Hey everyone! Sorry for the long gap between chapters, but I'm working on it :)
Disclaimers: I own nothing but the plot of this story!

To You, With Love

I didn't understand. I still don't understand. Why bother sending me that cake? Did they feel the need to clarify how much they hated being with me? That they couldn't be happier for being free of me? Is that it? They want to be sure that I wont have any misconceptions that I wont go after them with questions or hopes. I raked my fingers through my tousled hair and heaved a sigh before burying my face into my hands. 'So that they will never see me again.'

I tear slid along my nose and I quickly wiped it off as if it was never there, just like the memories I shared with them. Another tear made its way down my cheek, which caused me to wipe and scoff at my state. "When did I become so weak?" I whispered. I looked down as if I were trying to hide my tears even though there was no one else here to see me. "This is why I didn't want anyone near me." I continued to whisper, trying to unravel this ridiculous life I was living. "I didn't want change so why did you change me if you planned to leave me?" I sniffed. "I didn't want to change." I paused. "I wish I didn't change. Whoever said change is better was a fool. Change is nothing but a-" I paused abruptly, as the word was caught in my throat. I released a throaty chuckle, even at this stage I did not wish to admit it. I do not want to acknowledge this cold reality that I was once engulfed in again.

I do not want to admit that I accepted someone once again. I do not want to admit that they affected me in a way that I now hated. I do not want to acknowledge that there was a time I called those fools my friends. I do not want to admit that I trusted them, that I fell in love, that I allowed my emotions to control my actions, that I believed that they would always be by my side and that they betrayed me in an instant. I do not want accept these facts.

I dug my nails into the palm of my hand. I could not believe that I thought for even a moment that I could get past this and be with them again. The moment my brother mentioned that they too wanted to work past this I allowed myself to believe in that possibility again. Such a fool I was.

"In fact I'm still a fool." I muttered to myself as I shed one last tear and wiped it vehemently with the palm of my hand. I'm now at loss at what to do and how I should move one from here. I could feel that I was breaking, that I had no real desire to keep walking. I wonder how I thought I could go through this before; my grand plan to kill my brother had failed, changed technically. Even though I have accepted the truth he gave me, even though I now feel at peace with this why don't I feel alive? Why can't I gather the energy to move on? Why do I feel such need to have those fools in my life?

I can't accept reality; I can't move on, why can't I even regret the fact that I ever met them. "I'm pathetic." I insulted. "Useless." I paused. "And such a fool." To be caught up in such emotions. I knew though, I knew that if I took their hand I wouldn't be able to turn back, that even if it all blew up in my face I would break again. I flopped onto my bed before rolling on to my side as I recalled my conversation from earlier.

"So you'll come right?"

I rolled my eyes. "For the last time, yes I'll be there for lunch. Geez big brother it's not as if I'll forget."

"That's not what I'm worried about." He mumbled through the receiver.

"Then why are you reminding me?" I clenched my cell in irritation.

He laughed softly. "Just don't get mad."

I scoffed. "As if I would get mad over something so small you stupid brother."

"That's not what I was talking about." He mumbled again.

"What?" I said. "Whatever I'll see you later."

"Yeah, later."

I sat up slightly aggravated. "I might as well get going before the snow gets any heavier." I tossed a combination of clothes on and left within the next fifteen minutes. I chose to walk instead of driving such a short distance. I watched my feet slowly step into the perfect smooth surface of the snow looking back a few times at my trail. I stopped at the crosswalk waiting for the stop signal to turn green, counting silently. "One, two, three." I continued on with my walk the second the light turned, speeding up my pace.

I practically ran to the meeting place almost as if I was inspired; not caring whether people were looking at me or not. 'As if I ever cared'. I walked in nonchalantly hearing the ring of a bell to notify the waiters of my arrival. I went up to the counter and said. "Reservation for Miyake party of two."

The waiter looked at me a friendly smile before glancing down, his face became perplexed as he looked back up. "Sorry, I do not see that on our records."

"What?"

"We have Miyake party for six. Could that perhaps be yours?"

It was my turn to make a confused expression. "It can't be, since I've made plans to only meet with my brother here." Suddenly I felt a hand grab my shoulder I turned my head to see my brother giving a polite smile.

"Yes sorry, she's with me."

The waiter gave a slightly hesitant smile before walking back to the kitchen. My brother released a weak chuckle. "You're late."

I huffed following his steps. "I am not, I simply could not find our table in time." I turned to face him. "And since when did your meeting for two became a meeting for six?"

"Well…"His voice died off when we reached the table.

I took one look at the table we stopped at before I swiveled on my heel and tried to walk back to the front of the store.

"Wait, wait, wait." My brother said quickly and grabbed my arm. "Look I know you're upset-"

"Upset? Do I really? I thought I was making it subtle." I snorted.

"And I understand why-"

"And yet you still planned this." I pointed at the group accusingly.

"Well actually I planned this." Meiling stood up from her seat to defend my brother.

I looked at her evenly before turning back to my brother. "Even if you didn't plan this, you still agreed to pick up the phone and trick me into coming here."

"Well in my defense," my brother began. "I didn't trick you, technically, I just didn't give you all the fine details."

I glared at him, gave a momentary look of disbelief and clapped mockingly. "Well done brother you found a loophole in my words to avoid the blame."

"Well I remember a certain smart ass who told us that she doesn't lie, she just avoids the truth." Meiling snorted.

I smiled squarely at her. "Well then that smart ass must've thought she couldn't trust the people she was talking to and she was right."

Meiling clenched her jaw but Touya grabbed her shoulder tightly and began. "Let's just sit down alright? It's still a simple lunch with me."

I frowned.

"You'll have to talk to them again at some point." He continued. "If they really offend you I won't mind if you left."

I huffed once more before I grudgingly sat down at the edge of the rectangular table. I looked at each of them indignantly before making a quick concise order to the waitress. "Cheeseburger no pickle fries on the side, small coke, no ice."

The waitress nodded numbly as if she were stunned by my tone and jotted down the other orders before scampering back to the front desk. I crossed my legs, narrowing my eyes, waiting for them to speak. "Well since you took the trouble to deceive me into coming her I assume there is a reason?"

"Is the tone really necessary Yukari?" Tomoyo asked timidly.

I looked at her. "I'm sorry Daidouji-san I didn't realize that we were on friendly terms."

"Don't you dare harass her Yukari," Eriol intervened.

I smirked. "Ah yes I forgot that you existed Mr. Prince Charming, I'll try to mind my tone for that dainty fragile princess that you keep smothering with your love." I noticed him tightening his grip before widening my smirk.

"Angel," said a soothing voice beside Eriol, the one face I tried to avoid eye contact with since I noticed his presence.

I steadied my breathing before facing him with a confident smile. "Li, I see you still enjoy mocking me with that ridiculous naming sense of yours. Or are you so deep into your role that you haven't quite shaken off what's reality and what isn't yet?"

"Angel," he repeated with a soothing voice, as if he was trying to lull me back to trusting him again. He continued to gaze deeply into my eyes as if he was trying to uncover any hurt I was feeling. As if I would let him know how hurt I was.

"Okay, before this whole situation gets out of hand, we'll move to the main topic." Meiling interrupted swiftly. "Yuu, as much as I hated this plan which caused me to dislike you unjustly I, we are sorry for lying to you."

I looked at her unfazed. "Is that all you made me come here for?"

She scoffed. "You haven't lost that tongue I see."

"How could I? It's not as if I'm insane enough to slice off my own tongue." I sneered.

Meiling sighed. "Look, I know Touya's plan was horrible to you and to him for that matter, but can't you see that we're sorry? And that we want to make up?"

"Make up?" I repeated, not believing what you she just said. "And why would you want to make up with me?"

"Because we still want to be friends with you." Tomoyo piped in.

I chuckled. "Now that's a funny joke."

"We're not joking Angel, nor are we lying." Syaoran stated firmly.

"And why should I even believe that? Better yet, why would I make up with any of you?" I glanced to the side and notice my brother's nervous expression and Meiling's angry one. 'Now I know who's the man in that relationship.'

"Because we're trying to apologize!" Meiling raised her voice slightly.

I turned to face Meiling again before sneering. "Apologize? Do you think that would fix everything? An apology?" I scoffed. "Do you think life happens like in the movies where you simply cry, say sorry and all is forgiven?" I released a small nervous chuckle and glanced away trying to contain the wave of nerves inside me. I calmed myself down before I gave them a small smile. "It simply doesn't work that way." I watched them squirm and scoffed once more. "And I don't see why you're all out to get me still, I've decided not to come after Touya anymore."

"Why?" Meiling asked. "We told you, we want to be friends still."

"And I am telling you that is what you're saying is just like Santa Claus; a big fat lie." I hissed.

"Hey! I know we had our fair share of lies but don't pretend that there's no lies on your part!" Meiling threw back at me.

I smirked. "Even if that is true Lee-san at least I didn't try to pretend as I was the most innocent and honest person at this table."

"We lied for you!"

I narrowed my eyes in an instant. "No, you lied for Touya, you lied for yourselves."

"It's not like I wanted the plan to work!"

"Yet you still played your part in it." I sneered.

Meiling's face wretched into a vehement expression. "At least we were honest about who we were! You wouldn't even tell us your name!"

I paused as if I was unable to retort which made Meiling smile slightly in triumph before I once again smiled sweetly. "Who I am? I never lied about who I was. If anything, you fools did. Who I am cannot be summed up to a single name, who I am is what I say and what I do that's who I am. But you people, who smiled and pretended everything was fine everyday, it you who lied about who you were. So what if I never told you my real name? I told you before, a name is nothing but a word." Silence fell as Meiling slumped back into her seat. Syaoran was the one who broke the silence.

"Angel, I know we lied to you back then but we're telling you the truth right now." Syaoran persisted urgently.

I smirked. "Really Li?" He flinched. "If you guys really wanted me to believe you why did you send that cake?"

Syaoran opened his mouth with a puzzled expression. "Because we wanted to apologize, you remember what dark chocolate cake meant to us don't you?"

"Oh I do remember you spouting some pretty words to me when you apologized before." I answered. "But sending that cake only made me confirm how much you people hated me." I gripped my cup, which just arrived, with my meal. "And no need to worry I got the message, I'll stay far, far way."

"What are you talking about? The cake thing is not a lie, that's really a heart felt apology!" Meiling argued. "Are you mad that we didn't give it to you personally? We thought you wanted some space so we left after waiting a while."

I gave them a smile, the ones you give when you were pretending to enjoy something. "Then a little tip for you Lee-san, cakes are only good presents when they're in one piece."

They all made a confused expression. "What?" Eriol asked.

I sighed, not wanting to continue wit this charade. "I said, Hiiragizawa-san that if you really wanted me to believe in your apology." I made air quotes. "It would be best if you didn't sabotage it with a fork next time."

"We didn't!" Tomoyo exclaimed.

I looked at her incredulously, "I believe I know a destroyed cake when I see one Daidouji-san and I got the message."

"We're not saying we don't believe you but we really left the cake at your door in one piece." Syaoran argued earnestly. His eyes shining persistently as if he really meant what he said, I almost wished I could believe in his words. "Angel, please believe us!"

I snorted as I stood up and took out my wallet and then placed a twenty on the table. "That's for my share and I think I've heard enough from you people. I don't want to be in contact with any of you ever again unless it's absolutely necessary." With that I stalked out of the restaurant. I heard heavy footsteps follow after me I took a deep breath before turning on my heel. "You know I thought we were past this, the whole chasing after each other thing."

"Angel," Syaoran breathed out. "Please come back in."

"Why should I Li?"

"Please don't do this again." He almost whispered.

"Do what? Oh do you mean the facade I take to protect myself from lies? Well the last time I let my guard down with you, it didn't turn out so well for me." I spat out bitterly.

"I understand that you're hurt-"

"Don't begin that speech with me Li!" I all but screamed. "If you get that I'm hurt than why do you keep probing me with a stick?"

"Angel," he began. "I love you, I truly do love you."

I gave him a bitter smile as my eyes began to water. "Why should I believe that? How can you expect me to believe that?"

"Because its true!" He grabbed my arm making me look him in the eye. "Because it's true." He whispered again.

I wrenched myself from his grip. "I don't know that! There's no way for me to confirm that's true!" I yelled at him. I saw him frown slightly his eyes wavering. "You hurt me, and you spat in my face about it. What cake of apology? All I saw is that you never wanted me in your life again."

"Angel we really didn't do anything to that cake! It was really meant as a apology!"

"Lies! I told you before Li I never give second chances."

"Angel, please."

"And you know what? You keep saying that this was an apology, that we wanted to say sorry but have you guys realized that you never actually said 'I'm sorry'?" As single tear escaped my eye and I quickly wiped it away.

"Angel." He said almost lost.

"You know what Li? I thought I was ready to rely on you for the rest of my life, that I could always be with you. And you threw that all in my face, actually you pulled the web of lies that were holding us together." I looked away and sniffed. "To me, what I think is that everything that happened, none of it was real because I was simply your target from the very beginning."

Syaoran snapped out of his trance. "Even if the beginning was something planned, the love between us wasn't a lie! Didn't you say it then too? That even with everything that happened, you still love us."

I scoffed wiping off some snot off my nose. "Even though I cannot deny how much I care for you fools, that those feelings from before are still lingering." I took a deep breath. "They're not enough to make me want to stay with you fools again."

"Angel." Syaoran repeated.

"Look Li, since my brother and Lee-san are probably going to get married I say you stop this whole lie of you ever loving me and we act like civilized people."

"Why can't you give me one more chance? Wasn't what we had worth giving a second chance?" Syaoran continued to beg.

I shook my head. "I can't, I just can't do it anymore I cant let myself take that risk anymore." I paused. "I told you before that losing anything important to me is something I can't handle. It's a feeling that breaks you bit by bit."

"You can always piece things back together." He said.

"I can't."

"Why?" He asked frustrated.

"Because," I paused before I gave a bittersweet smile. "I've already shattered into a million pieces. And if something's that far broken why even bother fixing it?" With that I called a cab and quickly went in, I looked back to see him walking back in the restaurant. I faced forward again and blinked my tears away and I thought that was the end.

•••

But it wasn't.

I awoke in the middle of the night to a banging sound against my door.

"Angel! Angel!"

I groaned in annoyance when I realized who it was. "Go away1" I shouted.

"Angel! Please come out and talk to me!"

"I talked to you twelve hours ago! Now go away you're disturbing the neighbors." I grounded out before ducking back into my covers.

"Well then, I guess you're just going to have to come out before they decide to complain!"

I frowned, I knew he won't go away any time soon and I did not wish to be kicked out of my apartment in the middle of the night. I flipped the blanket away angrily before stomping to my door. I opened it with the chain lock still intact and glared. "Go away." I slammed the door.

He started banging again. "Angel! If you're not going to show your face at least listen to me."

My frown deepened, "fine, talk and go." I smirked when I thought of an idea, I'll just pretend to listen to him and go back to bed, I began to slowly go back to bed.

"You better not be thinking, 'oh I'll just pretend to listen but actually go back to sleep'."

I flinched and growled in disappointment. "I'm not I'm sitting at the door."

"Okay." His voice trailed off.

I sat myself at the door like I said I was going to. I sighed as I leaned back. "What do you want Li? I thought you said all you wanted earlier? I told you, I don't believe anything you say so why are you still trying to lie?"

"I'm not lying."

I snorted. "And like I said I will never believe a word you say ever again."

"I know."

"And yet you're still trying?" I chuckled sardonically.

He paused for a minute before he grinded out in the most lost, saddest voice I ever heard him use. "But I just don't know what else to do."

For a moment I felt sliver of empathy for him but I quickly shook it off. I waited for him to continue, but the silence continued. "So are you planning to say something because I have a very comfortable bed waiting for me and I-"

"I'm sorry." He breathed out.

I froze, not by what he said but the way he said it.

"I'm sorry." He repeated. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

If it wasn't for the door I could swear he was crying. Pregnant silence filled the air again before I spoke. "It's kinda too late for that now don't you think?"

"I know."

"Even if you repeat it that many times they're nothing more than empty words for me." I stared into the darkness of my home.

"I know."

"You knew yet you still tried."

"I did."

"Stop trying."

"I can't"

"This really isn't going anywhere."

"I know."

"You're not really giving me any reason to forgive you." I mentioned. I don't know why I was just sitting here talking to him, as if nothing had happened between us, that it was just another day. I don't know why but I feel calm.

"Would you take any reason? You're barely giving me a chance to apologize." He countered. "Can't you give me another chance? Give us another chance? We know we shouldn't have lied, but our feelings now aren't lies."

"I can't know that."

"You can."

"Why?"

"Because its true, you just have to trust me."

I snorted. "How many times are you going to make us go through this?"

"Until you believe me."

"It's not going to happen."

"Then I'll just stay here till you do."

I scoffed. "Seriously? You think that will change anything?"

"Maybe not, but I'm not going to do nothing."

"Li, even if it was all a lie you know how stubborn I can be."

"Syaoran."

I frowned.

"It's Syaoran. Don't call me Li."

"And I should listen to you…?" My voice trailed off.

"Because you still love me."

I snorted. "Confident aren't you?"

"No, but you're not denying it."

I rolled my eyes, 'whatever I'm already talking to him like this already'. "Fine Syaoran, you know how stubborn I can be."

"And you know I'm equally as stubborn."

"Do I?" I asked ironically.

"Everything that you learned about me was true." He replied. "I enjoy winter and fall, my mother could never be the mother of the year, I still like my milk warm, I like baseball, I hate football, I enjoy the rain and the snow, and I love you."

My eyes fluttered as my mind began to cloud. "Stop saying that."

"I won't because it's true, I wont lie to you anymore or ever again, I want us to be together again." He voiced through the door earnestly. "I don't want to live this life without you."

"I told you I don't want to go back."

"I'm not tell you to go back, I'm telling you to walk with me towards the future. To get past this together, like what couples do they overcome obstacles together."

"And I'm sure many couples have to deal with their boyfriend lying since the day they met about killing someone." I said sarcastically.

"No, but that's no reason why we cant anyway."

"I told you, I don't want to."

"Because you're too broken." He restated bitterly.

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Yeah, and there's no reason to try to fix something that is far too broken."

"Isn't the fact that I want to enough?" He implored.

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "Could you stop trying to make this worse than it really is? You're making it worse, for all of us."

"I'm not," he took a breath. "You are."

I sat there, not quite offended as I actually agreed with him.

"You're not the only one hurting Angel, Meiling, Eriol, Tomoyo they want to be the way we were, friends."

I laughed sardonically, "I really doubt Lee-san wants anything to do with the women who wanted to kill the love of her life."

"Meiling, didn't want you to kill Touya, but you have to understand that she was hurting too. In the beginning, I admit, she did not like you, because of the plan, and how much you meant to Touya."

I sighed. "I could tell. Now I realize why she had so many random outbursts."

"Yeah, she was at conflict with herself, but she really does love you, she fell for your charm like we all did."

"Charm?" I snorted. "Please Syaoran, I'm sure you disliked me as much as Meiling did."

I heard him sigh heavily. "True, I admit that I held a slight resentment, I couldn't understand why, someone would wish to kill such an amazing person. But I didn't know the full story at the time! Touya, only explained a few details, just that we had to create an opportunity for you to kill him." He paused. "But Angel, I did fall for you, we all did, you say you don't have charm but you do! It might not be obvious, but the you, the real you made us fall for you."

I took a deep breath, and I realized that I was crying. I sniffed as I tried to wipe the tears silently. "Look Syaoran, whether or not any of that was true, even if it is true, I can't be sure that none of that would change, I don't want to take that chance anymore."

"But isn't that the cowards way out?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not a coward."

"But you're taking that choice because you're too scared in believing, to scared to take a chance. That's taking the weak choice. If you just try-"

"And how did that work out for me last time?" My anger rose. "You lied to me, you betrayed me."

"But in the end we cared for you, we wanted to stay friends, isn't the final result what matters in the end?"

"How could you expect that after doing that to me?"

"But you forgave Touya didn't you?" I froze at his question as he continued. "Isn't it because you love him? That you still think of him as an older brother? Because the hate you felt faded when you learned the truth? Don't you feel that the outcome wasn't as bad because you found out the truth?"

I didn't say anything for a few minutes.

"Angel?" He called out.

"I-" I began. "I hated my brother so much, I truly did." I paused. "I understand why Meiling hated me, for trying to kill her beloved boyfriend." I simply stated.

"Meiling doesn't hate you she-" Syaoran began.

"You're right, I am weak." I said calmly.

"What?"

"I am taking the cowards way out, I didn't want to admit it before because I had to remain strong to live, but there's no reason to lie to myself anymore."

"I'm not saying-"

"Syaoran that was exactly what you said." I smirked. "I am too weak, too scared to do anything, too afraid to be hopeful I've always been."

"Angel." He said confused.

"I told you didn't I?" I took a deep breath as I stared into the moon. " That I was on a time limit."

"What?" I could hear the puzzlement in his voice.

"I, am weak, I had absolutely no confidence in how long I could keep my resolve. In fact I knew that at one point, I wouldn't be able to hold on my hate for Touya. That, it was simply a matter of time, before I would forgive him." I took a deep breath. "And I didn't want that to happen, so, I felt like I was holding an emotional bomb. I had no clue when it would explode, but I knew it would one day and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for forgetting. So, I had to kill Touya as quickly as I could but even in the end my resolve was meaningless." I buried my head in my arms. Why was I telling this to him? Why am I still treating him, like he would understand me?

"Angel," he called out again. "I thought you hated me right now? Why are you telling me this?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I never know why I do anything around you fools. I don't understand how you can make me do things that I don't plan to do." I blinked my tears away, not bothering to wipe them. "Every time this happened I would always get so irritated, frustrated to the point that I thought I was going crazy."

"Then, could you possibly try to be with us again? With me?" He asked, holding his breath for an answer.

"No," I took a deep breath. "I know myself very well Syaoran, by tomorrow I'll hate you. In fact currently I do hate you, I don't know if I'm acting civilized because I'm tired and that you dragged me out of bed. But I wont trust you, I wont believe in your words anymore. From now on, the next time I see you should only be when my brother gets married." I slowly opened my eyes; malice began to stir inside me.

"Angel."

"Go away Syaoran, just treat that conversation as the final moment of our relationship. At least we can break up normally." I stood up and began to walk back towards my bed.

"I'm not going, I won't leave until you stop being so stubborn."

I snorted. "You'll be waiting for eternity then."

"I won't, because I know you better than you think."

"If you think that you're just being arrogant." I said loudly from my bed, yawning at myself and slowly doze off. His next few words made them snap back open.

"Even if I am, I love you so I can handle eternity."

Hope you enjoyed it!
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