Author's Notes - I really don't know where to begin. I could give a long explanation about my busy summer, or talk about all the changes on the site, or even explain some of the reasoning for this chapter, but I think I'll skip that for now to let you read. Thanks to everyone who is still following this story, and a very special thanks to everyone who has taken the time to leave a comment. Yes, I know, the chapter ends on a bit of a cliffhanger; don't worry, the next one will be posted within the week. Hope you enjoy!
Waiting at the Hogsmeade station, Severus Snape impatiently checked his watch. The train was not due for another twelve minutes, a full three minutes less than the last time he had checked. There were few people milling about the platform on such a stormy Friday evening; nevertheless, he scrutinized each and every one. When he was satisfied that none of them were reporters in disguise, he again checked his watch.
Eight minutes until Sirius Black was due to arrive from London. Thirty-eight minutes until the Marauder was scheduled to meet with Albus. And, ninety-eight minutes before Severus would introduce Rose to her godfather. The thought of that made the Potions Master's hands sweat.
What if Black made a claim for Rose? While Snape had papers signed by Lily's sister granting him custody of the child, there was no denying that Black had been named as her godfather. The court battle could take years to decide and cost a fortune in legal fees, a fortune that Severus did not possess but Black did.
Six minutes . . . .
What if Rose chose Black over him? The wizard was grossly immature, but such a character flaw might be seen as an asset to an independent teenager. Black also had the means to impress her with flashy gifts; he'd already done so with the Firebolt. Perhaps most damning of all, he could tell her the stories she wanted to hear, the stories of her early life with her mother and father.
Three minutes . . . .
Did he deserve Rose? He was the reason she was an orphan, and eventually, she would discover the truth. For all his faults, Black was loyal.
Two minutes . . . .
Did he truly have to do this? He didn't want to face Black. The man could get under his skin like no one else.
One minute . . . .
'This is for Rose; this is for Rose,' he thought over and over, the voice in his head taking on the rhythm of a steam locomotive.
The whistle blew as the train pulled into the station.
Severus schooled his face into a polite mask, at least as polite as he could manage. His mouth resembled a grimace much more than a smile, but there were few to witness his momentary lapse. By the time Black stepped off the train, they were thankfully alone.
"Snape! You're looking a damn sight better than when I saw you last!"
A more genuine smile on his face, Sirius bounded off the train, gripping a small overnight bag and a bright pink gift sack. He, too, looked better than he had at their last meeting. Six weeks had put meat on his bones and the flush of health on his cheeks. His black hair was artfully mussed in a way that made it very clear he had taken time to style it, and his robes were cut in the latest fashion.
Severus searched for something polite to say that couldn't be misconstrued as a compliment. In the end, he grunted in assent and reluctantly stuck out his hand. Putting down his suitcase, Black eagerly took it.
"I can't tell you how much this means to me, Severus. When I was in Azkaban, the thought of getting to know Rose was more than I could ever imagine."
"She is eager to speak to you," he replied begrudgingly before turning to lead his guest to Hogwarts.
Walking to the castle as speedily as he could through the wind and drizzle, Snape wondered not for the first time why Black had required an escort at all. It wasn't as if he hadn't been making the same trek all year long, or ages ago as a student for that matter. At least his unwelcome companion didn't try to fill the silence with inane conversation.
The one-time Marauder honored his need for quiet until they entered the castle. Then, he chattered like a magpie, asking ceaseless questions about Rose's likes and dislikes.
"I brought some treats for her that were James' favorites: an extra-large box of Mr. Spindley's color changing candy floss, elastic licorice whips and a tin of Everlasting Bubble bubble gum. If she's anything like James, she has a sweet tooth."
Severus took immense satisfaction in wiping the eager smile off his face. "Rose is partial to chocolate, the darker the better."
"Ah, I'll have to remember that. Perhaps she can share these with her friends."
Black looked positively glum as they made their way to Dumbledore's office on the seventh floor. Snape speculated briefly that the former fugitive might be as nervous as he, and then he dismissed the thought as absurd. He doubted Black had ever been nervous in his life.
He stopped at the gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's office. Severus had not been invited to dine with the two, which was perfectly fine with him. He was relieved not to have to participate in dinner conversation that would inevitably revolve around Black's escapades at Hogwarts.
"I will introduce you to Rose in exactly one hour. The wolf is not invited."
Sirius opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and snapped his jaw closed. Just then, the gargoyle stepped aside, and the wall parted to reveal the spiral staircase. Dumbledore peered from the top, waving enthusiastically to his dinner partner.
"Sirius! It's a delight to see you again. Come, come. We have much to discuss in a very short amount of time."
Black grinned up at his host. "It's good to see you, too, Headmaster."
Stepping onto the staircase, he looked back at Severus, the idiotic grin still on his face. "I'll see you in an hour. Tell Rose that I can't wait to meet her properly this time!"
Temporarily relieved of his obligation, Severus made his way to the Great Hall, where he most decidedly did not tell Rose that Black was looking forward to meeting her. He had caught Lupin doing just that on more than one occasion, and to repeat the sentiment would be redundant. Besides, Black could tell her himself in an hour's time.
Brooding, he picked at his dinner, not daring to look up from his plate lest one of the other members of staff see fit to question him about Black's overnight visit to Hogwarts. He already questioned his sanity on extending the invitation in the first place. But, Rose had expressed an interest in meeting him, and Black had written him specifically asking for permission to watch Rose play Seeker in the last Quidditch match of the season.
He was still pushing his mushy peas around his plate when someone tapped him on the shoulder.
"Yes?" His tone was forbidding, the kind he used on students who asked to borrow a quill during an exam, and he regretted it the instant he saw who had interrupted him.
Rose fiddled with her charm bracelet, rocking back and forth on her heels as if she contemplated flight. The hall was empty but for the two of them. Severus felt a brief flash of pride at the fact that he had managed to intimidate his tablemates into leaving without saying a word.
"Eager to meet your godfather?"
He had expected an enthusiastic yes, not her eyes widening in sheer panic.
"Rose? What's wrong? I thought you wished to make Black's acquaintance."
Not for the first time, he wished he had put an Anti-Breaking Charm on her bracelet. Lily had never twisted it so nervously.
"I did. I do. But, I thought Ron was mental until Hermione agreed . . . . I mean, she didn't want to, Professor, but . . . . And, I want to meet him, but I don't want to meet him if, that is—"
"Perhaps it would be best if you take a moment and simply tell me what Miss Granger said to upset you so much. While she is a very bright student, she is still a student. She is not always correct in her assumptions."
His distraught ward took a very deep breath. "She said since my parents named Sirius Black as my godfather, I might have to go live with him."
"And that upset you?" He asked with the same outward detachment a psychologist might employ. Inwardly, he shared her fears.
Rose exploded. "Of course it did! I'm supposed to live with you! You promised! You said you're stuck with me, and I thought you meant it in a good way! You did, didn't you? I mean, you're not trying to get rid of me, are you? Because I know I've been a right nuisance at times, and you're not used to kids, er, kids outside of the Potions classroom. But, I promise you'll hardly know I'm around, and—"
"Rose, stop."
Taking her hand, he tugged her towards him, and then wrapped her in a tight hug. He had been shocked at how quickly her anxieties had spewed from her mouth, and how similar they were to his. However, Severus didn't want her to believe for a second that any of them were true, even if there was the potential for events to unfold just as her two friends had predicted.
"It would have upset me as well. I have made it clear how much I care for you, have I not? So, none of this nonsense. Miss Granger has forgotten that Petunia Dursley is your mother's sister. She had every right to sign the guardianship papers. You are, as you said, stuck with me."
"You're certain, Professor?"
It had been easier to lie to the Dark Lord. In the end, he artfully deflected the question. "You doubt me, Miss Potter?"
She flushed scarlet. "No! Of course I don't! I just, well, Hermione seemed so sure . . . ."
"You don't have to meet him."
The thought had obviously not occurred to her. "I don't?"
"You are under no obligation to speak to Sirius Black, Rose, godfather or no."
She carefully considered her options. He could practically see the thoughts spinning through her head, though he refused to look. After a few moments, her face took an expression of stubborn determination.
"I'll meet him, Professor. He must have been a good friend of my parents to have been named my godfather. I think I owe him that much, at least."
Proud of her decision, even if he still privately worried that Black would somehow turn her against him, Severus gave her a rare smile.
"A very commendable choice, Rose. I am pleased that you were able to put your fears aside to consider the situation in its entirety."
She perked up at his praise, though she painfully gripped his hand as they walked together towards the Headmaster's office. As they reached the seventh floor, she scraped the toes of her trainers behind her on the stone floor, betraying her mounting nervousness. Leaning against his cane, he whispered in her ear.
"Do you think he still has fleas?"
"Professor!"
A second later, her laugh started out as a suppressed giggle, erupted from her nose as an unladylike snort and finally ended in loud guffaw that brought tears to her eyes. They rounded a corner to find Black pacing back in forth in front of the gargoyle, and she hastily composed herself. Then, she impulsively hugged Severus in an uncharacteristic public display of affection.
Suppressing a smirk, he willingly hugged her back. Though he usually was wary of acknowledging their bond in front of others, he wasn't about to reject Rose when she had all but announced where her loyalties lay. Let Black see that she was comfortable around him, he thought, momentarily forgetting that the wizard had had ample opportunity to observe the two together over most of the school year.
When she finally let go, he took her hand to lead her closer to Black. "Rose, this is your godfather, Sirius Black."
"Hello, Mr. Black."
If the handsome wizard noticed (as Severus had) that her greeting was less than enthusiastic, he was gracious enough not to mention it. Instead, he beamed at her, putting down his suitcase to offer her his hand. Easing her grip on Snape's fingers, she took her godfather's hand.
"Please call me Sirius, Rose. Mr. Black reminds me too much of my father, someone I'd frankly rather forget."
Breaking the handshake, he offered her the sack. "These are for you, although from what Severus has said, you may wish to share them with your friends rather than keep them for yourself. They were James' favorites."
Pulling out the pink tissue paper, she looked into the sack. "Thank you, Mr., er, Sirius. There's enough sweets in here to share with half of Gryffindor. I'll be sure to tell everyone they came from you."
Snape observed Black carefully as Rose fumbled her way through some small talk. He was sure of it now; Black appeared to be anxious, although the Potions Master couldn't conceive of a reason why. Rose, while more composed, rapidly ran out of things to say. For her, he filled the silence.
"I expect you to escort Miss Potter to Professor McGonagall's office no later than nine, Black. She will see Rose to her dormitory tonight. Unless you intend to carry your luggage for the next two hours, I suggest you shrink it to a more manageable size. I have no intention of being your porter this evening. Let me remind you that I have the map; I expect you to honor the stipulation I set forth earlier. I also expect you to return to my quarters immediately after your visit with Rose. While you might be used to lazing about, I have duties as Head of House that necessitate I retire early. I won't have you carousing about the castle with your school chums at all hours of the night only to wake me when you finally decide to drag yourself to bed."
Sirius jauntily nodded at Snape before whispering a loud aside to Rose. "Merlin help you when you decide to date."
Biting back a laugh, she glanced at her guardian. "I know. Professor Snape's said as much."
With that comment, the tension between the young witch and her godfather rapidly dissipated. Severus took that as his cue to bid her a goodnight. He hugged her, though he was self-conscious enough of Black's presence this time to make it brief. When he reached his quarters, he tried to distract himself with the latest Potions journal, but he finally gave up after reading the same letter to the editor four times. It was going to be a very long two hours.
At five past nine, Sirius Black knocked on the door to the Potions Master's private quarters. After a brief wait, Snape begrudgingly invited him inside.
"I'd say make yourself at home, Black, but we both know I don't mean that. I cannot comprehend why the Headmaster insisted that you stay with me when there are accommodations to be had in town."
For the first time, Black let his irritation show. "I'm well aware of your feelings towards me, Snape. Remus has spoken of nothing else in the past few weeks. If it were up to me, I'd be at the Three Broomsticks, renewing my acquaintance with Rosmerta."
"Then, by all means, be my guest. I would never dream of depriving Madame Rosmerta of the opportunity to enjoy your illustrious company."
"If that were an option, I would take it. I'm beginning to remember why I hated you so much when we were children. If that tongue of yours were any sharper, your mouth would be bleeding."
Severus could feel the old anger rekindling. "Don't pretend your feelings have changed, Black. I'm not thick. The only reason you haven't used the things I told Grim against me is that it would upset Rose. Being civil to me is merely a means to an end."
Sirius threw his hands up in exasperation. "You're too blinded by hate to see what's in front of that beak you call a nose! Don't you think it's odd our dear Headmaster forced the two of us together like this? He wants us to fight over Rose like two squabbling children."
"So you admit it? You plan on contesting my guardianship?"
"For Merlin's sake, Severus! Listen to what I'm saying for once, will you? I tried to explain when you found out about Grim, but it obviously hasn't sunk into that thick skull of yours yet. I have no intention of betraying you or hurting Rose. Challenging the guardianship would do both."
The insults peppered throughout Black's tirade aggravated his already short temper. Pushing past that, however, he longed to believe the wealthy wizard's declaration. Rose had suffered enough without adding a custody fight to her long list of traumas. Unfortunately, harsh experience had taught him not to trust anyone's word, much less a Marauder's.
"And, what proof do you offer besides your word for that? I remember your tricks, Black. I will not allow you to give me enough rope to hang myself."
Sirius sunk onto the leather sofa, gazing at the books in the cozy sitting area, seemingly at an impasse. When he finally answered, he sounded worn out, and his eyes held the same desperation they had when Black was a half-starved, obsessed fugitive.
"I am not asking you to forgive me, Severus, or even like me for that matter. But, you must believe me; this isn't some sort of ruse. I've kept Rose's name out of the papers, haven't I? Rita Skeeter would have given anything to publish the story of our tearful reunion, but I refused. That's not the act of a wizard who intends to challenge her guardianship. I gave you the map when I could have kept it for myself. I asked you for permission to watch the match when we both know I didn't need it. I wish to be a part of her life, but I refuse to do it at your expense. If you tell me to leave this instant and never speak to her again, I will honor your decision."
Black's logic blindsided him. He was used to the wizard's dirty tricks, not a rational, measured argument. The thought of a hack like Rita Skeeter interviewing Rose filled him with disgust. There was no telling what harm the woman could do to her fragile self-esteem. Moreover, Black had given him the map when he was under no obligation to do so. Perhaps Azkaban had changed the arrogant wizard more than he had suspected. He seemed to genuinely care for his godchild. Even so, the words did not come easily to his lips.
"Rose has the final say in the matter. However, don't mistake my newfound tolerance for friendship, Black. I do not have to like you personally to acknowledge the truth in your speech."
Sirius' lips twitched, and the haunted look he had worn only moments before fled. "I wouldn't dream of it, Severus. And, for what's it worth, thank you."
The Potions Master paused at the door to his bedroom. "For what it's worth, you're welcome."
"She's magnificent! I don't think I've ever seen a Seeker as daring. And, that Firebolt makes everyone else look like they're flying through treacle. I'm surprised she hasn't been approached by Puddlemere United. They often recruit from Hogwarts."
Listening to Black rave about Rose's feats on the Quidditch pitch usually would have annoyed Severus, but the Potions Master happened to agree with his assessment. Rose was magnificent, zooming and diving as she searched for the Snitch while zigzagging around Gryffindors and Ravenclaws alike. And, Black was absolutely correct; with the Firebolt she seemed unstoppable.
The game would have been won long ago if the Snitch hadn't been hiding so well. After nine hours, it had yet to be spotted. Lee Jordan had wondered several times during his commentary if it might not be afraid of the Gryffindor Seeker, and Severus privately concurred. Once it surfaced, he knew Rose would quickly capture it. Her flying that day was flawless.
Professor McGonagall couldn't resist responding to Black's praise. "Miss Potter is much too young to think about a professional Quidditch career, Sirius. Though the minute I saw her dive for Mr. Longbottom's Rememberall, I knew she had talent. James would have been so proud."
"And Lily would have been beside herself with worry. She never did appreciate Quidditch like the rest of us."
Caught up in the excitement of the game, he enthusiastically clapped Severus on the shoulder. "What did you two get up to instead of Quidditch matches, anyway? She never would say, even after she and James started dating. She'd just give him this insufferably smug grin. It drove him crazy, especially when I told him that saying about noses must be true."
Reflexively, he jerked away, his anger broiling over. How dare Black insinuate such a thing! His love for Lily had been pure. They had been friends; she had trusted him. He had never done so much as try to kiss her, for Circe's sake!
Then, a strange thing happened. His rage evaporated. For the first time, he privately acknowledged that he had never tried to kiss Lily because she would have never reciprocated. His love might have been pure, but it had also been one-sided. She had seen him as nothing more as a friend, and towards the end of their relationship, something less than that. He had been a convenient companion, a reminder of home, and the one person she could count on to listen rather than to speak.
Lost in thought, it took the roar of the crowd for Severus to realize the match had finally been won. Rose had finally caught the Snitch after a death-defying spiral dive that would no doubt be the topic of conversation for days to come. Blinking, he searched for Black. The outgoing wizard was already on the soggy pitch, chatting amicably with Flitwick, McGonagall and Lupin. Resignedly, he went to join them.
"That was simply marvelous flying, don't you agree, Severus?"
"Indeed it was," he agreed congenially to the Charms professor. He couldn't help but notice the look of relief shared by the three Gryffindors.
Perhaps he had been a bit curt when Black had asked him about Lily, but he wasn't going to apologize for his reaction. Instead, he watched as the students left en masse to return to the castle, the Gryffindors shouting "Potter, Potter," as they did so. He would have a talk to Rose about the dangers of fame going to her head, although he vowed it would be nothing like the barbed jibes he had made towards her during her first and second years.
"By the sound of things, I should make an appearance in the Common Room sooner rather than later. Who knows what they'll get up to once Rose actually appears." The usually stern McGonagall was unusually chipper, with good reason. Gryffindor had beaten Ravenclaw by enough points to win the House Cup.
"I should go as well," Filius quickly added. "Tell Rose well done for me and no hard feelings, would you, Severus? Students in my House are rational enough to appreciate such extraordinary talent, even if it is on the opposing team."
"I shall," he promised as he squinted in the direction of the locker rooms for any sign of her appearance. There were still too many students returning to the castle to see that far, and he resigned himself for a long wait.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Black motion for the Defense instructor to leave as well. Before the wolf could comply, Severus called out. "Don't forget to take your potion, Lupin. A marathon Quidditch match is enough excitement for one day."
The pale wizard nodded tiredly before he, too, returned to the castle. After a few minutes, Severus and Sirius stood alone on the pitch. As soon as Remus was out of earshot, though, Black grew edgy, agitatedly pacing back and forth. After a while, he stopped abruptly only inches away from Snape's face.
"How can they be gone? James should be here waiting for Rose, not me. I can picture him, puffed up with pride, talking about his daughter to anyone who will listen. And, Lily should be standing next to him, smiling and rolling her eyes, reminding him that Quidditch is just a game. It's as though everyone has forgotten them but me. I lost ten years of my life in Azkaban, ten years that seemed to be more of a nightmare than reality. Sometimes, I wake up and I don't know if I'm dreaming this, too. Maybe I'm still in Azkaban and I've finally gone insane."
His admission must have sapped the rest of his energy for he sat heavily on the ground, his head in his hands. Severus gazed down on the distressed man, a disdainful sneer marring his features. Only, the sneer wasn't directed towards Black, but himself.
Yet again, he understood the Marauder's pain only too well. How many times had he woken from a contented dream with his fantasy of Lily only to question his sanity when he remembered she was gone? He had loved her, even if she had not returned his affection. How had he let that love become so twisted that he had betrayed her to the Dark Lord?
His fantasy of Lily—that's all it had ever been, a fantasy. He had mistaken kindness for affection, friendship for love. And, in the end, he had lost even those. For years, he had put Lily Evans on a pedestal, refusing to see her faults. He had dismissed her quick temper as high-spiritedness, her tendency to hold a grudge as upholding high principles. In a world without Voldemort, perhaps they could have reconciled and remained what they had been all along-friends. Unfortunately, he would never know.
Black, however, was correct. By refusing to speak of her, he risked letting her be forgotten. For all her faults, Lily didn't deserve that. She had been a good friend when he had desperately needed one growing up on Spinner's End.
"Lily and I used to go the Owlery during Quidditch matches."
Taken aback, Sirius stared at him for a long while before responding. "The Owlery. I don't think James ever considered that. Hell, Snape, you must have had it bad to let her drag you there."
Incredibly, that observation provoked nothing stronger than wistful nostalgia. "You have no idea Black, absolutely no idea."
Before the Marauder could mistake the momentary camaraderie for actual friendship, Severus noticed that the Gryffindor team had finally emerged from the locker rooms to carefully make their way through the muddy field. Not waiting for Black to follow, he began to walk towards them. Squinting, he tried to make out Rose's shape, but it soon became apparent that she wasn't with her teammates. As soon as he was within shouting distance, he demanded an explanation from Fred and George, who were surprised to see him.
Fred began. "Hermione ran into the locker room a few minutes after the game. She told Rose—"
George seamlessly continued. "You wanted to see her, Professor."
Black, who had heard the exchange, immediately contradicted their tale. "I saw Hermione Granger walking towards the castle with your brother Ron, boys. It couldn't have been her."
"Polyjuice," Snape surmised as he fought to control his growing panic. "Whoever took her used Polyjuice Potion."
A dangerous glint appeared in Black's eyes as he spat out one name. "Peter."
Severus' heart skipped a beat. He had grown complacent, and now he feared Rose would pay the price. If the rat-faced traitor dared use the Cruciatus Curse on her again, there was no telling how it would affect her psyche. The possibility that Pettigrew might simply kill her he refused to contemplate. Digging into his pocket, Severus pulled out the Marauder's Map and thrust it into Sirius' hand.
"Find her."
Activating the map, Black passed his wand over the parchment to search for Rose's name. He made the same motion again—and again. Anguished, his expression told Severus all he needed to know. Rose did not appear on the map at all.