*time jump*
"Thank you guys so much for making this night so special. Ending my 2020 Tour in Madison Square Garden was really a dream come true, I love you guys so much and I'll see you guys soon! Thank you!"
I shouted to the crowd with the last of my earnest enthusiasm before I rushed towards the barricaded pathway, leading to a velvet curtain which separated the crowd from all the people behind the scene. The whistling cheers and blaring music were slowly fading in the distance as I walked in a quicken pace, feeling a little flabbergasted by the heavy meaning of what tonight had meant.
Tonight, like every other night for the past year, was a tremendous success. My show was once again sold out and everything from the band, the lighting, the sound system, especially the crowd, they have been perfect. Having been traveling around from city to city, country to country in every continent possible was extremely tiresome, but with the outcome like tonight, all the work and effort that were put into it by my crews were extremely worth it. But tonight was the end of my year long tour. That was what separated tonight from the others.
I can't even put words into how liberated I felt when I stepped into the changing room but the liberation was short lived. Once I stepped into the room, a million things were happening at the same time. Firstly I was assaulted by the contrast of the brightness, I had to squint my eyes for a short while before I get my bearings back. Then it was like a war zone. A string of screams erupted in the room and before I had the chance to turn towards the source of the piercing sound, I was attacked by more screams, but now accompanied by things being shoved in front of my face. Notepads, t-shirts, posters, teddy bears, all belonged to my overly excited fans who were hopeful to get a hug and my autographs before the night ended.
It was like this every night. Fans who have won the meet and greet session were always so keen and energetic and I can't help but touched by the level of their enthusiasms. So I would make sure I engaged with each and everyone of them, took selfies and ask how are they, and of course gave them a big hug and thanked them for taking the time to meet me.
After the last fan were politely ushered out the changing room, only then I was able to take in a little breather to calm my adrenaline-fueled rapid heartbeat. Crew members were still coming in, with handful after handful of more gifts and flowers from fans and sponsors, congratulating on the success of my tour. It was humbling to know that though I may have only been in this journey for a couple of years, the amount of faith and support I acquired was considerably greater than my expectation.
"Great job, Troye. You were magnificent, as usual." Emma said and planted a wet peck on my left cheek before unplugging the in-ear monitor from my ears.
I plopped down onto the big comfy couch that I personally requested to have in the room. "Thanks Em! You did a great job too. The crews were great, the venues were perfect. Gosh, I don't think they'll be as perfect as they were if it weren't for you and those hardworking people I have here."
"Oh, Troye. I know I'm awesome like that but you're not so bad yourself. In case you didn't realise, this is the Troye Sivan tour, out there are all Troye Sivan's fans and all these flowers are for Troye Sivan. I guess it's not too much if you take some credit for yourself." Emma sat down on the couch, her thigh touching mine before she shifted and turned towards me. "Troye, you're such a genuine performer. You were great out there. All those people out there, not one of them weren't sobbing when you sang. I'm just lucky that I was part of your team."
"Wow, you're sappy tonight, Em. If I didn't know better I thought you might be captured by aliens and brainwashed. Careful there, you're losing your edge." I teased although knowing full well that she meant every word she said. Being on the road was great but they also meant that I'll be away from home. So my crews are the closest thing I have to family. Emma, although with her wits and sass, she was never too far away and always the first one on my side when I needed something. Like a big sister looking over her brother, despite the fact that she's technically working for me, she wasn't afraid to put her foot down on something she firmly believed in and put me in my place. I love her for that, tremendously.
"Oh, excuse you. I can be professional and be nice at the same time, thank you very much. And now that I'm done being nice, let's get back to being professional. You only have 30 minutes to rest and after that you're up for a string of interviews I've arranged. The journalists are all in the meeting room on 2nd floor." She demanded with a stern voice, but her eyes were sparkling with pride.
"And also, before you drown yourself in these mountains of gifts and flowers from your fans, there's one very special package from a very special fan of yours, whom if I may add, deserves all your attention. I swear, I don't know what he sees in you but he loves you heaps, doesn't he?" She said as she got up and headed for the door.
"I'd love to think that, yeah."
"Then if you ever do something stupid to hurt him, I will personally take the matter into my on hands and I will cut you."
"Hey, no need for violence, Em. Him and I are in a open relationship, haven't you heard?" I joked and ducked my head to the side as Emma took a teddy bear within her arm's reach and flung it at me.
"Emma, no violence!" I giggled uncontrollably as she flashed me a sneer then can't resist blowing me a kiss after. If we don't love each other like siblings, we sure fight like one.
After Emma left to go about her business, I was left alone in the changing room. I let out a long, satisfying sigh before scanning around the room for the package that Emma so kindly reminded me. It was fairly easy to spot. The package was always the same. Always a black 14' by 3' by 3' box, standing alone on the far end desk. Simple yet elegant, with no note or card attached to it, it was all so mysterious but at the same time very telling of the sender. Because what's in it, was a bottle of red. It was nothing fancy but what's significant was the label on the bottle;
Rose Gold
T+T
2016
South Africa
It has been a ritual of ours ever since the start of my tours a couple of years ago. In the last day of my tour, I would be receiving a package like this one as a form of commemoration, a toast to another wonderful and successful show. It was also a way for him to show he still belonged to me. And though he may not be physically here with me all the time, he made up for his absence by reminding me he's always thinking of me.
These bottles had started to be the one thing that I anticipated the most each time I completed a tour. The labels were printed accordingly and specifically to Tyler's request. Each label were mostly similar except for the first line. There has been Blue Moon, Ocean Eyes, Don't Wait and now this, Rose Gold. Song names. It took me the second bottle to realise that and once it dawned on me, I felt like I've fallen in love with him all over again. It must be quite a task to search for songs that would encapture the aesthetic of our relationship so well but he did just that.
A couple of months since our return from Cape Town, half a dozen bottles were delivered as promised by the vineyard but Tyler was very mysterious about letting me see them. It's a surprise! He said. Of course I argued and demanded to see them but as stubborn as I am, he was twice as bad. In the end, he won and the bottles never had the chance to see the light of day, until he surprised me with the first black box, exactly like this one, by the end of my first world tour. And the meaning behind each bottle spoke louder than words.
With the bottle in one hand I walked over to grab my phone with my other hand and push the call button. Three rings into it, the call connected and I heard Tyler's voice speaking from the other end.
"Hello?"
"Rose gold, huh?"
He chuckled. "Not wasting any time with greetings, I see. Well, what can I say? I think the lyrics are beautiful. We would be classic and timeless."
"Hmm, I kinda like the sound of that."
"Kinda? You are so rude!"
"And yet you still want us to be classic and timeless, anyway."
"Yes, but going at this rate I think I may have a change of heart sooner or later."
"Mathew Tyler Oakley, you're mine, whether you like it or not. And I'm coming home to you in a couple of days, I may know a trick or two to change your indecisive mind back."
"Hmmm, now I definitely like the sound of that." He said, imitating my words but laced heavily with inappropriate innuendos.
We kept the bantering and light chats for a couple more minutes before the door was once opened again. A head that looked annoyingly like Emma's popped in between and shot me a hurried glare and I knew my time on the phone was up. I said goodbye to Tyler and promised to call him again when I was comfortably back to my hotel room later tonight.
And so I went and fulfilled the last of my responsibilities and charm the pants off of all the people waiting for me on the 2nd floor.
*
The clock had struck two in the morning when I flung my overspent body onto the tidy, crisp white bed. The interviews took a little longer than expected but it was the last hurrah before I will be make any appearance in the media at least for a few months. Those journalists, they were great. Their questions were really good. I mean, they must be if they want to get pass Emma's screening. Every question that were to be asked were screened before hand and nothing will get the green light without the nod from my beloved, diligent, exasperating Emma. But those interviews wouldn't be as amusing and enjoyable as they were if there weren't any sordid but harmless questions that slipped in once in a while.
"So, tell me. Seeing that your songs are solely based on your past experiences, and you've mentioned in your previous interviews that you are much happier than you were back then, does that mean you have someone special in your life right now that has healed all your wounds?"
"Troye Sivan, what's your plan after this? Take a break? Adopt a pet? Or maybe there's someone waiting for you back home?"
"You have been on such a great adventure and you looked absolutely fit. Glowing, even. Please let me have the exclusive on your secret. Was it the product of love?"
So on and so forth, you get the idea. Luckily I was trained well to deflect any kinds of prying questions but one really caught me off guard when out of the blue, one of the journalist pointed out the blue orchids that I get every night without fail. I just hadn't anticipated that and it took me a second too long to answer him, and by then I couldn't have said anything to wipe that sly, knowing grin off his face. There's nothing I can do but let it slide because one thing I've learnt over the years was the more I deny something, the more excited the media got. Not that it was anything to be concerned about. The blue orchids, in my own assumption, were from a very devoted fan that wanted to show their loyalty to me. Devoted and with a lot of money to spare.
After the bouquets came for about a week nonstop, it got Emma very curious and started googling the said flower. The result from her search was not only they are pretty rare in the world but the nature of the blue orchids are pretty fragile when not placed in their ideal environment. That only meant that the flowers were delivered very quickly to my show every night in order to keep the flowers fresh and blooming beautifully. To be honest, I was touched immensely. I wished there's some way I can contact this fan and thank them personally. That's the least I could do to let my fans know I appreciate them. But as much I would like to do that, they didn't leave any form of contact; the card that came with the flower were always signed Your only ardent fan and that's it. And even after a few years later, the sender still haven't reveal themselves yet. Odd, but not the oddest of my fans, so there's that.
Unlocking my phone and looking at the time, 20 minutes had passed since I came back to my hotel room. I contemplated if I should call Tyler at this hour, but I'm quite positive he'll stay up just because I said I would call, that stubborn boyfriend of mine.
"Hey Ty, baby. Are you already asleep?" I cooed when the call connected.
"Oh no, I wasn't. I was waiting for your call because you said you'll call and so here I am, waiting for you to call me."
His response seemed rather frazzled. I laughed at his rambling nonsense before I spoke again. "Whoa, slow down babe, you sound like a chipmunk that accidentally consumed too much caffeine!" I joked.
"Oh, sorry, Troye. My mind was somewhere else and then your call startled me. So it took me a while to-"
"Tyler, baby.. It's okay. There's no need to apologize, I was just playing." I chuckled lightly to reduce the awkwardness if there's any.
"So, how did the interviews go?" He asked after a beat and everything was back to normal.
"Oh, you know. Killed them, as usual.. No one can resist my charming personality."
"Yeah. That's true."
That reply was too easy. The effect that his words did to me was equivalent to dripping ice water down my spine. It sent a tiny shock to my system but was over quickly. Maybe I was reading too much into it. It was pretty late after all and I was sure that we're quite tired if not entirely burnt out. But usually that wouldn't stop us from chatting till the wee morning and true enough, we picked our conversation up from where we left off. I told him about how my show went and he talked about how he had to settle a minor fire incident in the kitchen back at the cafe. Hearing his voice was exceptionally soothing, it made me feel relaxed and so at home. Home. My heart skipped a beat when I thought about how in a few days, I will be back in Michigan with Tyler. It has been so long since I've touched him, have him wrapped within my arms, nuzzled my nose into his neck and just drown myself in him.
"I've miss you, Tilly."
Instead of a cheeky retort which I come to expect from him every now and then, or simply reciprocating my words, I was met with silence. The ice water started dripping again, the cold prickling my spine like sharp needless.
"Troye."
I tried to suppress any hint of worry in my voice and answered him indifferently. "Yeah, babe?"
After a few seconds that felt like hours, I heard the undeniably somber sigh followed by the equally somber stutter as he spoke.
"I can't do this anymore."
The ice water came pouring down like a bad storm. My body went in an acute shock and I felt like I've been punched in the gut. All my thoughts flashed back to recent events, leafing through them to find something that might have caused this hallucination. Or anything that can explain the nightmare that I was currently in.
"N-no, Ty. No.. Please talk to me. We-we've gone through so much together, what's changed? Why now?" I spoke and by the end of my words, I felt a little dizzy. I didn't know how long I've been holding my breath.
"You know why, Troye. It hurts.. It always hurts and.. there's nothing we can do about it."
"THAT'S NOT TRUE, TYLER!" I shouted into the phone as a rush of anger and hurt overcame me. This isn't like Tyler at all. The Tyler I knew is stronger than this. The Tyler I grew up with would never quit just like that. All our dreams and promises for our future together should be enough of a motivation to get through whatever that was pulling him back. Our love for each other, although it may not be perfect all the time but that's what makes us, us! It took me a few deep breaths to control my raging emotion before I spoke again, my volume significantly lower. "We've been through this, Ty.. Just hang on to Cape Town for a little longer, okay? We're gonna reach it, I promise!"
"I'm sorry, Troye."
No, no, no, no. This is not happening. What has gotten into him?
"Please, Tilly, please.. I heart you.."
And then the call ended. My pleas were unheard. The long dial tone was deafening and I was appalled by how fast the night had changed. I'm sorry, Troye. His last words were ringing in my ears and I'm much too stunned to let the actual meaning sink in. My mind was trying to work out what Tyler had asked of me but I feel like my body's physically rejecting it. After the prickling shock had passed, my stomach lurched violently; the warm, putrid taste risen to the back of my throat. With one hand clasped tightly over my mouth, I ran to the bathroom and empty the content of my stomach, heaving and sweating, my vision blurred by the tears that forced their way out.
I spat the last of my vomit into the sink and breathed heavily through my mouth. Tyler's words still swimming in the forefront of my brain like a never-ending horror movie. It kept gnawing and clawing at my skull, I felt as though my head will crack open with the slightest touch.
The absurdity of what happened have yet to fully set in. But looking up and seeing myself in the mirror, it just brought all the ill feelings back. My stomach lurched again and after hurling what was left of my already empty stomach, I broke down. My hands grabbed tightly onto my hair, instinctively wanting to tear them all out to lessen the hurt I was feeling in my chest. Slipping down the wall, I couldn't control the surge of tears streaming down my cheeks. So, I bawled, my body curled up in a ball on the cold bathroom floor.
The sound of something vibrating against the tiled floor woke me up. Tilting my head up, I immediately felt the repercussions of my dreadful sobbing. My head and eyes ache, my throat felt like I've swallowed a mouthful of sand and my body shivering from the cold. I've never felt more tired and lifeless. Who knew crying drains more out of you than performing on stage for hours every night for a whole year. But it's just sad that I've come to have the chance to experience both and got to compare the two.
The vibration intensified and then I realised it was my muted phone that was vibrating on the floor. I sprung up immediately and scrambled to find it, sincerely hoping that it has been Tyler who's calling to tell me it was all false, that has just been the result of lashing out out of stress. Anything. I just want this nightmare to be over, wipe it clean and never look back to this dark time.
Reaching for the phone, all my high hopes was deflated in an instant when I saw that it wasn't Tyler's number flashing on the screen. I hovered my shaky finger over the green button and pressed down.
"Em..." My voice still hoarse. Right after I said her name, I felt the awful clenching starting in my chest and I let out a whimpering sob.
"Emmaaa!" I called out to her louder and my sob turned ghastly, wailing into the phone.
"Troye? Troye, what's going on? Are you alright?" She sounded very concerned.
"Em! It hurts.. My-my heart, it fucking hurts!"
"What? What happened?"
"Tyler, he.. he said he can't do this anymore!" I told her as I rolled my head back and thudded against the wall. I can hear Emma's frantic footsteps and jiggling of keys through the phone.
"Where are you? Are you at the hotel? Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you." Then I heard the distinct sound of the door shutting. "And don't do anything stupid. I'll be there in ten."
And so ten minutes later, Emma found me exactly where I was when we ended the call; sitting on the bathroom floor.
"Oh Troye, what happened?" She rushed to my side and started to do a thorough search of my body, checking if I have been hurt any where. "And you're freezing! Why are you sitting on bathroom floor?"
"You told me to stay where I am.." I'm surprised at how calm my voice came out.
"This is not the time to be a smart ass, Troye. Come on, let's get you warm."
With my arm draped across Emma's petite shoulders, she dragged me out of the bathroom and sat me on the bed. I was numb and my body felt like it had been through a wreckage. Soreness everywhere, but the numbness that sprouted from my insides and spread across my whole being triumphed. Emptiness.
I barely heard Emma as she carefully placed a hot cup into my hands. "Here, drink this. Careful, it's hot."
I took a sip, it was tea and it was scalding. I felt the hot liquid burning my insides as I took a bigger gulp and swallowed. The burn felt good, at least better than the alternative.
"Troye, what happened?" She asked for the second time in the last 15 minutes.
I looked up to see the worried creases decorating Emma's forehead. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I winced as I cleared my throat but it protested as a surge of pain came unannounced. The long sobbing and the burn of the hot tea had contributed to the rawness of my throat.
"Tyler broke up with me." I said and the roughness of my voice was eminent.
"I assumed that much but did he say why?"
"He said it hurts to be with me. He doesn't want to do it anymore. I don't know. He didn't really say much else."
"Oh Troye, this is rather sudden."
It was sudden. Too sudden and without the slightest inkling that I would be thrown into this endless loop of emotinal agony. Should there be any and I have missed it, I would use my every waking moment to penalise myself. My body shuddered from the thought of my future without the laughter that would start my day with a smile. Without the lulling comfort of his breathing when I lie awake at night. Without Tyler.
"Troye..." Emma spoke again as she thumbed my cheeks below my eyes, wiping away the tears. I didn't realise when I started tearing up again but it's just that, I was numb.
"Troye, have you talked to him? Like, really talk to him? It was quite out of character for him to spring this on you like this, don't you think?"
"He just said he can't do this anymore."
"Do what? The distance? The secrecy? I mean, there must be something that triggered it."
"I don't know, Em! I just...don't know anything anymore. He didn't stick around to tell me the reason he broke up with me over the phone, okay!?" I shouted the last part and immediately regretted it. Emma looked at me with a disapproving look. With a pursed lips, she got up from the bed and headed to the door.
Great. Now I've ran off Emma too. But before I had the chance apologise, she grabbed her bag from the tabletop beside the door and rummaged through it until she finds her phone and dialled.
From where I was sitting, I couldn't make out what she was saying and who she was having that conversation with. But a few minutes later, she disconnected the call, went to my luggage and pulled out a fresh pair of jeans, a shirt and a hoodie before walking back to me.
"Okay, Troye. You listen to me and listen carefully. One, you're being an idiot if you continue to sit here and drown in self pity. Because from how much you've told me, literally nothing if I may be so rude to point it out, you and Tyler have not have a proper conversation about this break up. It's obvious that you haven't done enough to salvage this relationship, you haven't even try for god's sake."
I cringed at the accuracy of her assessment despite the next-to-nothing information that I've rambled to her in the midst of my sobbing.
"And two, this is Tyler we're talking about. The Tyler that wouldn't leave your bed and wouldn't stop reminding you to take your meds when you extracted your wisdom tooth. The Tyler that blew up my phone when he learnt that someone threw a water bottle at your head during one of your show. So this Tyler who said he can't do it anymore, does that sound like the Tyler we both knew and loved?"
Emma's excellent deduction skill had made really good and valid point. With each word, it lifted the numbness from my body and the warmth started from deep in my tummy, slowly but surely spreading and heating up my whole being. The sliver of light started to pierce through the darkness and suddenly I'm able to see much clearer. Hope began to blossom and a few deep breaths later, I look up at her and feeling extremely lucky to have a gem in the shape of Emma by my side.
"So right now, get your ass out of the bed, get yourself clean and change into these." She said as she shoved the fresh clothes into my arms. "I've got you the red-eye flight back to Michigan and the flight leaves in an hour. Go back to him and fight for him. Fight for your happiness. Fight, scream, cry and get crazy mad with each other. Don't stop until you guys end up rolling around in bed naked, then I'll know you've done everything you could and I've once again done my job right. Come on now, chop, chop. You can thank me later."
Amongst all the things that Emma said, one core importance stuck with me and I have never felt more determined to right my wrongs. I shouldn't have taken the easy route and accept defeat like I had. I shouldn't have believed Tyler when even he didn't sound sure of the things he had said to me. If his stuttered word indicated anything it's his love for me. And if there's still last shred of hope left, I should grasped onto it dearly.
Tyler, wait for me. I'm coming back to you.
The first thing that assaulted my senses when I first came to was the haunting silence and chilly air in the room. Blinking my eyes a few times, the fog in my vision started to clear and I looked around the room, trying to take in my surroundings.
I don't know where I am.
I feel the burst of panic started to rise when I realised I was bound to the bed I was currently lying in. All my limbs were tied to each corner of the bed, rendering me helpless. I tried to pull against the restrains, tugging and twisting my hands, desperately wanting to free myself from it. But it was futile. The knots didn't budge and the coarse rope just digged deeper into my skin. The burning welts had formed around my wrists and small droplets of blood began to seep through the redden skin.
I tried to recall what might have happened but the last thing I remembered was Emma rushing me out of my hotel room so I can get to the airport and fly back to Michigan. I also remembered walking out of the revolving hotel door and try to catch a cab. And then I heard someone calling my name and I turned around and..and.. That was it. I didn't even get a look at the person who called me but why couldn't I remember what happened after that?
Just before I could try and recall every little tiny detail of my last memory, I heard footsteps approaching the door. Someone was coming. Soon enough, the door opened and the first thing that came through it was a bouquet of flowers. The blue orchids. The person who came in with it set the bouquet onto the table near the door and turned around to face me.
My eyes widen.
"You!"
"Hello, Troye."
A/N:
Whoops! Don't kill me, don't kill me, don't kill me. The story needed the last bang for a drama before we will get to the final chapter.
You guys probably have a couple of questions like;
1. What the hell is Tyler thinking?
2. How awesome is Emma at kicking Troye's ass?
3. Who is that mystery person?
4. What do they want with Troye?
5. Does anybody realised Troye has gone missing?
Etc, etc. And if you have more questions, feel free to let me know. And fret not, all will be answered in the final chapter.
So at last, we have come full circle and finally reached the pinnacle point of the story in Prologue. OMG I'm freaking excited for the final chapter and it will be the end of this story. (I'm a little emotional *sniff*)
But just putting it out there, the final chapter will be written in a third person POV and I just wanted to say this here and hopefully it won't be confusing for the sudden change of POV.
So there, please enjoy the storm after the calm.
Cheers!
Chin