TOBIAS

After showering, Tris and I head downstairs to breakfast. My hand is in hers and she has that smile on her face that lets me know that I have nothing to worry about. At least for the time being. I squeeze her hand on our way to the cafeteria and she turns to smile at me, expecting me to say something, but there's nothing really to say. She knows everything that I want to tell her...and that is why I know that she's my forever. I don't have to try with her. She knows how I think and I know how she thinks, which is why sometimes we butt heads, but that's only because she's so strong-willed. And that's one of the many things that I love about her. She squeezes my hand back before we enter the cafeteria. I see Zeke and Shauna over in the corner and after we get our food we sit at a table on our own. If the situation was any different, I would have asked to join them. It has only been a few weeks since we brought Zeke and his mother to the Bureau to say goodbye to Uriah for the last tiem. Things are still tense. I promise Zeke that I was going to look after his brother and I couldn't even do that. Not even that, but it was my fault that Uriah died in the first place. If I had just listened to Tris and not trusted Nita, we wouldn't be in this mess. A lot of things wouldn't the way they are today.

"Tobias?"

Tris' voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I'm grateful for the distraction from the self blame. Some days it was worse than others and it was hard to block out the noise...the guilt. I look at her and offer a smile. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" she asks, putting her hand on mine. She glances over at Zeke and Shauna. "You worried about that?"

I follow her gaze and shake my head. "I'm gonna give him some time," I say, looking back at her. "After all that's the smart thing to do...especially after what I've done."

Her eyes soften and she lets out a breath. "You can't let that affect you anymore," she says. "You have to try to move on."

"How do you move on from killing someone?" I ask her. And then I immediately regret my words. Tris pulls her hand away from me and nods, slowly. "Ah shit. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head and swallows. "It's fine," she says, her voice a bit rougher than normal. "You don't. It stays with you forever."

I close my eyes and let out a breath. "I feel like a dick."

She laughs and I look up at her. She's smiling at me and I look at her, confused.

"What?" I ask.

"You're not a dick," she says. "We've just been through a lot. Some people don't remember certain details of other people's lives. If it doesn't affect you personally, then to most people, it doesn't matter. And when it doesn't matter, it gets forgotten."

I look at her for a moment before leaning over and kissing her. Her hand is on my cheek and when I pull away she is smiling at me. "I love you so much," I tell her. "You're amazing."

She kisses me again before sitting back down. "I love you, too."

I sit back down and move out trays out of the way to grab her hands. "Listen," I tell her. "I didn't mean to make it seem like I've forgotten about Will. How I feel…that doesn't amount to the way that you feel about what you did. I'm really sorry."

Tris shakes her head. "It's not even that," she says. "You're allowed to feel guilty…but you're also allowed to move on. I'm not saying that there aren't going to be days when you're so racked with guilt that you can't even breathe, but you take that that breath and you just…keep going."

I nod and take the breath. "How did you get to be so damn smart?"

She shrugs. "I was forced to grow up way too fast."

I smile at her and take a drink of water. "What do you want to do today?" I ask her.

She bites her lower lip and thinks about it. "Well, we have to deal with winter for at least another month or so, so I think it might still be snowing," she says. "Do you want to go take a walk around the city? See if we can catch up with Caleb and Christina? And find out where Amar and George are living?"

I nod and take a bite of my toast, finishing it off. "Yeah," he says. "Maybe you can Caleb can finally go through your parents room and see if you can find anything there."

"And maybe…" she pauses and smiles at me. "Maybe we can see about finding home…for you and me?"

I feel my mouth move up, matching her smile. "Yeah," I answer. "We should definitely do that."

She grins and leans over to kiss me again and I smile against her lips. I don't know what I've done to deserve someone like this. She's smart, beautiful, brave, and most importantly, she loves me. She's saved my life more times that I can say and without her, I know that I wouldn't be in the same spot that I'm in today. I pull away and we get up from the table. I glance over at Zeke and Shauna again, but this time Zeke is looking at me and he raises a hand. A gesture of hello. A gesture of good faith. My shoulders drop in relaxation and I take that breath again. I nod at him and Shauna smiles at me. Tris and I wave as them as we leave. As we do so, Tris takes my hand and we head back up to the room to get our jackets before leaving the compound. We get onto the train and Tris stands with her head against my chest.

"It was nice to talk that out earlier," I say. "I feel better."

"I'm glad," she says. "Sometimes it's just nice to talk about everything and get if off your chest. Let's try to do that at least once a week. That way we won't have to deal with feelings that are building up and end up fighting with each other."

"No more secrets," I say.

She nods. "No more secrets," she agrees.

We get off of the train and head toward the house we had spent the last couple of days at. We knock on the door and Christina opens the door in just a shirt. I avert my eyes.

"Christina!" Tris exclaims.

Christina shuts the door halfway to cover herself. Caleb comes up behind her wearing the lower half of the pajamas that I'm sure belonged to Tris' bother. He turns red.

"Oh," he says rubbing the back of his neck. "Hey guys. Uh, come on in."

Tris looks at me and I can't stop myself from chuckling as she takes my head and leads me inside.