Yet another disclaimer about how I have no rights to this franchise...

Mind Games

Chapter 37: A Little Grace

Kairi closed the door behind Axel and watched as he set the boxes next to the pile in the middle of the floor. She still couldn't believe she'd run into him like she had. It must have been fate for her to finally find him the day she'd moved out of the townhome. And now that she'd found him, maybe they could…no, it was better not to get her hopes up for anything.

"Sorry," she announced once she'd locked the door, "I'd offer you something to drink but all of my things are packed away still." She suddenly felt flustered. "I don't have anywhere to sit either…I'm sorry. I didn't think this through."

Axel shook his head. "Nah, don't worry about it."

Kairi floundered. Where should she even start? There was so much she wanted to tell him, so many lines she'd practiced while waiting for him on the clocktower. How could she jump into it all without feeling like she was dragging up the past or blaming him in some way? Axel already seemed skittish enough; she didn't want to chase him away.

"Axel, I'm sorry-"

"Kairi, I'm sorry-"

She gasped, feeling as shocked as Axel looked. He ran his fingers through his hair and gestured toward her. "Ladies first, didn't mean to interrupt."

Kairi felt her cheeks warm. There was no reason for her to feel so embarrassed in front of Axel. After everything they'd been through and said to each other, embarrassment was the last thing she should feel while looking at him. Yet, it felt as though his green eyes were examining her under a microscope.

"Axel, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you tried to explain yourself that day," Kairi continued, dropping her gaze to the empty floor underneath her feet, "And I'm sorry that I hit you. You didn't deserve that." Just saying the words made her feel like someone had punched her chest. But she did her best to shake it off, feeling guilty and shameful wasn't going to help anyone.

"No, I'm sorry, Kairi. I should have never hid the truth from you in the first place. You were right to call me childish. I didn't listen to you either and what I did to you was inexcusable," he confessed. Kairi dared to look at him and was overwhelmed by the sincerity written on his face. It was so different from the anger that had been there that night.

"It was inexcusable. I still can't believe you of all people would betray my trust like that." Kairi stepped closer to him so she could see his expression clearly as she continued. "You were my rock, Axel. It broke my heart to discover you hadn't been honest with me after everything that happened between Sora and myself. Frankly, it was a nightmare."

Axel shifted uncomfortably. His face becoming more pained with every word she spoke. She could sympathize, but she also had to say what she needed to say. "Kai-"

She placed her finger to her lips. "Wait," she ordered gently. Axel silenced immediately. "But I forgive you. At the time, I couldn't think there was a reason other than maliciousness for your behavior, but I've had a lot of space to think and I'm willing to listen to what you have to say about what happened."

"That's more than I deserve," was Axel's uncharacteristically humble reply. She watched as he unzipped his coat and laid it on the top the pile. She decided to do the same. Truthfully, she had already begun to sweat. Kairi was more jittery than she wanted to let on to. Her entire body seemed to be charged with anxiety she couldn't quell.

"Everything I did, I thought I was doing for you," Axel asserted with a torn expression, "But I realize now, it was more about me proving myself to you. I visited Sora and confronted him at his work because I wanted to be responsible for your happiness. After I found you unconscious that day, I swore it'd never happen again. So, I fought Sora the moment he walked through the door. I didn't mean to sound like I was speaking for you about your engagement, I simply thought Sora shouldn't be so smug about your feelings. The way he spoke made it sound like he was belittling everything he put you through. I didn't want to tell you what happened. You were so hurt, I couldn't stand to see you that way, and I thought that would only make it worse."

Kairi reflected on his words, as he paused. She could understand where he might have formed that opinion, she'd thought the same thing herself in her encounters with Sora. He had seemed presumptuous and almost overconfident that she would ultimately return to him.

"As for the bracelet, I took it off you while you were sleeping. I thought if you woke up and saw it, it'd just make you feel worse, but rather than return it I kept it because…well, I knew I'd messed up everything and I didn't want to lose you. But what I was avoiding happened anyway."

Kairi let his words sink in. He sounded apologetic and she appreciated that he could see where he went wrong. She supposed he had been thinking about this as often as she did, but was thinking about it enough? She spoke her next words carefully, "It's just that to me, it seems like you were trying to decide what's best for me, for me. You treated me like I was incapable of deciding what I needed for myself. On top of that, you acted like you had to trick me into loving you by taking Sora out of the picture."

"That's not what I wanted. It wasn't about taking Sora out of the picture or deciding things for you…I was an idiot, to put it simply," he muttered with a sigh. Kairi couldn't disagree with him, but she also felt for him. If she'd been in his shoes, watching someone dear to her suffer, would she have been able to navigate through all the feelings expertly? She wasn't so sure.

"This doesn't leave the room, okay?" Kairi raised a brow. He leaned toward her and covered his mouth with his hand. "I was a jealous, selfish fuck," he whispered with a smirk. Kairi covered her mouth with her hand but the giggles came out all the same. His smirk seemed to grow as he backed away from her and placed his hands on his hips. "I'm being serious, Kairi. I'm baring my soul to you and you're laughing at me."

She giggled one last time and composed herself. "Sorry, I thought you were trying to make me laugh."

His eyes widened. "Kairi, I'm surprised at you. It's like you can't take me seriously or something."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Axel. Just go on."

He chuckled, "I appreciate your attention. All joking aside, I genuinely regret acting like such a jealous asshole. I'm sorry about the party your folks had too. Well actually, I'm sorry about all my behavior on your island. I could tell you everything I've been grieved about, but it all boils down to this, I let you down."

Kairi smiled. In all her mental rehearsals of their heart to heart, she didn't imagine this conversation would go so smoothly. "Thank you for apologizing, Axel. It means more to me than I can say."

"And for the record, I think you're more than capable of caring for yourself and making sound choices," Axel declared with a small smile, "I just wanted to pick up some of the pieces so you didn't have to do it all alone, but you're right, I got carried away."

She was touched. As misguided as he had been, Axel's intentions had been pure. The deception wasn't to control her, it was to help her the only way he knew how. Judging from his tumultuous past, Kairi could understand how he'd come to think what he did was what was best. If she tallied all the good and bad things he'd done for and to her, it was obvious which side he fell toward. But even though she forgave him, Kairi couldn't just pick up where they'd left off.

Axel hesitated, "Are we gonna be okay?"

"Do you want us to be?" she inquired, not missing a beat.

Axel seemed taken aback by her question. "Of course, I do. Why wouldn't I?"

Kairi didn't realize she was holding her breath until she released it. "I was awful to you. We were awful to each other. Why would you want to go back to that?" she asked, "From day one, we've argued and judged each other. There's been so many misunderstandings."

She hated the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. To demote her friendship with Axel to a series of terrible behavior and arguments felt cheap and cruel. She watched as he visibly stiffened before her. Would they argue now? Would he disagree? Kairi couldn't decide what would be worse, if Axel agreed or disagreed with her statement.

"Kairi, that's the first wrong thing you've said," Axel replied more calmly than expected. He placed his hand on her shoulder and captured her timid gaze in one swoop. "You're one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I'm lucky you're even talking to me right now. I know I can't change the past, but I want you to know if you are willing to let me back in your life, as whatever you need me to be, I will not make the same mistakes."

Her heart was pounding in her ears. It was hard for her to reconcile the man before her to the man who had lunged at Sora. What had broken her heart was losing the supportive, caring man she thought she knew. The lie she could have weathered. Having her concept of the world fall apart, however, was what cut the deepest. Even now, she wasn't sure what to trust.

"As whatever I need you to be?" Kairi echoed with disbelief

Axel nodded. "Consider it done. Chauffer, professional mover, someone to vent to, the guy that brings you coffee, whatever you need. I'm there."

Kairi could feel raw emotion flooding through her chest and into her throat. She promised herself she wasn't going to look weak in front of him, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to not be carried on the waves of her feelings.

"Be my friend?" she requested, forcing back the shakiness that was creeping into her voice.

"Always, Kairi."

Rather than crumple into a heap of tears like she seemed to these days. Kairi decided to drag out the snarkiness she hadn't used in what felt like years. "When did you become such a sap?" Kairi teased with a small smile.

Axel crossed his arms, a familiar smile tugging at the corners his lips as well. "Well, that's not very friendly."

Kairi shrugged and poked him in the chest. "You said you'd be whatever I needed. Maybe I need someone to tease."

She watched as he feigned displeasure with an upturn of his nose. "Ha. I see how it is. Need anything else?" he questioned, taking a moment to look around, "…Like help unpacking all this?"

Her belongings had been such a pain to pack up. She'd been hoping to rope Riku into helping her after they went furniture shopping, but since Axel was already there… "Actually, yes. That would be extremely helpful," she admitted, "Do you mind?"

"Just show me what you want me to do," Axel replied, dumping his jacket on the floor so he could begin opening boxes. "Now is probably as good a time as any to ask what's going on, I'd guess?"

Kairi hesitated. Now that she and Axel had talked and things between them were fair, she wasn't sure she wanted to dive into a conversation about the terrible nightmares she'd had. For one, she wasn't sure how he would react to her dreaming about Sora in such a way or his recent attempts to win her affection. They hadn't even discussed him generally yet. Jumping into a conversation about his romantic intentions seemed like a recipe for disaster.

Secondly, she didn't want to let on to the depth of her feelings concerning him or how they'd chased her out of the townhome. She and Axel had developed a slow-burning affection that still flickered inside her no matter how she tried to talk herself out of it. How could she tell him how she'd woken up crying for him without delving into deeper, vulnerable feelings? Her heart was screaming at her to be careful.

"I decided to move out," she finally replied. She pulled her keys from her pocket and began cutting the tape of the box closest to her. It was one of the smaller ones.

"No kidding," Axel breathed as he ripped off the tape from the larger box next to him, "Care to elaborate?"

"I needed a fresh start," was her vague response. Axel didn't say anything else as he pulled the flaps of the box open. Kairi was grateful he wasn't pushing her for more information.

The silence between them was strangely comfortable. Kairi could hardly believe she felt so at ease next to Axel again. The problem was Kairi wasn't sure what to expect from him now, and she suspected he was having similar thoughts. After all, he hadn't bothered to use a nickname with her since he'd accidentally called her princess. She didn't want him to feel like he had to walk on eggshells around her, but she also didn't want to get too chummy. She frowned; she hoped she wasn't sending mixed signals by teasing him and then putting up her walls.

"Kairi, you okay over there?"

She jolted. Axel was staring at her with an expression she thought she'd never see on his face again. The gentleness in his eyes lit a small fire in her stomach. "Oh, yes. Sorry," she quickly answered with a flush, "I was just thinking about how I was going to decorate."

He shook his head. "You know, I can still tell when you're lying." She gulped. "But if you wanted to tell me, you would. I can respect your boundaries. You could say I've learned my lesson about meddling." He chuckled under his breath as he began pulling tape off another box. "You don't have to feel guilty or anything."

Kairi softened. "Axel, thank you."

"Don't mention it." She opened her mouth to say more but he stopped her with a look. "Seriously, don't. Remember that pesky reputation I have."

At this, she snorted. "Axel, do you even talk to anyone besides Xion and Roxas?"

He balled up the tape in his hand and threw it at her. Unfortunately, it just fell to the floor in front of him. His feeble attempt made her laugh more. "Laugh it up, Kairi," he sneered, "I thought we were past the 'Axel doesn't have any friends' phase."

Kairi grinned. "We have to start over, remember?"

Before Axel could say whatever retort was on his lips, someone knocked on the door. Kairi quickly excused herself. She unlocked the latch and yanked the door open, happy to see that Riku was on the other side. This time he was carrying a small, glass vase that held a single lollypop lily.

"Hi!" she greeted cheerily, "Thank you so much for the house warming present." She gave Riku a quick hug and stepped aside to let him in.

"You're in a good mood today, Kai-oh, I see why," Riku pointed out with a knowing smirk, "Long time no see, Axel."

Kairi blushed despite herself. "Riku, really?" she grumbled as she took her present to the kitchen. She could hear Riku chuckling after her. This had to be payback for all the times she'd brought up his father's drunken confession at the Christmas party.

"It's about time someone take her down a notch. She's been roasting me since I got here," Axel commented with a sly grin, "By all means, keep going."

Kairi watched as the smirk on Riku's face grew. He seemed to be greatly amused by Axel's presence; it'd been a while since she'd seen such a big smile on his face. "I'd be delighted to make fun of her some more after we have a chat in the hall," he replied coolly, "Shall we?"

Axel's face drained of all its color. Kairi bit down on her lip, trying to fight the knee-jerk defensiveness she felt for the fiery man. "Riku…"

He simply winked at her and stepped outside with the redhead. Kairi shook her head with a knowing smile. She would let Riku do and say whatever he needed to and not listen through the door. She could take a lesson from Axel, and learn not to stick her nose where it wasn't needed.

A/N: Hello again! Second update of the weekend. I will try and go for a third tomorrow. I am hesitant to say it, but what the heck why not, I believe we are back on track. As always, I'd love to know your thoughts. This chapter required a lot of re-reading and research so I hope you're receiving what I put out there.