It's still early when Gale knocks at the front door. I hadn't even bothered leaving my room yet so I'm still in the clothes I slept in. I slip on a satin dressing gown that's so thin I may as well not be wearing it and make my way downstairs after deciding I don't care
"Hey, you not feeling like walking today?" he asks, taking in my attire and I'm sure I look like I just rolled out of bed, which is basically true
"No, not exactly" I croak
"Should I just come back tomorrow?"
"No, no, that's stupid. You could come in?"
"Oh. Alright" he smiles and I remember the night of the festival. He had smiled the same way then and it had been a reprieve. Something good had blossomed up and for a few short moments, it had outweighed the bad. I convince him to try hot chocolate, he insists it's too expensive but I insist it'll only go to waste. After he drains his first mug it's not so hard to make him have another. When he finishes that too, I can't help but roll my eyes
"I'm going to have to stop you there, or at least make you take a break or you'll be sick but you can take the can home if you like"
"I most definitely will not"
"Are you really going to argue with me? You would've finished it right here yourself. Don't you think the kids would like to try it" he huffs in defeat "Gale Hawthorne are you sulking?"
"I'm pouting, there's a difference"
"There is?"
"Pouting is cuter" he says, puckering his lips downward
"You're the expert" I concede and pull his lip down with my finger as I pass so it makes a popping sound. Before I can take my hand away he catches it with his own and pulls me back towards him
"I missed you yesterday"
"I was in the Capitol" I reply dumbly
"I miss you the second we part" he lifts my chin so I'll meet his gaze and I pull away
"What's wrong?"
"This isn't right" I feel filthy knowing what I'll have to do in just under a month when the victory tour is over, I don't want to bring Gale in to that. When he doesn't say anything I look up at him and he's frowning, I blind man could see he's hurt and annoyed
"No, of course it's not. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed myself on you" he's annoyed at himself, I realise and move back in to him
"You didn't push anything on me" I say honestly, wrapping my arms around his middle "It's not you"
"I swear, if you say 'it's not you it's me' I'll shoot myself in the foot"
"But it is me, it's my problem and not yours"
"I never pegged you as the selfish type" I roll my eyes at his sarcasm and he wraps his fingers in the hair that reaches the middle of my back "please stop trying to handle everything on your own. You know that doesn't work"
"I'm not dragging you in to this"
"No one's dragging me. I'm here by my own accord, I don't want to be anywhere else"
"You're not going to want this when- after the victory tour, everything will be different"
"I'm always going to want you know Madge, that's not going to change"
"It will"
"Madge you're going to have to tell me what's going on" I take a deep breathe that doesn't satisfy and close my eyes
"How many of the files have you read? Have you looked in every box?"
"All but one"
"Which one?"
"13" that should be interesting
"Then you know about other victors, hardly any of them live normally, they're either drunks or addicts and those who aren't basically live in the Capitol"
"Like the careers?"
"Yes they're in the Capitol a lot but I meant the others. Like Finnick" I say it carefully, hoping he's read Finnick's statements and I won't have to say if myself
"Finnick O'Dair?"
"Yes"
"He's in the Capitol for business most of the time and to collect new information for the rebellion" it's official, Gale can't read between the lines
"Exactly what type of business do you think Finnick does in the Capitol?"
"I don't know, all it says is that he deals in information, secrets as he put it"
"Gale Finnick goes to the Capitol because the president sells him to anyone who can afford it"
"Sells him? Like?"
"Like those girls sell themselves to Cray. The president sells Finnick's body"
"What?!" he looks grief stricken
"Haven't you noticed every time Finnick's on TV, he's with some capitol socialite?"
"I just thought he was, you know, that he got around"
"It's paid for Gale. Finnick's actually madly in love with a girl back home"
"Does she know?" he exclaims, mortified
"Not exactly no. Annie, she was in the games, you probably remember her"
"She went crazy when her district partner was decapitated?"
"That's the one"
"I don't get it. If he's got a girl, it's not like he needs the money, why does he do it?"
"He hasn't got a choice Gale. The president threatens Annie, Mags, he even uses Johanna against him"
"This is so sick. Wasn't Finnick a kid when he won?"
"14 but they didn't start it right away"
"Oh that makes it so much better" he snaps
"I'm not defending it"
"Hang on, what has this got to do with me and you?" I hope my silence will be enough, that he won't make me say it but he doesn't say anything either
"He wants to sell me" I murmur "the president told me yesterday that he's already auctioning me for after the victory tour" he stands frozen for a beat and then it's like something inside him snaps
"He can't" Gale whispers, the words hoarse and strained "I won't let him!" he shouts
"You can't stop him Gale, my virginity's going for triple what Finnick's did"
"No" he growls "he can't, he can't sell you and they can't touch you"
"He'll kill the people I love!" I yell "and I won't lose anyone else"
"Exactly! He can't take any more from you! I won't let him"
"I don't have a choice in this Gale. There's nothing anyone can do" I tell him, resigned
"No! No, you might've accepted this but I won't"
"Gale!" the front door slams and he's gone. I sit at the breakfast bar, where moments ago we had stood holding each other, and I poor myself some of the made up hot chocolate. I take a sip and decide it's not quite going to cut it, so go to the pantry and retrieve a bottle of brandy. It doesn't taste brilliant but I'm not fussy. When someone opens my front door the mug holds more brandy than it does hot chocolate, who am I kidding, it's just straight brandy
"Hon? You here?"
"In the kitchen Haymitch" good my words aren't slurred
"On the bottle again huh?" Haymitch asks disapprovingly
"Madge I thought you'd stopped this"
"Oh look who's back" I grin falsely at Gale and he moves the mug away from me. To spite my tone I'm glad when he takes my hand "Told Haymitch on me I see?"
"I had to do something" he strokes hair off my face with his free hand and rests it at the back of my neck
"The boy's right Madge. Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"I only found out yesterday. I'm surprised Effie didn't get the message to you"
"Trinket knows?"
"She was there with me" I deadpan
"Communication in this outfit is falling seriously down hill"
"Excuse me for not wanting to talk about it"
"We know now" Gale cuts in "What can we do about it?"
"I've got an idea" Haymitch says slowly "but I don't think you're going to like it".