A/N: Hey! Here's an update eight months later! Wow! College and work and stuff!
But yeah, thank you all for sticking with me through this. That's very kind of you all.
Also, thanks to my lovely beta, tumblr user thefinalfrontqueer! She's wonderful and everyone should follow her! I also have a tumblr and I don't think I've ever mentioned that before… My url is listed on my page.
Anyway, please enjoy this chapter!
It was serene and surreal to watch the dust particles floating about in the sunlight descending down through the window in absolute silence. Nothing else moved or made sound. The air was chilly with wintery frost that normally would've bothered Roxas, but this morning, his mind was just too preoccupied to care.
The weekend had passed in a fog that plagued Roxas even now early this Monday morning. On Saturday evening after dinner was over, the blond had immediately returned to his room and climbed in bed, shooing away Sora, who didn't stop pestering him for a moment until he finally understood that Roxas just didn't want to talk about his awful day.
Everything that had happened earlier that day played over and over again in his mind. The reality began to set into his weak body, making it feel heavier and number by the minute. Roxas was surprised he didn't just sink through his bed and settle in the floor between the first and second stories. He would've given anything for that to become a reality. He would've done anything to become something that just watched people living so that he didn't have to do any of it himself. But that was impossible, so he closed his heavy eyelids and continued to think until he realized his hands had been moving on their own, digging his cellphone out of his pocket. Once he became conscious of what he was doing, he realized he'd typed out a short text for Vexen.
'Marluxia cheated. I know because he cheated with me. But don't worry, I didn't want it.'
Roxas felt hollowed out when he realized he'd pressed Send without a second thought.
The phrase played over in his mind again and again. 'I didn't want it.' And he was just so confused. Why would Marluxia ever do something like that? Why would he abuse Roxas' trust like that? Why would he abuse Vexen's trust like that? None of it made sense.
An intense pounding drummed at his brain and clashed against the innards of his head. Roxas didn't realize when he'd received a text from Vexen. Or when he received two more texts. Or when he received four calls and three voicemails. Eventually, black washed over Roxas.
The next morning, Roxas woke up in a cold sweat with vomit rising in his throat. He barely had time to dash into the bathroom before his stomach heaved. All he could remember from the dream was Marluxia's frigid eyes and the intense feeling of something wrong. That feeling of absolute guilt and wrong made him dizzy and nauseous. Everything in Roxas' mind was flickering and darting away.
The sudden sensation of falling overcame him and he heaved into the toilet again before slamming his head into the wall, having completely fallen from his position on his knees into a crouched position against the wallpaper-plastered surface. Dots and zigzags danced before his eyes, and as they came together, Roxas only saw black. The sensations of nausea and dizziness faded.
When Roxas came to, it felt like it'd been a complete day later, but as it turned out, it'd only been a few short moments because when he opened his eyes, he was still leaning against the bathroom wall with Sora next to him wiping up his face with a wet washcloth and the odor of vomit lingering in the air.
The brunet was saying something, but Roxas couldn't understand him at first, his words sounding gargled, like he was speaking underwater. Eventually, everything came into focus and Roxas realized Sora was calling to their parents for help. Panic sent his heart racing and he hastily pushed Sora away and struggled to stand on his own.
"I'm fine!" the blond assured his twin as he used the wall for support in standing up. He felt so anxious and panicked as he flushed the toilet, but Sora stopped him just before he could run back to their bedroom.
Cloud emerged from the master bedroom at this point looking very concerned. "What's wrong?" he asked as he approached his ailing son, who was currently pressed against the doorframe, clinging to it for life. One of the man's large hands gently landed on Roxas' shoulder and he looked so concerned that Roxas had to look away.
"I'm fine… I just felt a little sick," Roxas murmured. "I just want to go back to sleep. Please let me rest."
Sora and Cloud glanced at each other for a moment before agreeing to let their beloved relative return to bed. Sora followed his twin anxiously.
Roxas didn't wake up again until a few hours later, feeling less sick but still horrible with a headache and the occasional dry-heave. He texted Vexen saying he'd rather discuss things on Monday than that day. That was the only text he answered, though, even though he had some texts from Riku, Naminé, Hayner, Olette and Zexion. There were no texts from the people he wanted to talk to most: Axel and Marluxia.
So instead of talking to his friends, Roxas just let himself wallow around in bed all day. He wasn't entirely sure whether he was actually sick or whether this was just a stress-related incident. Sora brought him food, which the blond felt too ill to stomach, and medicine and generally took care of him. Thankfully, he did keep a respectful distance from his brother and made sure to remain quiet so as not to upset the headache pounding away at Roxas' skull. That was at least one good thing that came about as a result of this morning.
That night, nightmares plagued Roxas. Marluxia kept attacking and killing him and meanwhile Axel stood by and did nothing. No matter how many times Roxas jolted awake and tried to fall back asleep, he couldn't stop falling back into the same nightmares. So eventually, at around 4:30am, Roxas just gave up. He just waited for the sun to rise. And now it had, and the dust particles were dancing in the light like little ballerinas. Fatigue gnawed at his frame, but at least he didn't feel as sick anymore.
Roxas had hitched a ride to school with Demyx and Zexion that morning. Things were awkward because now Zexion was mad not only about Roxas staying with Marluxia instead of him, he was also upset that the blond hadn't returned any of his text messages. Luckily, he stopped once he realized that Roxas wasn't feeling himself. He sounded concerned, then, but didn't press the situation.
On this particular Monday morning, Roxas was most fearful that he'd see Marluxia around. How was he supposed to act now? He wasn't sure, but he knew for a fact that he wasn't ready to see the senior yet. And he wasn't ready to see Axel today, either. Thus, Roxas loitered around his and Sora's locker until the bell to go to class rang. He didn't want to go to the vending machines and chance seeing either of his problems staring him in the face.
At nutrition, Roxas hid in the library in the back corner where he and Zexion used to make out when they'd still been friends with benefits. He'd hoped to be alone, but somehow, thanks to some unknown force of the universe, Riku found him there lying on the floor in a heap like he'd just passed out. The silver-haired teen nudged at his foot gently with his own and sat down next to the blond.
"Roxas, are you feeling alright?" Riku wondered, sounding very concerned.
Roxas shook his head as he slowly sat up and rubbed at his eyes. He didn't exactly plan it, but he somehow ended up curled up against Riku and resting his head against the senior's chest in search of comfort. "I told Vexen about Marluxia. I'm probably going to have to talk to him about it today," the blond informed him.
Riku gave him an extremely sympathetic look. "Poor kid." He ruffled Roxas' hair gently. "Sora told me you got sick. How are you feeling now? Anything you need? I can get you prescription drugs; my whole family's made up of doctors. I can get you Vicodin or codeine or valium, whatever you want."
Roxas couldn't help but chuckle. It was so bittersweet. Here Riku was offering him illegal services just to help him feel better and he couldn't even appreciate it. "I just want Axel," he murmured sadly. "And it'd be nice to know why Marluxia used his power on me like that."
In response, Riku nodded understandingly. "You know what might make you feel better?" he began. "Yelling at Axel. How can you be confused about Marluxia if you're spitting fire at Axel? Plus, it might help you get some rid of some stress. You have way too much of that going on right now. It's hard to watch you suffer."
The blond glanced down at the floor before his gaze returned to Riku's face. He was so confused about everything, and he was appreciative that Riku was doing all of this for him, but it didn't make much sense to him. "Why do you care so much anyway, Riku? I don't get it. Like, I knew you were a nice guy, but this just… seems excessive."
"Hm," Riku chuckled a little bit, "I guess it's because I feel like with you and Zexion being so close and all, and with how alike you are to Zexion and me, it's kind of like you're part of my family. And if you're part of my family, that means there's probably something seriously wrong with your mental faculties. Everyone in our family is extremely susceptible to depression, alcoholism, and the works. But you're surprisingly resilient. And I have hope for you." He ruffled Roxas' hair again. "And also, it's not like there's anybody else who's a truly neutral party in all of this. Everyone else has a side in this or an influence of some kind. I'm pretty removed from the situation while knowing everything that's happened. So I feel like I should offer myself to you if you need someone. And I just kind of feel like I want to help people with their problems more." He paused a moment before continuing. "Personally, I've had a lot of help with my own issues. I guess I just kinda wanna help others too, you know?"
Roxas nodded as he rubbed at his eyes again and pushed away from Riku. He got to his feet and began brushing his pants off. "Okay. I'll yell at Axel during lunch," he mumbled before he stalked off to show up early to his next class. He promptly fell asleep at his desk once he arrived and remained that way until the end of class.
"Get out of my classroom, Marluxia! You are excused for today, so please leave!" Mr. Price was shouting as Roxas entered his fourth period chemistry class. He only caught of glimpse of Marluxia rolling his eyes before he was out the other door leading into the hallway. Even with that small glimpse, though, Roxas saw that Marluxia had red scratch marks on his neck that it looked like he'd tried to cover up with makeup, as well as a bruise on the side of his face, which also looked like he'd tried to cover it up.
Roxas' heart pounded in his chest as he slowly sat down in his seat near the back. He couldn't believe that he'd actually inflicted lasting damage onto the pink-haired boy. He also couldn't believe how hostile Mr. Price had been towards him. Honestly, though, seeing the teen… wasn't as bad as the blond thought it'd be. He was still extremely confused and wary of the senior and couldn't help but feel like there was something missing that he just didn't get. Marluxia's forehead had been completely blank at the time, and he'd been acting kind of strange before anything had happened.
"Can you believe what happened to Marluxia?" Zexion's voice was suddenly right next to Roxas, startling him out of his thoughts and making him jump. At some point, the bookworm had sat down at his desk next to the blond and begun fishing out his homework from the weekend.
"Huh?" the blond was confused. There was no way Zexion knew about what'd actually happened. Unless either Marluxia or Riku had told…
Zexion looked at his friend with a puzzled expression as he placed his pencil bag on his desk. "He didn't tell you what happened?" 'I thought for sure Roxas would've been the first to know about this.'
Roxas shook his head curiously. Had something else happened to Marluxia that Roxas didn't know about? Was that why he'd been acting so strangely? Or was the older teen giving out excuses about why his face and neck were injured?
"Apparently, he got into some sort of fight and lost. Marluxia's been keeping mostly to himself. I think his pride is injured. And it looks like he's also fighting with Vexen, seeing as he just got kicked out of class. I'm surprised you don't know anything about it. Marluxia usually talks about these kinds of things with you, doesn't he?" The bookworm tilted his head curiously at Roxas, who just shrugged.
There was no way Roxas was going to tell Zexion about what'd happened. At least not now. Currently, the fewer people who knew, the better. He still wasn't quite sure how to feel about what'd actually happened and he didn't want to go spreading misinformation. Roxas had never seen such a monstrous side of Marluxia before. It was those eyes that scared Roxas most of all. That hateful glare. He shuddered just thinking about it.
"Roxas," Mr. Price's voice broke the blond out of his thoughts, causing Roxas to look up at his chemistry instructor, "I'd like to speak with you after class." He maintained a poker face, probably so that it didn't throw any red flags up for Zexion. 'We're going to discuss what took place between you and Marluxia. I need the details.'
Roxas just nodded. There was nothing else he could really do. Besides, maybe talking things through with Mr. Price would help him feel better. Mr. Price, despite looking intimidating, was a very nice and understanding person. And since he was older, maybe he'd be able to offer a bit of a different perspective based on his experiences. It was also possible that Mr. Price knew why Marluxia had been acting so weirdly. Maybe something had happened between them earlier that day.
Once everyone had filed out of the classroom, Mr. Price began collecting the packets from the lab they'd been going over. He remained quiet as he did so, which both comforted and unnerved Roxas. The scientist carefully straightened the packets before filing them away at his desk. At that point, he turned to face the teen, arms crossed over his chest.
"So, please explain to me what happened," Mr. Price requested. He looked extremely concerned, but also hurt. It was understandable. His and Marluxia's arrangement had never been very stable.
Roxas gave a sigh of preparation. Then he explained everything that had happened between him and Marluxia on that day. He kept his gaze on his desk as he recounted the event. He couldn't look his teacher in the eyes as he spoke for fear that he'd see heartbreak in the older blond's eyes. "I haven't told anyone or done anything about it. I just wanted you to know," Roxas murmured at the end of his account of what had happened. Even after what he'd done, Roxas didn't think Marluxia deserved to have his reputation trashed for something he wasn't even sure about. There was something just so strange about the whole thing that he felt like talking about it with a lot of people wasn't the right course of action to take.
Silence filled the room once Roxas had finished talking. He curiously looked up after a few moments had passed and Mr. Price hadn't said anything. The older man was turned away from Roxas, leaning against his desk. One of his hands was in his hair, scratching at his head and the other was steadying him against his desk.
Finally, after a good couple of minutes had passed, Mr. Price turned around, arms once again crossed on his chest. He seemed to be deep in thought as he sighed and approached Roxas. "First of all, I'm extremely sorry this happened to you. I… didn't think it was this bad." His choice of words intrigued Roxas.
"What do you mean 'this bad?'" the student demanded. Hope for some kind of answer made Roxas feel lightheaded.
Mr. Price sighed again. "I think this is a side effect of Marluxia's ability. He told me about this a little while ago. I..." he stopped for a moment and paused to think, "I think you should hear this from Marluxia. I want him to know what he's done. And I don't want to be the one to tell him. I don't know if he'd believe me at this point anyway."
If Roxas was confused before, he was utterly perplexed now. "Are you telling me Marluxia doesn't remember what happened?" He was absolutely gob smacked.
"It's very possible. He came to headquarters on Saturday not knowing his neck was all scratched up or that he had a huge bruise on the side of his face. At first I thought it was extremely strange, but now it makes sense." One of Mr. Price's hands found Roxas' shoulder and he squeezed it affectionately. "When you're ready, I think you should talk to him. I know he really confused you, so I think it would do you a world of good."
And with that, their talk was over and it was lunchtime.
Roxas went to his and Sora's locker first to do the usual book exchange, but then headed to the bathroom where he ended up mostly just staring at himself in the mirror angrily. His thoughts had shifted, resting with the little bit of knowledge Mr. Price had given him, over to Axel. Roxas may have made a mistake, but it wasn't like Axel had rejected him in a kindly way. He'd fucking shoved him into a wall! And when Roxas was overcome with embarrassment and had practically crawled dejectedly out of the room, Axel hadn't uttered a single word of apology or reconciliation or anything. He'd just let Roxas sit outside his apartment building for nearly 30 minutes in the freezing snow while Marluxia had to come pick him up. How much of a dick could Axel be? Seriously. It didn't make sense.
So, with this anger clutched closely within his heart, Roxas went to the vending machines for lunch. Unfortunately, Axel hadn't arrived yet. Only Demyx, Zexion, and Naminé were there, so the sophomore just sat down with his friends, ate his lunch, and festered with anger. He was so outraged and so glad Riku had recommended this because already, this felt good. It felt powerful.
When a splash of bright red caught Roxas' eye, he snapped his head over in that direction and saw Axel making his way over to the vending machines. If the blond had been looking closely enough, he would've seen the surprise and sadness on Axel's face, but he completely missed it. Instead, he rose to his feet as his boyfriend approached.
"Axel! How fucking dare you!" Roxas immediately shouted, slamming the tray of cafeteria food out of Axel's hands and onto the floor. He stuck his finger into the redhead's chest accusatorily as he angrily aggressed. "You're such a fucking dick, you know that? You're such a piece of shit! I can't believe you'd do that to me!"
At first, for about half a second, Axel seemed taken aback, but almost immediately he went on the offensive, regarding the spilled taco boat covering the floor beneath their feet with disdain. He snapped his head back up and then returned the aggression, encroaching on Roxas' personal space in much the same way the blond had earlier. "What I did to you? God, you're so fucking spoiled! You're just like Sora! You think you're perfect and you think you're just this beautiful little angel that can do no wrong? Well you did wrong! And what the hell, why would you throw my food away like that? You're such a little bitch sometimes, Roxas!" Axel roared at the blond, eyes ablaze and burning into the younger boy's. His body heat was so incredible that Roxas could feel it without even touching the redhead.
For some reason, in his subconscious, Roxas hadn't thought that Axel would actually fight back. But the fact that he was defending himself for what he did pissed Roxas off more. He screamed back at the older boy, pouring all the lava from his veins and stomach into his ragged voice. "You think I'm the one who's always acting like a little bitch? What about you, huh? You're always so clingy and overprotective and you're so annoying and you just get under my skin and I fucking hate it. In fact, I hate you, you stupid fuck!" Roxas' throat hurt a bit from screaming so fiercely, and he noticed at the back of his mind that he was definitely spitting angrily as he spoke.
Axel growled in pure fury and clenched his hands into trembling fists. "I hate you too, you fucking idiot!" he screeched in return, eyes crazy and mad.
For a fraction of a second, Roxas' eyes widened at the prospect. He narrowed his eyes at Axel and gave him the dirtiest glare he could muster. "Well, fine! If you feel that way, then we shouldn't even be dating, should we? Obviously you can function so much better without me!" Roxas wasn't exactly sure why these words were coming out his mouth. He didn't want to break up with Axel, but his rage was just too much to handle and he couldn't control himself.
"Fine! I guess we're broken up, then! Good riddance, asshole!" Axel snorted before shoving Roxas, effectively burning the blond's shoulder in the process, and turning on his heel to storm away.
The impact of his butt on the ground enraged Roxas further, and he was breathing rapidly and heavily as he also stormed off, heading a different direction than Axel. He just couldn't sit still with all this pent-up anger inside of him. He needed to get somewhere where he could just fucking maul something.
A hand grabbed at Roxas' wrist, and without even looking, the blond knew it was Zexion. Rather than trying to stop his incensed friend, however, Zexion just followed him and kept a tight grip on his arm so he wouldn't be left behind.
Eventually, they wound up in a utility closet in the theater on the complete opposite side of campus. Roxas had never been this way before, but he seemed to luck out because the closet was filled with both cleaning supplies and props from the theater productions. He immediately went to town on a mannequin that was wearing a costume that looked like it hadn't been used in years.
"Roxas, what's gotten into you? What happened with you and Axel?" Zexion finally spoke up once the blond had tired himself and sank down to sit next to his best friend on the floor. The bookworm began trying to lock eyes with Roxas, who was just sitting there with his head bowed between his knees.
The weight of what'd just happened filled Roxas and the worst part was that the only person he could really blame was himself. He'd gone way too far and broken up with Axel by accident. No matter how hurt he'd been before… that was the absolute last way he'd wanted to resolve the problem. Plus, he knew that while Axel was wrong for not trying to explain things, he was also at fault for even pressing his boyfriend without consent. And then the thought that he'd never be held by his beloved again hit him and Roxas' throat seized up. He suddenly leaned into Zexion as tears formed in his eyes.
"What did I just do?" he murmured, mostly to himself.
"Roxas," Zexion repeated, carefully placing an arm around Roxas. 'Poor Roxas. God, I feel so out of touch with him. I may have been angry at him, but he just looks fucking miserable.'
"Zexion, I'm such a fucking idiot," Roxas mumbled. He rubbed at his eyes, not wanting to cry again. Being the good friend that Zexion was, he didn't say anything when the bell signaling lunch's end sounded. He didn't move a single inch until Roxas finally got up when the last bell of the day rang two hours later. Until then, they just sat there together, Zexion holding the blond while he thought about everything. They didn't speak much, but neither of them minded.
When the two exited the closet, they noticed that there were actually people in the theater who watched as the two boys exited the closet and went on their merry way as if nothing had happened. They watched the end of water polo practice before going their separate ways. Honestly, spending the afternoon with Zexion seemed so awkward and strange. So many things had happened that Zexion didn't even know about that it made Roxas feel almost like he was a different person. They felt miles apart, and he wasn't very fond of that idea, but he didn't know what he could do to remedy that problem without telling the blue-haired boy about everything that was going on. He just didn't really want to share what'd happened quite yet. So many things were still up in the air and he didn't want to bother his friend with his problems, so he just preferred to keep them to himself.
That night at counseling, Roxas kept to himself, not even paying attention to the things that were being said. He couldn't focus on his family right now. Everything else was too fucked up for him to even think of tackling the beast that was his family's problems.
Eventually, the session called Roxas to the forefront and his family wanted to discuss what'd happened the night he came home and why he was so upset. The blond just scowled and remained silent, thinking about how Axel would've probably offered to make him dinner after the session was over if they hadn't broken up. He considered whether or not he should go through his phone and Facebook and just erase the redhead from his life.
Roxas' silence apparently worried his family and they began fervently asking what was wrong, despite the fact that the blond really didn't feel like talking. His mood darkened and he quickly grew irritated with them. It's not like they would even care, anyway. So he eventually snapped, giving them each a dirty look and growling, "You got exactly what you wanted. Axel and I broke up. That fixes all your shitty problems. You should be happy. Now you don't have to admit to yourselves that I'm gay."
There was no response, which Roxas expected, so he continued to sulk and brood quietly. They didn't bother him after that, despite the fact that Mrs. Bates was now asking about the twins being gay; apparently she hadn't been notified of that small detail.
Despite the fact that none of them said anything about the breakup, all three of Roxas' family members seemed relieved about the end of his relationship with Axel. That just made the blond feel one hundred times worse. The end of the therapy session couldn't come quickly enough.
After it had ended and the Strifes went home and began preparing dinner, Roxas hid in his room under his covers the remainder of the night. He didn't feel like eating, and he most definitely did not feel like answering the texts on his phone, most of which were from Riku and Zexion.
The next week and a half passed by in a hazy blur of Roxas going to school and coming home and sleeping. During lunch and nutrition, Roxas had taken to sulking in the library with homework that he rushed to complete so he had more time to sulk at home. He avoided his friends like the plague and had gone back to walking to school, even though it was fucking freezing and snow still covered the ground. If he had been in a clearer frame of mind, he would've laughed at himself for not having the energy to deal with anyone but still having the energy to walk to school through the snow.
It was currently Thursday, February 2nd and the Strife household was having dinner together after their therapy session. After three nights of Roxas skipping out on dinner, his family began forcing him to eat dinner with them. He hadn't really talked much to them or anyone during the whole week and a half.
At one point, Cloud had called him downstairs and sat him down on the couch when neither Tifa nor Sora was around, and tried to awkwardly help him settle his feelings after the breakup. Although Roxas appreciated his father's effort, the boy could tell his father was more interested in consoling him of the loss instead of accepting the fact that Roxas still loved and wanted Axel. The older blond made no hint of that. Instead, he explained that there were other people in the world who were better suited to him and that maybe those people were female. But Roxas didn't want to hear that, not at all, so he just stayed silent until the talk ended.
On this particular night, everyone remained quiet. Not even Sora had anything to say; he seemed rather lost in thought. Since everyone was quiet, it was clear when someone opened the front door and entered their house. At first, they were extremely confused and then they all became protective once they realized that someone had entered their home, but that didn't last for very long because Riku and Zexion were suddenly in the kitchen approaching the table with their arms crossed and stern looks on their faces, eyes set on Roxas. They never looked more like they were related than in that moment.
"Riku?" Sora wondered, sounding excited to see his boyfriend.
Riku broke character for a moment to smile at the brunet. "Sorry, sweetheart, I'm here for Roxas. Another time, though."
"What are you two doing here?" Roxas grumbled.
"Yeah, you know we don't want you here, Riku," Tifa growled.
Riku narrowed his eyes at Tifa, but didn't say anything.
"Roxas, this is getting ridiculous," Zexion spoke up, fixing the blond with an icy stare. "I'm not going to let you do this to yourself any longer. You're coming with Riku and I whether you want to or not."
Roxas scowled at his blue-haired friend. The title of 'best friend' didn't seem quite as fitting anymore. "What do you mean it's getting ridiculous? Do you expect me to hang around you guys when I know Axel is there? Besides, I'm the odd one out. I'm the one that doesn't belong. Just let me be."
Riku placed his hands on Roxas' shoulders and made strong eye contact with him. When he spoke he spoke slowly as if to make it easier for Roxas to understand. "Let me make this clear for you. You and Axel are not broken up. You had a fight."
Angrily, Roxas shrugged the senior's hands off of him. "We're definitely broken up. You're the one that told me to break up with him in the first place, so you have no right to tell me what the state of my relationship actually is!"
Not liking that reply, Riku merely replaced his hands on Roxas' shoulders, firmer this time around. "No! I didn't tell you to break up with him! I told you to yell at him! You can yell at someone without trying to cut all ties with them. Kind of like how I'm yelling at you right now!" Riku's tone was very angry and exasperated. He removed his hands from the blond boy and closed his eyes as he turned his head upwards and sighed in frustration. "I can't believe all of this trouble is over a stupid blowjob."
In that moment, Roxas was hyperaware of his parents, Sora, and their reactions. They seemed surprised firstly, and before they could reach any other emotional state, Roxas was blushing deep red.
"Wait a minute, you're saying all of this was over a fucking blowjob?" Zexion demanded, seeming just as emotionally done as his cousin. Without speaking another word, the bookworm stepped forward knelt down to grab his friend by the legs. Riku joined his cousin, grabbing up the blond by his arms. Together they hoisted him out of his chair and began turning him towards the door.
"Where are you taking me? Where the fuck is Demyx? Shouldn't you be sucking his cock about now, Zexion?" Roxas demanded, outraged. He put up an immense struggle that the two cousins hadn't seemed to anticipate. Riku dropped his arms, and for a moment, the blond thought he tasted freedom as his shoulders hit the floor. Unfortunately, he was grabbed back up again before he could escape.
"Demyx is having much the same chat with Axel as we are about to have with you! Now stop struggling!" Zexion commanded.
"Hah! Like I want to take dating advice from a guy who's still in love with his ex and a guy who's a complete and total slut and has never been in a successful relationship before!" Now, Roxas was well aware that these were low blows, but he was so angry and embarrassed that Riku had brought up the word 'blowjob' in the context of his and Axel's relationship in front of his family. Hadn't his brother's stupid boyfriend promised not to tell anyone what happened? What a fucking hypocrite!
"I'm not still in love with Lexaeus. We're trying to be better friends, is all. There's nothing wrong with treating your ex civilly," Zexion growled.
Riku opted not to defend himself, probably because Riku was a bit more accepting of the fact that he clearly hadn't been a relationship man before meeting Sora.
With much pain and many insults, the two cousins managed to finally carry Roxas into Zexion's room, where they promptly dropped him on his ass. He hissed in pain and rolled on the floor a bit because he'd landed on his head, but his captors didn't seem to care much about that.
"Why can't you guys just leave me alone?" The blond wondered. His anger was fading away to sadness. He couldn't be angry at them for trying to help. Plus, he wasn't even mad about his breakup with Axel, at least not with them. Mostly, he had his anger directed inward and otherwise loneliness clutched at his heart. He wasn't really used to not having anyone to talk to for an entire week or so.
Riku and Zexion looked at each other and sighed. They joined their fallen friend on the floor and began trying to comfort him.
"Look, Rox, I know this is hard on you. You've never been this emotionally invested in a relationship before, have you?" Zexion spoke first. He ran his fingers gently through his best friend's hair, which comforted Roxas a little bit, but not as much as it would have if it was Axel running his fingers through the blond's hair.
A lump had formed in Roxas' throat just thinking about his falling out with his beloved. He nodded in lieu of speaking.
Zexion continued. "My relationship with Lexaeus lasted for a fairly long time, and it was a very good relationship, despite how it ended. And we were very in love and we were very happy. But we still fought sometimes; all couples do. It's important not to let your pride or your perception of the situation cloud your mind, though. That's very easy to do, and it's poison to a relationship."
Riku chimed in at this point and placed his hand firmly on Roxas' arm. "Communication is the most important thing."
"But Axel probably hates me. I couldn't apologize. I'm so embarrassed…" Roxas trailed off. "I made such a fool of myself. And then I treated him like shit. He'll never want to talk to me again."
The cousins released another irritated sigh. "But he does want to talk to you, Roxas! Just as badly as you want to talk to him!" Riku explained.
"Yeah! He's been a total wreck without you. He's been just like you. You're both missing each other and you both think that you're the problem," Zexion agreed.
These thoughts helped slow the turmoil of Roxas' heart a little bit. He hadn't really thought that Axel would be mourning their relationship. If anything, he expected the redhead to be celebrating for dodging a bullet. But that didn't really make sense, thinking about it now. Axel had been in love with Roxas. The blond knew that for a fact.
Just as Roxas started gaining peace from this knowledge, he remembered one thing that shattered it. "But what about Reno? Reno warned me that if I hurt Axel he'd kill me. He's never gonna like me now! I fucked up, he'll never accept me."
"Reno will get over it. He's more distraught because he doesn't know how to make Axel feel better," Riku assured him. "Axel likes you more than anyone else he's dated. He may have been sad when those other relationships fell through, but that sadness was nothing compared to how he feels now. Right now, Reno's willing to do anything to get Axel back to normal. Axel's tears are like the bane of his existence."
Roxas tilted his head at Riku and scrunched his face together in confusion. "Axel's been crying?" The blond received a smack on the head in response.
"Of course he has, you dolt! Come on, let's go confront the beast." Riku got to his feet and offered Roxas a hand, grinning down at the sophomore.
Begrudgingly, Roxas took his hand and allowed himself to be lifted. He really did want to see Axel again and to try to talk things through, but he felt so mortified at the same time. His emotions conflicted and he really just wished things could be better without having to make them better. Still, the thought of having Axel's arms around him was enough to get him to do just about anything at this point. Thus, he wound up sitting anxiously in the back of Riku's car while Zexion tried to calm him down.
The ride was much quicker than Roxas would've preferred, but he tried to ready himself anyway. Halfway through the ride, Riku had called Demyx and informed him that they were on their way, so at least Axel would probably be expecting to see the blond and it wouldn't come as too much of a shock. Roxas wasn't too keen on popping in on Axel unannounced.
Suddenly Roxas, Riku, and Zexion were standing outside of Axel's apartment and Roxas' heart was in his throat and he found swallowing his excess saliva to be very difficult. He wondered vaguely if he'd be able to talk, but then Reno opened the door and Roxas forgot about all of that.
Reno had a stern look on his face and his eyes immediately found Roxas'. 'God damn it, why does this unreliable little shit have to be so important to Ax.' The redhead crossed his arms and scowled. "I fucking hate you, Roxas. I hate you so, so much for what you did to Axel. But I'll admit you're probably the only thing that can make him happy right now. So I'll let you try to make up with him, but," he jabbed a finger roughly into Roxas' chest, "if it doesn't work, I'll probably beat the shit out of you."
Even though he didn't want this immense pressure on him, Roxas nodded anyway. He just needed Axel and then everything else would be alright. He could deal with that later. And with Roxas' silent acquiescence, Reno opened the door and called out for Demyx and Axel as Roxas and the two cousins filed into the room, the blond anxiously pulling at his sleeves.
A few long seconds later, the sound of a door opening in the hall reached Roxas' ears. His heart immediately started racing and his stomach began doing flips. He wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say to Axel, but he was sure he'd be able to think of it when the time came. That didn't seem to matter when it came down to it, though, because as soon as Axel and Roxas made eye contact, they rushed to each other and began hugging each other very tightly.
Axel's scent fell over Roxas in a rush of air and his body heat washed over the blond and these were things that made him feel right at home. They hugged only briefly, because then they found themselves kissing. Normally Roxas would've felt far too embarrassed to kiss Axel like this in front of other people, but the redhead's scent and general presence excited him far too much to avoid giving into his desires.
They broke apart suddenly, and when they did, choruses of apologies over their fight and claims to the blame left their mouths. They hugged more as they apologized and Roxas felt like his knees might give out and he might start crying. He could hardly comprehend the sheer amount of relief that had overwhelmed him as a result of Axel's warm welcome. Although he had felt dumb and although he still thought Axel was partially in the wrong, he had to admit that holding his boyfriend again was very nice and maybe the fight hadn't been worth it, and maybe Riku and Zexion were right about how they weren't actually broken up.
"I love you, Roxas, and I'm so sorry I was such a dick to you," Axel growled almost fiercely into the blond's ear.
"No way, I was the one who pushed you, I'm so fucking sorry. I love you so much," Roxas murmured back, running his fingers through his boyfriend's hair.
After a few minutes of continuing on like that, the high schoolers all sat in a circle on the floor, Roxas and Axel holding hands, while Reno listened in on them from the kitchen.
"Why did you push me away when I was about to… you know…?" Roxas wondered, feeling embarrassed that he had to talk about this in front of everyone. He had a feeling that they'd all refuse to let them talk things through by themselves. They had to spend the past week or so dealing with two heartbroken assholes and now they wanted compensation in the form of watching the problem be resolved in a satisfying way.
Axel flushed red and uncomfortably shifted, scratching at the back of his head. "Well, I was surprised, for one. We hadn't really talked about anything since you said you'd wanted to take it slow, so I was still under the assumption that that was still a thing. But also I just felt really embarrassed because I wasn't properly prepared for it. I like to, you know, um, do maintenance down there?" Axel covered his face with his hand. "And I hadn't done any of that in a while because I didn't think that anything like that would be happening any time soon."
"You know that wouldn't have mattered to me," Roxas mumbled as he felt himself turn red.
"Well, I don't want you to feel like you're flossing your teeth whenever you go down on me!" the redhead argued in exasperation. "Anyway, if you hadn't flipped my lunch on the ground and gotten Sora to try beating the shit out of me, I would've apologized! I felt really bad about it and I was just really embarrassed, but I was still gonna apologize until you blew everything out of proportion."
This new information confused Roxas. "Sora beat you up?" he questioned, tilting his head. "I swear I didn't ask him or tell him to. He must've done it on his own. Are you alright?" The sophomore ran his hands gently down Axel's chest as he searched for signs of injury.
Axel shrugged in understanding. "It's fine. He managed to get one good punch to my stomach in, but Riku managed to stop him before he could do anything else."
Roxas knew he'd be angry later and would certainly have a stern conversation with Sora about all of this, but as it was, he just wanted to be with his beloved. "Well, I'm sorry about the lunch, and I promise I'll get Sora back for what he did. I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. But, in all honesty, it would've been easier to forgive you if you hadn't been acting so weird and jealous and mean. I just wish you'd trust me and listen to me better."
The redhead sighed. "I know, I know. I have a problem with that. It's not that I don't trust you, Roxas, it's just that I really care about you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I don't trust anything or anyone else when it comes to you and I know that's bad, but I just really love you. I'll work on it, though. I missed you." Axel hugged him tightly, which Roxas easily returned.
Relief had settled over Roxas by the time Riku dropped him off at home. He would've loved to have spent the rest of the evening with Axel, but Reno still seemed really pissed and he doubted his parents would've appreciated him sleeping elsewhere soon after he'd gone back to sleeping at home every night. Despite how Roxas had hated fighting with Axel, it seemed like they'd reached a better place. It was their first real fight as a couple and Roxas honestly felt pretty good about it. Maybe it'd been petty and they'd over exaggerated the issue, but most of the cause for their problem was that they'd both felt too guilty and ashamed to face each other for their stupidity and that wasn't such a bad problem to have, especially since they had such great friends who were willing to force them to talk things out. After this whole fight shenanigan, Roxas was hopeful for the future. Things seemed better off now.
The blond felt like he was floating as he walked up the steps to his house and entered. A warm feeling resonated in his chest and he felt so at ease. The confrontation had exhausted him, so when he entered the Strife household, his intention was to go straight to sleep.
Upon entering, the eyes of Roxas' family were on him and they all seemed confused by the goofy grin on his face. They were in the living room watching TV together.
"Roxas, are you okay? Are you drunk? You seem… happy for once," Sora so tactfully pointed out.
Normally the blond would've been offended, but at this point, he only thought of Axel and his warmth. "Not drunk, but I'm more than okay. Axel and I got back together. Also, I'm gonna fucking end you later, Sora. Night everyone," Roxas explained offhandedly and punctuated his goodbye with a yawn.
Had Roxas been paying more attention, he would've noticed three pairs of eyebrows shoot upwards. Alas, he was preoccupied by his thoughts and his desire for sleep. He gave in easily to the silent calling of his bed.
"Good morning, Roxas," Axel murmured through his broad smile. He leaned against the lockers next to the blond's and smiled down at him quite happily.
"Morning, Axel," Roxas returned in the same hushed tone. Their eyes were locked onto each other and Roxas wondered if they'd slipped back into a honeymoon phase since they'd been apart for a while. But he didn't mind as he fidgeted under Axel's sharp green eyes. He'd abandoned retrieving things from his locker and had turned completely to face his partner. They were just standing there staring at each other with dumb grins on their faces.
Eventually, Roxas couldn't take it anymore and damned his disinclination for PDA's for the moment. He had his arms around Axel and he was on his tippy-toes and pressed up against Axel's chest as they kissed. Everything was perfect.
At least until pain radiated from his side as something large and solid hit him once and then twice, causing Roxas to jump back to consciousness. Upon pulling away from Axel, Roxas realized that Sora was yelling and throwing books at them with Riku behind him struggling to restrain him.
"Sora, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Roxas demanded of his red-faced twin.
Sora just growled as he struggled against Riku. "You can't just fucking make out in front of our locker! You can't make out ever! You should've stayed broken up!" the brunet was snarling as he kept distrusting eyes trained on Axel. He shifted his gaze to Roxas and the look changed from distrustful to something more reserved. "Look at what he did to you, Roxas! You were broken for like an entire week! And if Riku and Zexion hadn't interfered, it would've gone on for longer. You're giving him exactly what he wants, Roxas. And soon he'll have you shimmying out of your pants for him!"
Roxas scowled at his twin and turned on his brother. "You know what Sora? Fuck you! You're such a fucking asshole and you're so god damn judgmental and I fucking hate you. I can take care of myself, okay? If you can't respect the person I'm dating, then you don't respect me. Don't talk to me anymore until you can pull your head out of your ass, because I really don't want to hear your stupid voice," the blond snarled. He hastily grabbed his books, slammed his locker, and led Axel away by the arm.
As they left, the blond could hear Sora begin yelling at Riku and the whole thing rubbed him entirely the wrong way. "Axel, I'm sorry about Sora. I really don't know why he gets so riled up. You'd think he'd be used to you by now," the sophomore murmured to his boyfriend as they made their way towards the vending machines.
Axel shrugged. "You know, even though I don't like the way Sora treats me, it kinda reminds me of how Reno is with you, but more extreme because like Sora's in a position where he can be more extreme. So I guess I understand it in a way."
"Are you telling me to forgive him?" Roxas raised a brow at his counterpart.
"Fuck no!" Axel easily responded. "It's just, maybe you shouldn't give up on him just yet? I don't know, maybe there's a reason he's such a dick to me, one that maybe isn't so obvious?"
Roxas regarded Axel strangely for a moment. He searched the redhead's forehead for any indication of anything, but found his thoughts largely unhelpful. However, being that Axel had learned how to communicate with Roxas using his power, the blond didn't put it past him to learn how to block Roxas' prying. "Are you saying you know why he's such a dick to you?"
"Uhh, not exactly?" Axel put his hands in his pockets and kept his gaze on the floor.
Roxas couldn't tell if he looked guilty or not, but he decided to let it go anyway. He didn't want to be all suspicious of his partner so soon after getting back together.
At around 9:30AM that day, Roxas got a text from Riku telling him that he needed Roxas to go to Mr. Price's room at nutrition break for something important. The blond had no idea what Riku could want to talk to him about, especially in Mr. Price's room, but then Riku warned him that Marluxia would be there and the blond understood that this was supposed to be a chance for Roxas to speak with Marluxia privately within a controlled environment. With everything that had happened with Axel, one would think that Roxas would've forgotten about his dealings with Marluxia, but it was to the contrary. With nothing to distract him, Marluxia's cold eyes and the looming unanswered questions had filled Roxas' mind with reckless abandon. Though he was a little nervous about the meeting, he knew it would be helpful in the end. Hopefully it would stop the nightmares.
Upon pushing the door open to Mr. Price's room, Roxas spotted Marluxia leaning against a desk near the front of the room with his arms crossed looking down at the floor. Mr. Price was nowhere in sight and neither was Riku. Immediately, Roxas wanted to turn tail and run, but Marluxia had heard him open the door and had turned to face him. His bruise looked like it'd healed a bit, Roxas noticed, and the scratches on his neck were mostly gone.
"Marluxia," the blond said under his breath. He wasn't really sure of how he felt about this whole situation, but he really wanted to try at least getting answers from this boy who he'd wrongly trusted at the most basic level.
"Roxas, before you say anything, I just want to apologize," Marluxia spoke up. He'd crossed the room about halfway, but then had stopped and sat on one of the desks once he noticed how anxious Roxas became with each step closer. 'Let him come to you, Marluxia. Don't make him feel pressured.'
The blond slowly came closer in response to the thoughts on Marluxia's forehead, sitting in the desk directly next to the one Marluxia was sitting on so that they sat facing each other and their knees touched, which made Marluxia look very relieved, clearly unaware of the turmoil bubbling beneath the surface of Roxas' poker face. He tried not to notice Marluxia's scent, so similar to the scent that had overwhelmed him the other day. "I'm guessing either Mr. Price or Riku told you about what you did, then?"
The senior nodded. "I swear to you that I didn't mean anything by what I did. I don't really think of you in any sort of romantic or sexual manner. I'm sorry that I scared you and I'm sorry that I overstepped the boundaries of our relationship. I'd like to say it wasn't my fault, but I knew what was going to happen and I let it happen anyway. And in the end, it was me who put you in a situation that was dangerous and harmful for you." He put the knuckle of his forefinger to his mouth and began nibbling. The pose made him look so pensive and thoughtful and so unlike the Marluxia Roxas was well accustomed to.
"What happened, anyway? Why did you decide to try to jump me if you don't actually want me in that kind of way?" So far Roxas didn't know what to make of the apology. He desperately just wanted things to go back to the way they were before.
It took a moment for Marluxia to respond. He appeared to be gathering his thoughts together. "Well, I'm in no way excusing my actions, but I just want to explain to you why I acted the way I did. Along with my ability, I also have negative side effects…" Marluxia trailed off and stayed quiet for a moment before continuing, "If I don't use my ability enough, the energy I expend to use it begins to build up. When it builds up, I have to find a way to release the pressure, and sometimes my body will betray me. The build-up can take over me if I don't keep my guard up. When that happens, my body begins trying to release the energy in the fastest and easiest way to do so, which for me, so happens to be through sex. Since I haven't really had sex lately, the pressure's been building. I used to be able to combat it with masturbation, but that isn't nearly as effective as sex. So, when I came onto you, it was because I was looking for a release. I really wanted to help you out when you texted me to go pick you up, Roxas, so I ignored the risk of losing control of myself because I wanted to be there for you. Unfortunately, I should've listened to my gut. I can't be alone with you like that again. At least not until I can find some way to release a lot of this pressure that isn't through sex. Sorry, Roxas."
Roxas let this information sink in a little bit. "So right now, this is dangerous for me to be alone with you?" He wondered.
Marluxia nodded. "I'm trying so very hard to suppress my urges right now. Vexen has been helping me release the pressure a bit through kissing, but that's still not as effective and one of us has a bit reluctant to do it enough that the energy is brought down to a safer level. I've only gone without sex this long a couple of times, but it's never gotten the better of me. I hope you understand now. Again, I'm really very sorry. I should've used my better judgment."
The blond shrugged because he didn't know what else to do. What was he supposed to do? "It was really scary when it happened, but I think I'll be okay. You didn't get further than kissing, so it wasn't too bad. Sorry about the bruises and stuff. I didn't mean to hurt you, I was just trying to get away." Roxas really just wanted to move past this. He was so ready for this to be done with.
"It's okay, not your fault," Marluxia responded, chuckling. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know why that whole thing happened." The senior seemed nervous now, scratching at the back of his neck, playing with the collar of his shirt, smoothing his hair. "I hope we can still be friends."
"Of course we're still friends, Marluxia!" Roxas laughed. He had to marvel at how easily the words came out. He told himself that the experience was actually pretty similar to the experience he'd had with Naminé when she had tried to sleep with him on New Year's. "I mean, sure, you scared me and you definitely crossed a boundary, but I was never that mad at you." Roxas didn't mention the fear that still gripped him like a vice in his dreams. Didn't mention how he had only just managed to convince his heart to slow to its normal rate. "I'm just glad there's a reason you were acting that way that had nothing to do with you having the hots for me. That would've been extremely uncomfortable," he explained. A thought came to him and he felt bad again. "I hope things are okay between you and Vexen, though?" he wondered.
Marluxia's facial expression hadn't changed as Roxas explained how he felt about the whole event, but his mouth did quirk into a small smile when asked about Vexen. "Well, things were very tense at first when he thought I'd simply cheated on him. Luckily, I managed to explain the situation before he got too angry and we talked it out. It's not like this is something that pleases him, but unless he sleeps with me, there's nothing that can be done. I was fortunate enough to have told him ahead of time that this was one of the drawbacks of my ability before any of this happened. Otherwise, I don't think he would've believed me if I'd tried to tell him after I came onto you," the senior replied.
"Anyway!" The pink-haired teen got to his feet. "I'm gonna head over to the vending machines now. You're free to come with me," he invited with a smile. He turned his head towards Mr. Price's empty desk. "You can come out now, you asshole. We're done here."
Mr. Price's head popped up from behind the desk, making Roxas jump in surprise. Had Mr. Price just been chilling on the floor behind his desk the entire time? The blond wasn't sure what to think of that. He decided to keep quiet as he and Marluxia walked towards the door located at the front of the room near Mr. Price's desk.
As Marluxia moved to pass the teacher, he suddenly diverted course to give Mr. Price a couple of kisses. "See?" He asked as he pulled away, arms out to his sides in demonstration. "Perfect control. Told you I could handle it."
Mr. Price chuckled and adjusted his glasses. "Guess that means we don't need to have sex, then," he taunted.
As expected, Marluxia looked rather scandalized. "Well, I-! Fuck you! I want to do that so bad!"
Roxas cleared his throat. "Just because I know about your guys' relationship, that doesn't mean I want to see it and hear it happening in front of me."
Marluxia frowned and began walking out of the room, Roxas following behind with a grin on his face.
Over the weekend, Roxas found himself quite bored. Zexion had tickets to a show with Demyx on Saturday night and they spent the whole day together, Naminé had a sleepover with Marluxia and Larxene on Friday night and then said she was busy with schoolwork and art stuff for the rest of the weekend, Axel and Roxas were not to mingle at all outside of school time, enforced on both sides of the arrangement this time, whereas last time Reno had basically dropped it. Thus, Roxas was alone that weekend and spent it at home listening to Sora bitch and complain about a variety of things. One of those things was Sora's relationship with Riku.
It appeared that the brunet was mad at Riku for siding with Axel all the time. This annoyed Roxas to no end, but he couldn't do anything to make Sora stop complaining so much. Eventually after several passive-aggressive comments about it, Roxas asked why exactly he was so mad. It's not like he really did anything aside from holding Sora back from doing bodily harm to Axel.
"You wanna know why I'm so mad, Roxas?" Sora had demanded. He'd seemed angry, but his thoughts betrayed him and he deflated almost instantly after his demand. "Because Riku always sides with Axel on everything. I thought Riku was my best friend but he totally doesn't make it seem that way anymore. I don't know. Things with him are different. Not just because we're dating, though. It just seems like he cares less. I thought you were supposed to care more about a person when you're in a relationship with them. I don't know. It just hurts," Sora confessed. He'd honestly seemed very hurt by it, and Roxas couldn't fault him for that.
Unsure of what to do or say, Roxas just spouted off some cliché lines and turned his attention back to the TV. He just didn't have the energy to do anything more.
Overall the weekend was boring. Nothing really happened.
Monday was a different story.
The waiting room at Mrs. Bates' office seemed different on this day for some reason. Maybe it was the lack of people waiting with them, or maybe it was the fact that they were waiting at all. Whatever it was, Roxas felt something was up. When his family was called into Mrs. Bates' office, the blond couldn't say he was too surprised when he spotted Riku sitting there in the middle of the couch. He could not say that for the rest of his family.
"What the fuck is he doing here?" Cloud practically snarled at Mrs. Bates, gesturing with his thumb towards Riku.
Mrs. Bates smiled at Riku before her face went serious again. "Well, he contacted me, actually. Said he was dating Sora and that he thought it'd be helpful if he came in and had a chat with everyone. I couldn't disagree. This is a wonderful opportunity for your family to resolve some of its issues."
"I'm not paying for this shit! I'm not going to deal with this!" Tifa growled. She grabbed her husband by the arm and made to walk away, but was stopped by Sora standing in their way and giving them the stinkeye.
"Why won't you just give him a chance? Why won't you just give me a chance to be myself?" Sora's voice was very serious.
"How does he even know about all of this?" Tifa demanded, gesturing wildly to the air around them.
Sora scowled at her. "Because I told him about all of this, duh! He's my best friend. I tell him everything." His arms were crossed and it was very clear he wasn't going to take no for an answer.
"Come on, assholes, Riku's not that bad. He's actually a really nice guy, despite the fact that he wants to bang your little angel," Roxas joined with a grin firmly planted on his face. Riku's forehead gave no clear indication as to why he was actually here, but Roxas was sure the older teen had some sort of angle he was trying to work. Riku was far from being an idiot, so if he thought something was going to work out in some way, Roxas was sure that it would.
"Please, sit down everyone," Mrs. Bates commanded lightly.
Everyone did so, Tifa and Cloud huffing as they sat in separate lounge chairs. Sora and Roxas joined Riku on the couch, Sora immediately wrapping his arms around Riku's waist. For someone who was supposed to be pissed at Riku, he didn't seem pissed off at all. Maybe it was just a show for his parents so they could physically see their relationship.
"Wonderful. Now that we're all seated, does anyone have a problem with foregoing our typical rundown of the previous session? I feel there's a lot to talk about today, so if it's alright with everyone else, I'd like to skip it," Mrs. Bates explained, seeming rather positive today due to the prospect of more progress than usual. When no one made to speak, she continued on. "Well then, that's excellent. Mr. Gallagher, you mentioned you had something you'd like to talk about." She looked expectantly at the senior.
All eyes turned to Riku, but he didn't seem fazed by them at all, running his fingers easily through Sora's hair. "I know there are a lot of things going on right now, and Mr. and Mrs. Strife," he turned his gaze to the Strife parents, "I know you're worried and scared for Roxas and Sora because they're gay. You both liked me before you knew Sora was gay or that we were dating, so I know I'm not the problem here. I can't help you come to terms with the fact that your sons are gay, especially since that's really something between you all. But I know that all of you, except for Roxas, have a problem with Axel, who is Roxas' boyfriend by the way," the teenager explained offhandedly to Mrs. Bates. "Since you all have a problem with Axel, I just want to talk about him. I want to explain to you all exactly the kind of guy Axel is since none of you know him very well. I want you to know exactly the kind of guy Roxas is dating and I think I can explain it in a way that Roxas would never be able to," he explained.
Sora had pulled away from his boyfriend at the first mention of Axel and was staring at him intently as if trying to determine whether there was some sort of trick or game Riku was playing.
Roxas himself was honestly a little worried. He really trusted Riku, so he had no reason to lie. Why would Roxas not be able to describe Axel better than Riku? And what did Riku mean by 'exactly the kind of guy' he was? It seemed everyone was curious about this, even his parents who seemed less than pleased, but more than willing to listen.
Riku cleared his throat a bit before he continued talking. "I first met Axel over a year and a half ago. We had some mutual friends, including my cousin and Demyx, but we'd never really talked or interacted or been introduced to each other. One day when I was a sophomore and he was a freshman, he came up to me demanding to know my name. We made introductions ourselves and we became friends eventually towards the end of that school year. At the time I was going through a really dark period. See, because my brothers had graduated high school that year, and well, I guess it's kind of complicated to explain, but when you're the younger brother to triplets of a major head in the medical industry, you tend to get pushed to the side a lot and ignored by everyone. I guess you could say I was starved for attention all my life and developed something of an inferiority complex when it came to my brothers.
"On top of that inferiority complex, I had to deal with my father's expectations. He didn't give me a lot of attention, but he definitely had high expectations of me growing up. I started getting antsy wondering if he even cared at all about my well-being or just my grades and accomplishments. So I decided to put it to the test." Riku paused for a long while. He appeared to be gathering the courage to say what he wanted. Sora was rubbing at his back, trying to comfort his boyfriend.
"So I started doing drugs."
If anything was making noise before, it had stopped. The air seemed to have halted with that confession. Nobody spoke. It was obvious when Riku cleared his throat.
"It wasn't much at first. I started with smoking a lot of marijuana. Just to see if my family would notice a difference. They didn't. So I hoped that when my brothers graduated high school and were out of the house, my parents would finally pay attention to me. I was wrong about that because then they decided to take in my stupid cousin Fuu because she'd been kicked out of so many schools in her family's area that they needed find her a school she could still go to. So my parents shifted their attention from my brothers to my cousin."
"So you started doing even more drugs? Because you didn't get the attention you wanted?" Sora guessed in a cold, monotone voice. He'd taken his hand back and had this stare set on Riku at the precipice of a glare.
Riku turned to look his boyfriend in the eyes and he looked so desperate and hopeless. He gently cupped Sora's cheeks in his hands before he continued speaking. "Sora, believe me, I wanted to stop, but I was so sad and lonely and already addicted. Addiction runs in my family, you know? Zexion'd become an alcoholic if we let him drink any more than he does. Most of my family has gone through addiction of some sort," he explained mostly to assuage Sora and his anger. He kept on speaking to the larger group then, "The marijuana wasn't enough so I looked for an alternative and decided to start doing coke. I ended up getting addicted and I lost a lot of weight and I just generally looked really shitty. My parents still didn't notice. That's about when Axel began barging in on my private life. Apparently Axel always thought I was mysterious and that was the reason he wanted to get to know me so badly." Riku stopped to chuckle even though his eyes were a little misty by this point.
"Axel found out almost immediately what I was doing, and that was probably the best thing to have happened to me. He told Reno about it and they took it upon themselves to rehabilitate me, even though I struggled against it. I wanted to be better because I was scared of how dependent on it I was becoming, but I resisted because I didn't see a way to live life and just pretend the issues with my family didn't exist. Eventually they convinced me, and then they took me in." Riku paused for a moment, a gentle and extremely grateful look on his face. He was looking into the distance, probably seeing the situation again in his memory. "They didn't tell my parents what they were doing, just that I was feeling sick and didn't want to leave their house, and my parents weren't concerned. Axel and Reno didn't let me leave their house for almost two weeks. They switched off guard duty over me. They even worked out a schedule of when they'd pull themselves out of school or work or whatever. They kept a close eye on me, never let me out of their sight. They took care of me and they seemed to understand me. I guess Reno's lost friends to drug abuse before, so he felt like it was his responsibility. Regardless, they took such good care of me. They were so kind. I was so lucky that I hadn't been doing it for that long. I'd only been on the stuff for like a month and a half and it was already driving me crazy. I can't even imagine what it would've been like to have been on the stuff for more than a year. And how dependent I would've become." Riku was sitting hunched over in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees with a faraway look on his face as if he could see everything.
"After those two weeks, Axel still kept a close eye on me at school and I basically lived at their house for a whole month. They kept their house opened to me even after that, though. They said if I ever felt like I was going to relapse or go through more withdrawal that I should go to their house and they'd take care of me again. Axel and I started dating at some point during all of that. He was so caring and tentative and he never pressured me or got frustrated with me over anything I was going through. He was so supportive and helpful and kind and I felt so guilty, and I still feel so guilty because I'll never be able to pay him back for what he did for me. In fact, it's worse than that." Riku chuckled humorlessly and wiped away a tear that had escaped his eye. "I relapsed at a party and then cheated on him with that stupid bitch that blackmailed me this year. The one who made me date her. That was just over this past summer, so Axel and I were in a weird place for a while. He's still the most important person in my life right now, though. His happiness means the most to me. And luckily after you came into the picture, Roxas, he forgave me because he realized we never would've worked out anyway."
Riku took a moment to pause and let out a sigh. He wiped at his eyes and sat upright on the couch. "And that's the kind of person Axel is." The senior crossed his arms and kept his eyes trained on the floor. "Extremely loving and understanding and unbearably kind."
Everyone in the room remained quiet after that. Nobody really knew how to respond to that huge story. Roxas was so taken by surprise he had no idea what to think.
"Do you understand now why I don't like it when you talk badly about Axel?" Riku asked Sora.
Everyone's focus turned to Sora, who was scowling at the taller boy, but had tears streaming down his cheeks.
Sora hastily wiped at his eyes and glared at Riku. "I get it. He holds this huge place in your heart. Fine, I get it."
"Sora, baby, why are you so upset? Are you mad at me?" Roxas had never seen Riku look so panicked. "Babe?"
In a fairly quick moment, Sora visibly composed himself, eyes closed. And when he opened them, he seemed fine again, except for the hard stare he was giving Riku. "I don't know that I can date someone who has or who has had a drug addiction."
Riku's eyes went so wide and the entirety of his visible skin paled considerably. "Sora, please. I need you…" He tried to put a trembling hand to Sora's cheek, but the brunet slapped it away.
"I think you should leave," Sora said simply.
Without another word or sound, Riku rose to his feet and left the room. The moment the door clicked, Roxas launched himself at his twin, tackling him off the side of the couch.
"You fucking asshole!" the blond screamed, bringing his fists down on his twin as hard as he could. He'd never known so much pure rage. He didn't think he could have housed such a bubbling pit of acid deep within himself, and yet he was bursting at the seams in a way he hadn't before. "Monster!" he shrieked again, but before he could do any more damage to Sora, he felt himself being pulled away from him. "You're a fucking monster, you know that? A fucking monster!"
Sora quickly sat up, tears streaming down his face once again before he let out a loud growl and ripped Roxas away from Cloud's grasp to shove him to the floor and kick him hard in the stomach repeatedly before Cloud had restrained him as well. "And just what the fuck do you know, anyway, Roxas? You don't get it!" Sora screeched at his twin.
It took a few moments before Roxas' breath came back to him, but at that point, Mrs. Bates was standing between him and Sora to diffuse the situation. She commanded Roxas to sit in one of the lounge chairs, Sora to sit in the other, and their parents to move to the couch. Meanwhile, Mrs. Bates went to her desk in the corner to retrieve a first-aid kit and some tissues, which was the point where Roxas realized he'd given Sora a bloody nose and also that the blond himself could use an icepack for his hurt stomach.
"What do you have against drugs anyway? Obviously they're bad for you, but why are you so vehemently against them? You're even crazy mad about people smoking pot. Why are you like that?" Roxas questioned as Mrs. Bates handed him an icepack.
"You wanna know why?" the brunet murmured as he held an icepack to one of his swelling eyes and a tissue to his nose. "I'll tell you why." He paused for a long time and a strange sadness clutched at Sora. He seemed so much older in that moment and it contrasted so sharply with the normally-energetic Sora.
"A couple years before we left Destiny Islands, Rikku and I had a friend on Passion Island that we used to visit on the weekends and stuff, since it is kinda far from Tranquility Island. He was in a similar position as Riku; his parents didn't really care about him. Well, he was mine and Rikku's best friend. We loved him so much, and we tried to fill the hole in his heart his parents left, but I guess it wasn't enough. We found him dead one day. He'd overdosed. We'd known that he did drugs, but we didn't know that he would ever… that he could ever…" Sora trailed off, his eyes darting back and forth as if he was frantically thinking. Eventually he closed his eyes. "He was our best friend. He didn't leave a note behind so we think it was an accident. But the worst part… After we called the police to report him, we found out that he'd been lying there for three days. Three whole days. His parents didn't see him for three whole days and they didn't think anything of it. He was just lying there on the floor for three days. I-I never told anyone else about it. Rikku didn't either. We never talked about it. We haven't said a word of it since." Sora had his eyes closed still. "I can't lose someone I love again. I refuse to."
Even though Sora's perspective had some merit, Roxas couldn't bring himself to excuse him for his behavior. "Well, you know what, Sora," he hissed, "you're fucking selfish. You can't just react to people like that. You can't just immediately shut someone down after they've shared something deeply personal and painful with you. You have to lend your hand to people and not always shy away like a little bitch because you're scared of getting hurt. No matter what you've gone through, if you make someone feel the way you just made Riku feel, then you are trash and I want nothing to do with you." The more he talked, the angrier the blond got. "I can't do this anymore. I can't be your brother anymore if this is how you treat the people you 'love.'" And with that, Roxas rose to his feet and began walking towards the door.
Roxas half expected someone to stop him, but no one did, so he figured it was okay for him to leave. Immediately after exiting the room, he called Axel while heading down to the parking lot. A little voice at the back of his head told him that calling Axel would yield the best answers and he had a feeling that after what'd just happened, Riku would be with him.
"Hello?" Axel's voice sounded after enough rings that Roxas wondered if he'd answer at all.
"Is Riku at your house?" he wondered.
"Actually, yeah. He just got here. But, uh, he's not doing so hot."
"Okay," Roxas said after a moment's thought, "I'm on my way over." Before Axel could respond or argue or say anything, the blond hung up the phone and quickly located his car. He felt personally responsible for making Riku feel better after the shitty thing Sora had just done to him. He spent the journey to Axel's house in complete silence, stewing over what Sora had said and thinking of what he could possibly do for Riku. Since Riku had been there for him when he needed it, he needed to return that favor, so he figured he'd think of it when he got there.
Reno was actually the one to answer the door when Roxas got there, but before he could get out a single remark, Roxas had easily pushed his way inside. He set his course for Axel's room and was not disappointed to find a sobbing, crumpled up Riku clinging to his boyfriend on his boyfriend's bed. Briefly, Roxas made eye contact with Axel, but not for long, because then he was on Axel's bed, too, his arms thrown around Riku from the older boy's back.
The extra pair of arms seemed to startle Riku, but when he turned his head and spotted Roxas, he quickly let go of Axel and tucked his face into Roxas' shoulder and wrapped his arms around the blond.
"I'm sorry Sora's such a shitty person," Roxas murmured into Riku's ear. "He's just a complete idiot when it comes to the people he loves. Please don't worry too much about what he said earlier. I promise you that he loves you more than anything."
The three of them became a pile of cuddles that lasted until long after Riku had stopped crying. At that point, they talked about a variety of things, none of which included Sora.
Riku stuck closely to Axel and Roxas' group of friends the following day, which nobody really questioned too deeply to Riku's relief. After the previous day, he didn't seem too keen on talking about what'd happened, and Roxas was more than happy to oblige. Even though it was a shitty situation, the blond was still glad he could be there for Riku similarly to how Riku had been there for him.
When Roxas had gone home that night after Riku had fallen asleep in Axel's bed, he hadn't spoken a word to Sora or even really looked at him. Sora didn't seem to mind, or at least he didn't say anything about it. Really, Roxas just hoped he was reflecting on how he'd reacted and that he felt some sense of guilt for what how he'd made Riku feel.
Thinking about everything that had happened recently, Roxas had to wonder if the honeymoon phase of his life was over. Everything had been going pretty well for the majority of his life. Maybe nothing had ever been perfect before, but nothing had ever been so bad before, either. He'd never had to share these kinds of experiences with anyone before and he wondered if this happened to everyone at some point in their lives.
Roxas felt silly and like a shitty 16 year-old boy when he'd laid awake in bed considering whether that was what turned people into adults. He had nothing solid he could compare this to since all he'd really ever known were his own experiences, so he felt dumb trying to qualify this point in his life and trying to qualify life in general. Maybe teen angst wasn't just a myth people liked to exploit on TV and in movies. Maybe teen angst wasn't fake and maybe when he was older he'd have a better perspective on these things and maybe everyone else would, too. He couldn't remove himself from the situation as much as he'd have liked to in order to try to gain some other perspective on things. He couldn't see his parents as caring and supportive and he couldn't see Sora as anything but selfish and naïve. But then he considered that maybe things never really changed. Tifa and Cloud certainly didn't seem to have considered either Roxas or Sora's perspective. So maybe the idea of adulthood was a façade and maybe nobody ever knew what they were doing. Roxas' results at the end of his mental tirade were inconclusive.
That day at school, Roxas tried to keep his mind off of things by focusing on his classes and on his teachers and honestly, it really helped. Even through all of Roxas' absences and distractions as of late, he'd never slipped too terribly much with his grades. Most teachers seemed fairly sympathetic, especially when he'd made the effort to catch up on everything. Still, Roxas' headspace had been largely unoccupied by school lately. So it was kind of nice to find it in himself to shift from thoughts about lines of coke to thoughts about lines of symmetry and lines of Of Mice and Men.
After school Roxas decided to go to the library instead of to Demyx's and Sora's swimming practice as he often did. He didn't really want to see Sora again and he also wanted to find that clear headspace again occupied by painless, factual things instead of confusing, wishy-washy feelings-related ones. Riku joined him as well, silent and stoic as when Roxas first met him, a kind, distanced smile on his face.
Roxas tried to focus on his homework as best he could, but he found himself unable to keep from staring at Riku, who was intently eyeing his textbook and periodically writing things down in an open notebook. That clear state of mind left Roxas feeling alright with ignoring his French assignment for the time being. Knowing what he did about Riku now, the silver-haired teen looked very different and very deserving of this extra time of contemplation that Roxas had yet to give him.
Firstly, Roxas noticed Riku's beauty. He had an elegant chin, strong jawline, an inoffensive nose, focused, piercing turquoise eyes. His long straight hair looked elegant with its healthy shine and rugged with its layers. His appearance spoke of a well-mannered, reserved gentleman with a mischievous side. This was the thing Roxas had seen up until about a month ago. This cleaned-up, polished version of Riku that Riku himself portrayed and probably wanted people to see. Roxas wondered if, like him, other people could see more than this or maybe they only saw Riku's face.
Riku's aura and general demeanor had been something Roxas gradually understood with time; reserved, unassuming, graceful. He seemed to have everything together. He seemed stable and certain and gentle—a perfect gentleman. Those a bit closer to him probably saw at least this deep, Roxas assumed. What the blond had heard and seen yesterday conflicted so much with this projected aura that Roxas questioned Riku's ability to project an aura so different from his true aura; one much darker and not reserved, but burdened. Cold, unsure, jittery. The blond doubted many realized this separate entity existed. Then again, Roxas found it difficult to determine if Riku's true self was actually the jittery creature he'd seen yesterday at therapy. Sometimes talking about things that have a strong effect on you can overtake your general nature. After all, most of the time Riku was really laidback and easygoing.
In the end, Riku was still a huge mystery to Roxas. The blond couldn't be sure that he really knew the senior at all. Eventually he just decided to discard his thoughts and just enjoy the beautiful, graceful, calm, collected Riku sitting across from him glancing closely at the words on the pages of his textbook.
"Something wrong?" Riku questioned suddenly, his eyes easily flicking up to meet Roxas' gaze.
Startled, Roxas jumped the tiniest bit in his seat. "Ah… no," he murmured. "Riku, you're really pretty," he said suddenly, surprising himself with his bluntness and also with his abruptness. Immediately, he felt embarrassed, but didn't really want to explain his thought pattern to Riku. Luckily, the senior didn't question it.
Riku just tilted his head a bit and gave Roxas a confused look, but an amused smile. "Thank you."
"Yeah. No problem. I was just kinda thinking about how appealing to the eye you are." Where were these words even coming from? Roxas didn't usually have this much word vomit. Maybe the awkwardness of not knowing how to treat Riku was getting to him.
"Are you hitting on me?" Riku asked with a smirk and a quirked eyebrow.
Immediately, Roxas felt himself flush and he felt extremely flustered. "N-no! Of course not! I was just saying is all!"
Riku just laughed in response before he returned his attention to his studies.