing the general from the chance of a retaliatory strike. A day ago he would have been ashamed to think Gan Ning would do such a thing, but now? He half wondered why Gan Ning didn't try to kill him and flee. He could always leave in the night, he reminded himself. He could leave tonight and truly, Lü Meng couldn't blame him if he did.
And yet, a part of him clung to the hope that he wouldn't leave. Not now, when Wei was gathering forces at their border, when Liu Bei was gaining momentum in the west. Wu needed officers like Gan Ning. Wu needed Gan Ning...