A/N: So here it is, Magnus's past. I hope it is not too random or dark, I tried to make it as close to the book as I could while still making it fit with this universe. Also, the SPCA is what we call our animal rescue/adoption facilities in Canada, I'm not sure about the USA.

Alec POV

Magnus's letter burned a whole in Alec's pocket for all of second period. He barely listened to the announcements. He vaguely heard something about Spring Play rehearsals and a Valentines Day formal dance, but none of it made much sense in Alec's preoccupied brain. In English class he accidently wrote Magnus's name instead of Winston Smith in his paper about 1984.

Thankfully he realised his mistake and erased it before they started peer editing. When the lunch bell rang Alec walked quickly to the cafeteria, bought lunch and went outside. He found a tree in a secluded part of the schoolyard, opened his English textbook and took out the letter, hiding it in the book. He took a deep breath. He was suddenly afraid to open it, what could Magnus have to write to him?

He carefully opened it, taking care not to rip the envelope. He was stalling and he knew it. He decided to just bite the bullet and read it.

Dearest Alec,

First off, you should know that I am absolute crap at writing letters. Or writing anything really. You may be wondering why am I writing this letter to you at all. The reason is that as hard as it is for me to write this, it would be harder for me to tell you, but I need to know this because I love you and because I'm pretty sure that breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I ever made.

Alec read that line over a few times to make sense of it, "The biggest mistake he ever made"? He thought with wonder.

So here it goes.

You asked me about my past, and I didn't answer you. I'm sorry about that. It wasn't because I don't trust you, in fact it might have been because I trust you too much. I knew that if I started talking I wouldn't be able to stop and that scared me.

I should probably start at the beginning, it may seem irrelevant but I hope everything makes sense to you by the end. If it isn't, then I'm sorry for wasting your time.

My mother was married when I was born, but her husband was not my father. My father, as I have probably mentioned, is a slimy rich asshole. He seduced my mother after getting her drunk. They didn't even realise she was pregnant until about a month before she gave birth (like on that TLC show).

My mother was always depressed, and I pretty sure she was on some sort of drugs during her pregnancy and that's why my eyes are such a weird colour.

Alec was secretly shocked that Magnus would call his eyes weird. He loved Magnus's eyes.

She got even more depressed after my birth, postpartum depression hit her hard and so when her husband eventually left her, after realising that I was not his child, she became a little insane. When I was ten she took me and ran into a church screaming that I was the son of a demon, then hung herself. My own mother hung herself because of me. You can see where some of my insecurities come from.

Alec's mouth fell open. Magnus had said his mother had died, but he had never mentioned this.

I was raised by the church known as the Silent Brotherhood. You've probably never heard of them, they are quite strange. They wear these weird parchment coloured robes, shave their heads, and talk only when absolutely necessary (and then it's only in whispers). You can probably imagine that I didn't fit in there. Even as a child I was loud and colourful and, well, me.

I didn't really know what gay or bisexual was until I snuck into a showing of Rent a local theater. I think it was a bit of a relief to the brother's when I came out; it gave them a reason to kick me out, and send me to my birth father. It was a relief for me to leave.

Unfortunately my father didn't want me either. He asked me if I would like an apartment to myself and I thought that sounded cool. Growing up with nobody but the silent brother's I was used to being alone.

Alec felt a wave of sympathy, he couldn't imagine growing up alone. Sure his parents were gone a lot but he always had Max and Izzy and Jace.

One day I found Chairman Meow on a school trip to the SPCA and we instantly bonded since we were both fabulous, but had sadly been abandoned by everyone who should have loved us.

I started at C.C. Prep the net year. Luckily I was a freshman so everybody else was new too. Camille instantly took a liking to me, and didn't seem to mind that I was bi. She was so different from everyone that I have ever met. I made friends with Ragnor, Catarina, and Tessa too, but I never got close enough to anyone to tell them about my past. I still haven't. I didn't even tell Camille. They all know the same vague story that I told you. So whatever Camille told you she knew was a lie, the only person I have ever told this to is Chairman, and I trust that he hasn't been spreading it around.

Despite everything, Alec felt vindicated by the knowledge that he knew more about Magnus than Camille did. Then he felt worse about falling into her web.

I was entranced by Camille's glamour and the fact that she was so self confident. I fell in love with the image that she portrayed (not her actual personality) and we started dating that year. We dated for eleven months before I realised that she had been cheating on me. One night, I had gone out partying with Tessa's Nephilim friends (Will, Jem, Gideon, you know) and had ended up on my couch drunk, to hide from his parents. Camille came over and I, being slightly intoxicated myself, decided it would be a good idea to confront her about her cheating. She laughed at me and informed me that I loved her too much to leave her. So I told her that I was not in love with her, I was in love with Will, then I kissed him and watched Camille's very satisfying reaction. I later convinced Will that the kiss was the product of his drunken imagination. None of these are proud memories for me.

Despite himself, Alec laughed fondly at this embarrassing story.

After Camille, Woolsey was a welcome break. I was tired of the fickleness of women and the complications. With Woolsey it was just sex, I don't know if that will be a comfort to you, or disgust you Alexander but I hope it's the former.

It didn't disgust him, it made him a little uncomfortable about still being a virgin, but he was happy that Woolsey wasn't a real boyfriend.

Everything changed when I met you. You make me feel like I never have before. I've lived in many places but I've never had a home. I feel at home with you. That scares me a bit, and I'm afraid that you'll hurt me like everyone else who I've ever loved has. You are also so much better than me, you have a family and you take care of them, you are responsible and genuinely kind. You are the most honest person I have ever met, and I knew my past would make me lower than you. So I acted out.

I shouldn't have yelled at you for not coming out, I do think you should tell people, but only when your ready. I know that you told Jace and that's great. Just know that whatever you decide I will support you.

I love you Alexander, and I understand if you don't want to forgive me, or if you don't love me back, but you wanted to know about my past so I gave it to you. I'll give you everything you want, if you'll let me.

Forever yours with love,

Magnus Bane

Alec stared at the letter, unable to form a coherent thought. His heart was beating and he thought that he might have cried a little. He was dimly aware of the bell ringing and he made his way to Pre-Calculus in a daze. He almost went to biology instead; in fact he walked into the class then backed out when thirty freshmen turned to look at him in confusion.

When he got home he told Izzy, Jace and Clary about the letter (though he didn't divulge any of the details). Isabelle hugged him, Clary squealed that it was just like in Persuasion and Jace admitted that maybe Magnus didn't deserve to be punched. They agreed he should get back together with Magnus, which he had already decided for himself, but Alec realised that he wanted more. He wanted what he had told Clary he wanted months ago in the kitchen. He wanted a real, public, relationship.

He thought back to the announcements that he hadn't listened to, and an idea started to form…

A/N: Please review! I will try to update soon because I really want to get through the next chapter.