A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've honestly been meaning to get this up sooner. I hope to not take as long with the next chapter.

Dear Diary,

I found out about Nathan tonight. Well, about his past. I already know he's a half-ling like me, but until now he refused to tell me about himself. I was able to get some information from Leslie, but even she didn't know everything. I know now.

And I still want to be with him. Seriously, it's not as bad as he thinks it is. He's killed a few humans, but nowhere near the number my father has. Nathan's killed five. Three were bad people and they deserved what they got and the other two were because he was hungry.

He told me that he's been trying to only eat human food to avoid temptation. He says it's hard, especially when someone's blood smells so good. But he fights the desire and immediately runs for a Big Mac or Whopper, whichever is closer. I told him that Uncle Jasper has trouble still. He found that interesting and the two of them sat down for a long conversation. Jasper refused to tell me everything but he basically told Nathan that the longer he's away from human blood the more tolerable it becomes. Of course, there's always the chance that it'll be too much and then everyone will have to move again.

He told Nathan about mom's eighteenth birthday party. He said that she got a paper cut and the smell of her blood was so intoxicating that it overwhelmed him. He had to have it and that's why he lunged for her. At that moment, it wasn't Jasper in the room, it was the monster. The monster he's always fighting. Afterwards he felt so guilty. He apologized profusely to dad and ran off to hunt. But the damage was done. Although mom wasn't upset about it, he was devastated. It was his idea to leave Forks, actually. Dad didn't tell mom that when he lied to her, but she found out eventually. Uncle Jasper wanted to leave to avoid the temptation and the guilt. He didn't expect everyone to follow, but they did, including dad. Dad lied to mom and set off a chain of events that almost cost him his existence.

But if he hadn't left, mom never would have become closer to Jacob, and Jacob wouldn't be in my life. I'm not stupid, I know he was in love with mom before, but he never imprinted on her. I'm the only one. So see, it all worked out for the best. I told that to dad one day after he complained that Jacob was always around and he stopped to think about that. Then he said "looks like my leaving affected both of my girls." I just shook my head at him and walked away.

Anyways, back to Nathan. The first person he killed was his neighbor. He was five years old and ignorant of his power. He only knew that he had sharp teeth and a taste for blood. "I blame my mother for not educating me. She seemed to think my half-human, half-vampire self was a curse. She constantly tried to guide me towards my human life and completely deny my vampire life. She didn't understand that my vampire life will eventually take over regardless."

He regrets that day more than the other ones. He was playing outside and his neighbor started up his lawn mower. After a few minutes, his scent combined with his sweat became too much and Nathan struck. The man was young and fast, but was no match for him. He told the man that he wanted to show him something in his house. The man agreed and as soon as the door closed Nathan struck. It was over in minutes and Nathan's eyes glowed red for the first time. Afterwards, he felt so guilty that he ignored his bloodlust until he was eleven.

The second one was a criminal. And he was twelve. He broke into a house intending to kill the person and then help himself to the valuables. Nathan heard everything and attacked the robber before he had a chance to kill the woman inside. She was an invalid and a nice lady; Nathan didn't want her to be hurt. So he followed the guy into the basement and broke his neck. He didn't feel so guilty because "the man was scum." I pointed out that he saved a life by killing one. In a twisted way, that made sense to him.

Other ages that he killed were fourteen and then seventeen. And each time his guilt has increased. He told me that finding me was a blessing. With my family's lifestyle, he can strive to be a better man. I told him that his past doesn't bother me. What's done is done. I want him regardless of how many people he's killed. I reminded him that mom didn't care about dad's past because it wasn't who he was when she met him. And that's the same with Nathan. Just because he's slipped up and made mistakes proves he's human, even if it's only half. Nathan is another one who doesn't believe he has a soul and I am going to prove to him that he does.

Yes, I believe that I have a soul. I believe that all the vampires in my family have souls. It doesn't matter that they are the undead, what matters is what they do with their immortality. In the past, they craved human blood and murdered people. They needed to do that for survival. But they don't do that anymore. They hated it, thereby proving that they have souls. I've heard time and time again about the nomads Laurent, James and Victoria. I know all about their terrorizing mom and Victoria's revenge for dad killing James. I also know that they do not have souls. They killed people with no hesitation. They enjoyed it. My family didn't. That's the difference and that proves their souls are still here. Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice are the only ones besides mom who are coming around to that thinking. The rest will in time. I have all of eternity to prove to them that I'm right.

Nathan believes I have a soul as well and all of my family does. I have only killed animals, never a human. And I hope to never kill one, unless justified (don't get me started on Corey). I still have the rage that vampires have and the strength and speed, but it's what I choose to do with those powers that count. Nathan told me I inspire him and he hopes to be worthy of me someday. He said that as long as I remain by his side, he can fight his bloodlust and concentrate on his human side.

I know everything will be fine. Nathan just has to trust himself as I trust him. He doesn't want to be a monster anymore than I do, anymore than my dad wants to. I think knowing his past has brought us closer together. Again, I'm not making any decisions, but I feel like I'm falling for Nathan more than before. Knowing his weakness shows his humanness to me and I want to help him, to protect him. The two of us share a secret and that creates a bond. A bond I hope will never be broken.

A/N: So, anyone think Nathan will be vital in kicking Corey's ass should it come to that?

Thanks for reading! Please, please review.