Penumbra lifted her head with surprise as Claire burst through the library doors, trotting down the longest stretch of carpet with a confident and somewhat irritated stride.

"Did you get it?"

Claire planted a blue orb on Penumbra's open book unceremoniously.

"Yep."

Penumbra turned the sphere over between her feet curiously, searching for a point of interest.

"Why did he take it?"

"No idea. I highly suspect he didn't have anything resembling a plan. He'll never admit it, but it seems like he's just fucking around."

"He still thinks he's your villain, I guess."

Claire groaned.

"He can't take a hint. I mean, it'd be one thing if he actually intended to do something that threatened the world as we know it, but as is, he's just wasting my time with pointless side quests. I don't know if he thinks I secretly enjoy it or if he's just looking for something to do . . ."

Elkay slithered through the doors.

"Oh, come on, Claire. He's a nice guy. He's not a real threat, but he somehow pulls off being a fake-villain better than Zebil."

"Probably because he's not being forced to," Claire remarked flatly.

Elkay shrugged.

"I needed conflict. You're lucky you get yours for free."

"If by 'free' you mean 'costs me my entire evening' . . ."

"Meh. It could be worse. I'd much rather deal with a friendly villain than someone who actually wants us dead, such as one of my vengeful children, friends, parents, extended family, ex-lovers, current lovers, potential lovers . . ."

"Has it ever occurred to you that instead of tagging along on these pointless missions, a better use of your time would be to repair some of your personal relationships?"

Elkay chuckled.

"Well, you know how it is: when you've been around for as long as I have, the little things start to lose meaning. You gain perspective over the years. Interpersonal relationships may seem important to a mortal, since a shorter lifespan means the consequences of committing to a lost cause have more impact, but after a thousand years or so, you start to realize that the pain and humiliation of your mistakes will be forgotten with time, and the people involved will most likely move on, die, or get converted into a fancy rug once their insides have been removed to feed starving children in third world countries. I mean, life goes on, right?"

Claire narrowed her eyes.

"Right . . ."

"I mean, it's possible things will be different for you. You already learned what it takes to be a good parent while also balancing work and an active social life, so you're pretty much set to go. I started out normal and became disillusioned with humanity later in life, but you started off as a bitch and became pretty chill, so that's, like, the opposite of my life or something."

Penumbra rumbled in warning.

"Elkay, Claire wasn't a bitch."

"Nobody likes a stegoceratops."

Penumbra glared at her.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, I was just quoting Claire. If you want, I could do a supercut of all the times she called hybrids fat or stupid or ugly."

Claire curled her tail around her ankle.

"I was talking about myself . . . and . . . and I was foolish back then. I thought being human was the only way I'd be accepted."

"Yeah, as I recall, you said that a Stegoceratops was the worst possible animal you could have become."

"That was before I knew about blobfish. Also, I was an all-around ignorant person."

"Kinda racist, too."

"Was not!"

"You were, and still are. Just the other day, I heard you say 'camel-fucker'."

"I was referring to you! You were literally fucking a camel!"

"Dromedary, Claire. I only humped him once . . . That's how that works, right? . . ."

Penumbra rapped her spikes on the table impatiently.

"Guys, settle down. We shouldn't be arguing. Every one of us-"

"-has done something awful," Elkay finished, "I know. How many times do we have to bring up the same themes? Plus, it's not like it's the greatest moral in the first place. It would be different if we actually stuck to our resolutions, but here I am moving in and out of relationships while Penumbra feels uncomfortable about her past mistakes and Claire ignores her family."

Claire scoffed with offense.

"I don't see how you can say that Penumbra hasn't changed when she started out- forgive me for bringing this up to make a point- started out wanting to kill me as revenge for letting her people die. So what if she's a little remorseful? That doesn't mean she hasn't changed. In fact, it means the exact opposite! Also, when have I ignored my family?"

Elkay hummed.

"I dunno. Bull-boy was groping Karen pretty liberally before we crashed his party. I don't know much about this thing you call 'empathy', but it seems like the kind of thing you should follow up on."

Claire sighed.

"Elkay, I warned her what she was getting into, and she still volunteered to be the decoy. She wouldn't let me say no."

"Probably because she's desperate to prove herself by taking on a role that's way above her comfort level."

There was a pause.

"Just throwing that out there. I could be mistaken, but it seems like a thing some characters might do."

After a moment, Claire shook her head.

"She would have said something."

"Alright, then," Elkay chirped, "Less work for me. It's impossible to keep track of all these storylines, you know. Ever since we decided to extend the lives of important characters, nobody's arc has had a proper resolution. I almost wish we could kill a few people off to make things less complex."

"Elkay . . ."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. All I'm trying say is that it gets hard to narrate a streamline story when you have so many subplots going on. I mean, Luke went from being a bookworm to a rebel without a cause, essentially swapping places with June, who seems to be the tender half of the relationship despite being a former murderer, and then you got Jar Jar Binks trying to prove himself to Owen after having cut out his vocal cords, and I guess Tammy-Lynn and James are Stegoceratopses now for some reason, and of course Claire's half sister is working in Switzerland with some kind of ski-based spy corporation, and my parents are still living on the island despite their constant abuse and attempted world domination . . . not to mention we never found the mystery narrator, though he seems to be uninterested in us presently, even though the Park world and World world are pretty much fully integrated and thus a prime target for narrational terrorism . . . Oh, and Penny's pregnant."

Claire's eyes went wide.

"PENNY'S-"

Penumbra waved her foot dismissively.

"Yeah, yeah . . . I was gonna surprise you, but I knew something like this would happen. The dragons tends to flap her gums without considering who knows what. C'est la vie. As you know, I tend to be private about my love life-"

Elkay dipped her head down.

"-which is why Monsanto couldn't find the courage to propose to you until we were facing off with a giant lyre bird whose music caused mass depression across the U.S., and we had to organize a rock and roll concert to make everyone happy again but it wasn't enough and in order to push the happiness level just a fraction higher, Monsanto proposed to you at the last possible second and your happiness blasted the lyre bird's face off and there were rainbows and sunbeams and shit."

Claire and Penumbra looked at Elkay, then back at each other.

"Yeah, so that happened," Claire said, "But Penny, how long have you known you were pregnant?"

"Only a few days," she replied with a shrug, "I still don't know the details yet. Maybe Elkay can help by using her magic or something? . . ."

The dragon placed her chin on folded paws, which in turn were propped up by her tail.

"What do you want to know?"

"Is it a girl or a boy?"

"Yes."

Penumbra rolled her eyes.

"No, Elkay, I mean is it a girl OR a boy?"

Elkay's eyes darted briefly to the side and back again.

". . . Yes."

Claire snorted.

"She's doing Boolean answers. Watch and learn."

She marched up to the dragon and cleared her throat.

"Elkay, is it a girl or a boy?"

"Yes."

"Is it a girl?"

"Yes."

"Ha!" Claire whooped, "So Penumbra is having a girl."

". . . Kind of? . . ."

Claire tensed up.

"What do you mean, 'kind of'?"

Elkay's ears drooped.

"Well, it's not just a girl . . ."

Claire batted her eyes.

"Do you mean . . . intersex? . . ."

"No, I mean it's both."

"Yeah: intersex."

Elkay slapped her forehead.

"No! It's twins! Penumbra is having twins! Sheesh!"

Claire's face brightened.

"Pennyyyyyyyyy!"

Penumbra gagged as Claire squeezed her in a bear hug.

"Agh! Claire! I can't breathe . . ."

"Oh, Penny, I'm so happy for you!" Claire squealed, "You and Monsanto are gonna have TWINS!"

Elkay beamed proudly.

"It just goes to show that love is always possible, even when it's between a victim of genocide and a Nazi."

Claire whipped her head around.

"ELKAY! Why do you say these things? . . ."

"Well, okay, not a literal Nazi . . ."

"Elkay."

"Maybe, like, a less obvious kind of Nazi?"

"Oh my god. Elkay."

"I don't know if there's any way to gently compare someone to a Nazi."

"Elkay, no."

"Nationalsozialist?"

"Elkay, stop."

"Alt-right?"

"ELKAY!"

She waved her paw breezily.

"Yeah, you're right. It's 2075. Time to move on."

"Thank you."

She held up a claw.

"Soviet allegories are the way of the future. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm open to appropriating all kinds of tragedies, but there's only so many times you can exploit the popular ones."

Claire slapped her forehead and winced. Penumbra patted her shoulder gently.

"Ignore her, Claire. You know she just says these things to get a rise out of you."

Elkay dipped her head between them.

"Yeah, it's easy to play on your guilt, considering you allowed an ethnic cleansing to happen right under your-"

Penumbra decked Elkay without turning her head.

"Our past is as messy as it is in any other world, but the important thing is to remain vigilant. It's tempting to believe that history will never repeat itself, but it happens. I mean, look at all the people who said society was too advanced to allow fascism to gain traction in modern times. The only thing keeping it in check was our ability to spot the warning signs, but lo and behold, we were so confident in our own morality that we ignored them, and now we have Elkay."

The dragon snuffed and crossed her arms.

"Well played, Penumbra, but I'm not the one with antlers and wings . . . Um, feathered wings, I mean. If you're going to hold someone to task for the fate of the world, it ought to be Claire, don't you think? I mean, she did let the embodiment of all things evil escape the Beneath when she rescued you from the bull way back when, and we haven't seen it since."

Claire frowned.

"Elkay, that thing isn't dangerous. There's not a person alive that can match my power level, and Elymas can only challenge me if he takes a . . . non-gaseous form."

"Forget the evil cloud, everyone," Elkay jeered, "I'm super special because I have antlers and wings, even though I had to turn the last Queen to stone when Elymas infected her soul."

Claire took a deep breath.

"Elkay, Ellie was in a vulnerable state of mind when she was infected. She had darkness in her heart because the world was crumbling around her."

"Yeah, and she was super powerful at the time, so you don't get to claim invulnerability just because you're God."

Claire snorted.

"Elkay, I'm in control, here."

"Alright, Miss Smartypants, what happens if Elymas infects someone you know? You can't kill a loved one."

"Nobody I care about has a capacity for evil."

"What about me?"

". . . Nobody I care about has a capacity for evil."

Elkay sighed noisily.

"You and your banter . . . Listen, Claire, I know you think this is just another villain, but it's so much more than that. We know that Elymas is capable of infecting pretty much anyone under the right circumstances, and what's most worrisome to me is that it seems to have something to do with gods going darkwings. Probably dark-antlers, too, if I had to guess. You say that nobody you care about is capable of turning bad, but I know for a fact that you cared about Ellie, and if we really want to get into the worst-case scenario, we can't ignore the fact that Lily went darkwings, too-"

Claire stomped her foot.

"Enough, Elkay. Stop trying to scare me. Ellie may have been darkwings when she was infected-"

"Or gone darkwings because she was infected."

"-but that doesn't mean anything. Elymas is just some evil cloud that latches onto people with darkness in their hearts. If I wanted to, I could turn anyone I know back to my side, because the people closest to me are- essentially- good. You think you're so knowledgeable about magic because you fucked a cloud and made a bunch of snakes that bit people and forced evil cloud-bits to go into them, but I understand what people are really like. No matter how much cloud-stuff is in their soul, they can always be talked out of doing evil."

"What about Ellie?"

Claire let out a sigh.

"Ellie was a god. I couldn't remove Elymas without killing her. Now that I'm the most powerful being in the universe-"

"-you're his next target."

Claire didn't reply. Elkay draped a wing over her back.

"Claire, I admire your confidence, but confidence can be a very dangerous thing. Evil is unpredictable. Even those who have never been exposed to Elymas have wisps of darkness floating around inside of them. If anything, inherent darkness is less manageable than an infection. Point is, we can't expect to defeat all evil, because evil presents itself in a deceptive manner. You can never be sure where it will manifest. If it grows within you, you might not even realize it, because from your point of view, you'd be in the right. That's the danger of over-confidence, Claire. It makes us less vigilant."

They both turned as Penumbra cleared her throat.

"Funny you should mention that, because I was reading through this book of ours, and I reached a passage about Elymas and The Star, and it mentioned something called Katharos-"

Elkay went rigid.

"No . . . No, no, no! This can't be happening!"

Claire bit her lower beak.

"What is it?"

Elkay turned toward her slowly.

"Claire . . . Katharos . . . It's the apocalypse . . ."

"WHAT?!"

"And you're the one who's going to start it."