Not. Even. Going. To. Give. Excuses.
So, uh, this is it. The final chapter of the identity arc. Not the end of this series, obviously. Just this bit.
So, no one got the words. I'd be surprised (and scared) if you did. Cos it's stupid. And you're probably going to be very disappointed in this chapter.
Ava made her way cautiously down the steps. It was pitch-black. Odd. Was this a training scenario, or a surprise party, she wondered.
"Um, guys?" she called, before she felt the pressure of a nozzle against the back of her head. She froze.
"Get the lights," someone called. And the lights went on to reveal three very angry penguins. Through logical deductions, she realised that the penguin with the gun to her head was Rico. Yeah, letting the trigger-happy penguin handle the weapon, that was smart.
"So," Skipper began, pacing in front of her.
"Um, heya." Ava replied. "What's, uh, up?"
Skipper slapped her. "I'll be asking the questions here."
"Oh. Uh, okay." This was incredibly confusing.
His eyes narrowed. "Kowalski. Evidence."
Kowalski handed the USB to Skipper, who held it out to Ava. "Well?"
She frowned. "It's a USB."
"Do you recognise this USB?"
"Yeah, you can get them at any convenience store."
He slapped her again in frustration. "This was found in your room."
She raised an eyebrow. "Really?" Then she scowled. "You went into my room."
Kowalski blushed. "I, uh, needed something…and…"
She frowned. "Sure. Whatever." She looked back at Skipper. "So?"
"We've looked at the information on it. Pretty detailed information."
She looked back at Kowalski. "Let me guess. The USB jumped off the shelf and plugged itself into the computer?"
His blush deepened and he scratched the back of his head. "Something like that."
She looked back at Skipper. "So?"
He frowned. "What do you mean so?"
"So, why am I here?"
"You're a spy!"
She frowned. "What?! Not this again. I thought we'd gotten over that."
The penguins swapped looks.
"We found your secret data." Private said.
"What…What are you talking about?"
"The USB!" Skipper said frustrated.
She frowned. "Secret Data? How is that secret? It wasn't password protected or something. Or even hidden. I'd be a horrible spy if that's how I operated."
"Then explain the data!"
"Gladly!" She straightened. "It's a message home."
"Really?" Skipper said doubtfully.
"Told ya," Private muttered.
Skipper ignored him. "What?"
"Home." She sighed. "Well, since you all brought it up, I guess I'll tell you." She took a deep breath. "You guys are the first penguins I've ever met."
Skipper paused. He wasn't expecting that. "What?!"
She glared at him. "Never. Met. Another. Penguin. Before."
"What?!" Skipper repeated.
"Actually, that's quite feasible," Kowalski filled in. "Born in Africa, and then moving to places like France and Australia, the zoos there are rarely equipped for penguins. I was quite surprised to find out Ava had come from there-"
"Wait, if you've never met penguins before, where did you learn karate? Answer that, spy."
She gave him a look. "I was raised by cats."
"Cats?" Skipper repeated, while Kowalski and Private snickered.
She glared at them all. "Ninja cats."
"Ninja cats?"
"Yep."
"Cats?"
"Yes. It's not that hard to understand."
Skipper frowned. "You were raised by…cats."
She sighed. "Yeah. You know…"
"What type of cats?" Kowalski interrupted.
"Panthers."
"What?!" the three of them said in unison, and Rico went "Rah?!"
"Panthers," she replied. "You know…?"
Skipper waved his arms round. "Wait. You want us to believe that you're not a spy, but instead you were raised by ninja panthers."
She nodded. "That's right. I've been looking for penguins for a while now, so I transferred myself here. My family was curious about you guys, so I sent them some details about you. I didn't think you'd mind."
Skipper was speechless.
"So I was right," Private laughed.
Skipper frowned. "Why should we believe you?"
She shrugged. "Do, don't, I don't really care. I can leave, if you want."
Skipper looked away, straight into Private, who was giving him that puppy-eyed look. Skipper sighed.
"Fine! You can stay."
She blinked. "Really?"
"Yeah. Whatever." He said, downhearted.
She smiled. "Great."
So, uh, yeah. Pretty lame, right? *shrug* It should pick up soon. Got a few storylines planned. :P
Please review!