A/N: Hi all. A little bad news :(

For the last few months I have been suffering from various problems with my arms (mainly pinched ulnar nerves; possibly other things too). This makes typing a very very slow/painful process; also possibly a bad idea.

You can probably see where this is going. Insomnia is not going to be making much progress for the near future... not until it's safe for me to do long bouts of typing again. This sucks for me because I really, really, really want to keep the story moving - I love the process of writing with it, I know exactly where I am going (and I damn well don't want to give up before the 'twist' at the [redacted] of Cycle [redacted] which is probably really obvious if you know how my mind and the mechanics of this story work... not that I'd expect you to know how my mind works :P).

This also sucks for you if you like this story, which you probably do since you probably clicked into this from a story alert. As such consider this a contrite apology for the however-long gap until I'm next able to update. I'm really sorry, and I swear I'll get this story going again as soon as I'm humanly able to.

sorrysorrysorrysorry

In the meantime, let me leave you with some crackfic courtesy of a friend who shall remain nameless...

"Hey look Tatl, there's that hot spring we were going to go to!" said Link.

"Wingshreds!" exclaimed Tatl.

They both wandered around happy, because it was totally warmer near the hotspring, and frolicked in the hot water and stuff.

"I know, why don't you get some of that warm water and store it for later? It might come in handy, hinthint" Tatl said.

"Why don't you get it yourself?" Link muttered angrily (he was angry because he wanted to stay in the warm place and not move, or something. I don't know, I haven't even played the game!)

"Because I can't, I'm just a tiny ball of light!" Tatl said sarcrastically.

"Oh, right, yeah." Link said. He grabbed a bottle out of his magically bottomless pockets and filled it with some Hot Spring Water.

"Hey, look over here! There are giant snowballs! Why don't you smash them open, you know, for target practice or something, just in case there are more birds or whatever it was I was scared of many chapters ago that you totally didn't attack because you suck? Also wingshreds!"

"Well, I am warm now so I guess I have nothing better to do!" said Link.

Link went around and started smashing snowballs. They broke apart in a really satisfying way, with a whole heap of snow flying out in all directions whenever he smashed one. It was really therapeutic, because he didn't like the cold because it was cold and stuff, so it made him feel better. All of a sudden, the snowball Link broke had a Goron inside!

"Help me, I am so frozen and cold!" the Goron elder said, but it actually came out more like "" because he was inside a giant snowball.

"Don't worry, I'll save you! I'm Link and I save everyone and stuff!"

Tatl fluttered around in front of his face, saying "Why don't you use some of that Hot Spring Water you got earlier?"

"Good idea!" Link got the Hot Spring Water out, and poured it on the Goron elder. He miraculously came back to life!

"Wha.. who the hell are you? What's with your stupid hat? And your ears?" the Elder exclaimed.

"Wingshreds! You'd better put that Goron mask back on if you want him to take you seriously!"

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I kind of suck at being-a-video-game-hero" Link said, and then he put the mask on. He felt himself grow heavy, and he also felt his strength multiply times infinity, so while his head now weighed more than it ever had before (except for the last time he was a Goron), his neck was also strong enough to hold it up!

"Oh, hello there young Goron. I didn't see you there before. It must be the cold weather, you know, it's very cold" the Goron Elder said, nodding wisely. "I am so grateful for you for saving me! How are things back at home anyway?"

"Well, your son misses you, he won't stop cryi-"

"My son misses me? Alas! Hey, what a coincidence, there is only one way to shut him up, and it's to sing The Song Of Lullabies. It's way too cold for me to remember it all, but I think I know how the start goes..."

The Goron elder started to hum a tune to Link, who made a mental note of it.

"Thanks, Mr Goron Elder dude. Wingshreds! Now, let's go make that stupid wingshredding baby shut up! Come on, Link!" Tatl fluttered enthusiastically past them both and off in the right direction. Link followed Goron-like (get it, because he has the Goron mask on) behind her, on to do the next step in his incredibly long quest to save the world from Skull kid.

(Think you could write worse Insomnia-parody? You're probably right. Send some to my email address [my user name at gmail dot com]. Or anything else, really. An illustration of that one cool bit in chapter 25 might be epic... I am unable to write and very very bored and you, yes you, can make me feel loved :P)