Red Light Duex
Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious
A/N:
Chapter 37 (Trina's Growth)
"I don't know. I wouldn't mind being a dietician." Trina kicked her heels up on Sam's couch and laid back while placing her hands over her abdomen. Sam was amused by the pose, considering it reminded her more of shrinks and less of counselors. "Maybe a fitness person." She paused and smiled at the ceiling above her. "I love babysitting, and spending time with Deborah was fun. Maybe I could run a daycare, or be an elementary teacher. Do you think I could be one?"
"I think you can be whatever you want to be." Trina's cheekbones sank and she quickly sat up, sliding her hands away from her stomach.
"It's been weeks since I've gone out on the streets to sell myself or whatever. What are the chances of someone like me getting a real job?"
"What do you mean someone like you?"
"Former prostitute." Trina's nose wrinkled and her eyes fell onto Sam for an extended time before saying anything else. "I know you were a former porn star, and you're a licensed counselor, so maybe…" Sam smiled at her and lowered her notebook to her lap.
"The thing with that, Trina, the images I have on the internet will forever be out there. My boss knows that I was in that life, Derek's family knows-everyone knows." It didn't haunt her as much, but the reality of it still felt to her like she only got lucky enough to get a real job. "Derek's father was able to get me into the Air Force, and then Alice was nice enough to give me a chance here. Of course, I wouldn't be able to get a job up in Seattle very easily."
"How is that different, though?"
"You weren't on the internet, you didn't put videos of yourself out there for people to see." Sam crossed her legs and turned the chair around so she could slide the notebook onto her desk. "And you were in prostitution for a short time, not many people will know that you were involved in that lifestyle. You won't be required to put it on job or college applications."
"Aren't there places that would have to know that? An extensive background check, maybe?"
"Yes. If you were to get a job at the police department, for instance. They will want to know everything you've been involved in." A sour look came over Trina's face and she quickly shook her head.
"I wouldn't want a job there. Though, I bet Gary could get me a job there if that were the case, our dad made him the Assistant Chief of police. So he's like the top guy next to Dad."
"Still, you say you wouldn't want a job there. How come?"
"Because of my father, obviously. He'd be praised constantly, and I'd constantly have to be reminded of him when I'm at work." It was the reason Sam wouldn't suggest such a job for Trina. The woman needed to have a stress-free work environment, and whether or not David had done the crimes against his family, such a workplace environment could be bad for Trina.
"I think you mentioned daycare worker or elementary teacher, you have a real shot at that."
"I mean I've attended college, I'm close to getting an associate's…so maybe if I work at it, I can get a bachelor's in something. I just don't know what I want to do."
"You do have plenty of time to figure it out, don't rush yourself." Sam crossed her legs and tapped her knee with her nails. Trina swept her hair over her shoulder and leaned forward.
"I don't know. Should I really take a break? I mean I didn't take classes at all this last semester, and my grades have been mostly B's and C's. Jason and Cat both say they'll help me study more, and maybe I can do better."
"I think if you feel like you're up to it, sure. I only suggest taking a break so you can give yourself time to relax with everything that has been going on." Then, sometimes it was helpful to have classes to focus on, to keep the mind preoccupied.
Trina slid her fingers through her hair and perched her head on the palm of her hand while looking off to the window. "I don't know. I think I can do it. If I don't, then I'm just sitting around thinking about how shitty I feel, and that's no good." The girl lowered her hand and lifted her head upright. "I mean, when Cat's not there or we're not doing anything in particular, I'm constantly thinking about all the bad stuff that there is to think about. I can't do that-I don't want to do that."
"That's perfectly fine. I'd say busy your mind, but don't overdo it. You can risk focusing too much on work, then stress yourself out by doing so. There needs to be a healthy balance."
"Yeah. If there's one to be found." Trina closed her eyes. Her fingers curled beside her leg and her foot tapped in an anxious rhythm on the floor. "I really want to talk about Jason." Sam's eyebrows rose and she reclined in her seat.
"Okay, let's talk about him. What is on your mind?" She was aware that Trina had made contact with him and the two had gone on two dates already.
Trina's eyelids drifted upwards and the corners of her mouth curved into a tiny smile. "He's been good to me so far. He hasn't tried to push me into anything, he's been respectful and open-minded." Trina tucked a strand of her hair over her ear and let her smile grow. "I um…I told him, you know. What I'd been doing, and why."
"Oh? How did that go?"
"He's…accepting it." Ignoring the urge to jump up and cheer, Sam remained calm and looked to the woman with a warm smile. Trina's eyes flicked towards Sam and her shoulders rose into the air. "I was so scared, but he stayed so calm, didn't say anything until I was done." Trina moved her right hand over her left and gazed down at it. "He um, he took my hand and told me it was okay. He said he didn't care what I had done, didn't think I was 'dirty' because of it."
"I'm glad to hear this."
"We uh, we talked for hours after that." Trina laughed once and pulled her hand back to her lap. "Went to the beach and walked, just walked. Watched the sunset…" Sam chuckled as Trina's cheeks flushed and a hint of pink swept across her face. "You know how beautiful the beach is on a full moon after an orange sky?"
She pictured the scene in her mind and relaxed as a calm silence swirled about them. With a nod, she glanced to Trina. "I do." It had been some time since she'd gone to the beach, but she could recall how it felt the last time she went. She did stay until dark, just to see what it was like.
The yellow sand had turned a bluish color, and the waves of the ocean shimmered like diamonds beneath the moonlight. Without another soul in sight on the beach, it felt as though she had the entire scene to herself. It made her want to dance, and though she didn't, she had taken off her shoes and ran along the cool sand to feel it squish between her toes.
"It was so serene," Trina marveled with glistening eyes. "I never thought I could share something like that with a man. Then, he's been so good to me that the way I feel…I still don't understand it too much, but I like it. I want to feel it more often." Trina leaned back and rubbed her knees slowly. "I mean, it scares me almost. Do I trust this man? Do I pursue?"
"How do you feel?"
She hugged herself and took in a deep inhale. "Warm." She held the pose for a moment, then released with a dream-like sigh. "I just remember no matter what, when I was a prostitute, another man's presence was only cold. My father was cold. Jason…there's a warmth to his presence, and a look in his eyes that I've never seen any man look at me with. There's no hunger in his eyes, no lust or anything bad to be seen. Just…warmth."
Trina reached up to brush her hair, but stopped with her fingers dipped beneath a few strands. Her brow furrowed and her lower lip tucked beneath her teeth. "Is that-is that love? Is that how a relationship is supposed to be?"
"A relationship doesn't have to be based on sex or instant animal attraction. In a relationship, there should be honesty, trust, respect." Trina lowered her hand and shoulders. Her chest sank and she nodded briefly.
"I've seen the look recently. When we went to spend a few days with grandma and grandpa, they looked at each other with that same look. Even Lucas and Madison, Uncle John and Aunt Beth. What if-what if I can't have that?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm so messed up." Trina put her hands to her chest and her smile swept away from her face. "I find it hard to trust, I don't even know what it's like to love somebody and have a healthy relationship."
"A healthy relationship, and a healthy bond takes time to develop, Trina. You can't know right away, especially not with what you've been through." She turned her eyes to the photo of her and Derek on the desk, then Trina's gaze soon followed. "My fiancé fell in love with me long before I realized what love actually was. I knew I could trust him with certain things, but I was scared to trust him completely because I didn't want to be hurt. Even though I was sure he wouldn't hurt me, I was scared."
"And now?"
"Now it's been three, almost four years. I trust him more, and I know that I love him." Trina smiled as Sam took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Along the way I've had fears that he might find someone without so many problems, that he might leave me-but he never has. I might have the occasional nightmare that he's no longer there, but when I awake, he is right there beside me, and I know he's not going anywhere."
"So it takes time to develop." Trina drew out a slow exhale and shrugged. "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand."
"Have patience with yourself, Trina. Remember that you're still healing, still recovering. Don't try and figure everything out right away, let things happen naturally." She rubbed her chin as Trina listened eagerly to her. "You have some good people to fall on for learning. Observe your grandparents, observe your aunt and uncle, and even your cousin. Those around you that you know have a healthy relationship, and slowly you'll begin to take it in."
"I see. I think I understand." Their session was interrupted by the sound of a cell phone going off. Trina jumped and looked to the end table beside the couch. "Sorry, I thought I had that turned off!" Sam laughed as Trina grabbed the phone and looked to the caller. "It's Tori, want me to turn it off?"
"No, you can answer it." She'd write down her observations and notes while Trina was on the phone. If Tori was calling while knowing Trina was in an individual session, then it likely had to be an important call.
As she wrote down her notes, she could hear a frantic tone coming from the phone, but no words. Her eyes drifted from the notebook as Trina pulled the phone away and looked towards the small television in the room. "Um, Sam? Can you turn on the news? Tori says it's important."
"Sure." She opened her desk drawer and grabbed the television remote. When she turned the television on, the local news was already the selected channel. Her heart stalled when she saw the urgent breaking news.
Los Angeles Police Chief in critical condition.
Trina's brow furrowed and she opened her mouth to speak, but held back when the blonde reporter started to speak. "The ambulance was called to the scene of Chief David Vega this morning when a neighbor heard gunshots being fired. When arriving to the scene, Assistant Chief Gary Malone had this to say…"
Footage of Gary appeared, his hair was being blown by the hot wind, and he had an ashen look on his face. "We found multiple gunshot wounds, but at this time we cannot divulge further information regarding the attack. Witnesses say they spotted a tall man with a brown hoodie and pants entering the home. Investigators are on the scene right now, and we can find no evidence of forced entry. For safety concerns we will not reveal the hospital that the Chief has been taken to, he survived his wounds but is in critical care."
"Turn it off," Trina insisted, "Just turn it off." Sam did as asked and met Trina's gaze. She was concerned how Trina felt upon seeing this, and also wished she could ask Tori as well as Holly for their thoughts. Trina brought her hand to her forehead and groaned while clutching her phone tightly with her hand. "Dad's the chief of police, he's got enemies. That's all I can think right now, I don't want to even bother with this."
"I understand, we can discuss that another time if you wish."
"Yeah, for now I just want to think about other things. I know I'd like to see my father suffer, for him to pay for the things he did, but not like that. He doesn't need to die, or maybe he does, I don't know."
Sam pressed her lips together and turned back a page in her notes. "I uh, I did some research, Trina. The state of California's statute of limitations say either you or Tori…if you wished, could file charges against your father."
Trina's nose curled into her face and she spoke with a quiet voice. "No." She lowered her hand and cleared her throat. "No I-that would be too high profile. Los Angeles's police chief? That would be national, I don't want anything more to do with him. I won't take him to court for assault-do you even know what they'd do to me on the stand? No, I won't go through that. I won't have the entire country knowing what my dad did to me, to my sister."
"It's okay. It is your decision." She saw the anxiety in Trina's eyes and opted to not further discuss the possibility of filing charges against David. Trina and Tori were both of the age where if they wished to do so, they could. "I want you to try and get some rest, okay?"
"Cat and I were going to grab a bite to eat, then we have to babysit tonight."
"Sounds like you've got something to keep yourself busy with."
"Yeah…it'll help."
So David's in the hospital. What else is going on?