Chapter Thirty Six.

"Have a seat, Lauren." The doctor said.

"Where did Joey go?" she asked again.

"Sit down." He said kindly, studying her face.

"I need to find Joey…"

"He's going to wait for you outside, Lauren… I think we need to talk…"

"He's left me…" she whispered, deflating further as she stared at the door out of the office.

"He just went to get some air." He reassured her. "How long have you been feeling like this, Lauren?" he asked gently.

"Like what?"

"I heard what you said to Joey a minute ago…"

"I didn't mean it… I didn't mean to push him away… I'm just…" She bit her lip, looking at the doctor, seeing the professional mask on his face.

"You're just what?" he pushed.

"I'm getting in first…"

The doctor stared at her, "So you're pushing him away… because you think he's going to leave you?" he said.

"They always do… and why wouldn't they now?" she said. "When I'm like this…"

"Like what?" he asked, knowing he was getting to the crux of the matter.

"Like this?" She said as if it was obvious. "Why would anyone want to be with me after what happened…?"

"Sit down, Lauren." He said.

"I need to speak to Joey…" she said distractedly.

"Joey will be fine… sit down…" She stood in the middle of the room, looking undecided and the doctor walked over to her. "There are things I need to speak to you about…" he said, placing his hand on her arm and leading her back over to the chairs in front of his desk. She sat down, frowning as she tried to work out what he wanted to talk about. The doctor moved back around his desk, sitting down and staring at her. He opened a drawer of his desk, "I'm going to prescribe you some tablets…" he told her.

"Tablets? Is there something wrong? Is it the burns?"

"No, Lauren… it's something that a lot of patients who've been through what you have sometimes face… These tablets will make you feel better… will help with the way you're feeling…" he said as he scribbled on the pad. He tore off the page and held the paper out towards her. "You should take these twice a day, morning and night… they'll help you relax…"

"What are they?" she asked, taking the paper from him, staring at it but not any clearer.

"They're anti-depressants… very mild ones… but I think they will help you." He said.

"I'm not depressed."

"I think you are." He said, not backing down from his diagnosis. He could see the disbelief on her face, "Lauren, when I first saw you at the hospital, I really thought we were going to lose you… your burns were some of the worst I'd ever seen that didn't result in fatality. I wasn't sure you'd be strong enough to get through it… I couldn't even understand how you were still conscious… but you were… you were screaming Joey's name, your voice was hoarse and it kept breaking as you cried out his name but you kept going. We had to give you a sedative to calm you down because your voice was giving up… your throat was already sore from the smoke you'd inhaled and the screaming wasn't helping at all… I went to speak to your dad and that was when I met Joey and I could see that he cared for you as much as you clearly did him. I watched him as he sat with you for days. All of your family spent time with you but Joey was there the most… He was there every time I removed the dressings to look at your wounds. He's seen you at your absolute worst, Lauren and he didn't leave. He stayed with you…"

"Because he knew I needed him…" she whispered.

"Partly, yes… I'm sure that was a factor… but do you know what I think was the biggest reason for him staying?" he asked. She shook her head. "Because he needed you…"

Lauren stared at him, her eyes widening as his words sunk in. "Why do I keep pushing him away?" she breathed.

"You've been through a lot, Lauren… you've dealt with so much in a short space of time and your mind is struggling to handle it all… to keep up with all the changes you've been through…"

"You think I'm mad?" she gasped.

"That wasn't what I said… I don't think you're mad… I think that you're mentally finding it difficult to deal with the trauma you've been through… Like I said earlier, a lot of burns patients suffer similarly." He told her, "It's not a failing on your part… you just need a little help and these drugs will do that."

"I don't want to take any more medication." She said, "I'm already taking more than I want to."

"These are very mild and the painkillers you're on are also not that strong… These will just enable you to relax a little… to get some sleep." He told her.

"Will it make me prettier?" she said, clenching the prescription in her hand.

"Beauty isn't just on the outside, Lauren… Looking at you, you'd never know you were a burns patient."

"Until I take my clothes off," she whispered.

"It's just temporary." He reminded her.

"Not all of the scars are going to go though, are they?" she said.

"No, you're right… they won't all go… but something tells me that Joey won't care about a few scars that will fade over the years. He's seen you when you were lying in the hospital with bits of skin blackened and hanging off you. He's watched as I removed dead pieces of skin from your leg…" Lauren's face paled and he noticed, "I'm not saying this to upset you and to bring back unpleasant memories, Lauren… I'm telling you this because none of this scared Joey off… he didn't leave you then and I can guarantee he won't leave you now… unless you keep forcing him to."

She stared at the paper in her hand, "I'll give these a try…" she whispered.

"That's all I'm asking… I'd like you see to a counsellor as well." He said. "You need to talk about what you've been through. I can give you some numbers of people I'd suggest…"

"I've got a counsellor… I've been seeing her already…"

"You've been to see one already?"

"Yes, I spoke to her about what happened… it helped a little so I stopped going to see her… I guess I could go and see her again."

"I think it would be wise." He said, "I'd like you to come back in a month and we can discuss how the tablets are helping… maybe adjust the dosage…" he told her.

"I'll book an appointment on my way out." She said, nodding her head. "Thank you…" she said as she stood up.

"You're welcome, Lauren… now, go and speak to that boy of yours and clear the air."

*JL*JL*

Lauren walked out of the hospital, unsure where Joey was but she stopped as she saw him pacing backwards and forwards near the ticket machines for the car park. Lauren took a deep breath and made her way over to him. He stopped as he saw her approach, clearly not sure what to expect when she got there. "I'm sorry…" she whispered, staring at his face. "I don't mean to keep pushing you away… it's the last thing I want…" she told him. "I want you so badly… I get scared that you're going to leave me…"

"I don't want to, babe… but it's difficult to remember that when you keep shoving me out of the door."

"I know… I'm so sorry…" She stepped forward, relaxing slightly when his arms wrapped around her body. She leant her head on his chest, closing her eyes as she breathed in. She was the calmest she'd felt all morning. "The doctor has prescribed me some anti-depressants…" she whispered. "And he wants me to go and see my counsellor again…"

"I think they're both good things, babe…" he said, kissing her on the forehead.

"I'll try to stop pushing you away, Joe… I can't swear there won't be the odd slip but I'll try…"

"I'm not going anywhere, babe… I can't lose you again." he said. "Shall we go home now then?" he asked.

"Via the chemist." She said.

"Sure… and maybe you can call your counsellor on the way home…" he suggested.

*JL*JL*

Lauren got her prescription as they headed home, Lauren read through the leaflet that came with them. She spoke to Joey and asked him to keep the tablets from her dad… not wanting him to worry even further than he already was. In the middle of the afternoon she went upstairs and started to run herself a bath, pouring some vanilla bubble bath into the water.

She walked into her room as the bath was filling and removed her clothes. She pulled Joey's gown around her body and then walked back into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her but not locking it. She slowly got into the bath, sighing as the hot water ebbed through her body. She leant her head back against the top of the bath and closed her eyes, losing herself momentarily in the memories of what had happened that day. It had been an emotional day and she'd pushed Joey to his limits once more. She hated that she had but after what her doctor had said to her, she was at least a little clearer on why she'd done it. She hated that she had to take the tablets, feeling like it showed a weakness she hated people seeing and she was also worried that she'd get hooked on them but she was prepared to try it for a little while and the doctor had told her they were very mild. She had called her counsellor on the way home from the hospital and she had an appointment arranged for tomorrow so no doubt it would be another difficult day. She was scared about what the next few days would hold for her… and Joey… These were scary times.

A/N: Poor Lauren… it just keeps getting worse for her, doesn't it? Send me a review and let me know what you think. Back tomorrow.