Remarkable Team Seven
I don't own Naruto, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Peter Pan, or Dr. Faustus, though I do own copies of the last three listed. The updates of the monthly stories are in the works, as the writer's block has finally left me, but this came to mind for some reason, and I couldn't resist the idea. This Shot is separate from the rest of the Gallery. Warning, contains Elizabethan English.
Kakashi couldn't figure out what was going on. It was his Bell Test, and yet his students, who had given no indication that they were different than the dossier on each of them had implied during the introductions, were managing to creep him out with how they appeared now.
Sakura was dressed in an overly elegant dress, which meant that she could get stuck on a branch or something similar, with only a dagger at her side as she attempted to stab him with a thin sword. Sasuke, meanwhile, was dressed in a blood-red coat and hat, with a hook covering where his hand should be as he lashed out with his own thin sword, as well as the hook. Said hook, Kakashi was certain, would severely impede his ability to perform any jutsu that didn't use one-handed seals. Naruto, however, was the strangest of the group by far, as he dressed in the style of a western noble and was grinning at the proceedings as he wrote on a sheet of paper using a quill and a dark red ink. At least Kakashi thought it was ink.
Nevertheless, Sakura and Sasuke had gotten further away from him while he was distracted by his musings on Naruto's ink. As the group proceeded to charge at him again, with the exception of Naruto, Kakashi threw a kunai at the pair, so that they'd have to duck and roll away and thus be on the defensive. To his horror, only Sasuke had moved out of the way, while Sakura got a kunai in her skull for her efforts.
The entire training ground went silent for a moment. Kakashi stared at where Sakura's body was laying, staring at him with empty eyes. Sasuke stared without any particular interest, which Kakashi determined had to do with having seen so much death by this point in his life. Then Naruto started to laugh.
"This isn't funny, Naruto," Kakashi snapped as the blond walked up to the corpse.
"Yes it is," he responded, pulling the kunai from Sakura's head while holding his inkwell under the bleeding wound, "She is not dead. Her contract permits only her killing herself, and that under special circumstances."
"Contract?" Kakashi asked, thinking that Naruto was suffering a nervous breakdown, "What contract?"
"We made a bargain," the blond laughed, as the hole in Sakura's head seemed to be healing, "She was not aware of making it at the time, but she cannot die by any hand but her own. Her portrait, however, should be showing a hole in her head, as a result of thy actions."
"You could have told me that would hurt," Sakura growled as she pulled herself to her feet as if she wasn't dead moments ago, leaving Kakashi only able to stare in shock.
"Had I a tender, beating heart, I would have," the blond grinned, his eyes turning red with slitted pupils. Kakashi was suddenly feeling very concerned, yet determined to see this through to the end.
"If you have a beating heart, then I have a right hand," Sasuke quipped, sheathing his sword for the moment as he moved to join the other two.
"Then why dost thou not take my deal?" the blond joked as a contract materialized by his head, "If thou gainst a hand, that means that I will gain thy soul and have a heart, and would we not all be doomed with me having morals that would assuredly get in the way?"
"Boys, aren't we forgetting something?" Sakura asked, pointing at the still dumbfounded jounin.
"Oh, right," Naruto said as the contract for Sasuke vanished while the one he had been working on floated to replace it, "Kakashi Hatake, wouldst thou like to make a contract?"
It was at this point that the legendary Copycat Kakashi was certain that he'd bitten off more than he could chew.
Kakashi Hatake was on the verge of weeping when it was time to announce who passed as a genin team. He knew he was going to have to pass the monsters, as they managed to pass the test without even needing to have one of them tied to a post, which surprised him.
"I, Hatake Kakashi hereby pass Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke as Team Seven," he said, pretending to still be using his usual stoic attitude. He absolutely would not to cry. Gai could be anywhere, and he always tried to 'reinvigorate his youthful spirits' whenever Kakashi was upset. The last thing the village needed was Gai doing what he did in the Village Hidden in the Paper, or, as it was now known, the Village Hidden in the Ashes. Ignoring the surprise of his fellow jounin, Kakashi pulled out his precious book and began to walk to his happy place.
"Ah, I see thou art fond of Lechery," he heard Naruto's voice say as he walked through the park, "She did give the good doctor quite a scare along with the others. If thou would like, I can introduce thee. For a price, of course."
Kakashi ran and didn't look back until he was certain that he was far away from Naruto. Something was wrong with that boy, and he doubted he was certified to deal with it.
"Who are we running from?" a voice he didn't want to hear asked. Turning around, Kakashi saw Naruto standing there, grinning at him alongside Sakura and Sasuke.
"Yes, sir," Sakura added while Sasuke seemed to be ignoring him in his quiet, brooding way, "Who?"
"Hold fast to that thought," Naruto said, looking behind Kakashi, who didn't dare turn his back on the trio, "I see something rare. Such a sweet, pure soul."
With that, the blond headed away, followed by his two teammates. When Kakashi turned to see what was going on he saw Naruto talking animatedly to the Hyuuga girl on Kurenai's team, who blushed deeply and almost reached for the contract he was holding out to her. Rather than take it, however, she simply shook her head and walked away. As she headed away, the blond's dejected expression would have had Kakashi feeling sympathy for him if not for the disturbing nature of the contracts. It was when the trio once more returned to him that he realized that he missed a great chance to escape.
"She was so innocent," the blond sighed, "Why do I only get to claim corrupt souls?"
"If you want her so badly, why don't you just corrupt her?" Sakura asked, not really concerned with Naruto's plight.
"But if I corrupt her, then she will be rid of that which I find so attractive..." he answered despondently, "No, I will get through this. I will think of something..."
"Why not just let it go?" Sasuke asked, hiding his right hand behind his back as he spoke, "It'd probably be best for that to happen."
"Sasuke, I cast the glamour over thy hand when we were younger because thou continued attempting to escape from the village to attempt, and in all likelihood fail, to kill thy brother to avenge it and thy clan when thou had so much as glanced at it," the blond remarked with false cheer, "I therefore presume that thou, out of all people can understand if I decide persistence is the method which I shall use."
"Alright, stalk the girl to your heart's content," Sasuke responded cheerfully, "I'll just sit back and watch the resulting fireworks."
"Suffering is an interesting sight," Sakura agreed as they all turned towards Kakashi, "So, what are we going to do now, sir?"
Kakashi was feeling happy for the first time since he had gotten a team. They were going out of the village on an escort mission. While he would still have to deal with them, he wouldn't have to deal with people crying to him about what his students did while the Hokage sat in his office, most likely laughing at the entire ordeal.
"Kakashi, Sakura's scaring the Academy students by stabbing herself. Please order her to stop," was always coming from Iruka Umino.
"Kakashi, Sasuke chopped down at least fifty trees to make a ship. If he attacks my Forest of Death, I'll put you in the hospital," Anko told him as she dragged him off to have her way with him.
"Kakashi, tell your student to stop stalking mine during our team meetings," Kurenai demanded, as if he had any say in what they did in their spare time. But now, on a mission, he would be able to rein them in at least a bit, as he was their superior officer.
When the Demon Brothers made their appearance, Kakashi decided to hide himself away, planning on seeing what it was like to not be on the receiving end of his students' attacks.
The Demon Brothers managed to get their claws into the pink haired girl, who, rather than fall down from the poison, cut their wrists with her dagger and laughed maniacally as she said, "I can't be killed! Mwah ha ha ha ha!"
As they tried to pull away the blond walked up to them with an official-looking document that seemed to be written in red ink. Grinning at them, he asked, "Dost thou crave a way out of thy situation? All thou need to do to be freed is sign this contract in thy own blood."
The attempted negotiations were stopped when one of the Demon Brothers had his throat slit by the red clad boy as he tried to break free.
"Damnations, Sasuke," the blond shouted as the contract vanished, "Can'st thou not be patient. Thy actions hath made that I could not lay a claim. Thou knowest that I cannot touch thee for thy faith in thy god, though I will make they life unpleasant should there be an attempt of the same with the next contract. The souls of the Brothers be damned to Hell, and thou hast hindered me. No matter. Without the soul of its brother, this soul is of no use to me, as the contract was written for both. Do what thou will. I see the client has some secrets to reveal to us. So, Tazuna, wouldst thou like to tell us what is going on, or do we leave thee to thy fate?"
As Sasuke finished off the second Demon Brother, Kakashi decided to make his appearance as he said, "I'm curious as well. Why were two chuunin-level Missing Nin trying to kill you?"
The look on Tazuna's face told Kakashi that this would not be as simple as he thought. At least the monsters would have something to destroy that wasn't a village.
When Zabuza Momochi met the group defending his target, he had expected all sorts of different expressions. Fear, certainly, but other than that, which was only coming from the target, he had been completely wrong in his expectations. The Sharingan Kakashi seemed to be unconcerned for his client's well-being, which was a surprise from the man who was known for not failing his missions. Perhaps it was arrogance, but it didn't seem to be. The kunoichi, who his blade had literally sliced through just moments ago, was standing, completely unharmed as she grinned maniacally at him. The dark haired boy with the hook where his hand should be had unsheathed a comically thin sword while holding his hook up as if it would be a useful weapon. The blond with the red eyes, meanwhile...
"Hello, Zabuza Momochi," the blond said cheerfully, writing on a sheet of paper, "Dost thou crave the ability to actually succeed in thy coup d'etat against the Mizukage? All thou must do is sign this contract I'm writing in thy own blood."
Before Zabuza could so much as read the document he was reaching for, Haku threw a senbon at him, rendering him unconscious.
"Pall thee in the dunnest smoke of Hell!" Naruto shouted as the fake hunter nin approached Zabuza's body.
"Thank you for helping me catch him," Haku said, ignoring the boy that Haku knew was trying to claim Zabuza-sama's soul, "I'm from Mist, and I've been searching for him for some time, now."
"Wouldst that thou were a minute slower," the blond demon mourned, "Thou wouldst have claimed the corpse and I would claim the soul. Dost thou desire anything?"
"Nothing from you," Haku responded, lifting Zabuza while pulling the Kubikiri Houcho out of the tree. With that, the fake hunter nin left, carrying Zabuza to their hideout.
"We should probably go, Naruto," Kakashi said, not wanting to deal with this at the moment. He could tell that Zabuza was alive, but he didn't want to risk the client being harmed by any other agents of Gato who could be hiding out there while his team was otherwise occupied. Besides, what was the worst that could happen if he waited to give them that information?