falling in love with you
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He knew it was a mistake letting it happen the first time, that stolen kiss in the archives, the hurried grope and then blush before retreating. He knew it would only lead to heartache but damn if that man was not sex on a stick!
Then things had gone bad with Lisa, the whole 'you lied to me' thing and it all went to shit. He took to hiding and brooding about things instead of being confronting. Confronting would be better. A good yelling match and a few fists might even be better than the kicked puppy routine. Yes, he had hurt him, they were all hurt now.
It wasn't until the cannibals that he realised his life might mean something after all. He had been existing, looking for purpose when he already had one and now he was waking up. It was like coming out of a fugue, the muted colours getting turned up on a remote control somewhere and he as coming alive more each day, each glance, soft smile and then it happened. The bloody Mara pushed the entire team to the brink and he came to him for comfort. Gently soothing and whispering positive agreement to the actions … talking that made sense, Gwen ranting and raging like a mad bull in a china shop as he softly pointed out the history of these little monsters..
It was too late.
He had pulled back from him too late, it was already there. The attraction.
Then that kiss, searingly hot and needy that night after the weevil hunt that made them both light headed. Gods, it was intoxicating, his very smell was a drug that produced such a rush.
Time seemed to stall, slip and slide away when together. laughter soft and sweet as thy found themselves like teenagers again, courting one another with glances, hidden smiles and the occasional bickie on the edge of the saucer kind of thing. He didn't care if the others noticed, so? Not their bloody business anyway but it was a bit of a hurt that it was still hidden, that for the sake of HIS dignity it was hidden for so long. Of course then it became clear he was nervous. Not of why the rest of the team might do if it was commonly admitted to, what Ianto might do with such an admission from him. Trust is a delicate issue here.
Abaddon pushed the issue again and it was a relief to kiss him publically whether he liked it or not, that moment of wide eyed shock as he pulled him in and kissed him felt right, his response felt right and he knew he was making the right decision. Then he fucked up, chasing the Doctor and tinkling he needed help being him again. Himself once more. Returning to find him still there waiting had been such a surprise, not the anger, he had expected that but the hurt in Ianto's eyes … that had been a surprise. He did think the words then did he, even if he didn't say them.
"Ianto?"
Ianto looked up from the file with a hum and Jack knew it was time to clear the air, to sort out once and for all what was swirling about between them.
"Ianto … I need….I mean. It's been a while now that we've been sneaking about and being all furtive like secret agents or something" Jack was blustering and Ianto snorted.
"Yes, secret agents in a secret Alien hunting organisation only the Queen knows about sir?" Ianto was being obtuse, impossibly so and Jack was about to snap at him when he realised what he was doing. Ianto was deflecting again, forcing Jack into anger so he would leave instead of finishing the sentence but damn it all … he had chewed on this for days and knew he needed to.
"Ianto, I have feelings for you and do not want to hide them from the others anymore! Ianto, I love you" Jack said and Ianto seemed to stall out like someone flipped an off switch "It's OK Yan. You don't have to say it back, I know you can't. I know saying those words is not a release for you, not like it is for me. I know saying those words will mean you belong to me. But … don't leave me. OK?"
Ianto turned to face him and whispered softly "I can't help it either, it's …. Jack. The day I say the words to you, I will be yours forever and a day. Not fair when I have to leave you, leave those words in your heart. That day, when I say those words back you will know that I have nothing left to fear, OK?"
"Deal" Jack said with a sorrow he could not explain, pulling Ianto in for a kiss.
Their foreheads touched as they swayed to the song on the radio, apt as Elvis crooned for them and deep down somewhere in the back if his heart Jack hoped Ianto never had to say the words that he felt would not be to set him free, but to say goodbye.
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Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin?
If I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows, surely to the sea
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be
Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Like a river flows, surely to the sea
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be
Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
For I can't help falling in love with you
Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling In Love