Chapter Thirty- Seven: I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself

I just don't know what to do with myself
Movies only make me sad, parties make me feel as bad
'Cause I'm not with you, I just don't know what to do
Like a summer rose needs the sun and rain
I need your sweet love to beat love away
Well, I don't know what to do with myself
Just don't know what to do with myself
Planning everything for two, doing everything with you
And now that we're through, I just don't know what to do

~White Stripes

"Jere, we're leaving soon," Jenna called. Then she turned to Elena. "Makes sure you put all your stuff in the car so we don't forget about anything."

Elena nodded, taking her dress from Jenna. "I'll do that now," she said before hurrying down the stairs. It was the day of the Miss Mystic Falls ceremony and Elena's stomach was in knots. As she reached the bottom step, the doorbell sounded.

Elena opened the front door. "Hi," she greeted Alaric.

"Hey," he said, stepping into the house and closing the door behind him.

"I heard you're driving," Elena said, grapping her makeup bag off the floor and trying to juggle it with her dress.

Alaric laughed. "Yeah I am. Let me get that for you," he offered, grapping the dress from her.

"Thanks," Elena let of a breath of relief. She looked up at Alaric, brushing the hair out of her face. She could tell there was something bothering him.

"How… how is Stefan?" he finally asked.

Elena looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"You know, he seems on edge," he explained.

She sighed. "He went through a lot, he was in bad shape for a while but he's bouncing back now," she said, sounding optimistic. The conversation died as John walked into the room.

"Alaric. Hey buddy," he said, shaking hands. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm the chauffeur," Alaric explained as Jenna came down the stairs.

"I thought I was driving." John said, looking to her.

Jenna barely looked up at him. "No need, we're going with Rick," she explained, grabbing a bag off the floor. Just then the front door opened and Nilin came walking in. Her hair was pinned back into a curled bun. She had on a dark red dress under her petticoat and a dufflebag on her shoulder.

"Room for one more?" she asked, smiling a little. "Sorry I'm late, I let Shellie do my makeup. It took longer than I thought."

"That's okay, as long as you're here," Jenna said, hugging her tightly. "You look beautiful, by the way."

Nilin smiled and curtsied in her above the knee dress. "Thank you."

Elena came over and hugged her. "Thank you for doing this," she said, smiling.

"We can talk about it later, let's get you all dolled up and win us a pageant," she laughed, prodding people out the door.

Nilin went over and dropped her bag by the stairs as everyone started to file out. "So, you've decided to come back home, huh?" she heard John ask behind her.

"I'm here for Elena, not you." Nilin made clear. "Doesn't mean I hate you any less," she told him, brushing past him and out the door.

Damon stood off to the side, watching the guest make their way around the Gala. It was held in the decked out Town Hall, where all the special events were housed. Classical music was filling up the atmosphere with sound, it mingled with the senseless chatter that came from everyone there.

His nerves were frayed, the glass in his hand helped that. Still, he felt anxious and he knew why. Damon knew she was here. It was as if the moment she walked into the place, Damon locked in on her. He kept his careful distance from Nilin, watching her from far, as she scuttled about in her ruby dress.

He felt someone come up behind him. Glancing to his side, he smirked. "In the running for Miss Mystic Falls?" he asked.

Anna scoffed. "Sometimes you have to wear uncomfortable heels to blend in. I remember this event from 1864, I was supposed to enter before everything happened."

"Ah, nostalgia's a bitch," he said, taking a sip of his drink.

She rolled her eyes. "If you're just gonna mock me can you move along, please."

He could tell she wasn't really in the lighthearted mood, so he decided to add to that. "John Gilbert thinks your mom stole an artifact from Jonathan senior, senior back in 1864," he disclosed.

Anna looked up at him, "What are you, his errand boy?"

He moved to stand in front of her, dropping his voice. "I don't know what it is but I don't want him to have it."

"I could ask her but you know, you've made it pretty clear that you don't trust us so why should I even bother?" she challenged.

"Because," Damon explained, "you want to stay in Mystic Falls and John Gilbert's in town, making that impossible. Find out where it is. He leaves, you can buy a welcome mat," he ordered, smirking a little.

He watched Anna roll her eyes, but then she went off somewhere, grabbing her cell phone out of her clutch. As he watched her walk away, another girl caught his attention. A smirked came to his face as she spotted him.

"Magnolia, my partner in crime, don't you look ravishing," he charmed as she walked over to him. She had on a black long sleeved dress, that had a high neckline and came to right above her knees. Her short hair hung in loose waves and she had a beautiful gold statement necklace around her neck.

"Watch it buddy, I'm still mad at you," she said, ignoring his complements. "I was just coming over here to see if you've manned up or not."

"You know what you need, a drink. Let me go get you one," Damon offered in a bored tone. He was not having this conversation with her.

"No need, Rider is already getting me one," she shot him down, placing a hand on her hip.

"Oh yeah? And where is this teenybopper?" Damon asked.

Magnolia narrowed her eyes at him. "He's not a teenybopper," she defended. "Stop trying to change the subject. By the feeling I'm getting from you, I'm guessing you haven't even been in shooting distance of her, have you?"

Damon eyed her. "You're good, witch."

"I know," she smirked. "So, that's that? You're just gonna let her go?" she wondered, watching Damon carefully.

"You know, this is very bad timing to have a conversation like this," he said as he finished off his drink.

"You know she's been getting pretty cozy with Finch this past week?" Magnolia said, raising her eyebrows suggestively. "Me and Rider sure got a show yesterday," she added. Damon was no longer looking at her. His eyes filtered across the group of people to where Nilin was standing. Next to her— a hand playing with an escaped strand of her hair— was Finch.

Immediately Magnolia was hit with searing anger and jealousy. It nearly knock the wind out of her. That's all she needed to know that Damon hadn't flipped the switch yet. "What are you trying to do here?" he nearly snarled at her.

"Proving that you still love her," she told him. "If you didn't I wouldn't feel like I wanted to murder everyone here."

"Of course I still love her," Damon explained. "But there's nothing to do if she wants to go off with bird boy." He didn't tear his eyes away from them. They both watched as Finch said something that caused Nilin to laugh.

"I know you don't like him, Damon." Magnolia said. "And honestly, I've been getting a weird feeling about him lately. I don't know what it is, but something's not right."

Damon instantly seemed to perk up. "How so?"

"I'm not sure, but I've definitely been watching him more closely. I can't say anything to Nilin though, she'll never believe it." Mags explained. "She's holding on by a thread thanks to you."

"And Finch is that thread," Damon said. Finch had grabbed Nilin's hands, making her twirl in her ruby red dress. Magnolia could hear her laughing over the cadence of the ceremony. Then she felt the flash of murderous envy coming off Damon. It made her lightheaded.

Mags slapped him on the back. "Exactly. So if you're gonna fix it, you should start now," she winked.

"I would love to, but you see I have a brother who's about to blow our cover because he decided that he's no longer going vegan." Damon explained, finally looking at her.

"What do you mean?" Mags asked.

"Well, it's seems like dear ol' Stefan has taken up a new hobby of raiding hospital blood banks."

"Uh-oh," she breathed.

"Uh-oh, indeed. So that's why I'm going to take care of that, while you take care of Nilin and Finch. Got it?" Damon instructed.

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Mags asked.

Damon shrugged. "Just keep them away from each other," he said, pushing his glass into her hands. "Break them up, before I break his neck," he warned, walking past her and back into the main room.

Magnolia looked back over to where Nilly had been, she had disappeared, leaving Finch to mingle with other guest.

Nilin stood behind Elena, curling strands of her hair and hair spraying them in place. Elena fixed her makeup in the mirror in front of them as she did this. "How's the pre-party?" she asked, jokingly.

"Boring as hell, I rather being doing this," Nilin answered, holding a curl until it cooled.

"Thanks for helping me," Elena said, smiling a little.

"Who knows curls better than I do?" Nilin asked, winking. Elena just rolled her eyes and blotted some lip gloss on.

"You know I remember when my mom and I were first applying for this" she sighed. "She was so excited."

"So were you, if I recall that phone call correctly." Nilin said, grabbing another piece of hair and wrapping it around the iron.

"I was. She just made it sound like so much fun. A lot has changed since then," Elena's voice turned somber. Nilin could see her slight frown in the mirror.

"If you're getting cold feet, we can always just make a break for it. I'll be the get away driver," Nilin offered.

The frown disappeared as Elena start laughing. "I don't have cold feet. I just… I think I'd be enjoying it a lot more if she was here."

"I know what you mean," Nilin sighed. "But who's to say she's not here?" she wondered, nudging Elena's arm. "She's probably telling me what a terrible job I'm doing on your hair," Nilin laughed.

"Oh hush, it looks perfect." Elena smiled.

"Thank god," she said, adding one more layer of hair spray. "There I think you're done. Just try and stay away from any open flames."

"Okay, I should go put my dress on. Be careful with that thing, don't hurt anybody," Elena warned as she got up. "Thank you again, Nil."

Nilly wrapped her arms around her sister, careful not to mess up her hair. "You're welcome. Now hurry, go get dressed," she said, scooting her over to where the black bag holding her dress was hanging. "I'll be here if you need help."

Nilin sat down where Elena had been and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes looked grey instead of their usual blue lately. She sighed, touching up some smudged eyeliner. It surprised her that she managed to hide the bags under her eyes. She's been having far too many sleepless nights.

"So, how have you been?" she heard Elena ask, pulling Nilin out of her thoughts.

"Okay, you know me, I find ways to romanticize pain until it's bearable," she attempted to joke, but she forgot she was talking to Elena.

"Nilin," she sighed behind her.

"What Elena? I'm dealing with it. Everybody goes through breakups, why should this one be so special?" she asked, not wanting to turn around and face her.

"You know why," Elena said. "This is more than just a breakup with a high school boyfriend."

Nilin didn't have anything to say to that. She just picked at the chipping nail polish on her thumb. It hurt too much to talk about this. She was able to push it out of her mind and feel better for a little while, but there was always something that brought the ache back.

"Do you think the blue dress was the right one to go with?" Elena asked after an uncomfortable stretch of silence.

"Definitely," Nilly answered, trying to get the pep back in her voice. "The color alone is stunning with your skin tone and your eyes. Besides, it's one of my favorites," she explained, fixing a stray curl in the mirror.

Suddenly she heard Elena gasp. "You can't be back here."

Nilin jumped and spun around to find Damon standing in the doorway. His eyes swept past Elena and went straight to her. Nilin could instantly feel her entire body swell with anger. "We need to talk," he said between Nilin and Elena.

"I have nothing to say to you." Nilly told him, getting up and walking over to Elena. Her chest started to hurt the closer she got to him. Nilin's fight or flight instincts were taking over.

"It's about Stefan," Damon added looking to Elena.

She looked a Nilin for a moment, then turned to Damon. "Does it have to be right now?" she asked.

He seemed to get annoyed. "Normally, I would have a completely different outlook on what I'm about to tell you, but since it could really inconvenience me, I'll squeal."

"What are you talking about?" Elena demanded.

"Stefan's still drinking human blood." Damon divulged to them.

Nilin swore her heart dropped when he said that. She didn't know the full story, but Nilly knew enough to get a sinking feeling in her gut. This was bad and she couldn't help the shivered that rolled down her spine.

Elena gaped. "What?"

"Yeah, a month ago I would have rejoiced" Damon admitted. "But with the council back on the alert, it is not a good time for Stefan to fly off the handle," he explained.

Elena was shaking her head back and forth. "I know he's been a little edgy but he said that was normal."

"He has a fridge full of stolen blood bank contraband in the house," Damon said as Elena took a seat on the couch that was in the room. She was still shaking her head. "He has no idea what normal is," Damon continued. "His entire existence isn't normal. Normal to a vampire is drinking human blood but he spent all this time fighting it when he should have been learning to control it and now it's controlling him instead."

Nilin put a hand to her forehead, applying pressure to stop the dull pain that was starting to form. "I can't believe this," she said. "I mean, it's Stefan that we're talking about here."

"He told me he was off of it, that the cravings were gone," Elena reasoned.

"Stefan on human blood, Elena, will do anything, will say anything because he's not gonna want to stop. Trust me." Damon told her.

Nilin walked over and crouched down in front of her. "Hey, look at me," she said softly, getting Elena's attention. "Don't worry, I'll fix this okay," she swore, taking her hands. "You just get through the ceremony."

"This is all my fault," Elena announced, her bottom lip starting to tremble. "I'm the one who fed him the blood in the first place."

"You were saving his life. Sometimes when we do acts like that, there are unseen consequences," Nilin said, her heart sinking further. Elena looked up at Nilin, her eyes were swimming. "This is a minor one, we can fix it."

Nilin didn't realize what she was saying applied to both of them until the words were already out of her mouth. She couldn't help but glance as Damon who still stood in the doorway. His eyes were on her. He knew it too.

She turned back to Elena. "This is something fixable, I promise."

Suddenly another voice entered the room. "What's going on in here?" Stefan asked, looking at the three of them.

Damon turned to face is brother. "I was just filling Elena in about your extra-curricular activities," he explained with a cold smirk.

Stefan looked between the girls by the couch and his brother. He chuckled a little. "What are you talking about?"

Elena was suddenly standing and walking towards him. Nilin stood up too, straightening out her dress. "I know about the blood, Stefan," Elena told him.

Stefan smiled. "I was going to tell you."

Nilin watched Stefan carefully. She noticed his demeanor, the way he spoke to Elena. It was unnerving, whoever this was standing in front of them, it wasn't Stefan. His eyes sparked with something not so friendly and the smirk on his lips reminded her too much of the one Damon wore when she first met him. It created anxiety in her chest. Nilin's want to leave was building up increasingly.

"When?" Elena demanded.

Stefan just looked around like he couldn't believe he had to explain himself. "I'm fine. I'm fine, the blood, it doesn't change anything."

Nilin walked over to him, eyeing him skeptically. "I think at this point, Stefan, we could catch you with a body at your feet and blood on you face and you'd swear up, down, left, and right, that you were fine," she told him.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think this involves you. From what I gathered downstairs, you have your own relationship issues to handle," Stefan pointed out.

Nilin's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?" she asked, taking a step towards him.

"What the hell, Stefan?" Elena asked, grabbing Nilly's arm and holding her back. "Can't you see that it's changing you?"

Stefan scoffed. "Why? Because I kept it a secret from you? Come on Elena, look, giving the way you're reacting right now, can you really blame me for doing that?" he countered.

"Are you hearing yourself right now? You've been stealing blood and lying and you say that everything's fine? Everything's not fine, Stefan!" Elena snapped.

"Okay, that's our cue to leave, Nilin," Damon said, reaching for her arm.

She stepped away from him quickly, putting herself next to Elena. "I'm not leaving her with him," she said, glaring at Stefan.

"Like I'd actually hurt her," Stefan laughed.

"I don't know what this Stefan is capable of," she confessed.

"Nilin, it's okay." Elena nodded. "I'll be okay."

"Fine," Nilly said. She went to walk past Stefan, but stopped right in front of him. "If there's one hair out of place when she's announced, I will not hesitate to come after you, got it?"

Stefan just smiled at her.

"Alright, enough of that. I'll be downstairs, drinking," Damon smirked, taking Nilly's arm and escorting her out. As they started to descend the stairs, Nilin yanked her arm away from him. Damon let out a sigh. "Nilin…"

"How's your chest feeling?" she asked, cutting in.

"Still sore," he admitted, as they reached the last step.

"Good," Nilin said, finally looking at him. Then he turned on her heels and went into the waiting crowd.