I was staring at the boxes on Mulder's porch, contemplating my life's failures.

One day I had everything: a fulfilling career, a wonderful child and amazing soon-to-be husband. The next day I was homeless and single, with my relationship falling apart just hours after engagement. The worst part was: I had no idea why. Mark was never a jealous type, but I guess finding me wearing nothing but a bathrobe in a house of a man whose name I accidentally called during our love-making was too much even for him.

"Oh god, Mulder, what have I done?" I turned to my friend.

"You deserve better than this, Scully," he tried to comfort me.

"But I don't have anything better, do I?"

"This is not your fault."

"How EXACTLY is this not my fault, Mulder? Please explain it to me, because I'm not getting it!"

"It's my fault."

"Damn it, Mulder! Not everything is about you! This is MY life!"

"Your LIFE has just been delivered to my front door, so it kind of is my deal. I couldn't let you out on the street."

"Are you trying to say you wish you did?"

"I should have. "

"God, Mulder… Is that what you want? You want me to leave?"

"No. That's what he wanted. You chose me over him. Don't you get it? He would forgive you if you slept with me, but he won't forgive you being close to me."

"So the only way to get him back is to break the friendship with you?" I must have been severely stressed out, because Mulder's words actually made some sense to me.

"I'm sorry, Scully," he looked sad, even hurt. What the hell did he have to be hurt about?

"Damn it, Mulder! Why does everything have to revolve around you? Ever since I joined the FBI you dominated every aspect of my life! My career revolved around your quest, I followed you like a puppy around the fucking world, risked my life for you, lied for you, I gave my only child to you! But it wasn't enough! It's never enough! I can't even get a damn husband because of you!"

Mulder was just standing there, not responding to my breakdown, taking my words silently like a good old martyr that he likes to play. It only made me more furious. I needed someone to blame for my mistakes and if he wanted to take the blame, I wasn't going to stop him. Not this time!

"I hate you!" I yelled at him and started to hit him in the chest with my fists, just to get a fucking reaction. I needed him to yell back at me, I needed a fight that Mark denied me, but Mulder just stood there, taking my blows like they hurt less than a mosquito bite. He didn't try to stop me in any way, he was just there like he always is, no matter what.

My constant. My touchstone.

My weakness. My Achilles heel.

My everything.

Forever.

"Why?" I lowered my head on his chest, finally breaking into tears: "Why can't I leave you?"

He wrapped his arms around me, but I shook them off instantly. I walked past him to the house, searched for my car keys and went back outside without looking at him again. He didn't try to stop me when I entered the car and drove off. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I had to get out of there. I had to be my own person. Not Mulder's Scully. Not Mark's Dana. Not even Ahab's mom.

I had to be me. I had to find myself.

I drove without a destination until I run out of gas. It was only then that I noticed how I forgot to take my wallet and my cell phone. I had no money, no gas, no place to go. No close friends, no mother since she moved in with Bill few years ago. I couldn't even go back to Mulder, as it was way too far of a journey to do on foot.

So I laughed. It was only fitting to be lost on the outside as much as inside.