Chapter 36: Limbo
400 years later
Skuld was sitting on the beach. Behind her was an endless skyline of tall buildings that stretched into the distance in both directions. The buildings were in various states of disrepair and decay. A few had toppled or collapsed.
She picked up a small rock and chucked it into the sea. It was always the same rock.
Keiichi walked up behind her. She sensed his presence.
She didn't turn around. Instead she said quietly, "K2, you're like a bad rash. Go away."
She called him 'K2' because she believed that Keiichi was a dream construct created by the captors that held her prisoner.
Keiichi sat beside her and gazed out at the water in silence.
Time passed.
Finally he spoke up. "Anything new?"
"Very funny."
"I'll sit with you for a while if you like." He had made this offer many times before.
This time she was not so harsh in her rejection of him.
"Sorry, no. I know that this hurts your feelings. But as a dream construct you're programmed to feel that way. You can't help it." She turned to look at him. "And so, to whatever extent your feelings are real to you, I'm sorry."
She looked down. "So, please leave me alone."
"It's okay." He stood up.
Then he said, "I'll be waiting for you. Even if you don't believe I am the real Keiichi, just remember that there is still the real Keiichi up there somewhere. And he's waiting for you too."
She threw the rock again. "He'll give up eventually."
"He'll wait for you. Just like Belldandy is waiting for him."
"No, he won't wait. He's only mortal."
"So?"
"He doesn't have my sense of time. He measures time in days, weeks, months and years. I measure time in years, decades, centuries and millennia."
"You'd be surprised."
He left.
600 years later
Skuld was sitting on the beach. Behind her was an endless skyline of tall buildings that stretched into the distance in both directions. All of the buildings were in various states of disrepair and decay. More than a few had toppled or collapsed altogether.
She picked up a small rock and chucked it into the sea. It was always the same rock.
Keiichi walked up behind her. She sensed his presence. He sat beside her and gazed out at the water in silence.
Time passed.
Finally he spoke. "You think you can out-wait your captors. You can't."
She turned to face him. "I can. Waiting is something I'm good at. I can wait forever if I have to."
"No. You're wrong."
"I can. It's easy for someone like me."
"You misunderstand me. I mean 'No' because there are no captors. I'm the real Keiichi. Look, it's just me, Peorth, and your mom up there waiting for you. Nobody else is up there."
More silence.
He looked down. "Skuld, I hurt you incredibly. Your mom did too. We have no excuse for what we did to you."
"K2, you're making that bogus assumption again, that he didn't want to hurt my feelings."
"It's true. I shouldn't have waited so long to tell you. I was just putting off the inevitable. I should have told you as soon as I suspected what was happening. But I knew it would hurt your feelings terribly, so I put it off. As we climbed higher it became more and more obvious. I figured you'd notice it yourself eventually."
"Non-sequitur. Nothing that happened the moment I stepped into level 38 was real. All of you were fake from that moment on. I didn't notice it prior to then for the simple fact that it wasn't happening. Only when I stepped into level 38 did I suddenly become a teenager."
More silence.
Then she said, "And I'm not regressing in age. And Keiichi was not hiding secrets from me."
"Sorry, you're just in denial. It was already happening right on level 2. I didn't get taller, you got shorter. And you were already going into denial about it. Heck, you even had me convinced myself."
She threw the rock again.
"But there was also your personality change. It changed as soon as you died. You were like a scared little child, and I sang to you like a mother. And after that you became increasingly short-tempered, excitable, and playful. At first I thought it was just the excitement of the tour. But it was actually because your personality was regressing."
He sighed, "And then here on level 38 you were brutally confronted with the awful truth. And in the worst possible way. Your mind couldn't take it. Adulthood, the one thing you wanted most in your life, was suddenly ripped away from you. And so you fled and hid. You dived down deep into your own subconscious mind to hide from the awful truth."
He looked down. "And it's all my fault. I should have told you what was happening as soon as I figured it out. I'm sorry."
She got angry with him. "That's all a lie! Don't apologize for something he never did! I'm still an adult! I know I am!"
"Skuld, I understand. I'll wait."
"Go away."
"I'll wait as long as it takes."
And then, right before he left, he turned to face her one last time.
"Just remember that he loves you."
1000 years later
Skuld was sitting on the beach. Behind her was an endless skyline of tall buildings that stretched into the distance in both directions. All of the buildings were in significant states of disrepair and decay. More than half of them had toppled or collapsed altogether.
She picked up a small rock and chucked it into the sea. It was always the same rock.
Keiichi walked up behind her. She sensed his presence.
He sat beside her and gazed out at the water in silence.
Time passed.
Then he turned and smiled. "Happy anniversary."
"Already?"
"Yes."
"How long has it been?"
"The time differential is fifty to one. 40 years have passed from our perspective. So at least 2000 years must have passed down here."
"My, my. I guess time flies when you're having as much fun as I am."
"Skuld, you need to wake up."
"Why? I like it down here."
"This is Limbo, unreconstructed dream space. There's nothing here. This is childish."
"Is it?"
"Yes. Can't you see? You're just pouting. It's more evidence of your age regression."
"Actually I have a very logical reason for staying here."
That got Keiichi's attention. It was the first new statement that he had heard from her in a long time.
"Huh..?"
"I've been keeping it a secret. Why I don't want to leave here. But your masters probably already know it anyway. So I decided to tell you."
He waited patiently for her to continue.
"You see, my keepers can't touch me down here. Up there they can create illusions, mess with my head, do anything. If I go up with you, I'll never escape them ever again. Even if I try to come back down here I won't know if it is real - my own dream - versus a fake one, one they can control. As soon as I leave here, I will forever be their prisoner."
"That's not true. There are no captors. It's just me, Peorth, and your mom. And we all love you. They even came up with a solution to cross the level 38 barrier. I've listened to their plan and I think it will work. We can leave level 38 and continue on our journey to Belldandy. Skuld, there is a way for us to escape. To see your Big Sis."
"You could just fool me into thinking we had escaped."
"That's silly."
"Is it? Can you prove that? You could trick me into thinking that I had rejoined with the real Keiichi, that I brought Keiichi up with me to meet Big Sis, that I had a teary reunion with her, everything."
She turned to face him. "The problem is that I'll never know if any of it was real. There will always be a nagging doubt in my mind."
She looked down. "That is why I'm staying here."
"Skuld, you're wrong. There has got to be a way for you to know, with absolute certainty, that you aren't living in somebody's dream space."
"That's the beauty of solipsism. There's no way to disprove it."
Skuld chucked the rock again. Then she asked, "Okay, K2, if everything up there is real, why did my age regress? It makes no sense."
"Your mom explained it all to me. It's because as you go higher up, each person becomes increasingly conformed to their 'ideal' form, their true essence. And, for better or worse, yours is that of a child."
She sighed as Keiichi went on.
"It's who you are. Look, Skuld, even as an adult you had always retained a lot of that playful nature. And I loved it. Your genius brain was always whirring madly in that head of yours. It's why you bored easily, because that mind of your was always spinning. It's also why you've always been a little bit crazy and unpredictable. I loved that part of you too."
He smiled, "Lindy inherited some of that playfulness too, which is why she likes role-playing and acting so much. And it's why you liked role-playing with me in all of your elaborate lucid dream adventures that we shared together."
She grinned inwardly as she recalled those fond memories. "Yeah, I loved role-playing with him, the real Keiichi." She thought a moment. "I think I liked the pirate adventure the best."
He rolled his eyes. "Ugh, that one was stupid." It was because in that fantasy Keiichi had played the dashing captain of a pirate ship with his crew of buccaneers who had just raided a small seaside town. As part of his booty he had kidnapped the young beautiful (and virginal) daughter of the town's wealthiest merchant. He planned to ransom her back to her father for a considerable sum.
He kept her captive in his captain's quarters to protect her from his men. While waiting the week he had given her father to gather the funds to pay his exorbitant ransom demand, they started talking.
They talked some more.
And some more.
They were falling in love.
But her father loved his money more than her, so he attempted to exchange her for a trunk filled with rocks instead of riches. The pirate captain was now stuck with his beautiful captive, but he was inwardly glad, as was she, though the proud girl would not concede that she was falling for him. And then, after many adventures, including one where a second group of buccaneers sank his ship, and where he made a daring rescue to save the girl from their clutches, he eventually swept the girl off her feet and made her his wife.
"Skuld, that was sooo stupid.."
"Aw, it was fun."
"Stooopid."
"Fuuuuun."
She sighed, "Pity we can't do that in here. It would help me pass the time. Even if you're fake I could still have had lots of fun, heh."
She sighed again, "It's too bad we can't."
"Oh? Why not?"
"Because lucid dreams within Limbo are impossible. Limbo is unreconstructed dream space. It's all running in my unconscious mind. I can't control it."
Then her eyes lit up. "Wait.."
She stood up. Then she started thinking.
Keiichi could almost see the gears whirring in her head.
His heart leapt. Skuld, use that amazing brain of yours. Figure out something!
She started pacing back and forth. "Wait.. just maybe.. Yes! It would work! There's a way!"
He grabbed her shoulders. "Really? There is?"
"Of course! And only you and I can do it!"
She was practically trembling with excitement.
"Heh, my captors never thought of it.."
"Thought of what?"
"A test to see if I'm still trapped inside somebody else's dream construct."
"How? Spill."
"It works because I'm bonded with you. They can't simulate my lucid dream state with you bonded in my head. Two independent minds."
Keiichi started to get a glimmer of Skuld's plan. "Hey.. I think I see it.."
"Right. Because it's mine, not theirs, or rather ours. They can't control it. Not both of us at the same time. And they can't fake my bond with you because it's intrinsic between us. Oh Keiichi, there's a way! A way! Thank you! Thank you!"
Then she hugged him.
And he noticed that she was now calling him 'Keiichi' instead of 'K2'.
But then she suddenly stopped. She stared into space a moment, then her shoulders drooped. She slowly turned away from him.
He understood. He walked up behind her and held her hunched-over shoulders. "Skuld, you are still a beautiful woman in my eyes. And you always will be. No matter how you look, no matter your external appearance, that is who you are to me."
Her eyes teared up and she turned to face him. "I believe you."
She sighed, "It is a wonderful gift that you humans have. I envy you."
"We have a gift?"
"A human husband can look into the eyes of his 85 year-old wife and still see the beautiful young maiden he married 60 years prior."
Again he understood. "Yes, we can.."
She looked down. Then she gripped his own shoulders tightly. "Keiichi, can you.. please..?"
"What? Anything."
"Just.. please.. kiss me?"
"Kiss you?"
"Yes, please?"
"Skuld, you okay?"
"Like on the day you confessed to me. Kiss me exactly like that. Just one more time. Before I get any younger."
And so he held her as he looked straight into the teenage girl's tearful brown eyes. She closed those eyes and opened her lips slightly. He gave her a long passionate kiss. And then she returned that kiss with an equally passionate one of her own.
It would be their last kiss together as husband and wife.
Finally she opened eyes again. "Thank you." She stepped back.
She made a long sigh as she forever closed off that part of her life.
Then her expression changed. She made an evil-looking smile as she rubbed her hands with gleeful excitement. "All right. Let's bust out of this joint."
Then she gave him a sly wink. "But you better be careful from now on, Keiichi.."
He looked at her quizzically. "How come?"
She gave him a mad grin that could have instantly got her certified at Bellvue.
".. because good ol' crazy psycho Skuld is a-comin' back!"
She bowed extravagantly. "And for my first act.."
Keiichi heard a loud rumble. He turned and saw that all the buildings behind them were rapidly imploding. Buildings a hundred stories tall were pancaking downwards. Centuries of dust and debris were shooting outwards in all directions with explosive force, each creating a rapidly expanding cloud of debris. Thousands of buildings were collapsing in this manner. The earth shook violently as the clouds merged into a single shockwave that was now rushing towards the hapless pair on the beach.
It enveloped them as Keiichi screamed in terror.
Eventually the clouds dissipated.
The waves gently lapped on the shore of the beach.
And the beach was empty.
Skuld and Keiichi were now standing together in the captain's quarters of a pirate ship. He sighed and did a facepalm.
It was because he was now 6 feet tall with broad muscular shoulders and wavy brown hair. He was sporting a pencil moustache. Skuld was a beautiful fetching blond wearing an expensive dress befitting the daughter of a wealthy merchant of the day. The dress was badly torn at the shoulder.
Keiichi crossed his arms in annoyance. "Skuld, this is soooo stupid.. And you're too young for this sort of thing anymore. I'm not doing it."
Her eyes were closed in deep concentration. "Be quiet. I'm checking."
"Checking what?"
"My neural network. I'm checking my personality and memory nodes."
Then she said, "Okay. It checks out. Yeah, this my own lucid dream all right. But.. oh crud.. Sigh.."
"What?"
"My alpha-level self-control metric is down 23%, and my limbic feedback metric is up 31%. The latter measures the threshold of triggering my flight-or-fight emotional response. It means I'm more jittery now. And... Crap. Crap. I really am regressing, aren't I? This isn't fair."
"I'm sorry."
"Shut up. I need to check you next."
"For what?"
"To prove to myself that you aren't fake."
"Oh, that's easy. Go ahead."
"Keiichi, actually it is not."
"Huh? Why not?"
"What I mean is, this is going to be hard for you. But there's nothing for it. To satisfy myself I am going to have to dig deep into your mind, into your core memory nodes, your deepest personality engrams. I know they can't fake those."
"That's okay. I don't have anything to hide."
"After this, no you won't. You see, I have to be convinced that you are really you, and that there isn't any form of mind-control imposed on you, that nobody has tampered with your mind. Otherwise I will always have doubts.. and.. I have to be certain."
"I understand. It was my fault for hiding secrets from you in the first place. Go ahead."
She got close to him. "Keiichi, I don't think you fully understand the seriousness of what I am proposing here. Look, I'm not going to sugar-coat it. A mind-rape is one of the most serious crimes an angel can commit against another sentient being."
"Oh darn, and here I thought it was me that was supposed to be ravishing you, not the other way around."
"Shut up. Playtime is over. This is serious. What I am proposing to do to you is punishable by death."
"Well it's a good thing you are already dead then."
"Keiichi, I said shut up! I'm not joking around!"
"Sorry. Just do it. It is not a crime if I give you my permission."
She looked at him in silence for several moments.
Then she looked down. "No, I change my mind."
"Skuld.."
"Nobody can fake that kind of sincerity. You're the real Keiichi. I believe you are you."
She turned away from him. "I was 80-90% sure already anyway."
"Skuld?"
"Don't worry. I'm convinced. You're you."
"No, I want you to do it. I want you to fully trust me again."
"I do trust you."
"Liar."
"I do. Well.. I think I do.."
"Exactly. You still have that little nagging doubt, don't you? That tiny doubt. Is Keiichi hiding any other secrets? It will always be there in the back of your mind."
She grabbed his hand. "C'mon, let's wake up. Peorth and mom are waiting for us."
"No, stop! Do it! You have to be sure!"
She was getting angry with him. "Keiichi, knock it off. I already said I believe you and I trust you."
"I can see your doubts, Skuld. You can't fool me. I know you too well. And until you dispel those doubts you will never be sure about me. About whether I'm keeping any other secrets from you. And besides, I'm the one who violated you. I violated your trust in me. This is my atonement for keeping those secrets from you."
"I.. I can't.. do something like that to you."
He grabbed her roughly, further ripping the shoulder of her period costume.
"DO IT TO ME!"
She blinked away a tear. She knew how resolute and determined he could be.
She sighed deeply. "All right. I'll be as gentle as I can. Lie down."
"Where? Here?"
"Sure, why not? You're already inside my head, so we might as well do it here. Close your eyes." He did.
"Now this will feel a little weird.."
And the world went away.
Disorientation.
Belldandy was wearing a green dress with long sleeves. She had her hands held down and crossed pleasantly in front of her. "Oh my love, I've been waiting for you for so long."
"Belldandy? Is.. is that you?"
"Yes, you've finally come to me. I always knew you would."
Then Skuld walked up behind the couple. She spoke quietly into Keiichi's ear. "This is one of your central personality engrams. It represents Big Sis."
He turned to face Skuld as Belldandy continued to smile broadly at him. "Then you know how much I love her."
"Yes, I do."
"You know that I love her. More than you."
"I know. I've always known that. I don't mind that you love her more than me. I never have."
"I never understood that.."
"It's because I love Big Sis too. It's why I volunteered for this mission. Because I love both of you so much. I gladly agreed to give you the long and happy life that Belldandy wanted you to have. And it was my joy to do so. And as a bonus I got to see firsthand what Belldandy sees in you."
She looked down. "At first it wasn't easy. When I read the Blue File that first time - that our marriage was meant to last only a few months - I was stunned and confused. I couldn't understand how I could possibly fulfill Belldandy's request."
"So that explains why you looked so shocked and dazed when you approached me after reading that file.."
"Yes. I was at a complete loss. Then I decided to cast the Bond spell. There was nothing else I could do. That spell is so risky, and I was so afraid of damaging your mind. I had to keep it secret from you. I'm sorry."
He held her. "You did the right thing. We've already discussed this long ago, remember?* If you told me, Eihwaz would have killed you too, and none of this would have happened."
She looked into his eyes. "I know. There was no other way for me to save you. I'm so sorry for not telling you." She lowered her head.
Belldandy walked up to them and smiled. "Don't you see, Skuld? Keiichi has already forgiven you."
Keiichi replied, "And given what I know now, I would have gladly done it all over again."
Belldandy smiled brightly, "Yes! You see, Skuld? Your 330 years of marriage with him, the tour, he is slowly becoming wise."
Skuld cupped his face with her hand. "Yes, he is. And patient. He waited 40 years for me."
"Yes, exactly. He waited patiently for you. Just as I am waiting for him."
"Belldandy.."
"I am so happy that you are both finally starting to understand."
Skuld spoke for both of them. "Yes, we are. Thank you, Big Sis. I'll bring him to you as fast as I can."
"I know you will. I love you. Both of you. You are getting close now. Closer than you think."
She turned to him. "Keiichi, I'm so happy.. I love you so much. And when you get here, I promise, no more secrets. I will reveal to you everything."
She looked a little unsteady somehow. Her image seemed to flicker a bit. "Oh dear, this is harder for me to sustain than I thought. Keiichi, there is so much I want to tell you.."
She started to fade. "Come to me, darling!"
She was gone.
Keiichi blinked his eyes slowly, then he turned and asked, "That was.. my mental image of her.. right? I mean, that wasn't actually her, was it..?"
Skuld smiled. "Big Sis is so amazing."
He whirled back around to look at the spot where Belldandy stood, "That was her, wasn't it?"
His second ex-wife shrugged. "Hey, you tell me. We're in your messed up head, not mine."
He took a small step toward the spot where she was standing. "That was her.."
Skuld crossed her arms. "Well, that does explain one oddity."
He looked back, "What do you mean?"
"Why you never experienced any elaborate lucid dreams about her."
"Huh?"
"Part of that was out of your respect for me, no doubt. Although honestly I would not have minded at all if you did. But even in your subconcious she rarely manifested as strongly as she did just now. Am I right?"
"Yeah.. It was rare. I mean, she's always floating there in the back of my mind, of course, but she is always, I don't know.. hovering just out of my reach. But I rarely ever had a conversation like that with her. Hey, now that I think about of it, isn't that a little weird?"
"Not really."
"Why not?"
"Because she's not dead. She's real. If she was truly dead, unreachable, I mean, you'd be dreaming up long and elaborate conversations with her all the time. But because you know she's real, your mind is unwilling to invent fake dialogs with her."
"Then what was that we just saw?"
"Not sure. Maybe it really was her. Hmm.."
"But then why hasn't she done it before?"
"I think she's been careful to stay out of your head, probably because she felt it would hurt you if she manifested and left you again."
Skuld looked thoughtful. "You know, the more I think about it, the more I think that was a real manifestation. That was Big Sis! Wow. We must be getting close or she wouldn't have done that. Keiichi, this is really encouraging."
"Yes it is. So, Skuld, are you finished now rummaging through my skull? It feels like you've turned my head inside out."
"Yeah, we're done, sorry."
"I'd like to get us moving again. She's waiting."
"Me too. Let's wake up and go see mom."
"Heh, I'm sure she'll be gushing with apologies to both of us."
"With Peorth discretely holding her rose whip behind her back to make sure she does, no doubt."
"Yeah, heh."
She paused. "I must say, that was a nice little vacation. I really needed it."
"Skuld, are you sure you're ready to become a kid now?"
"I am. Second childhood. Very common among senior adults. Just make sure you give me one thing, Keiichi.."
"What? Anything. Any at all."
"I want lots of strawberry ice cream."
"Heh, deal. All the strawberry ice cream you can eat." He tousled her hair playfully.
"Stop that!"
"Hey, turnabout is fair play."
"Oooh! You're so mean!"
"Let's go."
Level 38, sublevel 0
Skuld and the rest of them were standing over the sleeping body of Mr. Cobb. The teenage girl removed the stethoscope from her ears. Peorth asked, "What do you think, mon ami?"
Skuld said, "Well, it's a good thing that you two now have an expert dream professional up here with you."
Keiichi said, "Skuld, stop bragging."
Skuld ignored him and began to pontificate, "Speaking as a professional and the foremost expert on dream psychology, and based on my physical and mental examination of the patient, plus your reports of your attempts to awaken him - which were quite pathetic by the way - I am now prepared to announce my conclusion regarding your patient's condition."
Peorth asked, "You have?"
"Yes, it is quite simple. It is obvious why your attempts would never succeed. You could never awaken him. Not in a million years. You two are idiots."
Keiichi said, "Skuld, don't rub it in. Just explain why."
"It's simple."
"Yes?"
"Those two fools could never have possibly guided Mr. Cobb home. They're psychopomps."
"Skuld.."
Skuld's mother finally spoke up. "So why can't we awaken him?"
"Because, dear mother, of one simple fact."
"Which is?"
"Cobb is not dead."
A/N:
* See chapter 8.
A/N Update (2014/07/05):
I can't believe this story got so huge. Originally this story was supposed to be a coda after the end of The Fifth Kind of Love, topping out around novella length (30,000 words), but it is now over 165,000. The reason was that I had aborted the original ending, which would have taken place shortly after Chapter 13 with Thoriko reading Lindy's death note. Then Lindy's ghostly form would have appeared in front of Thoriko alongside Skuld and Keiichi, with the trio appearing semi-transparent like Anakin, Obi-wan, and Yoda did at the end of the film The Return of the Jedi.
But I was worried the ending would feel too melancholy for some people (I caught some flack for that with FKOL's ending). So I aborted the planned ending and instead took Keiichi on a grand tour of the multiverse/transverse. This was partly to show that K1 and Skuld were emphatically still alive (and loving it), and partly as an opportunity to do some of the deep philosophical and ontological musings that I had planned to do in The Final Act of Haruki Suzumiya in a much more technical way. For an example of my writing style when I switch to all-out geek mode, see Chapter 30 of this story. That admittedly overly-wonky chapter would have fit much better in FAHS (where I could do a 4-way Socratic dialog between Kyon, Kyonko, Nagato, and Koizumi), which is why I only made it an omake in this story.
Thank you for reading.
-HuuskerDu