Disclaimer: The great Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just using her amazing characters to tell you a story.
A huge thank you goes out to CherylSab and AgoodWITCH because, without them, I'd be a neurotic mess. I love you both so much.
Again, I have to give lots of love to kmah88 who has been a big help in prettying up my words. Thanks so much, hun. You are the best ever and I love you so, so much.
As for the update, I could offer you a hundred excuses why it took so long, but I won't. Let's just get to the good stuff, shall we? See you at the bottom.
Chapter 34 – Unwanted Feelings
February 28, 2010
Rosalie was still asleep when Guard Clearwater walked me out of the infirmary. I wished I could talk to her, hug her, and remind her to stay safe, but that wasn't going to happen. As I glanced over my shoulder for a final look, I could only hope she took my words seriously and did all she could to stay put for the week.
I wouldn't be there to protect her if she went back to the block now and I wanted her safe, needed her safe, if I was going to help her get back to Royce in one piece.
"Oh no." I stopped moving. "Damn it. How could I be so stupid?"
"Keep moving, Swan." Guard Clearwater tugged my arm.
I moved with him as he continued to lead me down the hall. There had to be a way to fix this. There had to be. My mind whirled as the minutes passed. I couldn't think and the closer we got to the solitary cells made it worse.
Two hallways. Sixty feet was all I had before the answer finally hit me. They were friends. At least I thought they were friends and it would be a huge risk to even ask, but I had no choice. Rosalie needed me and I wouldn't let her down.
"I need your help," I blurted to Clearwater.
No answer.
"Please, I need…"
"Quiet, Swan."
"But you helped Paul…" I rushed the words out but he cut me off again.
"I said quiet," he warned, jerking my arm. We walked a few steps and he shook his head. "They warned me about you. Said you can't keep your mouth shut."
"I'm sorry, but I need your help." I could hear the desperation in my voice, but I needed him to listen. "I need to get a message to Paul."
"Enough!" He looked around, catching sight of a guard farther down the hall. Luckily, he wasn't close enough to hear. "Do you know what they would do to him if someone heard you?"
Guilt tore at my gut. I knew saying his name could get Paul into a lot of trouble. Sometimes it was so hard to see him as the guard he was supposed to be.
"I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I need his help. Please, will you give him a message for me?"
"What could be so important?" he whispered angrily.
"Protecting someone," I admitted, "and I can't do that if I'm locked up." I turned to face him, my eyes pleading. "Please, will you help me?"
His eyes narrowed as he studied me. We were stopped in the middle of the hallway, probably drawing attention to ourselves, but I refused to look away. Not until he made his decision.
"Clearwater."
Startled, his body jerked to attention. "Sir."
"Is there a problem here?"
I recognized the same guard from yesterday – Williams, I thought Whitlock had called him. He was ten feet away from us and closing the distance quickly. Unfortunately, Guard Clearwater didn't answer fast enough and he turned his hard glare on me.
"Causing more trouble, Swan?" There was a fire in his eyes that wasn't there yesterday. "Maybe another five days down here will do you some good."
"No, Sir." I started to beg but Clearwater tightened his grip on my arm.
"There's no problem, Sir. The doc said to keep an eye out and take her back if she has trouble breathing. I was making sure she was still good before I locked her in."
He lied so flawlessly and I felt the guilt spread through me. Each of these men was putting their necks, and jobs, on the line to help me. There would never be anything I could do to repay them for their kindness.
"And?" Williams questioned.
"She's fine, Sir. She won't be any trouble."
Another squeeze to my arm issued his silent warning and my eyes fell to the floor in acceptance.
"Fine." I heard Williams say. "Get her settled and come see me before you leave for the day."
From the few windows overhead, I could see it was still dark outside. Knowing how their shifts worked, that meant it wasn't yet five and he would have a chance to get my message to Paul before they both left for the day. That was if he would agree to do it.
"Yes, Sir," Clearwater replied and tugged my arm to get me moving again.
Footsteps faded behind us and with five more steps, Clearwater was unlocking the cell door that would be my home for the next five days.
"I'll give him your message." His voice was barely loud enough to hear over the clanking of the keys.
I let out a sigh of relief as he stood up and opened the door.
"You know the drill, Swan," he said in a louder, harsher tone. "Five steps in."
Following his orders, I moved into the cell. Against all the rules, he stepped past the doorway with me.
"Tell me fast."
"Tell him Carlisle has to get the doctor to rescind his order. I can't stay in the infirmary. I need to be back on the block when I leave solitary."
"What's this about?" he whispered.
"I told you…protection."
"Who?"
"Rosalie."
"The kid?" he asked, sounding shocked.
"Yes."
He exhaled heavily and whispered, "I'll tell him."
The door shut with a thud and I stepped back knowing he still needed to remove the handcuffs. The small sliding door opened and he reached in to grab my hands. One by one, my wrists fell free as he released them and I brought them up in front of me to rub the away the sting.
"Don't let them hurt her, Swan." His soft voice carried through the small opening just before it slid closed again.
The tenderness in his voice caught me by surprise but I quickly let it go. It wasn't hard to care for Rosalie. She was a sweet girl stuck in a place she didn't belong and with the way she'd been terrorized since the day she got here, it was even harder not to feel protective of her.
Clearwater obviously knew what had happened to Rosalie and he seemed to want her protection as much as I did. He wanted it enough to deliver my message and that was enough for me.
With nothing to do, I lay down and closed my eyes, thinking of the story Rosalie told me. It would have been a great love story if only they'd been left alone. But they weren't and, though he tried to protect her, Royce allowed Rosalie to get pulled in. If he had just walked away or if he would have never gone back in the first place, none of it would have happened.
"Speak for yourself, Bella," I muttered to myself as my mind wandered to the day I realized I should have followed my own advice.
February 14, 2009
By midday, I was exhausted. Edward closed the gym at noon on Saturdays and my training started the second the doors were locked. The four of us had already been working for two hours and I was drenched in sweat and sore from the sparring Quil and I had been doing for the past half hour.
As my back hit the mat for the umpteenth time, Edward called it quits and sent the guys home. They said their goodbyes and left the ring, chattering and horsing around all the way back to the changing rooms. I, on the other hand, didn't move a muscle. The pain went bone-deep and moving just wasn't an option.
I heard a low chuckle next to me and peeled one eye open. Edward was down on one knee next to me, one elbow casually resting on his leg while he hovered over me.
"You okay?" he asked as he used the towel in his other hand to gently wipe the sweat from my neck and cheeks.
I could only nod and shut my eye again, wanting to rest a little longer before he made me move. Edward laughed again and I noticed the towel was gone and he was brushing the wet strands of hair from my face.
"Come on, Jess, let's get you home."
Like his touch, his words were soft as his fingers moved from my face, to my arm, sliding down until he reached my hand. My fingers closed around his as he helped me to a sitting position. My head hung low for a second and when I felt a little less dizzy, I looked up to see Edward's green eyes filled with worry.
He cupped my cheek. "Are you sure you're okay? You don't look too good, Jess."
I took a deep breath and held it a few seconds before letting it out. "I'm good," I said, not really believing my words but needing to get away from his intense stare.
"Lightheaded?" he asked. I nodded and his eyebrows knit together. "It's no wonder." His fingertips grazed my temple. "You're gonna have a pretty good bruise there tomorrow. I'll talk to the guys. There's no reason they should be so rough with you."
"No," I protested with all the strength I had. "That's what you're training me for, isn't it? To learn how to take a hit and know how to deal with the pain so I can fight back."
Groaning, I pushed myself to my feet. Edward was right there to steady me until I found my balance.
"But they really shouldn't…"
"Edward," I cut him off, "if they take it easy on me now how will I learn to defend myself from the one person that won't?"
His eyes narrowed and I cringed internally as I realized how he would interpret what I said.
"What one person?" His voice hardened.
I rolled my eyes, hoping to sound casual as I corrected myself. "It was figure of speech."
"The hell it was."
He wasn't going to let it go, so I quickly changed the subject.
"Edward, I'm tired, I'm sore and all I want to do is soak in a hot bath and get some sleep." I squeezed the hand I realized was still holding mine. "I'll see you Monday, okay."
Letting go, I walked to the edge of the ring, suppressing the groan of pain as I ducked through the ropes.
"Jess," Edward called, obviously not willing to give up.
"Edward, I'm fine." My feet hit the floor and I walked backward a few steps.
"That's not what…"
Afraid of what I thought he'd say, I didn't let him finish. "You said it yourself; I'm not made of glass. You don't need to coddle me. Train me like I'm one of the guys and just believe me when I say I can take it." His mouth opened to say something else but I cut him off before he could. "Now, I'm sure you have plans tonight. So go home and don't worry about me. I'll be just fine by Monday."
I left him with a forced smile and made my way back to the office to get my purse and go home.
~oOo~
The phone ringing startled me awake. Rolling over to grab my phone, the little numbers flashing six-fifteen on the bedside clock told me I'd only been sleeping for two hours. Through blurry eyes, I saw it was Ben calling so I answered.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetheart." He was so cheerful I couldn't help but smile.
"You too, honey," I said with a yawn. "How was your day?"
"Painfully uneventful. You?"
I groaned at my sore muscles as I rolled onto my back.
"Well that doesn't sound good," he commented.
"I feel like I went a few rounds with Randy Couture."
"Look at you." He chuckled. "Barely there a month and you're already making fighting references."
"Shut up," was my brilliant come back. "So what did you wake me up for anyway? Don't you have some hot date tonight?"
"Not unless you came to town to surprise me."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm going back to bed."
"Sounds perfect. I can be there in…"
"Nice try," I said and he laughed.
"I just wanted to hear your voice, honey." His voice softened. "I really miss you."
"I miss you, too," I told him because I truly did.
"Well," he sighed, "I better get back to the lab. My test results should be ready soon."
"You working on something good?" I teased, knowing he never would tell me about his work.
"Cure for the lonely heart, my dear Bella. Cure for the lonely heart."
"Oh God." I rolled my eyes again. "What am I going to do with you?"
"You could always marry me," he said playfully.
"Benjamin Cheney, did anyone ever tell you persistence pays off?" I asked seriously.
"Of course."
"Well they lied."
"I knew it." We laughed together for a few minutes and Ben sobered first. "Try to get some sleep, Bella. Love you and I'll talk to you soon."
"Love you, too. Goodnight, Ben."
Not even five seconds after I closed my eyes, my phone rang again. I was about to answer and shout obscenities at Ben but forced my mouth closed when I realized he wasn't the one calling. Forcing myself to be nice, I answered.
"Hello, Esme."
"Bella, sweetheart, how are you?"
I held in the frustrated sigh, knowing what this call was for. Every call asking me to dinner started exactly the same, but tonight I wasn't in the mood. I was tired and sore and already in bed. It was just so hard to tell her no.
"Tired," I answered. "Training was tough today and I just want to get some sleep."
"Not tonight, Bella. Come to dinner with me. Don't let this old woman eat alone."
"Esme, sixty-four is hardly old. Besides, you can't call yourself old when you have more energy than I do."
"Bella, I didn't tell you my age for you to use it against me," she scolded me. "Now come on. No one should be alone on Valentine's Day. Let's go get some dinner."
It was pointless to argue, but I didn't want to go out. Anonymity was hard to maintain if you were seen all over town. I had learned that lesson in Forks and I wasn't going to make that mistake again, so I quickly came up with an excuse.
"It's Valentine's Day and I'm sure all the restaurants will be full tonight. There's no way we'd get a table. Why don't we just make something?"
"Where's the fun in that?" When I didn't say anything she continued, sounding a little put out. "Bella, I'm not taking no for an answer. So put on something nice and let's go."
"I don't have anything nice."
It wasn't a lie. I didn't carry nice clothes around with me. At least, not the kind you'd wear to nice restaurants. There was never a point considering I didn't go out.
"No matter. Just give me two seconds."
"Esme." I paused then tried again. "Esme."
Nothing.
"Damn it."
I threw the phone down just as Esme's knock echoed through the empty apartment. With a huff, I rolled out of bed and walked down the stairs to let her in. She had the brightest smile on her face as she held up a pretty blue dress.
"Isn't it beautiful?" she asked, beaming. "It's perfect for you."
"Esme, really, can't we just get take out. I mean, if you don't want to cook…"
"Nonsense. This has nothing to do with cooking. You shouldn't lock yourself away. You deserve to go someplace nice and I'm going to take you." She pushed the dress toward me. "Now go and change. We're running out of time."
I cocked an eyebrow. "Time for what?"
"We seniors like to eat early, you know." She winked at me and I rolled my eyes.
"Ugh…fine. But don't ask me for anything else after tonight."
She mumbled something I didn't quite catch and when I asked what she'd said, a cheeky grin covered her face.
"It was nothing, sweetheart."
"Uh huh." I glared at her for a second before letting it go and making my way back upstairs.
Twenty minutes later, I found Esme sitting on the couch with a cup of tea. I hadn't noticed before but she was dressed in an elegant black sequined dress. She looked so beautiful and I found myself hoping to still look like her when I was in my sixties, but I still had a long way to go.
"Are you ready?" I asked softly, getting her attention.
Her head whipped toward me and she smiled. "Bella, you look amazing. So beautiful. I knew that color would be perfect for you."
I felt the heat creep onto my cheeks at her compliment. "Thank you."
She stood and held up her cup. "Let me rinse this and we'll be on our way."
I waved a hand to the kitchen and grabbed my purse. Within seconds, she met me at the door and hooked her arm through mine.
"Tonight will be great, Bella. I promise."
I was anxious as we got into her car, hating not having mine. It was my safe haven, my way to escape should anything happen, and I was nervous without it. Once inside, I made myself as small as possible so I wouldn't draw attention, but Esme wouldn't have it.
"Don't slouch, Dear. You'll wrinkle your pretty dress."
"Yes, Mom," I huffed and sat up as straight as my nerves would allow.
Luckily, the drive to the restaurant was short and I felt my body relax slightly when the hostess led us to a semi-private table near the back. Wanting to keep out of sight, I slid into the seat with my back to the rest of the room. The high-backed booth offered plenty of cover for someone who wanted to hide.
Looking around, I noticed how beautifully the restaurant was decorated. Each table was draped with a white, floor-length cloth, candles and stylish centerpieces atop every one, and soft, romantic music played lightly through the speakers. All other patrons were sitting at tables closer to the front of the room, leaving the few tables near our booth empty. At the moment, no one would see us unless they deliberately walked to our table.
"You planned this, didn't you?" I said as everything about the setting hit me.
"I would say so."
Edward's voice made me jump and I banged my wrist against the table. He leaned in and kissed Esme's cheek then slid into the seat next to her. Concern took over as his eyes landed on the hand I was using to massage the sting from my wrist.
"Are you okay?"
He reached a hand out to me but I pulled my arm into my chest. "I'm fine, just a little bump. What are you doing here?"
The left corner of his mouth turned up before he turned back to Esme, draping an arm over her shoulder and hugging her close.
"Taking the most amazing woman in the world out to dinner." He kissed her cheek again. "I am surprised to see you here, though. Shouldn't you be at home?"
Suddenly, I felt like a third wheel, getting in the way of what was obviously supposed to be a mother/son dinner. I grabbed my purse, cursing myself for even coming.
"I'm sorry, I'll go. You two…"
"Don't leave," he said in a rush, throwing his hand out to grab mine. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I mean, I'm glad you're here. I just thought you were tired and had plans to take a bath and curl up in bed."
"That was my plan." I glared at Esme, who was the picture of innocence. "Your mother, on the other hand, didn't see that as an acceptable way to spend Valentine's Day, so here I am."
"She can be meddling sometimes," he nudged her with his elbow, "but I really am glad you're here."
"Really?" I said, a little unsure.
"Really." He nodded with a smile on his face. "Now let's get down to business. What's good in this place?"
He picked up his menu and, for the first time since taking our seats, I noticed there were three menus on the table instead of two. I began to wonder how long Esme had been planning this. If she had included me into her plans before or after we had dinner together the other night. A dinner she had yet to apologize for sneaking out of and leaving me and Edward alone for the night.
Meddling might have been a bit of an understatement. She had set us up, twice now, and had no remorse about it. I would have to be on my guard around her in the future. Whatever her plans were, whatever she was trying to do, I couldn't let it happen. Edward and I couldn't get close because, in the end, I would leave. I didn't have a choice.
~oOo~
Dinner was amazing. Italian had always been one of my favorites, but I hadn't had it in years. Ben had always talked about taking me to some Italian place in Port Angeles, but driving an hour just to eat seemed excessive. Besides, I would never venture that far from home. He had offered to go pick it up on one of his nights to buy dinner, but reheated Italian just didn't taste the same.
Aside from the food, the night had been just like the last time the three of us had dinner together. Esme regaled me with more stories of Edward's childhood. This time she told me of his high school exploits. As it had been before, I had already heard several of the stories from Ben, but it was more fun hearing it from someone who was not involved.
Edward blushed so often throughout dinner that anyone passing by might believe there was a natural pink hue to his cheeks. It really was endearing to see him so obviously embarrassed and out of sorts. Such a change from the confident and sometimes cocky man I spent my days with.
Esme had just finished telling me about 'the cheerleader incident,' as she called it, when the atmosphere shifted and she laid her head on Edward's shoulder.
"My son," she said lovingly. "Have I ever told you how much joy you've brought to my life all these years?"
She sniffed and Edward shifted to put an arm around her shoulders.
"Once or twice," he answered softly as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
The scene was so incredibly personal, I felt like an intruder just watching them together. Just as I thought to give them privacy, Esme's eyes found mine.
"Jess, did I ever tell you that Edward was a miracle baby?"
My eyes shot to Edward just as his clenched shut. "Ma, don't start..."
"I mean it." She went on as if he hadn't said a word. "Ed and Lizzy tried for so long only to be left heartbroken year after year."
Looking back to him, Edward's eyes were a mixture of sympathy and sadness as he mouthed his apology. My heart went out to him because, after our talk the other night, I knew how much it hurt him to talk about his parents. It was another thing we had in common.
"Finally," Esme lifted her head and continued, "just after her thirty-seventh birthday, they got the news they had been waiting fifteen years to hear. Oddly enough, they had recently decided to stop trying." She let out a humorless laugh. "Maybe if they had stopped trying before, he would have come sooner. As it was, this little bundle of joy," Edward turned a bright shade of red as she pinched his cheek, "graced us with his presence that next summer. They were so ridiculously happy and then they brought me into that happiness when they asked me to be his godmother."
Her eyes turned serious again as she turned toward Edward. "Your mother came to me and placed you in my arms and said if anything should happen to them, she wanted me to raise you and teach you how to be a good man. She wanted me to care for you and love you the way she did and every day since they were taken from us, I have done my very best to do that. You know that, right?"
Her hand cupped his cheek and he covered her hand with his. Tears filled his eyes and he blinked furiously to keep them from falling. Again, I felt like an unwanted observer to their private moment.
"I know, Ma, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better to take care of me. You've always had my best interests at heart and I know that everything you have ever done was because you love me."
"Good. I'm so glad to hear you say that." She smiled.
Edward smirked. "That doesn't mean I don't still think kicking that cheerleader out of my room was cruel and evil."
"Please," she flicked her wrist to dismiss his comment. "You, my son, were destined for someone far greater than that hussy."
Edward and I burst into laughter and just like that, the heavy mood was broken. Once the three of us settled, Esme politely excused herself from the table. When she was out of earshot, Edward turned to me, embarrassment written all over his face.
"I am so sorry about that," he apologized. "She gets like that sometimes and it's easier to just let her talk it out than try to interrupt her."
"You don't have to apologize. It's hard to lose your best friend. And you remind her so much of your parents. It's only natural for the nostalgia to break through sometimes."
"She tells me that a lot. 'You're so much like your mother,'" he said in a surprisingly good imitation of Esme's voice. A confused look settled on his face. "How is it you know so much about me?"
With a shy smile, I shrugged. "I spend a lot time with Esme and you happen to be her favorite subject." I took a sip from my wine glass. "I mean, breakfast wouldn't be complete if I didn't hear your name at least ten times before I walked out the door. And I'm only there for half an hour."
"You can't be serious." The blush settled onto his face again.
"Between her and Ben," I giggled, "I honestly think I know more about your past than I do my own."
He groaned, hiding his face behind his hands.
"So," I sat up, leaning forward on the table, "now that she brought it up, what's the real story with the cheerleader?" I asked, unable to resist teasing him.
He groaned and shook his head, his muffled words trapped behind his hands. Ever the confident man, Edward's sudden embarrassment had me dying to know what he was hiding.
"Come on, Masen." I poked at his arm. "There's no way you're getting out of this now."
I laughed, reaching across the table to pull his hands from his face. He fought against me and I laughed again at the ridiculousness of the situation. His fingers spread and he peeked between them. I immediately latched on to one and pulled. He finally gave up and our hands crashed to the table together.
"If it can make you blush that much, it's gotta be good." I shook his hand. "Tell me."
"Not on your life," he said stubbornly.
With my fingers still twined with his, I twisted my hand and bent his fingers back. It was the first and simplest defense move Ben had taught me.
"Ow. Fuck," he growled quietly and bent his arm to compensate. "You're not supposed to use my moves against me."
"Tell me and I'll let go," I bargained.
"No."
I twisted a little more and he grimaced. Quickly, his other hand broke my hold and he pulled back, shaking the ache from his fingers.
"I promise I won't tell anyone." I smiled sweetly.
His eyebrow lifted and a small devilish grin appeared. "Neither will I."
"That's not…" My sentence died as I noticed the smile disappear from his face.
"Unbelievable," he muttered. "Don't look now, Jess," his eyes were focused past me, "but I think we've been set up again."
"What?"
He nodded toward the front of the restaurant and I turned and leaned over to see around the bench. My heart rate spiked as I saw Esme disappear into the darkness beyond the window. Reaching back, I grabbed my purse and slid quickly from the booth.
"I have to go."
Before I could take a single step Edward's hand clamped around my wrist.
"No, wait."
"But she brought me." I tugged against his grip, panicked. "I have to catch her. I have to get home."
"I can take you home, Jess."
"No, you can't" I struggled harder.
"Excuse me, is there a problem here?" a man I assumed to be the manager asked.
Not wanting to attract any more attention than I already had, I stopped struggling immediately.
"No, Sir. I'm sorry," I apologized and slid back into the booth.
The manager's focus shifted to Edward. "Sir, I have been asked to inform you that the other woman you were dining with fell ill and went home. And Miss," he looked at me, "she also asked if the gentleman could escort you home."
My eyes shifted back and forth between the manager and Edward. I made a few attempts to speak but had no words.
"Or I could arrange a taxi for you," he said, obviously sensing my nerves.
"Jess, I can take you home," Edward repeated, his eyes pleading.
I didn't want to hurt his feelings by running out on him. And we were having a good time. I could stay. Just this once.
"Okay," I agreed.
Edward visibly relaxed and a part of me felt good for making him happy.
"So how about dessert?" he asked.
"Oh perfect," the manager said. "We have a decadent chocolate mousse that is to die for. I'll fetch your server and he'll take your order."
He hurried away and Edward laughed. I cocked an eyebrow in question.
"He's fetching our server," he said in a haughty voice.
I laughed and looked around to make sure he was gone. When I looked back, Edward's face had gone serious.
"Sorry about Esme," he said, contrite. "I wish she…"
"Don't apologize." I stopped him. "You're a victim in this just as much as I am."
The wounded look on his face had me praying I could take the words back.
"Victim?" I heard his sadness in that one word. "Right. Look, maybe this was a bad idea. I'll just take you home."
"No." I reached for his hand this time. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry."
"How did you mean it then," he asked, his disappointment barely masked, "because honestly, in or out of the gym, I like spending time with you. I don't see myself as a victim simply because Esme made it happen."
Thankfully, our waiter interrupted us then, giving me a little extra time to answer. I had to say something to make this better. Edward was a good man and I didn't want to hurt him. Thinking fast, I realized the truth was the only way to fix this.
We placed our order and I took a deep breath before speaking.
"It's not that I don't like you. I mean, who wouldn't. You're a great man. It's just," I squeezed the hand I still held. "I don't let people into my life, Edward. I haven't in a long time and Esme knows that. She knows and she still…"
"What about Ben?" he interrupted. "He told me about meeting you, so you can't tell me you don't let anyone in."
"Ben was different." My eyes dropped to our joined hands, watching as my fingers played nervously with his.
"How?" he challenged.
I smiled, remembering my time in Forks. "Ben didn't wait for an invitation. He kind of forced himself in."
"That sounds like Ben." He chuckled.
Looking back up at him, I saw his tiny crooked smile grow wider.
"He did the same thing to me." His face shifted to show his happiness again. "First day of pre-school."
"You remember back that far," I said, amazed.
He snorted and rolled his eyes. "My mom and Esme never let us forget. It was one of their favorite stories."
"It's a wonder I haven't heard it yet," I remarked.
"Honestly, they've always made more of it than it was." He laughed. "As you know, Forks is one of those 'everyone knows everyone' kinds of towns so the teacher knew of us before we got to class. Ben was the shy, quiet kid and I…wasn't. They thought putting us at the same table would settle me down."
"But it didn't," I guessed.
"Nope." He grinned. "Ben stuck to me like glue all day and by the end of it, we were both running around the room like kids hopped up on too much sugar. For the next thirteen years, we were practically joined at the hip. Then he went to college, I joined the military, and this is where we ended up."
"Still joined." I smiled. "Even if it's only by phone."
"Exactly. When he wants it, Ben will find his way into your life and you're stuck with him forever."
We both laughed at that because that was exactly the way things were. Ben was a big part of my life and I shuddered to think of a day when that wasn't the case.
Finally letting go of my hand, he grabbed his spoon and dipped it into the dessert that had been placed in front of us while we were talking. His tongue poked out to taste the thick chocolate before he wrapped his lips around the whole spoonful. His eyes sparked as he pulled the empty spoon from his mouth quickly.
"Oh God, Jess, you have to taste this," he gushed.
I shook my head swallowing a bite of my strawberry cheesecake, savoring its creamy goodness.
"I don't really like chocolate," I told him.
"What?" He cocked an eyebrow and stopped eating. "You're kidding."
"I have to really be craving it to eat it."
"Seriously?" he asked incredulously.
"Uh huh." I nodded. "Now don't laugh but the only chocolate I really like is chocolate milk and I only have that when I'm eating Cheerios or Rice Krispies."
Edward burst into laughter. "Tell me you're not serious."
"You're not supposed to laugh."
He tried to stop, his face turning red as he strained to keep his lips clamped shut.
"Edward," I whined and poked him with my fork.
"Ow." He jerked his hand back. "I'm sorry," he said still fighting to control his laughter. "Really, Jess, I've never heard of anyone not liking chocolate. Then you not only tell me you don't, but then add in a crazy exception like that… I just couldn't help it."
"It's not crazy," I defended myself then proceeded to explain. "I don't like the taste of milk…"
"Milk too," he interrupted, laughing again.
"Shut up." I giggled and poked at him again. "When I was a kid, I used to hate eating cereal because I not only hated the taste of milk but my mom would always buy the ones that had no flavor. One day she decided to kill two birds with one stone, so she mixed up some chocolate milk and poured it into my cereal."
"She was inventive." He sounded impressed.
"She was crazy, but that was one idea that actually worked."
"One idea," he said incredulously. "You mean she did this before?"
"A lot." I chuckled, remembering some of her more 'inventive' recipes. "She always felt the need to change recipes to make them taste better. They rarely ever tasted the way she hoped, so we basically lived on pizza and fast food until I learned how to cook."
I took a deep breath. It was always so hard thinking about my mom. I missed her so much.
"You're lucky you had Esme," I told him.
"She is an amazing cook," he agreed.
"That's not what I meant. Don't get me wrong, I mean, she's a great cook, but I was talking about everything else." He eyed me curiously. "If my mom were alive, I have a feeling she'd be just like Esme." I looked down to the table. "She wanted me to be happy and I think, if she knew you, she would have done the same thing.
"I'm sorry about what I said before." I looked up to meet his eyes. "If things were different..."
"Don't, Jess. You don't have to explain." He smiled. "I know you've been through a lot and I'd like the chance to help you through that, but only if you let me. As for Esme, I know she likes to push, but she can't force you into something you're not ready for." He held out his hand for mine and I took it. "I do like you, Jess, but I know we can't be more than friends no matter what Esme says."
His hand was warm around mine and his tight grip was comforting.
"Thank you, Edward."
"You don't need to thank me." He smirked. "What you need to do is finish that cheesecake so we can get out of here."
"You sure do talk a lot for someone who's still got that mess to eat." I waved a hand toward his chocolate mousse.
In answer, Edward took a big spoonful and stuck it in his mouth. Moaning in pleasure, he pulled back the empty spoon and his bright smile warmed my heart.
"Mmm, you just don't know what you're missing."
"Thank God for that." I laughed and dug into my dessert.
An hour later, Edward pulled up in front of my townhome, turned off the engine and got out of the car. I was just reaching for the door handle when my door opened. I took his proffered hand with a smile.
"Quite the gentleman, aren't you?"
"I try." He shrugged. "Besides, if I know Esme, she's watching through her curtains right now and if I do anything less than gentlemanly, we wouldn't even make it to your door before she came bursting out of hers."
I giggled. "She'd probably pull you by the ear, wouldn't she? Drag you inside, whip out the belt, maybe."
His boisterous laugh echoed through the empty street.
"Something like that."
Edward slipped my arm through his and walked me to my door. He pulled the outside door open and stepped in front of it while I fished my keys out of my purse. They took a few seconds to find and I pulled them out of my purse once I had them in hand.
"Edward, I-"
The words died in my throat as the intensity in his eyes stole my breath. He brought a hand down to mine, joining them together as we had so many times tonight.
"I'm so sorry, Jess," he said and my brow furrowed, wondering what he could possibly have to apologize for. "I know Esme forced you to be there tonight, but I'm glad you came."
It was his fifth apology of the night and the fourth time he'd told me he was glad I had come, and even though there were a couple tense moments between us, I was really glad too.
"I am, too," I told him honestly. "You really are a great guy and I do like spending time with you. When I'm not flat on my back, of course."
His eyebrows shot up a split second before the devilish grin settled on his face. An arm circled my waist and he pulled me a little closer.
"Flat on your back? You know, we could…"
Realizing what I said, my cheeks blazed with the heat of my blush and my hand shot up to cover his mouth before he could finish his sentence. Embarrassed, my forehead fell to his chest.
"That is so not what I meant," I groaned.
Chuckling, he let go of my hand and brought his other arm around my shoulders, pulling me flush against his body.
"I know, but you can't blame a guy for trying, right?"
His laughter grew and I pushed back, slapping at his chest.
"Ugh, you're so…"
"Cute?" He smirked, adding his own version of my unfinished statement.
I glared at him.
"Adorable?" He tried again.
"Infuriating," I finished.
"Not me." He tried to look innocent. "I'm totally adorable."
"You, Masen," I pushed a finger against his chest, "aren't quite as charming as you think you are."
"You just don't know me well enough yet." He chuckled again.
I rolled my eyes, turning away and thrusting the key into the lock. After pushing the door open, I turned back to him. His gentle smile warmed my heart and I gasped at the small flutter in my stomach. I hadn't felt anything like that in a long, long time. I shouldn't be feeling it now, but I couldn't help it. There was just something about him, something that had me thinking about him more often than I should.
Pushing the thought from my mind, I reached a hand out to him. "Thanks, Edward. I had fun tonight."
He slid his warm hand into mine and my fingers squeezed his.
"It was absolutely my pleasure, Jess." He got a sudden nervous look on his face and dropped his eyes for a quick second before lifting them to mine again. "Look, I know we said we could only be friends, but I would really like to take you out sometime."
My pulse quickened and my heart beat hard against my ribs. He must have noticed because he rushed to speak.
"Nothing fancy, I swear. Just burgers and fries if that's what you want."
"Edward, I…"
"Just think about it, okay." He lifted my hand and gently touched his lips to my knuckles. "Goodnight, Jess." With a small smile, he kissed my hand again and walked back to his car.
Pain blossomed in my chest, growing stronger and stronger with each step he took. I wanted to stop him. I wanted to say something to make him turn around, to make him come back, but my entire body was frozen in place. Nothing worked; my body held captive by an unknown force that didn't let up until his car was out of sight. The second he was gone, I let out a shaky breath, my legs carrying me sluggishly through my open door.
Locked up for the night, I showered, changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed. For hours, sleep eluded me as thoughts and images of Edward swirled around in my head. The pain I'd felt when he left had lessened to a dull ache, but it was still there. Still torturing me with the possibility I didn't want to think about.
I didn't want to like him. I didn't want to feel anything for him. But all our long days at the gym together and two pseudo-dates was enough to point out the obvious…what I wanted didn't matter.
Edward mattered. He mattered more than he should.
A few tears slipped from my eyes. "Damn you, Esme."
I cursed her for pushing us together the way she had. I was happy the way things were. Working and training was enough, I didn't need more. I didn't need to have dinner with him. I didn't need to get to know him. I didn't need to know what he was like as a child or what his parents were like. I didn't need to know how hard he worked to get to where he was. And I certainly didn't need to know what an amazing man he was.
But I did know. She forced me to know.
And knowing was just going to make it worse when I had to leave. The day was coming. I knew it, but it wasn't today. And though I shouldn't, though it went against every instinct within me, there was one thing I wanted before I left all this behind.
Rolling over, I ignored the glowing numbers telling me it was two forty-two in the morning and picked up my phone. I opened a new text screen and entered the number I'd never had a reason to use until now.
Have dinner with me. Tonight…7pm. If you're free, I'll cook.
Smiling and finally able to relax, I released a heavy breath and set the phone back on the nightstand. Edward would see my message in the morning. Settling under the covers, I let my eyes close but before I sleep could take me, the sound of my phone startled me. Grabbing it quickly, I opened the new message.
Nothing could keep me away. Sweet dreams. I'll see you soon.
His answer was unexpected. Not unexpected really. I mean, I knew he would answer. I just didn't expect it at nearly three o'clock in the morning. But it came, and I was happier than I should have been that he agreed. I stared and read and reread his response until the heaviness of my eyelids stole his words from me and I fell asleep.
What do you do when you want for something you know you shouldn't? When you know allowing yourself the smallest taste is the worst thing you could ever do. Well, Bella is about to find out.
As always, big hugs and kisses to each and every one of you still on this ride with me. This isn't the easiest story to read but your support continues to mean the world to me. Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to let me know what you think. Until next time…much love to you – D