So here we are again. I hope you like this brand new chapter for all of you. Somewhere in this chapter there will be an explanation for the new cover- picture.

George POV

"George." I flinched when Mike came up behind me and carefully put a hand on my shoulder. "I think it's time to leave now." I nodded. My mother laid, cold and stiff- more likely her corpse laid on a bunk. Flat on her back and with her long, dark hair like a mane around her head. Her eyes were closed- and they would never open again.

I had my palm against her forehead, I didn't know what to do or how to act. She was dead. Dead! Non- living, non- breathing unchangeably DEAD! And I did not know if I was supposed to be sad. Because on one hand, I had once loved her. But on the other I hated her so badly. And that was why I for the moment had no idea what to do.

I had been sitting like this for the last two hours. All since she took her very last breath, and I didn't... I just didn't! "Come on George. The staff need to do their job now." I barely knew what I was doing, but I stood up and let Mike lead me out of the hospital before he pushed me into the passenger's seat.

I closed the car door and put the belt on mostly on automat. Watched out the window the whole ride back to Elm Tree House. "We could go to my place instead if you'd like to go somewhere quiet." Mike told me. But I shook my head, maybe Elm Tree House would be better- a place where I would be constantly reminded that life would go on, there would be laugh again.

"I'm here for you if you need to talk okay?" Mike told me, and suddenly everything was spinning. The whole world seemed to go around and I had to grab onto the inside of the car door not to fall over and risk to have Mike drive of the road, and I tried telling Mike to drive to the side and stop the car when I felt my stomach turn. "What did you say?"

"I said stop the car I'm gonna be sick" I almost shouted, and felt bile rising in my throat just as Mike made a sharp turn to stop on the side of the road and didn't have the time to step out of the car so I simply just leaned out of the opened door before I started heaving. I felt Mike's palm patting my back but didn't have the time to say anything as I could barely catch my breath before I started heaving again.

"It's okay," Mike clapped my back one last time before I raised and leaned back against the car seat and tried to breathe again. "Can I start driving again?" I nodded without opening my eyes and didn't open them again until I felt that Mike pulled over in front of Elm Tree House. "Do you want to come in?" I nodded, opened my eyes and held up my head. Before I got out of the car and stumbled a bit as I walked towards the door behind Mike.

Gina was standing in the hallway as if she had been waiting for us and grabbed my arm and led me towards the quiet room. I was getting more and more trouble with keeping on my feet and mostly fell down in the sofa with my feet still on the floor when I was given sign that that would be alright without hitting the floor.

"Babes…" Gina said softly in her most motherly voice and stroke my hair. "Can you speak to me yeah?" I couldn't find the energy to answer her verbally but I nodded into the cushions with my eyes still closed. "Is there something I can get you? Do you want something to eat or drink?" I shook my head. "I'll get you some water to clean out your mouth yeah?"

I didn't react. I couldn't find the energy to move even in the slightest. When Gina came back she mostly had to hold me up sitting and tip the glass over towards my dry lips. And something was telling me that I should have been embarrassed. But I wasn't. And even though I could barely even swallow I had to admit that the cold water felt good in my burning mouth and throat.

I heard her place the glass on the table, and felt her hand on my forehead again- just like I had felt my mother's hand all those years ago. I tried opening my eyes, but my eyelids were too heavy and so I drifted off. Let myself be embraced by a soft dark that just for a moment took away all the pain.

And if it could only have taken it away for a bit longer

The next few days- or hours- or minutes I wasn't too aware of what was happening around me. I knew what was going on, I could hear, if anyway not see because I mostly held my eyes closed but I couldn't shut my ears, shut my other senses to whatever was going on. Gina was mostly around, or Mike. I knew they had had to take in an extra temporary care- worked because I heard Gina tell the others that they wanted an adult to keep an eye on me at all times, just like they and some of the older girls were also keeping an eye on Sophia.

I knew that my state now was something close to what Sophia's had been the last few days. And so I couldn't help to feel weak. There were bigger problems than mine in this world- damn it! In this house- and I let this decide for me how I acted and who I were. I was so weak!

But no matter how I tried to get myself back I just couldn't do it. It would mean pulling myself back to reality and reality would mean I'd have to deal with the pain. And dealing with it would mean it would be a thousand times stronger than I could make it for the moment. And I didn't know if I could deal with it.

I tried to hate her, I really tried to hate her. How could I not hate the woman who had killed my brother?

Although how could I not love her?

I wasn't too aware of how time went, I drifted in and out of unconsciousness and couldn't find the strength to move or even react to the people around me. I just couldn't

I just couldn't!

Gina POV

George laid curled up with himself on the couch in the quiet room for two days. He didn't move, answer or react barely to anything we said or did. I was afraid he would get dehydrated after a while so when I couldn't get him to drink from a glass anymore I grabbed a bowl of water and a cloth from the kitchen, soaked the cloth and held it towards his lips.

It wasn't much, but what else could I do? And at least it would have him drink if only it was a little bit. I soaked the cloth over and over several times and then went to poor the water out in the kitchen and put it away. But as I came back to the quiet room I saw a small, dressed- in- black figure that disappeared into the quiet room.

We had told the children to keep away from George for the nearest future. And I hurried towards the opened door, but when I saw it was Sophia- who had too been apathetic lately. I decided to wait and see what happened before I stopped her. And I stopped in the door and watch Sophia sit down on the edge of the sofa and reached for George's big hand with her own smaller.

"Dark cannot take over in a room where there's light." She said in a tiny, quite hoarse tone from not speaking in several days. "Not in the same way as light can take over in a dark room at least." She took a deep breath before she continued. "Light is always stronger than the dark. Even if the light is ever so tiny." I watched her lift her hand and stroke away a tear with the back of her hand.

"Maybe it's the same with love and hate. You can truly love what you once hated but you can never fully hate what you once loved. And hatred can never take over where there once was love like dark cannot take over in a room with light." Sophia took another deep, shaky breath. "Because like light is always stronger than dark, love is always stronger than hate."

A sound somewhere in between a sob and a whimper rose from George's throat. "I know you're trying to hate her George. I have been trying to hate everyone I ever loved for things they did too. But you cannot hate what you loved." The sobs were coming more and more often from George as I watched him push himself up to sit up and leaned over putting his head in his hands.

Sophia put a hand on his shoulder, it might not have been much but for a moment I could almost feel how much it meant to George just to know that someone was there. Here I was put in front of a dilemma, on one hand I could choose to walk into the quiet room and give my support, or on the other just walk away.

I chose to walk away

It might have seemed cold but I didn't want to interrupt them

I pulled my phone out of my coat pocket in the office. And shakily pressed the number to my husband's phone. I had been blessed with three boys and one girl, my youngest- Mia- was nineteen years old and had Down's syndrome. She was the only one of my children who still lived at home in difference from her older brothers who had all moved out.

At the latest this morning I had been thinking about the fact that it would probably be a long while yet until Mia moved out- if she ever did. And for a moment I had been thinking one of those thoughts that were forbidden. That I didn't want my child to live with me and Greg for the rest of her life- not for her but for myself.

"Hey honey."

"Hello… Greg have you got Mia there?"

"Yes… is everything alright?" I nodded into the phone even though I knew he couldn't see me and answered him yes. "Okay… here she comes… here honey, your mother wants to speak to you." I heard Greg hand the phone over to our youngest. And then Mia's voice. Her speaking wasn't in any matters clear- new people would have trouble understanding what she said- but I was used to it.

"Hello mummy." She said, and I could almost hear the smile on her face as I smiled slightly. Just hearing her voice, feeling my heart beating in that way only she could make it do and I just knew- how could I- how could I ever not love anything in it with all of my heart. "Mummy… are you still there?"

"Yes honey." My voice sounded more shakily and weaker than what I had planned it to. "I just called, I just… I just wanted to say that I love you very much." I heard Mia giggle slightly in the other end. "That no matter where you are or what you do I will always love you." Mia giggled again. "And even if it might not always seem like I do I always do okay?"

"I love you too mummy." She told me. "All the way to the stars and back again." I smiled. "Mummy what is it? Why do you tell me now? Are you dying or something?" This time it was my fault to laugh slightly- Mia had once seen someone on TV be dying and now every time I told her I loved her spontaneous like this she would be worried

"No babes." I told her. "I was just… reminded of it at work…"

"Is today the day I can come with you and meet the people you work with?" I shook my head and told her no. She had nagged me about just that since I had started working at "the dumping ground" but there never really had been the right time- and certainly wasn't now. "Oh… maybe another time then."

I soon hung up on Mia and called up my youngest and middle son- Luke and Jacob were twins and spent probably as much as all their time together so all I had to do was to call up one of them and have him turn the speaker on and I could take the time to tell them both how much I loved them.

When I talked to Mia my voice had been shaky and weak, by the time I made the third call to my oldest- William, I was at my total breaking point and it took me three starts to be able to stop the "you" in I love you. "I love you too mum." He told me. "But are you alright?"

When we hung up I put the phone down and then buried my face in my hands. I wasn't sure what had made me cry but it was like with hearing what Sophia had told George. Maybe it was just them people who had been through the most learned what was important to hang onto and what was not.

It lasted for almost half an hour, and no one came into the office during the whole time. I was quite grateful for that because if anyone would have asked why I was crying I wouldn't have been able to give them an answer. Because how was I going to explain that everything that kind of had been going wrong the last week had just fallen into place.

I might not really have been able to know that it had, but I had a feeling things were finally starting to clear up for all of us. And with how everything just let go I could also let go and let my feelings come out even if there were no one there to see it, and I'd have to admit that even though I felt tired and drained on energy afterwards I also felt weirdly relieved.

And I knew that the only earlier time I had felt like this, was when I finally let myself think badly about who my daughter had turned out to be- because I knew that I would always love her anyway. And that was what was important

There wasn't really any similarities in those situations

I just recognized the feeling

So, I'm stopping the chapter there. I hope you now get the new cover. If not then just tell me and I'll explain it to you. Either way I hope you like it- both the chapter, the whole story and the new cover. Bye, bye until next time.