For starters I sincerely want to thank all of you who have given me encouragements lately while I've been struggling with my writer's block. Your comments and support have meant a lot to me. Since you have been so kind and supportive I feel I should tell you one of the main reasons behind my writer's block and give you a bit of a heads up. I'm saving this for the end note however =)
Instead I'll set this chapter up by telling you how glad I am that you didn't feel like Chuck had pulled a 180 in the last chapter. That really was my main worry with that chapter and it's a big relief to know it didn't seem to come out of nowhere =) This chapter, as the previous, is not being posted because my writer's block has ended. I decided I'd rather post it like this than sit and wait for inspiration which might take forever. I am not a very patient person lol. However this chapter is where I've really started having problems with how to have the characters act and react. Hopefully it won't seem like things happen too much out of the blue and it won't seem overly dramatic. If it does, be sure to let me know =) And don't be shy to give me tips and suggestions. I might be able to rewrite it and make it better thanks to some helpful advice!
Oh, and this chapter also borrows from the show, but not quite as much as the previous ones have. I think.
Enough of me talking!
"Blair!"
Blair turned around on her way out on the yard and saw Serena hurrying up to her. She stopped and waited for her to catch up. Serena grabbed a hold of her arm and seemed to be distraught over something.
"You look weird S" Blair said with a little frown.
"You don't" Serena noted, wrinkling her nose and studying Blair carefully. "Don't tell me something good happened for once? Did Grace start talking?"
"Yeah" Blair said. "She said: 'Mom, my auntie is a moron'. She's four and a half months Serena."
"Yeah I know that" Serena said, rolling her eyes. "I was attempting to match your oh so clever wit. Seriously though it's nice to see you in good spirits for a change. What happened?"
"Chuck."
"Blair" Serena groaned. "Out of all the times to get a flair up of Chuck-fever do you really think this is the best one?"
"I'm having no such thing" Blair frowned. "This has nothing to do with me and Chuck. It has to do with Grace and Chuck. Since he's been back he's really taken a whole new interest in her and yesterday he asked me to let him have her for the day. Which went really well."
"That's disturbing" Serena frowned.
"Excuse me?"
"No, no I mean… It's great. Really, it is. It's just… don't you think he might be focusing everything on the baby to avoid having to deal with reality? I think it's great that he shows such an interest but it's an awfully heavy burden for a little baby to bear, helping her dad through the loss of his dad."
"I see you're taking psychology again this semester" Blair noted dryly. "You've got it all wrong. If anything I think what's going on is that losing Bart made him-"
"Losing Bart made him run off for a month" Serena pointed out.
"Two and a half weeks" Blair corrected.
"He ran away for that long without any contact between him and Grace and now he's going for Father of the Year. That doesn't strike you as a sudden change?"
"No, he's just spending more time with her. I think it's good for him, and for her. He's been through a lot. If this whole ordeal brings him closer to Grace then at least something good came of it. He's showing real responsibility."
"Okay" Serena said, sounding a touch skeptical still. "Just don't get confused, alright? I know how you feel about him and seeing him finally bonding with your little girl might put ideas into your head."
"There are no ideas" Blair insisted. "I've barely even seen him with the baby. He had her at the Palace yesterday."
"Okay."
"Anyway, forget about me for a second and let's talk about you. What's with the desolate face? Don't tell me you're grieving the loss of your stepfather. I know how close you were with Bartholomew."
Serena gave her a look.
"For the record I have cried over him. But no, that's not why I'm sporting this face today. Dan's been… Dan's been acting weird lately."
"I'll put that in my care box."
"I don't know what's going on with him" Serena complained. "When I got back from Argentina mom had gone off somewhere with his dad-"
"Tasteless. Tacky."
"Maybe Dan thinks so too, maybe that's what's bothering him."
"The guy practically lives on the corner of Tasteless and Tacky" Blair objected.
"Well there's something going on" Serena said.
"Don't worry, I'm sure whatever it is it will be just as unexciting as Dan himself" Blair said, patting Serena on the shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse me. I only have one more class before I'm done for the day and then I have to hurry home and get ready for my absolutely non-romantic dinner with Chuck."
"Wait, your what?"
Blair hurried off pretending not to have heard Serena's question. When Chuck had dropped Grace of yesterday they had agreed to have dinner together. Chuck had told her there were some things she needed to know about Bart's will that involved Grace and Blair was very curious to find out what they were. Still, he could have easily told her those things then and there. It would only have taken a few minutes. The fact that they were having dinner meant something else. A nice candlelit dinner might be just what he needed to help him through this trying period of his life. And if dinner happened to run late and he didn't want to have to head back home at such an hour he would be more than welcome to spend the night. She still hadn't let go of her dream of having him spend the night with her and the two of them spending the entire following day with Grace. Perhaps tonight would finally be the night.
Chuck got home from school and changed out of his uniform. Every time he set foot at St. Jude's he wished he had stayed in Thailand or dropped out of school. He was used to people staring at him because of some Gossip Girl blast or other but the looks he had been given since he returned to school were ridiculous. Had they never seen a person who had just lost a family member before? He could take being the center of attention because he got drunk on school property or deflowered both Bronson twins on the same night without either sister knowing he was involved with the other, or because he became a parent a few days before senior year started. He did not however enjoy being at the center of attention because his father was dead. The looks of pity, the way people didn't seem to know how to talk to him, the way some didn't seem to be able to decide if they were spiteful or sympathetic. All of it made him want to be anywhere on the planet but for St. Jude's.
At least he would be having a nice evening. Dinner with Blair sounded really great right about now. He wanted to tell her about everything Bart's will had said and he hoped they could have their first real discussion about Grace's future since she had been born. Before the birth they had talked on several occasions about how they would raise the baby and about all sorts of details like surname, which schools she should attend and so forth. Once Grace had been born those talks had come to an end because there had been much more immediate issues to handle. Now seemed like a good time to start talking about all of it again. Grace was going to be the future of Bass Industries and that meant they had to start shaping her at an early age.
With a hint of a smile on his face he grabbed a tie and thought about the person he would be discussing all of this with. Blair had an incredible effect on him, now more than ever. Things didn't seem to suck quite as bad when he was with her. He wondered if she would dress up for him tonight. Would she be spending a lot of time getting ready? Was she setting up a candlelit dinner for them or making the setting friendly or strictly business? He would let her take the lead tonight and tell him what she was okay with. If all she wanted from him now was friendship then he would respect that, at least for now. But he hoped she still wanted more than that.
There was a knock on the door and he went to answer. It didn't surprise him at all to find Jack standing there.
"I heard there was a mix-up yesterday" Jack said, walking inside without waiting for an invitation.
"The meeting was scheduled an hour earlier than we thought" Chuck nodded, closing the door and following his uncle into the sitting area.
"I see you're without the little heiress today" Jack noted.
"Too bad they couldn't have scheduled the meeting for today" Chuck nodded. "Then again now I have more time to do my homework. Both St. Jude's and Bass Industries."
"Forget about that" Jack said. "Since you're free as a bird tonight I want to take you out to properly celebrate you running Bass Industries."
"I'm having dinner with Blair."
"Reschedule Blair."
"I can't. We haven't had a chance yet to talk about what Bart left Grace in his will. And she's been a good friend."
"Careful nephew" Jack said with a smirk. "The one thing that enables you to run the company is the baby spending much of her time with Blair."
"So?"
"So that look you just got in your eye when you mentioned Blair's name? Is that who you imagine Chuck Bass to be?"
"I'm not sure I follow" Chuck lied.
"You've got the hots for her, I get it. You share a child and tonight you're sharing dinner and then bodily fluids and before you know it you're sharing a penthouse opposite the Met. Is that really how you've envisioned your future? Spend all day at the office and go home to the wife and child? It's no coincidence your father had his most success when he was single."
The complacent smile on Chuck's face began to dwindle. Jack had touched upon two issues at once, both which mattered a lot to him. One was his general lifestyle, the kind of life he had always wanted to lead, and it had never included settling down and becoming a stereotypical family man before the age of forty. The other was the word 'success'. He knew he had the odds against him with running the company. He knew it would take a lot more hard work than he could imagine now. And he had to be successful. It wasn't his company, not in his eyes, it belonged to Grace. He didn't want the company for himself but his new aim in life was to make sure it stayed successful so that his daughter could take over a company as good or better as what Bart had left behind. It had become like a mantra over the last few days, something he could channel everything into, something that gave him a steady spot to stand on in the middle of all the chaos. What if Jack was right? Bart had been single for sixteen years. Would Chuck really be able to run the company and raise a daughter and be a good partner to Blair? For his own part he'd rather take Blair than Bass Industries any day of the week but he had no right to make that choice. If he did, how would he be able to look his child in the eye when she asked what had happened to the successful company she was supposed to inherit?
Jack could see the hesitation in Chuck's eyes and walked over to the door.
"I invited a few friends to join us" he said, opening the door to reveal a group of women. "I guess I'll have to entertain them on my own."
While his uncle smirked at him Chuck fought hard with himself. All he wanted to do was go have dinner with Blair and let it lead them wherever it might. Going with Jack and these women seemed about as appealing to him as having a root canal. But what if Jack was right and he would inadvertently be damaging Grace's inheritance by focusing only on his own desires? It was a huge gamble to take.
"Last chance" Jack grinned.
A few months ago Chuck would never even have considered a peaceful dinner over a night out partying, especially when the latter was guaranteed to lead to sex while the former would probably get him to second base at best. He was still Chuck Bass. Blair would have to wait. They could talk in the morning.
He loosened his tie and grabbed his phone from the bar. Jack had already walked out the door with each arm around a girl and Chuck followed only a few steps behind. He wrote a quick text to Blair on his way out and decided he would call her up in the morning.
"Table is set, Mommy is dressed, dinner is being started on in a few minutes…" Blair said. "Now all we need is Daddy."
She smiled at Grace. She was holding the baby in her arms and had Chuck's scarf draped over her shoulders. Grace had a firm grip on the scarf and was sucking on a piece of it. Blair thought she looked adorable.
"Your grandfather left you something in his will" Blair told her. "We're going to find out what it is tonight. I know you would rather have Grandpa' but under the circumstances we'll have to salvage what we can. What do you say you and I team up to help Dad feel better, huh? I'm sure the two of us together can do wonders."
Blair's phone beeped and a smile spread across her face. She didn't even know why she was smiling like an idiot over getting a text. It might be from Serena or from anyone else really. But she hoped it was Chuck texting her to tell her he was coming over early.
"Come on, let's see who's texting Mommy" she said. "Dorota? Come hold Grace for me for a second."
Dorota came in from the kitchen and took the baby. Blair grabbed her phone and opened the message. Her smile quickly faded.
"Sorry, working late. Next time…"
Her heart sank down to her knees. He wasn't coming? And that was the only message she got? They were supposed to talk about Grace's future. He couldn't do this. Why did he always have to take one step forward and two steps back?
"Mister Chuck running late?" Dorota guessed.
"A few days late" Blair replied. "Let me have Grace."
She took the baby back and walked up the stairs. She hated herself for feeling so disappointed. She shouldn't feel that way. It was just a friendly dinner, wasn't it? Two people sitting down to discuss what one's father had left their child in his will. She clung to that thought. Of course that was the issue here. The thought of sitting down to discuss his father's will had been too hurtful to Chuck. It was still so soon after Bart's passing. She had been inconsiderate to think he might be okay with having dinner to talk about Grace's inheritance. The whole thing had a perfectly good explanation.
"Just you and me again tonight kid" she sighed to Grace. "Damn it, why does something always happen when we're about to spend an evening together? It's not fair. I mean, I know it's insignificant compared to Bart dying, but it still isn't fair."
She sat down in her armchair and sighed heavily, hating this disappointed feeling that felt far too common these days. The other day when she had seen Chuck with Grace for the first time since Bart's death she had believed they had reached a turning point. From that point on they would be steadily moving towards one another. If he felt the same way about her as she did him then how could they not? But if he felt that way about her why would he cancel?
An hour later she had just sat down to have dinner on her own when she got a text. She saw that it was from Chuck and quickly opened it, hoping he was texting to say he was done working sooner than expected and would be over after all.
"Sorry about tonight. Reschedule? Lunch tomorrow?"
She pouted. Lunch wasn't nearly as exciting as dinner. But it was better than nothing.
"Lunch sounds good."
A minute went by and then she got a text back.
"I'll be at BI offices at the Palace. Conference room 12 o'clock. Perfect place to talk about Grace's future."
God, this sounded less romantic by the second. Then again she was still a bit angry with him for having left for weeks and maybe taking things slow was the best course of action. She didn't want to scare him off further by pushing too hard when he was trying to deal with Bart's death and his budding attachment to their child.
She got another text from him and realised she had forgotten to answer his previous one. She read the new text and a smile spread slowly across her face.
"Bring Grace. We can let her nap in my suite after lunch and talk about more… adult matters."
The phone in his hand beeped and he opened it to read the message from Blair.
"We'll be there. Can't wait!"
Jack put the phone away in his pocket, glaring at his nephew from the corner of his eye. Chuck had managed to sidestep his first trap but walked right in to the second. The plan the previous day had been for Chuck to leave Grace with Jack and go to the meeting, at which point Jack would leave the room and make sure Blair came over to find her baby unattended. If the service Chuck would have called had arrived before Blair did it wouldn't have helped matters since the number Jack had offered was actually the number for an entirely different kind of service. It would ruin whatever relationship there was between Blair and Chuck, hopefully detach Chuck from the baby and thereby diminish his ambition to run the company for her and paint him as irresponsible in the eyes of the board. No board member in their right mind would be okay with the company being run by a seventeen year-old who arrives late to meetings and leaves his infant child alone in a hotel room, or worse, leaves her with unsuitable company. But Chuck had somehow managed to come out on top by bringing Grace with him to the meeting and according to Jack's intel convinced the board that he was not late to the meeting, he was merely stopping by to assure them all of who the new boss was.
This time he had walked right into the trap and was stepping further into the quicksand with each passing minute. Jack would get him drunk, get him stoned and get him laid, then get him to the Palace and drop him off in the conference room with at least two of the prostitutes he had hired. When Blair showed up with the baby to have lunch she would be in for an unpleasant surprise. Chuck would then be getting a surprise in form of the members of the board walking in to have another meeting which Jack would call to in the morning. While it wouldn't be as disastrous to Chuck's relationship with his child and her mother it would still put a significant blow to it. As for the board, it really was a shame his nephew hadn't bothered to read the fine print and spot the morality clause. The moment Chuck had stepped out the door to spend a night of debauchery with his uncle he had lost the company.
Jack cast another glance at Chuck who was making out with one of the hookers. In a way he felt bad for his nephew. But he couldn't sit back and watch Bass Industries fall into the hands of a stupid, irresponsible teenager when Jack had worked so hard for so long and earned his right to run it. If Bart wanted to stick it to Jack by handing the company to Chuck then Jack would retaliate by destroying Chuck to get it back. It would have been different if Chuck was older. Bart changing his will to leave the company to his son would have made sense if his son was in his late twenties. Who in their right mind left something that important in the hands of a teenager? It was a shame that Chuck would have to pay the consequences of his father's stupidity. Though Jack couldn't muster up too much sympathy. All Chuck would have had to do was to go to dinner with Blair tonight and all of what was to come would have been avoided. His nephew was easily manipulated and it only proved further that he couldn't be trusted with the company.
By this time tomorrow Jack would have Bass Industries and Chuck… well he would have the consequences of his choices.
"Are you ready?" Blair asked Grace.
Feeling a touch nervous she stepped off the elevator and headed for the conference room. She wasn't sure why she was nervous. It was just a lunch meeting with Chuck, discussing business. Then again it might be more than that. In spite of last night's disappointment she was getting her hopes up for a happy ending to this day. With a smile to the baby she knocked on the door to the conference room and then opened it.
"Hey, we're…"
She stopped mid-sentence, jaw falling. Chuck looked equally surprised to see her. He was sitting on the large table that took up most of the room, shirt unbuttoned, hair in disarray and his hands all over the two very lightly clad women he was with. There were cigar-butts on the mahogany table, an empty bottle lying on the floor and right next to Chuck was a bag of pills which Blair didn't recognize but she knew for sure that they weren't there for medical purposes. With a gasp Blair turned Grace's head away from the sight, as if it would corrupt her to see her a scene like this.
"Chuck!" Blair gasped.
"Blair" Chuck frowned, embarrassed at being caught like this and angry with himself for feeling embarrassed. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?"
Before she could answer she heard voices outside the room and the next thing she knew Jack pushed the door open and stepped inside, followed by the board of Bass Industries.
"Now if we can all take a seat we could…" Jack said, trailing off when he spotted Blair and Chuck.
"Jack what is going on?" Blair asked with a hiss.
"What the hell is this?" Chuck asked in a slur.
"I might ask you the same question" one of the board members said with a highly disapproving look on his face.
Chuck quickly nudged the two women away and got down from the table while buttoning his shirt. Blair gave Jack a confused look, wondering what the hell was going on. With a smirk Jack leaned in closer to her.
"Guess I shouldn't have left him unattended after the kind of night we've had" he said with a very content leer.
"Chuck was with you last night? But…"
She turned her head back to Chuck who had now taken a few steps away from the women and was standing face to face with a few of the board members.
"There's no board meeting scheduled for today" Chuck insisted.
"Jack Bass called an emergency meeting this morning" the board member Chuck now recognized as Pete Holmberg said.
"A what?" Chuck said, looking over at his uncle. "Look I… I had no idea any of you would be here."
"Clearly" Holmberg said. "We knew this was your reputation. When we heard your father had left you the company we were hoping he knew something we didn't. Apparently that's not the case. Might I add that on a personal level I would have hoped you at least left Bart's granddaughter out of your debauchery. I don't know what Bart was thinking."
At the mentioning of Grace Chuck turned around and looked at Blair and the baby. He couldn't make sense of any of this, least of all her presence. She shook her head with disappointment and left the room. Ignoring the board members Chuck followed after her, pissed that she would show up out of the blue like that just in time to make things worse.
"Blair!" he called after her.
"What Chuck?" she asked in an angry snarl.
"What the hell do you think you're doing showing up here unannounced?"
"Unannounced?" she echoed. "You invited me."
"No I didn't."
"You texted me last night."
He looked very confused. She snorted.
"Maybe you were just stoned off your ass and didn't know what you were doing. Clearly you can't remember it now."
"Well whatever the case…" he said. "I have more important things to attend to."
"Yeah those hookers won't entertain themselves" Blair snorted.
"Drop the offended act" he shot back. "Stop trying to chastise me at every turn you are not my mother and you sure as hell aren't my wife."
He pressed the elevator button for her and strode off in another direction. She watched him walk off and then got on the elevator, wondering how much more of this she could take.
Chuck found his uncle in Bart's office a while later. He had realised that going back in with the board members wouldn't do him any favors at the moment so he had gone up to his suite and taken a shower and changed his clothes. The meeting was over by now and Jack sat behind Bart's desk with his nose buried in some documents.
Chuck walked slowly up to his uncle. It hadn't been difficult to figure out what had really happened today. Jack had played him for a fool and he had made it far too easy for him to do so. What he couldn't figure out was why. He had been brought up to trust no one on earth save for a selected few. He had trusted Nate, Serena and Blair never to betray him but he didn't feel like he could count on that anymore. And he had trusted family. No matter what happened Bart would have never done something like this to him and it shocked him that Jack could. You didn't sell out family. No matter what.
He put his hands on the desk and leaned over, fighting against the headache that was partially caused by a hangover and partially because of everything he had been through lately. Jack looked up with disinterest and then returned to the documents.
"The only family I have left is a four month-old baby… and you" Chuck said. "How could you do this to me?"
"You did it to yourself" Jack said. "I told you that you weren't ready. Clearly I was right."
"You have your own life, your own company."
"Sure" Jack said. "In Australia. My dear brother literally placed me on the other side of the world."
The animosity in his words surprised Chuck. He had never guessed that there was such ill will between his father and uncle. Clearly Jack was a very bitter man but he had managed to hide it up until now. Suddenly it made sense that he hadn't been able to make it to the funeral. He had had a week to get from Australia to New York and he hadn't made it in time. Chuck hadn't given any thought to it earlier but suddenly it was all quite clear.
"I did everything right" Jack went on. "I ran that place without complaint and it thrived under my watch."
Bitterly Chuck felt a touch of recognition in his words. Clearly he hadn't been the only one striving for Bart's approval without ever seeming to be able to get it. But he didn't feel sorry for his uncle. None of this was an excuse to do what he had done.
"And this is how he repays me?" Jack said with a bitter laugh. "By giving the company to a teenager who can't keep his pecker in his pants for twenty-four hours or even take care of the child he went and had."
"I wouldn't be so quick to take cheap shots if I were someone who couldn't even entertain a woman for more than five minutes."
"You can have that" Jack laughed. "I'll take Bass Industries."
"It's not yours to take. It belongs to Grace."
"Do you really think that bastard child is ever going to run this company? Do you think she'll ever even be interested? If her mother is anything to go by all she'll ever care about is lip-gloss and skirts. It doesn't belong to her or Bart would have stated as much in his will."
"My father gave it to me. When I get older I will give it to her. It's her legacy and you can't take that away."
"Actually," Jack said, "there is one stipulation attached to your appointment. Morality clause." He smiled with satisfaction at the look that came over Chuck's face. "Bart knew his son. He specified that should you in any way act inappropriately… the board has the option to replace you. I don't think I need to tell you what the meeting we just had was about."
"Replace me with whom?"
"Your legal guardian. Which, wouldn't you know it, is me. I'm in charge now. And I don't have to hand the company back to you or to that bastard of yours. It's up to me or to the board when I shall step down."
"That doesn't make any sense" Chuck argued. "I will be eighteen in four months, you will no longer be my legal guardian."
"Actually…" Jack said, rising from his chair. "This clause is effective indefinitely. Once you've been replaced its' up to the board to decide to take you back. And do you really think they will be wanting to do that within the next, oh I don't know, ten to fifteen years?"
"I can't trust you anymore" Chuck said. "And I won't just let this slide, I will find another way. That company will be Grace's one day and I will not have her inherit something that you've been running whichever way you please."
"If you really cared so much about her future then maybe you should start by ensuring that you'll be part of her present" Jack said and walked over to the door, opening it.
He nodded to Chuck to leave but it took a moment before he could move a muscle. The depth of Jack's betrayal was starting to become clear to him. Feeling a chill down his spine he cast one last look at his uncle and then stormed out of the room.
Chuck walked inside Blair's building, feeling almost like he was in a state of shock after everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. He needed to see his daughter, he needed to see Blair, and he needed to apologize to them both. Especially to Grace, for having lost the company that was meant to be hers one day.
He felt more lost than ever. The death of his father had truly hit him hard and now that reality had begun to hit it never seemed to stop. One blow after the other. Grace's presence could help ease some of the distress. Her smell, the noises she made, the way she looked at him, all of it would serve to make him feel better.
While he rode up in the elevator he could already feel some of the humiliation and frustration from earlier in the day wash off of him. It was late in the evening but Blair had said he was welcome at any time to see the baby. If Blair thought it was too late and she wanted to go to sleep he could sit with Grace in another room. Or better yet, he could spend some time with Grace and then maybe the two of them could sleep in Blair's bed with her. Like a family.
He reached Blair's floor. She was there, waiting, haven gotten a heads up from the doorman when he arrived.
"Hey" he said softly. "I came to see Grace. And you. I'm sorry about earlier."
"You should leave."
He did a double take. He suddenly realized that she wasn't looking welcoming at all. Quite the opposite.
"Look I know I screwed up."
"Putting it mildly."
"Jack set me up."
"Don't try to blame it on Jack. All he did was give you a nudge. You could have come here last night. You could have gone to your suite with your hookers instead of to the conference room. You did it all on your own."
"Look Blair, I…" He paused and tried to find the right words to say. "I know what I did. I feel really bad about it. Things have just been so insane lately and-"
"Don't" she said. "Don't try to blame this on your father's death either. I've been more patient than anyone could ever ask."
"Blair I'm just… I made a mistake. I know that. Please… Please don't turn your back on me right now, I need you."
"Looks like all you need is a hooker and some drugs" Blair said. "I have tried being there for you. I really have. Yet you keep taking from me and then leaving me behind. I'm done. I can't do it anymore."
He swallowed hard and looked away while he tried to gather himself. He was starting to feel a strike of the panic he had been trying to repress all afternoon.
"Look, can I at least see my girl?" he asked.
"You shouldn't."
He stared at her with incredulity.
"Blair she is my daughter" he said. "I'm her father. You said the other day that I-"
"I know what I said" Blair said. "I'm saying something different now. Watching you self destruct is painful like you can't imagine but I'm at least old enough that I can protect myself and keep my distance to you if need be. Grace can't."
"Please I need to see her."
"You can't even manage your own life right now" Blair said. "Anyone who gets caught up in your spiral right now is at great risk of becoming collateral damage and I can't have that happen to her."
"I would never do anything to hurt the baby" Chuck argued, getting desperate.
"Maybe not consciously" Blair agreed. "But somehow she would get hurt anyhow. Just like I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt me all those times that you did. You already hurt her by leaving her for weeks. Chuck I… care so much about you. But I she comes first. And no one, not my best friend, not any family member, not my co-parent, not my partner, not even my soulmate…" She paused and looked down on the ground. "I can't allow anyone to risk hurting my baby. I care about you Chuck but I am Grace's mother and that takes precedence over everything else."
"And I am her father. I have a right to be with her. Please Blair I need this. And I think she needs it too."
"She needed you to not run away after her grandfather died" Blair said, looking up at him again.
"I was barely aware of what I was doing at that point."
"And you're saying you know better now?"
"I need to see her" Chuck repeated. "She is the only thing keeping me sane at this point. We share custody of her, you cannot keep me away."
"Actually we don't" Blair said. "I have full custody and you have visiting privileges. Read the contract. It clearly states that for the first six months I have sole custody. Shared custody will be negotiated in February."
She wasn't giving him the whole truth, and she felt bad about that, but she knew it was the right choice. It was true that she had sole custody until Grace turned six months old but Bart had worked in a number of clauses that would make sure Blair couldn't keep the baby from Chuck, and which meant Chuck had the right to demand having Grace for the night once a week when she had turned four months old. Now was clearly not the best time for Chuck to be looking after the baby, the very thought scared Blair, which was why she lied by omission. She wondered if the reason why he wasn't throwing the actual terms of the agreement right in her face was because he had momentarily forgotten about it in his grief or because he hadn't cared enough before to learn what the contract actually said.
"Don't do this…" Chuck said, slowly shaking his head. "You of all people know the effect she has. You saw me with her the other day."
"And it was touching. I saw the difference in you. For the first time it was like she actually mattered to you. I know you feel like you need her Chuck. But she doesn't need you right now. I'm her mother, I protect her interests."
"But I-"
"It breaks my heart to do this" she said. "You can see her again when you've gotten control over yourself."
"This isn't fair Blair."
"Not to you. But it wouldn't be fair to our daughter to put her in the middle of whatever it is you're going through right now. Think about what's best for her, Chuck."
"What's best for her is to be with the both of us."
"After what happened today can you really tell me that you're ready?"
"Blair I am seventeen years old and I just lost my father, cut me some slack. Don't you think you're judging me too hard?"
"You couldn't even stand up to Jack and make the right choice last night, probably because you're seventeen years old and just lost your father. This isn't about who you are as a person, this is about the situation that you're in and how you're dealing with it."
"Look, it would be different if she were five years old and well aware of whatever mood I was in, and aware that I left earlier" Chuck argued. "She's just a baby Blair. All she knows is whether I'm there right now or not."
"She's a lot more aware than that" Blair said, not adding the accusation that if he had stuck around he would know that. "She knows if you're sad or angry or happy. She knows if you've left her for a while. At this age they absorb so much and I'm worried that she might be damaged from all that's going on. Get yourself together Chuck and then come see her."
"I can't believe you would do this to me."
"I'd throw you under the bus in a heartbeat to save her."
"What, are you saying that I'm toxic?"
"Aren't you? You're a mess and anybody would be in your shoes, but the fact that you spent last night gallivanting with hookers and blow, cancelling the dinner during which you were supposed to tell me what Bart left Grace in his will, tells me that you should keep away for a while. Your focus isn't on her anyway or you would have come here for that talk. Frankly I'm worried that your feelings towards her now aren't genuine and are only based off your own selfish need to mean something to someone."
"Blair please…"
His pleading tone and the look in his eyes nearly made her falter. But she knew she couldn't. She had to stand her ground even if it broke her heart to do it.
"You should go" she said.
"Don't do this."
"It's not forever. Just for now. If you care about her Chuck then you will get your act together first. It's our job to be there for her. It's not hers to be there for us."
"How can I be there for her if you won't let me see her?"
"I've given you chance upon chance" Blair said, shaking her head. She began to repeat what she had said earlier, as much for herself as for him. "You have always disappointed. I can't do this anymore. I can't watch you do this to yourself and I can't let you do any of it to her. I thought you and me were heading somewhere but we're not. I love her the most and I cannot let her get caught in your whirlpool of self-destruction. Maybe you will be more motivated to getting your life in order if you know that's what you need to do in order to be an active part of her life again. Either that or you will realize that you don't care about her after all. Either way it's the smartest option."
"How am I supposed to get back on my feet when I have no one left?"
"I tried to care about that but you pushed me away. Goodbye Chuck. Come back when you've gotten things straightened out."
"Blair…"
She looked away, unable to stand the pleading in his eyes. The elevator doors closed and he didn't press the button to open them again. She was well aware that she might have done a lot of damage to him but it was the lesser of two evils right now. Every instinct in her body screamed that she needed to keep a distance between him and her baby until he was reliable.
Chuck rode down in silence, staring blankly at the wall. Now he had nowhere left to go and no one left to lean on.
Blair glanced down at Grace to make sure she was okay. The baby was asleep in her crib, hugging a ball formed out of Chuck's scarf. Somehow it had become her security blanket but Blair didn't like the thought of the baby sleeping next to something that could potentially wrap around her and strangle her so she had rolled it up into something Chuck would probably find very undignified. She forced the thought of Chuck from her and tried to listen to Serena on the other end. She had called a few minutes ago in the middle of a crisis.
"Personally I think it's in really poor taste for Lily to have gone off with Rufus Humphrey before Bart's body is even cold" Blair said. "But I don't see how it means your world has come to an end."
"It's not that they went on vacation it's where they went" Serena said. "Mom got home an hour ago and she accidentally let it slip that they went to Boston to visit orphanages."
"How Dickensian" Blair commented.
"Something strange is going on and I think Dan knows what it's about" Serena said. "You have the number for a private investigator don't you? I think I need one. Normally I would turn to Chuck but I haven't been able to reach him all day."
"He's probably making sure another hooker has enough money to feed her young" Blair said bitterly.
She went over to her writing desk to look for the number for her private investigator. The sight of her desktop cover made her sad. It was still covered in post-its, many of them related to Chuck, and she didn't like looking at it. She especially didn't like looking at the one that reminded her of the negotiations of custody which was coming up in a few weeks.
Serena continued to talk on the other end while Blair searched for the number. She had just found it and relayed it to Serena when she heard a noise from downstairs. Her bedroom door was open and she stepped closer, wondering what was going on. She heard Dorota say Chuck's name and add that this wasn't a good time.
"S I've got to go" Blair frowned. "Call me back if the PI finds anything."
She heard Dorota trying to stop Chuck downstairs and braced herself for whatever this would be about. It had been twelve hours since he had shown up to see Grace and she had told him to stay away for a while. If he had gotten drunk and decided to try again she would have to take drastic measures.
She stepped out of her room just in time to see Chuck coming up the stairs, two steps at a time. He looked sober but not like he was in a good mood.
"Chuck" she said. "What are you doing here? I thought I told you-"
"Did you really think I wouldn't check the contract?" he snarled. "I get one night a week with her."
"Please Chuck just-"
"Save your breath" he said. He stopped right in front of her and gave her a look filled with contempt. "I just can't believe you would try to lie to me like that and force me away from my own daughter."
"I didn't try to force you to stay away from her forever" Blair pointed out, feeling a touch nervous. "I can't believe that you would expect me to happily send her off with you after the performance you put on yesterday. You are unfit right now."
"What the hell do you know about being unfit?" He pushed past her into her room and grabbed the diaper bag sitting by the crib. "I have the right to have Grace in my care for twenty-four consecutive hours every week. Whether you like it or not. You think you can stop me? I met with my father's family lawyer this morning and my father did a thorough job with that contract. You think I'm unfit? Call the cops on me then. They'll find me sober and lucid, no danger whatsoever to the infant. Grace is coming with me and that's the end of it. She will be returned to you in the morning so you can comfort yourself with that."
"You've lost your mind" Blair said just as Dorota came hurrying into the room. "You can't just walk in here and take the baby! For one she's sound asleep, you can't just wake her up. For another she nurses and I haven't pumped any milk since yesterday so we don't have any bottles for her."
"I bought formula."
"That's not good enough."
"It was for me when I was little. Dorota pack this bag and do it quickly."
"Dorota do no such thing! Chuck for crying out loud you didn't even want her at all last week and now you're saying you refuse to be kept away from her?"
"I was wrong and I wasn't thinking clearly! You've never lost a parent, hell you've never even lost a hamster, you have no idea what I have been going through or how it has affected me!"
"Maybe I don't" Blair said, trying to ignore the sting of pain that he felt she didn't understand him. "But you change directions so fast these days that I'm afraid of getting whiplash. Forgive me if I don't take your extreme devotion to her all that seriously when it came out of the blue just a few days ago."
"It didn't come out of the blue and this is not about… I'm not demanding that she stays with me all the time, hell even I know I can't handle that right now, but I do have the right to try and reconnect with her and I have the right to spend one day each week with her."
"You already had her for a few hours earlier this week."
"But not for as long as I have the right to!"
Their voices had grown louder and Grace was woken up in her crib and began to cry. Chuck strode over to lift her up but paused when he leaned over the crib. Then he turned to Blair with a frown.
"Is that my scarf?"
Blair ignored his question and took the opportunity to walk up and be the one to lift Grace from the crib. Then he would have to physically fight her to get the baby. She was scared now, she had never seen him like this before and it did absolutely nothing to make her feel like he was in the right mental state to look after Grace. Chuck saw what she was planning to do and quickly grabbed the baby and lifted her up.
"Well she's awake now" he said. "She's coming with me. And so is the scarf. Dorota pack her bag now."
"Dorota I said no" Blair said sharply.
"I'm leaving with her in three minutes, anything that's not in that bag by that time is something she will have to do without."
"Chuck please, think about this" Blair said, switching from angry to pleading. "Let's sit down and talk. You're angry, I get that, but don't take it out on her like this. You're scaring her. Don't take her away like this, it will be too traumatizing. We can talk about this."
"You've already made your position quite clear" Chuck said. "Now I'm doing the same. I want to spend time with my daughter and I don't want it to be in three days or whenever you deem it appropriate. Today is as good a day as any."
"Fine!" Blair said, grasping for straws. "Just… just wait an hour or so, okay? You can stay here and wait, I promise! For goodness sake she's still in her PJs, you can't even take her outside like that, it's January. Wait a few hours, let things calm down. Just don't take her like this. Look at her, she's frightened!"
"She's fine" Chuck said, even though the baby was crying. "Dorota how's that bag coming along?"
Dorota shot Blair an apologetic look and handed the quickly packed diaper bag to Chuck. She knew when it was possible to argue with Chuck and when it was not. Grace would be leaving with him no matter what Blair said and it was better to make it as smooth as possible. The moment she had handed the bag to Chuck she grabbed Blair by the shoulders and pulled her a few steps back.
"No use arguing Miss Blair" she said. "Think of baby. Better not be dramatic."
"But he can't look after her" Blair said, bursting out sobbing.
Chuck gave her a look that under normal circumstances would have crushed her but right now she didn't give a damn what he thought of her. She watched him adjust his grip on Grace and fought the urge to try and wrestle the baby away from him. She had never doubted him with the baby until yesterday but right now she was terrified that he was too labile to be able to take proper care of the infant.
Chuck on his end felt betrayed by her in every way. He had always been good with the baby in the past even when she didn't evoke any paternal instincts in him and he had done a good job the other day too when he had had her for a few hours. Blair's sudden change of opinion on his parental capabilities hurt him deeply and felt like yet another piece of evidence that he was nothing but a screw-up. The fact that it came from her, the one who had previously had faith in him, made it all the much worse. He decided not to dignify her comment with an answer and instead prove her wrong by taking excellent care of Grace for the night and returning her in good shape.
"Where are her overalls?" he demanded to know, deciding that Grace could stay in her pajamas until they got to his place.
"I go get" Dorota said reluctantly and walked off.
"Chuck" Blair said, trying again to reason with him. "Think about this. Just take a deep breath and think. You're right, I can't forbid you to take her for the night. But do you really think this is the best way to go about it? We will be sitting down with attorneys in a few weeks to discuss the terms of our custody arrangement for the next few years. How do you think it will look that you disappeared for weeks, came back and tried to kill yourself, went on a bender, lost your company and then stormed in here to take Grace away in such a dramatic fashion?"
"You know me" he said. "In fact I think you know me better than any other now living person. You know I would never get drunk while I'm with Grace or do anything else reckless while she's under my care. I may be irresponsible with my own life and safety but never with someone else's. The fact that you would let attorneys think so just to get full custody of her disgusts me."
"I never said I would do that" Blair pointed out. "But you cannot seriously believe that this performance is going to weigh in your favor? For God's sake at least let me hold her for a second and calm her down!"
"I am perfectly capable of soothing my own child" Chuck snarled, the tone of his voice only upsetting Grace further.
"Chuck please" Blair pleaded. "Look at her. Listen to her."
"If you just calm the hell down then we don't have a problem" Chuck replied. "You're the one upsetting her, not me. Or are you trying to imply that all of a sudden merely being held by me is enough to make her cry?"
Dorota returned with the overalls and Chuck sat down on the rug on the floor to get the overalls on the baby. Blair hurried over and kneeled next to him.
"At least let me help you with-"
"Back off" he said. "As if you're going to let me leave with her if you get a hold of her." He began trying to put the overalls on Grace. "Why are you doing this? You were the one who spoke of her rights to me, weren't you? She and I deserve to spend the day together and the only reason why this is at all difficult is because you're overreacting and triggering the baby."
"Overreacting?" Blair echoed. "You storm in here yelling about how you're going to take my child away without a moment's notice, without having anything to feed her with, and this after a cavalcade of irresponsible behavior on your part. We're not talking just a few hours here either and I'm really scared that you won't be able to handle having her for a full night."
"I've done it before, haven't I?"
"Not by yourself. Bart was always there."
She regretted the words the second they were out of her mouth but she couldn't take them back. Chuck froze and just glared at her for a moment. Then he snorted and grabbed the shoes Dorota had brought along with the overalls and put them on the baby's feet.
"I thought you were the one person who thought of me as something more than a screw-up" he said. "I actually thought you had feelings for me. But you're just like everyone else. You're going to try to poison my daughter's mind against me when she gets older?"
"I wanted us to raise her together but the reality is you're not ready" Blair said, wiping away the tears that kept falling. "Chuck if I thought you were a permanently dangerous or toxic impact on Grace's life I would have pushed you off that damn building myself, regardless of how I may feel for you. I had faith in you, more than you perhaps deserved. I'm tired of being disappointed every step of the way. You have to take the time to work through your feelings after your father's death. Don't involve Grace in your grief. She will still be here when you're feeling better."
"You can't have it both ways" Chuck said, getting up from the floor with the baby. "Either you think I can be her father or you don't. I honestly don't give a damn which it is but you should know that when I want to see my daughter I will see my daughter."
He walked out of the room with Blair in tow, her mind working overtime to find some way of making him stop. She hadn't expected this turn of events at all. Chuck could be dramatic but rarely like this. Clearly she had underestimated his newfound attachment to the baby but she still wasn't sure if it was coming from the right place. A dramatic scene like this was the last thing she would have expected from him which only reaffirmed her worry that he wasn't stabile right now.
As Chuck reached the bottom of the stairs the elevator doors opened and Cyrus and Eleanor came walking in, in a very good mood after meeting with a wedding planner.
"Hold the elevator" Chuck said.
"Mother!" Blair cried. "Cyrus. Please, help me get Chuck to understand that this is really bad for Grace."
"What is going on?" Eleanor asked, putting her bag down with a frown.
"Grace is spending the day and night with me" Chuck said. "Get used to it."
"Just like that? Why is she so upset?"
"Because he just barged in here and practically snatched her from her crib" Blair said.
"For the last time, the only one making this into a scene is you" Chuck shot back.
"Perhaps we should all sit down for a moment" Cyrus suggested. "Clearly this situation is not ideal, whatever it is that's going on. The baby belongs with her mother right now, the terms of the custody arrangements for the first six months state that she is the primary care giver."
"I spent the morning going over the terms of that arrangement," Chuck replied, "and they clearly state that I have the right to have her in my care for twenty-four hours each week."
"Yes but not to just storm in here and grab her whenever you choose" Eleanor objected, stopping in his path.
"I'm sure Blair would be more than happy to let you take care of Grace for a day if you just made an agreement in advance about-" Cyrus began.
"Look, you deluded little smurf!" Chuck snarled. "She's made it clear that she won't allow me near Grace. Too bad it's not her call to make. I didn't want this to have to happen this way but Blair made any other arrangement impossible by refusing to let me see my child. If she won't even let me spend five minutes with her with Blair herself in the room do you really think she would let me take Grace for a day?"
"Well you can't just waltz in here whenever you so please and stroll out of here with my granddaughter" Eleanor replied. "For one you're making her hysterical. Hand her over to me and we'll sit down and have an actual discussion about whatever is going on here." She looked over at Blair. "And you. I thought you wanted the father of your baby to spend more time with her. What's all this about?"
"I'm sorry Eleanor but I'm not handing her over to you or to anyone else" Chuck said icily. "I'm insulted that everyone is acting like I'm a raging alcoholic or an abusive parent coming to tear the child from her mother's loving arms. It's one day, it's in the contract and I have taken care of Grace before. We're leaving and if you have a problem with that then you can take some solace in the fact that once I return her tomorrow it will be a week before I get to spend time with her again. Ta."
He moved past Eleanor and stepped on the elevator. He held Grace closer and shushed her softly, mumbling an apology for all the tumult. He knew he might have turned Blair even further against him today but for the moment he didn't care. No matter what he did it ended up wrong anyway so he might as well go with the option that sounded best to him.
So that wraps up this piece of drama ;) The next update will follow either very shortly or in a few weeks' time.
Now as for what I was saying in the opening note… To make a long story very short, all this Dair nonsense on the show has really made me lose the passion I once had for "Gossip Girl". I don't mean to offend Dair shippers but I'm with Leighton Meester, Dan and Blair romantically involved feels like sacrilege to me. The loss of interest makes it kind of difficult to get creative right now, and here's where the heads up comes in. I can't say what will happen in a few months but I can tell you how I feel right now, and the way I feel at present is that if the season ends on a pro-Dair note I won't be watching season five. I don't need there to be a happy Chair ending to the season to keep watching but anything that suggests they will be doing Dan/Blair next season rather than Chuck/Blair and that's it for me. I might change my mind, but that's the way I feel right now. And if I stop watching the show, well, I probably won't keep writing fanfics for the show either.
This is not some sort of stunt to get people to tell me to continue, I'm not trying to get you guys to change my mind =) As I said I might feel differently in a few weeks, the season might end pro-Chair, I might want to keep writing even if it doesn't. This is in no way a "this story will stop updating in May" type message. But given the mind frame I'm in right now it might be over soon, or go on a multi-month hiatus, and I think all of you amazing people who have followed this story for almost forty chapters deserve to be treated with enough respect that I don't just stop posting from one day to another.
Now I feel like I've rambled on and I've probably repeated myself like eight times (I'm an expert at doing that) so I'm going to try and wrap this up. I am absolutely not asking you guys to tell me why I should keep writing, it is definitely not because of lack of support from readers that I might stop (you guys have been amazing all along). And you never know, a month or so down the line I might look back at this message and wonder what the heck I was thinking. Hopefully I'm just being a drama queen right now ;)
As always I thank you for reading and I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter in a review =)