DISCLAIMER:: do not own ouat or any of its characters. just borrowing for purpose of creative expression. no profit obtained.
A/N:: first of all, thank you all so much for the positive outpouring as a result of my last update. I am completely grateful for all the support. That's author's note was written impulsively and in haste and I must correct myself, for I was not entirely clear. the post in question had NOTHING to do with me or these stories. I was not overreacting to someone criticizing my work. I have had plenty of people crticise these stories and while I'm not immune to it, I've also learned to take it in stride. it was the principle of the matter, that SWEN as a whole used to be about supporting one another, being a community, and now it's become about attacking each other. this has only gotten worse since SDCC. I was tired of it; I still very much am. the updates are only going to continue because so many people said that these stories are an escape for people. here I am complaining that writing these things are my escape and it's being taken from me and then I'm turning right around and taking away the escape that some of you get from reading them. that is not fair. so I won't do it. but I have a very demanding new job that leaves me an hour or two a day to write and only weekends to post, so updates will not be frequent, but they will happen. thank you to those of you who stuck around. the faith you have in these stories still amazes and humbles me. I hope you continue to enjoy.
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Chapter 37: Let's Dwell Here Forever
She didn't know where she was going when she set out from the four star hotel that morning in the hours before dawn. She'd left Regina sleeping naked under the duvet; after a night of tender intimacy that involved nothing more than kissing and light petting, the older woman was beat and would most likely sleep late. They'd stripped after Regina's confession the night before, curling up together and connecting in a way that they hadn't before. There'd been no sex, nothing more than the simple trace of fingertips across skin, a spared kiss pressed to warm flesh here and there. They'd shed the lust and the hunger, connecting not on a physical level, but something much deeper than that.
Emma just had to get out, get away. She had to run, in the literal sense, not the figurative. The pounding of her feet against pavement had always been the lullaby that numbed her head into blessed blankness. She needed to think outside of the panic and fear that was starting to close in around her.
Her feet had touched every inch of these streets when she'd lived here before, they knew this place, and they carried her without thought, telling her where to go, when to turn. She let her mind sink into numbness and just let her muscles take over, carrying her where they would.
The air had a bitter bite that moved straight through her flimsy hoodie over her typical white wife beater. The tight black leggings didn't fare much better in protecting her legs. But by the time she hit the mile mark, the heat generated by her working muscles heated her up from the inside out.
Her legs carried her through a mess of modern day skyscrapers fringed with ancient brick buildings from an earlier time. The mix of old and new that was Boston had always appealed to her. If she was the type of person who was easily enticed by such things, she would have gladly stayed in Boston for longer than her six month deadline. But she had learned long ago that the moment one starts making exceptions for their convictions, they lose them altogether. She had these things in place for a reason. Every single rule she had, there was a purpose for it, a reason why it was created and why it worked.
But Regina. Regina and her beautiful face, and her eyes that you can sink into so far you'd get lost, and her brilliant smile, and her heart... That was the part Emma loved most of all. It was so strong. Emma had always mistakened herself for being strong, one had to be to survive all she'd endured, right? But, knowing Regina, she had come to learn what real strength truly was. All these years, what she'd thought of as strength had just been weak desperation, always running to keep one step ahead of the demons on her tail. She'd made decisions that appeared to be strong, but underneath it all was a scared little girl just trying to hide from a world she believe sought to destroy her.
She was a runner. But Regina was taking away her exits one by one. She was out of places to run. Literally. She grinded to a halt a moment before her legs carried her off the edge of the pier and into the cold water of the harbour. She hadn't even noticed she'd come to the waterfront. She doubled over, her hands resting on her knees as she heaved deep lungfuls of air and stared down at her reflection in the softly rocking water.
The woman staring back up at her was not the same as the one who'd looked at her before. She was different somehow, changed. She looked happier, healthier, like maybe she belonged to the world again. Maybe she was finally a part of it. She lifted her eyes to the horizon, the dawn just winking at her from above its edge. It was a new day.
She had once told herself, in positive affirmation, that every day was a new opportunity to reinvent herself. She had believed it; she had lived her life that way. Every city she was someone new. She could change her name, her hair colour, her job history, her entire identity if she really wanted to. She could be anyone, past and present, a new person. That was what she had always thought that was what that phrase meant. But now she realised, it wasn't about reinventing your identity in the literal sense, but about redefining what the identity you already possess means. It wasn't about not being Emma, but being a better Emma.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the fear slip from her body, dripping out from her fingertips and washing away on the gentle tide. She could do this. It would be hard. Changing, truly changing, had never been easy. But it was worth it. For Regina.
She looked out to the horizon, saluted the dawn, and turned back around, going back the way she'd came. This time, she knew exactly where her legs were taking her, or rather, who they were taking her to.
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The hotel suite was dark, curtains pulled closed to block out the encroaching dawn, when she entered it. Her muscles burned from the exertion of her run and despite the low temperature outside, she was covered in sweat. She pulled off her hoodie and tossed it near her bag on the floor before tiptoing over to the bed where Regina was sleeping on her stomach, her arm draped over the empty space beside her as if searching for Emma even in sleep.
She crawled up onto the bed, leaning in over the older woman and placing a kiss to her bare shoulder.
Regina scrunched her nose and shivered but didn't wake.
Emma kissed her shoulder again and then across to her spine and up the column of it to the back of her neck. She buried her face in her mussed hair for a moment, breathing her in with closed eyes before she kissed her ear. "I love you."
Brown eyes snapped open, fully alert. She turned over and looked up at the blonde beside her, concern etched across her face for just a moment before she determined there was no cause for alarm and her features softened. Regina smiled. "I could get too used to waking up like this."
Emma pressed the brunette down to the mattress, pinning her down gently by her shoulders. The need and carnal desire in her eyes was palpable. "Regina."
Regina ran her hands over flesh still flushed from the younger woman's exertion. She nodded, answering the request for permission that wasn't verbal.
Emma lowered her mouth to Regina's, kissing her with a surprising gentleness. Her softness was in direct contrast to the desperate hunger consuming her features. She slid her hands down thin arms, keeping a light pressure so that they stayed put, pressed there against the mattress. Finally hands slid over hands and fingers intertwined.
Regina could spend all day getting lost in the warm wetness of Emma's mouth. Everything about the woman poised over her was addictive, her drug of choice and her kryptonite all rolled into one. The velvet moist plushness of her mouth, the talented stroke of her tongue against hers, the way her teeth dragged gently over her lips, never really biting though the threat always remained. She could come undone at this kiss. "Emma..." She knew what she wanted to ask, that request that she'd barely been able to contain ever since it had first popped into her mind. A simple question composed of two small words. Marry me. She could say it now. But when she opened her mouth once more, it was two different words that emerged. "Take me."
Emma's lust darkened eyes sparkled with malevolent intent, a wicked smirk playing its way across her mouth. She leaned down to the older woman's ear, her hot breath puffing out against the shell, causing the small hairs curling around it from her sleep-mussed locks to quake. "Your wish is my command baby." She finally separated their hands, allowing her arms to go free so she could pull up her own sweat-soaked tank and the accompanying sports bra underneath and toss them away.
Regina took advantage of the freedom to roam her hands over Emma's newly exposed torso. She splayed her palms flat across the lean stomach before her, sliding them slowly up over flesh that prickled beneath her touch. When she reached the mounds of flesh at her chest, she ran the pads of her fingers over already stiffened peaks, patiently coaxing her nipples into a blistering awareness.
Emma sighed, a blissful smile crossing her face and she placed her own hands over the ones groping her, holding them against her. "I love when you touch me. You're amazing."
They weren't huge talkers during sex, neither one of them, content instead to fill the silent void with breathy moans and pleasure-drenched whimpers. But when Emma did speak during intimacy, it sent a warm shot of sensation through her trumped only by the pleasure she felt when Emma brought her to climax. She sat up so abruptly that the younger woman nearly toppled backward. She pressed in close, sandwiching their hands between them. She tilted her head a little as she looked into Emma's eyes, a soft smile gracing her features. She released her hold on Emma's hands to bring one of hers up to trace the younger woman's face, starting at her right temple straight down to the bottom of her right cheek. "How is it possible that I love you this much?"
Emma didn't answer, bringing their lips together in a tentative kiss instead. The depth of emotion she always saw swirling, hardly concealed, beneath the surface of Regina's eyes both thrilled and terrified her. She had never seen someone feel so much for her. She had always been easily overlooked, cast aside to the fringes of people's awareness. She had learned to adapt, to survive on her own. She had never depended on anyone but herself. The idea was still so foreign to her. But on the other hand, isn't this what she had wished upon every star for? The dream had always been to have a home and a family, a place where she truly belonged, where she never had to run again. This was that, wasn't it? That thing she'd spent so long believing only existed in her dreams. This was it. It had to be. Regina was her home. She smiled against the brunette's lips before breaking the kiss and pulling away.
Emma wrapped her arms possessively around Regina's waist, hands pressed against the small of the older woman's back to pull herself closer, her core sliding perfectly into the curve where Regina's torso met her lap. She sighed breathily, her forehead falling silently to the woman's shoulder. She drug her nails over the bare flesh of her back, bringing them around to the smooth flesh of the brunette's hips instead and digging in, gripping hard as she rocked in her lap. Friction was impossible in her leggings, but Regina seemed to read her mind, one expert hand sliding down into the waistband and deft fingers finding purchase on a swollen clit. Emma's eyes rolled back into her head as those fingers made lazy circles over the sensitive bundle, the pressure enough to drive her mad but not to drive her to orgasm. She tried to grind down herself, but Regina matched her movements, always maintaining just enough distance.
Finally Emma growled, pushing at Regina's shoulders to get her to lay back down. The satisfied smirk on the brunette's face was enough to tip her frustration over the edge and she attacked Regina's mouth with a new fervour, biting at her lip, pulling it with her teeth, nibbling on its fullness. Her hand searched blindly for Regina's wrist, fingers pulling the teasing hand out of her leggings.
Unable to speak, Regina could only groan her protest. She tried to return her hand to its former position but Emma knocked it away with a flick of her hand. The blonde pulled up, examining her handiwork on the full lips of the other woman. Satisfied with the swollen pout, she set to work on a rapidly thumping pulse point, biting at it first, following that up with dragging the flat of her tongue over it to soothe. She kept up this torturous process for several long minutes, the assault working to fray Regina's already thin patience.
"Emma..." Begging wasn't in her nature, but Emma afforded her a drug so sweet that she was willing to sacrifice even her highly regarded dignity to get one more hit.
Emma smiled, the tip of her tongue darting out to trace nonsensical patterns over her collarbone and down the column of her sternum. "Yes baby? Is there something you want? Perhaps something you need?" She pressed a sweet kiss to the valley between Regina's breasts before looking up at her innocently, as if she didn't have a clue in the world what Regina could possibly desire.
Regina threaded her fingers through the blonde's ponytail, pulling it tight enough to get her point across but not hard enough to hurt. "Fuck me Emma. Take me... hard."
Emma felt her mouth go dry. She'd been the top in most of her sexual endeavours. But this was new. She'd done quick and dirty before but that wasn't what the other woman was requesting here. She was out of her element, but she was willing to learn from experience. She glanced once more at Regina.
The older woman nodded, giving the green light.
Emma grinned wickedly. She grabbed Regina's arms and pinned them once more to the mattress. "No touching."
Regina pouted but didn't object, her sparkling eyes betraying her pleasure. She stretched against the hold, trying to connect her mouth with Emma's.
Emma made a tsking sound and kept her lips just out of reach. She bit down gently on the brunette's clavicle, increasing the pressure of her teeth when she heard Regina gasp then whimper. She licked at the slight reddish marks that were already forming where she'd bit into impressionable flesh in an apology she didn't at all feel. She moved down to her breasts next, sucking soft flesh, her teeth dragging over taut nipples.
Regina's stored breath released in an exhale. She struggled once more against the hands pinning her down as her chest arched up into Emma's mouth.
Emma took Regina's left nipple between her teeth and tugged, her eyes nearly feral as they gazed up into the brown eyes of her girlfriend.
"Kiss me." She was breathless, drowning in the sensations Emma was creating.
Their lips came together with brutal force.
Regina didn't even notice that her arms had freedom of movement until she felt Emma's hand slip between her thighs. She whimpered her approval and spread her legs an instant before she was penetrated deeply. She released Emma's mouth with a gasp.
"Is this what you wanted?" Emma whispered it against her mouth, their lips brushing with every spoken word.
"Yes." Regina captured her mouth in a brief sloppy kiss before releasing it again. Her voice dropped to the merest whisper. "You always feel so perfect."
Emma took to Regina's mouth again, her tongue forcing its way past lips and into a warm mouth as she set a rough pace with her fingers, pounding into the woman beneath her.
Regina hooked her legs around Emma's waist, offering herself up to Emma's ministrations. She was already so wet, already so ready for this. It wouldn't take her long to come, especially not at this pace.
On her next outward pull, Emma added a third finger to the mix, never once pausing in speed. She felt Regina's heels dig into her back as all three digits were forced back inside her. Two more well-placed curling thrusts and Regina cried out into her mouth. She swallowed the scream and didn't let up her assault for a moment. Less than a minute later the older woman was crying out into her mouth again. She guided Regina through the orgasms, easing her back down to earth. When her body calmed down, she slowly withdrew her fingers, mindful not to hurt the still sensitive woman beneath her, and licked them clean at the leisurely pace of a cat enjoying bathing itself.
Regina's heart was pounding in her chest, threatening to split apart her chest cavity and rip its way out. She could hear the pounding and rushing of blood in her ears. She wrapped a shaking hand behind Emma's neck, pulling her mouth back down to hers. She could taste herself, a flavour that wasn't nearly as appealing to her as the taste of the woman above her. She moaned softly into the mouth of the other woman all the same. Her hands skated down the sweaty flesh of the blonde's back until they reached her still-covered ass. She gave it a squeeze and pulled her mouth away. "These need to go." She pinched the material of Emma's leggings and tugged on it to make her point perfectly clear.
Emma smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Is that right?" She chuckled when Regina took her own bottom lip between her teeth and nodded hungrily. "Why is that?"
"How else do you expect me to taste you?" She swatted her ass. "Off. Now."
Emma flopped down beside her so she could peel off the cotton spandex leggings, soaked not only with the sweat from her run but also with her own arousal.
As soon as Emma had tossed them aside, Regina was between her legs, moving with the stealth that someone who had just been thoroughly fucked should not possess. But her need to touch Emma outweighed her exhaustion. She urged Emma's thighs apart and settled between them, noting the glittering evidence of arousal shining all over the flesh before her. She licked it off the thighs first, collecting every last bit with broad strokes of the flat of her tongue. Emma tasted divine and she licked her lips, not wanting to waste a drop of her.
She placed a string of lingering kisses from one hipbone across to the other. She nuzzled the V of skin just above Emma's heat before letting her mouth descend onto the hot wet flesh at the apex of her thighs. One swipe of her tongue, just that minimal contact and the subsequent canting of hips in response, told her how sensitive and close Emma already was. The younger woman was already rocking involuntarily towards her mouth, seeking the release only she could provide. She continued her sparing licks until Emma released a pained whimper. She kissed her girlfriend's clit in apology for the delay before dipping her tongue down into her entrance.
Emma clawed at the sheets beside her to ground herself as her hips bucked into the contact. Her arousal had gone unnoticed even to herself; she'd been too focused on fucking Regina. But now her own need seemed to be all she could think about.
Regina draped an arm over Emma's hips to hold her in place as she curled her tongue inside her, coaxing the muscles inside of her to a release she knew they craved. Her other hand busied itself by lifting a leg and dropping it over her shoulder for better access. Her tongue continued to stroke Emma until she was a quivering mess of need. She withdrew her tongue, running it up slowly to her clit, sucking it into her mouth to finish her off.
Emma cried out softly, her back arching off the bed. The arm draped over her hips slid up her stomach to grasp at the soft flesh of her right breast. Both her hands came to rest, one on top of the other, over Regina's, holding it against her.
Regina stroked her thumb over the other woman's nipple as her fingers softly kneaded the flesh and her mouth sucked her clit harder. She was so close; Regina could feel her muscles already beginning to contract for the release.
Emma came with a wordless cry.
Regina released her clit, stroking her tongue softly over her fevered flesh until she came down from her high and was too sensitive for any more contact.
Emma pulled Regina to her as the woman came up beside her. She pressed several small kisses to her forehead and down the slope of her nose until she found her mouth. She could taste herself on the brunette's tongue, an almost fruity flavour not entirely unpleasant. They kissed deeply for several long moments before their kisses tapered off. Emma closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Regina's, breathing in deeply through her nose in an effort to calm her racing heart. "I wish we could stay here forever. Just freeze this moment, these feelings, and... linger."
Regina pulled away to study the younger woman's face. It was the first time she'd ever heard Emma express a desire to stay anywhere for that long, even in the abstract sense. She had hoped this weekend would be all about reconnecting with Emma, proving once and for all that she was sorry for treating her like an object to be owned. This was a better result than she had ever dreamed. "I always want to make you feel this way, for as long as you'll allow me to."
Emma stared into Regina's expressive brown eyes. How was this woman real? Regina was a contradiction to everything she'd ever learned about people growing up, the exception to every single one of her rules. How was it even possible? Love like this didn't exist. There was always an initial spark, an addictive flare, but all too soon it always spiraled down to the crash and burn. Fairytales didn't exist here; they were things that belonged in some fantasy world, like the one from her dreams. It couldn't possibly be this simple.
Regina could see that she was losing Emma to the darkness of her own thoughts. She needed to bring her back fast. She leaned in, pressing a firm kiss to her lips. "Don't think, just feel."
Emma willed all her thoughts away, allowing Regina to pull her back up and away from her fear. She knew, logically, that everything that goes up must come back down but she resolved to leave that worry for the moment when she began to plunge back down to earth.
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"Well, it's certainly not Granny's, but it'll do." Regina looked around the tiny roadside diner as if it were infested. There were a few locals scattered between the booths and perched sparingly on the peeling stools that lined the front counter. Only one guy even spared them a glance over his shoulder when they walked through the door.
Emma rolled her eyes and grabbed the fickle woman's hand, pulling her towards the far side of the restaurant to a booth.
Regina gazed down at the cracked seat of the banquette, her nose wrinkled in displeasure. "Are you going to tell me the reason you dragged me to this hole in the wall? It's a little out of our way. Couldn't you have just waited until we got back to town? We're less than an hour away." Despite her protests, she still slid reluctantly into her side of the booth.
An old waitress with dyed hair, her grey roots showing at her hairline, and a smoker's gravelly voice only earned through years of one pack a day consumption seemed to appear out of nowhere. Her light blue waitress' uniform was so typical that Regina had to hold back a laugh at the absurdity of it.
"Can I get you ladies anything? Coffee?" She placed menus in front of them.
"Purell?" Regina looked up innocently.
Emma kicked her under the table and gave the confused waitress her best smile. "She'll have hot tea. And for me as well."
The waitress nodded and disappeared from whence she came to grab their drinks.
Regina's face was scrunched like a petulant child. "Ouch, that hurt."
Emma rolled her eyes again. "Stop being rude and I won't have to kick you."
"Answer my question and I'll stop being rude."
Emma sighed, tossing down the menu she'd been glancing through. "I wanted to bring you here because I want you to know me." She glanced around at walls that looked identical to the ones from her memories. This place hadn't changed much over the years. "This is where it all started. This is where my parents left me."
All the wind went out of Regina's sails. She'd spent the last fifteen minutes doing nothing but protesting. She felt the guilt curling its way through her body. She slid her hand across the table, covering the blonde's. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so quick to judge." She felt the guilt pushed out by pinpricks of anger. Who were these people that they'd abandon something so precious? Emma meant so much to her; she was extraordinary. How could they not see that? When she looked down at that little girl that the nurses placed into her arms, how had Emma's mother not fallen madly in love with her? She just couldn't comprehend it, both as a mother to her own child and as someone who's world was complete every day she had the person that woman so easily tossed away.
Emma shrugged. "I don't blame you. It's not really the most scenic of locales to spend your first day of life." She had to fight herself not to pull her hand away and withdraw. It was in her nature to seek comfort from within herself; that was one of those things she had to learn to change. Instead she threaded her fingers through Regina's.
The older woman pulled her hand up to her lips and kissed the back of it sweetly. "Thank you. For bringing me here. I want to know every part of you Emma."
Emma smiled. "I know the feeling."
Their intimate moment was shattered by the untimely arrival of their tea. Emma tried to pull her hand away, but Regina held fast, giving the waitress her best mayoral smile, almost daring the woman to even look at them wrong. But the waitress seemed to care less about two women holding hands in public.
"Are you ready to order?"
Regina hadn't even browsed her menu. But diners tended to have a pretty universal menu. "Short stack."
The waitress turned to Emma.
"Grilled cheese, fries." She grabbed their menus with her free hand and held them out for the waitress to take.
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"Hey!" Regina used her fork to bat Emma's fork away as the younger woman speared a bite of pancake from her plate.
Emma grinned victoriously before popping her snatched piece of pancake into her mouth. She grabbed a fry off her own plate and popped it into her mouth. Her eyes narrowed when Regina snatched one too in retaliation. "It's okay. I can share."
Regina raised an eyebrow as she stuck the pilfered fry into her mouth.
Emma smacked her arm, a look of affront crossing her face. "I can!"
"Can I get you ladies anything else?" Their waitress stopped next to their table.
"Why is your calender stuck on August? It's February." Regina pointed to a wall calender on the wall behind the counter with a scenic picture of a beach. It was obviously years old, folding in around the corners with age.
The waitress waved it off. "Been that way the whole time I've worked here. Tried to change it once and the owner threw a fit. Now I just ignore it." She excused herself to go pour more coffee for a guy who'd signaled her with a lift of his mug.
Emma remembered that calender. She'd noticed it the first time she remembered coming to the diner in her adult life. She'd focused on it. Why? Something about the month. August? What about August? And then it hit her right between the eyes, what she'd been missing for a month now. She smacked the table.
Regina's eyes shot to her in shock. "What was that?"
"August."
Regina raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"
Emma shook her head. "Not the month, the man. August Booth. I do know him." She stood, walking off to the counter to pay the check so they could get going.
Regina followed after a moment of shock-induced hesitation. "Emma. What are you talking about?" She caught up with the younger woman just as she was collecting her change. "Who is Mr. Booth and how do you know him?"
Emma turned to her, her eyes wide and distant. "I think he's my brother."
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A/N2:: reviews?