Chapter Thirty-Seven:

"Looks like the show is quite a success." Elise was smashing in a silk sheath in lime green. "Congratulations, Brianne."

If the turnout was any indicator, the show was a success. The space was jammed with people; some were even waiting outside to squeeze in when others left. Best, it was a varied crowd, well-heeled suburbanites and art school kids—people from Back Bay, the South End, and Somerville.

"I think you should be congratulating, John." I said, "Not me. It's his work that brought people here."

"Don't be modest. I can't stand false modesty in a friend. You know you're the one responsible for this show. Without you, John would be off shooting a retirement dinner in Framingham right now."

I laughed. "Okay, okay. So, I'm partly responsible for the crowd. But let's not count our chicken before they hatch."

"Dear, sensible, Brianne. Has he made any sales yet?"

I nodded. "A few. But the night's young. Anyway, the sales aren't as important tonight as the exposure."

"Never underestimate the importance of sales." She said. And then she looked at me closely. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." I lied.

"You look, I don't know, different. John's still leaving tomorrow?" I nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak. Elise took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Hang in. I've got to go and join Chris."

For a moment I stood alone, listening to the excited talk and exuberant laughter of the crowd. I imagined the good reviews in the next day's paper. I thought of the interview I'd set up for John with an important art magazine out of New York, an interview he'd be doing via phone. Because the next day John would be on a plane to San Francisco and his new life. My heart constricted. It seemed wrong that we wouldn't be sharing his triumph, his time in the sun, his fifteen minute of fame.

His first fifteen minutes of fame. Because I was sure that with hard work, inspiration, and a little luck, John was going to go far. And I wouldn't be there with him. My plan had failed. In truth it hadn't been much of a plan. Still, I'd had hopes. I thought of the previous night at John's loft and was flooded again with desire. At least, I thought, I have one spectacular night of passion to savor for the rest of my life. The trick would be to prevent an ecstatic memory from decaying into a bitter one. It would be a very difficult trick to pull off.

"Hi!'

I whirled to see Jamie smiling up at me.

"Oh hi! I'm glad you made it."

"Actually Randy and I have been here for about a half hour. It's such a mob scene it took me forever to find you."

"Do you think people are enjoying themselves?"

Jamie swatted my arm. "You know they are. So, how long has Elise been seeing this new guy? She just introduced Randy and me."

"Um." I said eloquently. "I think she knew him a long time ago. But things just got romantic, I guess."

Jamie nodded. "He seems nice. I'm happy for her. I mean, she seems somehow, I don't know, lighthearted. Well, as lighthearted as Elise will ever be."

"So, what do you think of John's work? Be honest, but not too honest."

"I like it, Brianne. And Randy's working up the nerve to spend a thousand dollars on the piece in the far corner, the bit one of the ancient glass jar."

"Oh, he's not buying something just to be nice, is he?"

"Randy?" Jamie laughed. "The man who considers the pros and cons of every major purchase for weeks before acting? No. He wants the piece as a gift for me. For us, I suppose."

"Ah, I knew I liked Randy." I said. A financially responsible man who also liked to give his wife gifts? Randy was every woman's dream. What's the occasion?"

Jamie suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Brianne, I know this is not the right time to tell you this, I know that you're busy, but…"

"Jamie, look around. Everyone's having a fine time. No one needs me, for the moment at least."

"I'm pregnant."

"Wow, that's great."

"Thank you. Randy and I are very happy." She smiled.

"That's great, Jamie, I'm very happy for you."

"Thank you. Well I should be getting back to him. Congratulations, Brianne."

I watched Jamie moved away and head to Randy. I was happy for her. She had wanted a baby for so long and now they she was having one. I just couldn't stop my mind from going to the baby I lost. I looked over and saw my former fiancé.

"What's wrong, Brianne?" He said by the way of greeting.

"Nothing. I'm just a bit surprised to see you here."

"Why?" he asked ingenuously.

Why? Where should I begin? With the fact that he thought John Cena not worth serious consideration as a person, let alone as an artist?

"I thought you weren't interested in art photography."

Wade shrugged. "I'm not really."

"Then why…"

I wondered, did Wade know I was going to be here? Did he come to the opening to talk to me? And then anxiety struck. Did Wade, I wondered, know about last night? Was he here to accuse me of having been in love with John Cena all along?

"A business associate." Wade said. "He's over by that big picture of a fence. Or whatever it is. He's really into this sort of thing. We're just stopping by before dinner at Shantung."

I smiled, relieved. Of course Wade didn't know about last night. "Well then. I hope your business associate enjoys the show."

Wade glanced around at the crowded room. "This place is mobbed."

"I did it." I said. "This is my event."

"Oh." Wade seemed genuinely surprised. "I assumed you were here because you had to be. I mean because you work with Cena." Wade then scanned me from head to toe. "You look great, Brianne. Is that a new dress?"

"No."I told him. "I wore it once before." Just after you and I announced our engagement, I told him silently. We went to dinner and the symphony.

"Ah. Well it looks new. Unfamiliar. You look different. You're probably wearing your hair differently." He looked around. "So you're feeling okay? I mean health wise."

"I'm fine. I'm perfectly healthy. Thank you for asking."

Suddenly the expression on Wade's face grew serious. "Brianne, I've been thinking. Maybe we gave up too easily. You know, everything happening so fast…"

"Wade. Please, it wasn't going to work. We both know that."

And suddenly I knew that Wade didn't completely know that. "We were good together, Brianne We had fun."

"Until the big stuff came along. And then look what happened. Instead of turning to each other we turned away. If the pregnancy hadn't happened, something else would have come along soon enough and we'd be filing for divorce. It was better in the end that things ended when they did."

Wade shook his head. "Then why do I feel so bad?"

I smiled ruefully. What could I say?

"I miss you, Brianne. Do you miss me?"

"No Wade. I don't miss you. At first I missed some of the fantasy we built around our relationship. You know the glamorous life we were going to lead. The spectacular loft. Month-long vacations in Europe. The best restaurant. But not you, Wade. I don't miss you. I never really had you. How can I miss what I never had?"

"I see. I shouldn't have bothered saying hello tonight. I'm leaving." He immediately walked away from me.

"I wish you happiness Wade." He didn't wish me anything in return.

"I haven't seen you all night." John said when I caught his eye from across the room.

"That's a good thing. It's means you were a hit."

"Not me. The work. And I wouldn't assume it was a hit just because there were a lot of people gawking at it. I'm sure some of them hated it."

"Okay, okay. Can't you just accept a compliment?"

John grinned. "Obviously not."

"Look you need to say goodbye to this final wave of admirers."

"Do I have to? I don't even know that brunch."

"Don't crap out on me now, John. Just another half hour or so."

"Okay, you're right. I'm going."

I watched as John greeted the well-wishers; I watched as they touched his arm and leaned in close, eager to have a part of him. Oh, I thought, now I know what it means to be heartbroken.

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