***A big THANK YOU to Erica for letting me sift through all of her Eclipse pieces for little cameos of this chapter…If you haven't had a chance to read her Eclipse chapters---well get ready for the 'Midnight Sun' of Eclipse! That's what you're looking at! It is truly fantastic!
Links to Erica's work is found on my profile page under Chapter 33 Notes.
***Also thank you so much for your comments. I really appreciate all of your support!
Chapter Thirty ThreePower Shift-Part II
Bella's POV
(A/N: The recreated scenes from this chapter have been condensed. To get a fuller scope of the events, please refer back to 'Eclipse' by Stephenie Meyer and 'Eclipse-Edward's POV' a Fan Fiction by Erica Bailey. Thank you, Tami)
I was brought out of my thoughts momentarily back to our flight home from our Amazonian adventure. I looked around at the faces of my family. Nessie and Emmett seemed to be deeply into their planning session. Jacob and Rosalie had apparently moved from Engine designs into a discussion of chassis.
Alice and Jasper were gazing into Alice's new stone Samon had given her for viewing things currently happening anywhere else she would care to look. Apparently, Jasper couldn't operate it, but when Alice held it, he could see what was playing out as an observer. Carlisle and Esme were sitting ahead of us and I could make out pieces of their quiet conversation. They were discussing the pros and cons of Carlisle drinking the potion Samon had given him. Apparently, there would be a big family council regarding it when we arrived back home. When I craned my neck around, I caught a glimpse of Leah and Nahuel making out in the back of first class. I hoped they were remembering to breathe. Huilen had opted to stay in South America with the Amazons. They would travel up for the wedding in October and then head back with Leah and Nahuel, where they would begin the job of completing the task of the remaining nine ceremonies before we would all be needed to return for the final ceremonies that reopened the temples and tunnels at Akakor itself. The biggest puzzle for me about that meeting, was what my Father; Charlie was going to be doing there. I worried about what his role would be. He was doing remarkably well with what he 'perceived' of me and my new family. But was he ready to learn about ancient gods and perfected beings?
Lastly, I looked at my husband. I had been cradled in his arms since the pilot turned off the 'fasten seatbelt' sign and he had been absently tracing patterns on my arm while both of us had been lost in our own thoughts. It was still mind boggling to consider how things were contrived to bring Edward into my life and keep him there. I found I was even more grateful than ever that he was mine and I was his. He was my perfect match in every way and apparently, somehow I was his too. I remembered the night I'd finally accepted his marriage proposal. Of course, I remember it even better now as I am recalling it with new information. It was an important night for my future and for Edward's as well. What neither of us understood at the time, was that it was also an important night for four siblings and one Guardian Angel on a mission. At first it was a little unnerving having them there for parts of what was an intimate moment for Edward and I, but it didn't seem to bother them at all. They were very focused on their task at hand, which at that moment happened to be me and Edward's compromise. And making sure both conditions were agreed upon. Thankfully, Chandra had the family 'unaware' for a good part of this presentation as well; making my comfort level go way up.
Chandra started her introduction to Edward and me by reminding us of a few previous events. "Now Bella, you need to understand how difficult it was for Edward when you spent time away from him with Jacob Black." Chandra said after everyone else's eyes went blank. "You came home smelling so strongly of werewolf he knew you'd been in Jacob's arms. It was all over your hands, your clothes, and your hair. Edward was a mess. He believed you loved him but the evidence was somewhat contradicting from your words. Plus he knew Jacob could offer you a 'human' life that he did not believe he could. Then there were the mental thoughts Jacob consistently hurled at Edward you never heard. You knew Jacob shared with Edward some images of you from when Edward had first left—but it was a constant thing Bella. Jacob always hurled accusations, derogatory comments, threats, insults and worst of all; he was constantly telling Edward he'd ruined everything by coming back. Jacob often mentally told Edward you were falling in love with him or were in love with him already. He showed him how you would hold his hand every time you went to LaPush even since Edward's return and ask him what that meant. Then Jacob would tell Edward his glowing opinion of exactly what that meant"
. "As a result, Edward was really beginning to question the strength of your love for him. You had already turned down once his proposal of marriage, while accepting a gift from Jacob and 'resting' against your friendly werewolf while Edward and his family observed and 'trained' to protect you. He was very much shaken and more resolved than ever to 'fight' for you with everything he had. Of course, we did manipulate the feelings Jacob had for Bella a bit, to keep Edward a little off balance for a reason. And that reason was for the compromise. He had to know what was at stake if he didn't agree to Bella's condition. Edward already knew he couldn't live without you Bella. Now we had to let him know that to keep you he had to be willing to bend his belief of what was and wasn't safe in his relationship with you. He also had to know it was important to you and why."
It was a long dissertation Chandra was giving, but she wasn't done yet. "It was really a revolving issue of what each of you wanted the other to do to 'prove' their love to you. You both wanted the same thing but you defined it differently. Bella, you wanted Edward to be the one to change you into an immortal and by 'acting' to keep you, prove that he did love you and it would make you, through his own venom belong to him, in a quantifiable way. It took us a little bit to maneuver your perspective a bit to get you to understand from Jasper's description, exactly what being a newborn vampire was like. You had to understand that, before you would start to realize things would be different when you were 'different' and maybe there was a human experience with Edward you did want to have before you had him change you."
Then Chandra spoke directly to Edward. "Edward, you wanted Bella to prove she loved you more than anyone else by acting to keep you as well. You defined this action as the sacrament of marriage. To you, this was what you felt you needed to counteract the garbage being spewed at you from Jacob all the time; because there was a part of you that feared Bella did or would someday chose Jacob over you. If Bella chose to marry you, then you could know beyond a shadow of a doubt everything Jacob threw at you was only Jacob's imagination and fantasies. You would know you'd won if Bella were to take this defining step to cement your relationship with you."
Then Chandra turned to me as she continued. "But there was a deeper more meaningful reason Edward needed you to marry him before consummating your relationship. He had his soul to worry about as well as keeping your soul clean and intact. Edward had a different upbringing than you, Bella. He'd been taught by example what constituted a strong marriage. And the need for chastity before marriage was a profound expression of respect he held for himself and for you as his bride. It was also a deeply seated principle that was part of the moral fiber at the core of his soul. To change his behavior in regards to this element of his character would pierce his integrity and change this vital aspect of who he was. Edward was a little embarrassed to explain himself to you but he was able to with a little 'help'. These were some of the issues both you and Edward were dealing with as the two of you traveled to the Cullen home for the evening."
In the visual, I was shown driving my old red truck with Edward in the passenger seat fighting a grin at my slow pace—slower than usual as I was deep in thoughts of my own. He held my free hand in his on the seat between us. Of course, Elizabeth was sitting between us and our hands appeared to be both resting in her lap. In the pick-up's bed were the four siblings. Their eager faces shone with excitement. That night was apparently an exciting evening for them and their assigned task. And I knew why too. It was because that was the night I agreed to marry Edward. It was also the night Edward agreed to 'try'.
While I drove to the Cullen's, my mental chatter began the scene. 'Well, I guess I've done everything I can to get ready for this. The concert tickets are given away so Angela, Ben, Mike and Jessica are out of town during the battle. Billy's got Charlie covered for the day between open sea fishing followed by the big game and then he'll be on the reservation where Collin and Brady are protecting the tribe from any stray newborns. One way or another, this will all be over with in forty-eight hours. That thought is comforting—almost. I know now I am ready to join his world. Sure I'll wait until after the sword is removed from my head so Edward will be satisfied, but even that isn't really necessary. I've had a chance to consider this while gazing at the moon while resting on a werewolf. Next time something came at us, I'd be ready. I'd be an asset—not a liability. Edward will never have to make the choice between me and his family again. No, I will not panic again. Next time, Edward and I would be partners, like Alice and Jasper. Next time, I would do my part. There is still just one missing piece….'
Edward was quite with thoughts of his own. 'I can't seem to get over the euphoria I feel over the idea of Bella… all to myself for the entire night. I'm filled with joyful anticipation and heart-wrenching anxiety.' Edward thought through his conflicted emotions. ' The past few weeks have been filled with such dread – of Victoria, the Volturi, the slayings in Seattle – on top of graduation and all the human trivialities. It seems as though we live in a constant upheaval. How could I have ever thought of Forks as a dreary, boring little town? I almost wish for the days when my existence seemed like an endless, uneventful eternity. Almost--except the reason for the upheaval is Bella; my beautiful, pure, insightful Bella.'
In the visual Edward looked over at me as I continued to drive away from town. The wind picked up and blew my hair and my accompanying scent towards him through the open window. 'She's driving – carefully, responsibly…slowly. Ahhh, her scent though it still burns my throat is nothing compared to the deeper fires she illicit from me. I don't care. I'm ready for this; an entire night of peace – just she and I. It is heaven. Except I know Bella will want to talk through the upcoming battle, stress over the safety of my family – utterly ridiculous – and those dogs, err, werewolves, and worry about the outcome of it all. But I have another agenda. It makes me smile and I can't help it, just thinking about my 'gift' I've got for her. A diamond charm she's already agreed to accept. And the other piece of jewelry I still have to convince her of and so desperately wanted to give her. Yes, tonight is definitely not the night for battle planning and stress. It is a night for us. To ensure everything goes in the correct direction, I'm glad I thought early to make sure all paths lead in a satisfactory direction. In a pre-emptive strike to set the tone for the evening, I already pleaded with her, "For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me? It seems like I never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you." Surprisingly, there was no argument, no hesitation. Could it be she is just as anxious to spend some alone time with me as I am with her?'
Elizabeth smiled warmly between the two of us. Chandra spoke up in the cab bed to her brothers and husband. "Things are off to a good start."
Dagda looked at her with an intensity that spoke of more than the subject at hand. "Finally, now we're getting somewhere. I think things are going in a very good direction here."
Llasa sighed and said. "I'm just glad we put you two in charge of all the 'lovey-dovey' stuff. I would mess it up for sure."
Samon glanced at his brother. "Which is precisely WHY they were put in charge of the 'romance' aspect of our task; we play to each of our individual strengths, Brother dear," he said rolling his eyes but he too was smiling hugely. Yes, they were all in very high spirits.
Chandra's eyes sparkled. "Now, for some real sparks. Sparks that lead directly to fireworks."
"What do you have up your sleeve now Chandra?" Samon asked indulgently.
"Nothing we haven't been working on for over a year now…" She said rather innocently. Just then my thought voice picked up.
'Edward wants me to relax and I can do that.' I thought carefully. However, my next thoughts left me with more anxiety. 'Especially if I concentrate on his request that for this one night I forget about everything besides just me and him; not a hard request; except that doesn't really help me relax. No—definitely not relaxing here. In fact, when I think about what I want from him now and wonder exactly how I'm supposed to get it from him, I feel so nervous I might just chicken out or worse—throw up--except I won't. Somehow, I will find a way to make him see how important this is to me. I don't just want this. I need it; my missing piece.'
Samon and Llasa shrugged and nodded their head approvingly. Llasa continued to stare at Chandra with a deep intensity. I almost got the feeling they were working as a team of their own at that moment although for what purpose, I had no idea.
Edward's thought voice continued as we drove into the forest. 'To be completely honest with myself, it isn't just alone time I want. No, I want 'her' – in more ways than one. I can already feel the now familiar hunger settling in my body from just watching her. Tonight I am fighting for her – for a way to make her mine forever. I now understood her hesitancy to my marriage proposal, but I still want her hand. The vision that has tortured my existence – her walking down the aisle, on her father's arm, dressed in white, toward another man, a human man. Agggh, the mere thought of it had driven me to break my silence only a year and a half ago. Now I want that fantasy for myself. It is her choice and I understand now I'd want it no other way.'
"That must have been some vision you gave him in Biology class, Chandra." Llasa said in admiration. "It still gets him."
"And he still doesn't realize it was a vision of him." Samon added with a small chuckle.
"He's about to realize the truth of that vision though." Dagda said, finally breaking his stare-down with Chandra and turning to his brother's with a wide grin spreading across his face.
"Is cupid about to let another arrow fly?" Llasa asked in anticipation.
"No," Dagda said. "But I might hit you over the head with my quiver." He retorted sardonically and then added, "You are such a nut, Llasa."
"More like a nut case!" Chandra replied.
"Hey, I know you guys love me!" Llasa said back before my thoughts came in again. "Can I help it if sometimes I just feel like a nut?"
My thoughts cut through their easy banter. 'One piece, because some things haven't changed at all--like the desperate way I love him, my Edward. Oh, I've had plenty of time to sit and think about the ramifications of Jasper and Emmett's bet and I've figured out what things I'm willing to lose with y humanity and which part I am not. I hope I don't make you mad tonight, Edward. Because I know exactly which human experience I am going to insist on before I become inhuman. (I sighed) we're going to have plenty of things to work out tonight. Edward is going to have to come up with better excuses. Because after everything I've seen in the past two years, I simply don't believe in the word 'impossible' anymore. It's going to take more than that to stop me now. Hmm, okay, well, honestly…it's going to be a lot more complicated than that. But I still have to try. The scary thing is, I don't have any idea how to do what I need to do. I don't have any experience in the subtle art of seduction. I am too innocent--which is central to the whole problem.'
Chandra sighed as they listened to my thoughts. Samon and Llasa shook their heads with looks of mild reproof on their faces. Dagda spoke up for all of them when he said to the others, "She still doesn't understand it's her innocence that is attractive to Edward. They share it in common."
"They'll figure it out Darling," Chandra told to him holding his face in her hand. He smiled back at her and turned her hand so he could kiss it. Just then Edward's mental chatter came from the visual.
'Last night, seeing Bella sit with her head rested against--him. It all became so clear to me. I need to fight for her heart tonight as hard as I would have fought for her life tomorrow. After all, she is still human and her feelings for – that dog – are not as benign as she believes. Besides which, I promised Jacob Black I would fight—and not fight fair. Well, the balls in the home court now, and I will press my advantage. To lose Bella to another would be painful, but to lose my Bella to him would be inconceivable. I must find a way to make her understand, to know the depths of my love for her. I must somehow find a way to be the right choice for her. She holds everything I desire within her being; her goodness, her acceptance, her innocence. With her by my side I could conquer any monster I may encounter internal or external. Am I worthy of her? That still remains to be seen.'
In the visual, I watched as I turned my truck down the long driveway to Edward's home. I really was driving ridiculously slowly. I was glad Emmett sat staring into space for this. He would definitely have something to say. Then again, Edward just sat with me in his lap as we watched our courtship play out on the silver screen. He had moved my hair out of the way and over my left shoulder and every now and then he nuzzled my neck with his nose and lips from behind, seemingly content to watch me once again drive at turtle speed towards his home.
'She has always been a painfully slow driver, especially in this ancient truck.' Edward thoughts announced. At his thoughts from the past apparently echoed the ones he had watching the visual, he laughed silently once behind my ear. It made me shiver at his breath. 'But instead of driving me insane, tonight I simply appreciate this glorious chance to sit here beside her, watching her expressions change as she thinks through whatever is on her mind. Now that part still drives me insane, but I'm not going to push her. Well, not too obviously anyway.' Edward smiled from the visual.
My anxiety was clear in my thought voice. 'You'd think as decided as I am about this, I would be calmer. But I'm not. I still have no idea how to do what I'm going to try to do here. That alone is guaranteeing me some serious jitters.' I looked over at him briefly as I continued down the drive almost to the Cullen home now. 'I'm surprised Edward didn't insist on taking the wheel tonight so he could coax my car to reach it's optimal high speed, but he seems content enough to just go at my speed, huh.' I drove up to the house and cut the engine.
'Finally!" Edward mentally thought.
"I can agree to that one!" Llasa bellowed. I've heard of driving slow, but that was actually painful. She must have been driving so slowly so she could find every bump, pothole and rock on the road and deliberately hit them." He complained as he stood up and stretched. The other immortals all stood up as well. "Let's get this show on the road!" He seemed to re-think his words and added. "Only let's not have Bella drive." Oh great, even angels make fun of my human slowness. Edward stifled a small laugh. In the visual, Llasa rubbed his hands together in anticipation as he continued, "I've got quite a blizzard in the works. That ought to keep all unnecessary humans out of the deep woods for the battle.''Here we are just me and my love at my home. No, our home; our haven for the night, a beacon in the dark meadow. Okay, so maybe I'm not as patient as I thought. I've been anxious to get her here, away from prying ears and eyes, because she'd finally agreed to accept a gift from me. It thrills to no end me to finally be able to give her something, even if it isn't my mother's ring – though, if things go well, maybe I'll try for that too.' From the visual, Edward smiled again. I watched as I cut off the engine and Edward was at my door in an instant. His thoughts continued as he opened my door and lifted me out of the truck with one arm and slung my bag from the truck bed over his shoulder. Then he kicked the truck door closed behind him. It looked like a choreographed dance move as he moved in for a kiss. My husband was one smooth operator.
His voice continued throughout his performance. 'No need to move a human pace any longer. Yes, I guess I am a little impatient! The long ride over was like the prelude for our evening to come, an appetizer before the main course.' Edward then winced at his poor analogy. 'She is mine and we are home. Somehow, we're already though the door and into the entrance way. I can't say I'm at all conscious of how we got here. Whenever I kiss Bella, the world melts away and mundane things, like walking, become trivialities not worth considering. All I want, in this moment, is to keep her lips locked on mine, claiming her as my own.'
"He's getting better at this." Llasa said in delight. "I guess we don't need to monitor his thirst levels tonight." He added to Samon in satisfaction.
'Was the front door already opened?' I'd thought as the kiss continued, deepening into something more; a hunger I have since become very familiar with. 'I don't remember, but we're inside now. Whew! I need to remember to breathe. This kissing isn't like before the graduation party when I could feel his fear and panic leaking through his control. No, his lips are not so anxious and stressed-filled. This kiss seems more enthusiastic now. He seems—thrilled we have tonight to concentrate on being together. Hmmm…'
"Well, if our Edward isn't a little Casanova." Samon said a little surprised.
"Edward is not a Casanova Cad!" Elizabeth said indignantly. Samon apologized with a look and Mother backed down.
"And now for the first fireworks of the evening," Chandra announced.
"Good!" Llasa said smugly. "I love fireworks. I'll add in a little lightning show anytime you'd like."
As the kiss from the visual continued to deepen, Edward's thoughts cut in. 'This…desire is welling up within me, as the heat of her lips sends electric shocks through mine. The burn of her scent has long been over-powered by another, stronger, more urgent burn centered low in my core. It is so intense; it might consume me in this moment. I need to pull away before it burns out of control.' An image of the last night we'd had spent in Edward's room together flickered in Edward's mind and on the visual as well.
My thoughts were just as interesting, 'Edward seems less guarded here; his lips cold and urgent on mine. Maybe I can allow myself a little cautious optimism here. Perhaps it won't be as hard to get what I wanted as I originally thought it would be. Ha! Who am I kidding? Of course it was going to be exactly that difficult!'
I'd watched as Edward finally pulled away from me. He chuckled low and nervously. 'Well,' he'd thought, 'I know exactly where my mind and, well, my body seem to be heading.' Then he spoke up looking deeply into my eyes. "Welcome home." 'How I wished that were really true – that this was her home.'
"That sounds nice." I answered him somewhat breathlessly. 'Is he ever going to stop dazzling me? Now it isn't just his eyes, his face, his lips, his touch, but his words as well!'
'Oh, here I am getting lost again in her warm brown eyes.' Edward then set me down. 'There, that ought to give us both some space for a few minutes.' He thought as though catching his breath.
From the visual I watched as I immediately wrapped both of my arms around him. 'I don't want to let there be any space between us tonight. This house isn't so much my home as he is.'
Edward's mental thoughts continued as though without a pause while mine played out. 'Her heat sears right through me. I need to find something to take my mind off the proposals my body is sending me. Ah… proposals… ring… diamonds…'
"I have something for you." Edward then said in a conversational tone. 'Oh, I hope she likes the diamond charm I have longed to give her.'
"Just don't tell her what it is dear." Edward's mother admonished sagely.
"Oh?" I asked confused from the visual. 'What is Edward up too? I already have no way to make any of this up to him.' "Your hand-me-down, remember? You said that was allowable." Edward replied "Oh, that's right; I guess I did say that." I said slowly with consternation.
Edward laughed.'She is reluctant, as I expected. I don't know how to break down this perceived inequity she imagines exists between us.' Edward mused in mild frustration. "It's up in my room. Shall I go get it?" Edward asked from the visual while his thoughts continued.
'His bedroom? This sounds better by the minute.' I'd thought and then said, "Sure" and I wove my fingers through his before adding, "Let's go."
It took Edward a mere ten seconds to respond to my request by scooping me off my feet and heading for his room three stories above. His thoughts kept pace with him. 'Her enthusiasm is overriding my carefully designed plan to have a brief retreat from the intensity of her presence. Instead I'm pulling her even closer, scooping her up into my arms and running to the bedroom, suddenly anxious to have her there. In order to give her the gift, of course.'
Wow!' My thoughts continued as though Edward and I were of one mind. 'He must be very eager to give me my non-present because normal human velocity doesn't seem to be fast enough for him now. He's flying up the stairs. Who needs to turn into a bat, when you can do this?'
"That was interesting." Llasa said almost stunned. "They were going pretty much on auto-pilot there. No guidance or direction necessary."
"Are you sure he's going to be okay alone with her up there?" Samon asked Chandra and Dagda.
"Who, Edward?" Dagda asked in an off-handed manner.
"Of course he will be." Chandra added.
"Really?" Samon said somewhat nervously. "How many extra hormones did you give her this time Chandra?" He added.
Chandra cleared her throat. "Well, perhaps we'd better get up there all the same." She added somewhat abashed.
…
The next visual showed Edward and me, sitting in the center of his black cast iron bed with the golden comforter. Edward was studying me very carefully. Well, as carefully as he could as I was too embarrassed to meet his gaze. He had already given me my 'crystal' that turned out to be a diamond charm—a rather expensive diamond charm I have since come to treasure for its similarities to my sweetheart. At this point of the visual, Edward and I had already begun negotiations for our compromise. One of the hardest parts for me was in simply explaining what my 'condition' was. Of course there were five supernatural beings in the room although they appeared to not be that interested in what we were doing as they had when we were in the meadow. I was sure it was just an act, but really! Llasa looked out the window; Samon was inspecting Edward's impressive CD collection. Chandra and Dagda appeared to be simply lost in each other's eyes. Elizabeth, my mother-in-law, guardian angel was another matter. She was sitting on the edge of Edward's black leather sofa across the narrow room from the bed, very anxiously and intently leaning forward as if willing the negotiations to begin.
"I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself." Edward had responded totally baffled to my request to iron out a few 'details'. "I'm extremely curious." 'Why won't she look up at me? What could it be? What in the world could be so much that she wouldn't simply ask? Why go through this charade of a negotiation? Didn't she know she could ask anything of me and I would gladly give it?'
I was clearly floundering in the visual. I kept my head down and before I could continue my cheeks blushed from embarrassment of my yet unmade request. 'He's getting frustrated because he can't hear my thoughts. I can tell by the slight edge to his voice. But how do I explain this to him? Can I even say the word 'sex' aloud? No—definitely not. There is no way I'll get that one out. I can hardly think the word. So if I can't think it, how in the world do I say it? Maybe I can find a way to dance around it until he figures it out himself. I can't even bring myself to look at him. I feel so—so self-conscious all of a sudden.'
Edward's mental voice continued, 'Okay, my patience slipping now--faltering at her sudden pooling of blood in her cheeks. Ask me already!' "You're blushing? Please Bella, the suspense is painful."
In the visual I'd bit my then soft, human lip.
'Why can't I just read her mind?'Edward had thought getting more bothered by his inability to grasp my meaning. "Bella" Edward said sternly.
"I can certainly agree to the painful suspense part." Llasa piped up without moving his gaze from the window.
"Tell him why you're worried dear," Elizabeth suggested helpfully from her perch on the sofa. My thoughts were almost panicked. 'I
'I know that, and yet I still haven't the foggiest notion where this was going.' Edward thought in frustration. 'Has she changed her mind entirely? Has the last two nights preparing for battle finally scared her? I would be a little glad if they had. Or have I asked too much in my mock negotiation and this is her way of backing out of everything – of us? No, she clearly said she still wanted to change and not wait. I need to work through my frustration and work to soften my voice to try to comfort her into getting to the point.' "What has you so worried?" 'Ahh, that seems to have worked. The floodgates have opened and now, I can see she will release all of her pent up worries. Then I can get to the bottom of this.' "All of you seem so convinced that the only thing I'm going to be interested in, afterward, is slaughtering everyone in town. And I'm afraid I'll be so preoccupied with the mayhem that I won't be me anymore." I said and then hesitated. Edward winced at my vocabulary usage in the visual.
"That may have been a little harsh." Samon said.
"But effective all the same." Llasa countered.
'Here we are now, finally close to the real issue.' Edward thought happily yet still stressed out by my angst.
"…and that I won't--I won't want you the same way I do now." I finally stammered out. 'There! I finally said it.'
"Very nicely said." Mother commended me.
Edward's thoughts picked up at my new revelation. 'I haven't really thought of that. I've been worried she would eventually hate me for turning her into a monster, but is it possible, in the absence of that, her feelings for me might simply change after being transformed? I doubt it. Emmett's feelings for Rosalie had only increased after the change – would it be that way for us? Or not? I feel suddenly so unsure of myself. How do I respond to this? I don't know. I guess the only way I can. I'll just reassure her, and me.'
"Bella, that part doesn't last forever."
Llasa made a noise of a jet crashing. 'Zeeeer boom! The birdie has missed the target.' He said as though on a radio giving a war tactical, "or maybe it's just crashed and burned. Either way, that explanation went right over his head." I looked at Edward
'I feel as though I'm missing a vital piece of our conversation while I've been wallowing in self doubt. I need to review our conversation in back in my mind…' Edward thought in confusion.
From Chandra's home room, Edward pulled me closer momentarily and chuckled into my ear. "I was pretty clueless there wasn't I" I nodded and he kissed my neck behind my ear and then drew his nose down to my shoulder and back. It still sent electrical tingling out clear to my toes and fingertips.
Then in the visual, I went on, staring back down at my hand. "Edward, there's something that I want to do before I'm not human anymore." 'That is provided I don't die right now from either embarrassment, or a heart attack.'
"There," Llasa said approvingly. "Direct and open. Now we'll get somewhere!"
"Do you promise?" I responded.
'Okay, she still wants to join me. That's a relief.' Edward thought. He'd relaxed slightly. 'But what does she want? I feel like I'm grasping at the edge of something – teetering really; so close to what I want and all she has to do is tell me. She already knows I'd give her anything: houses, jewels, cars. She should know I would do anything – climb mountains, trek across continents, swim oceans – whatever, just to be with her; if she would only say it. Please Bella love, just say it, please!' When Edward finally spoke his voice was calm and patient not at all reflecting his internal debate, "Whatever you want." He said.
"No Bella," Samon said still studying the CD's. "Why try going with something that is guaranteed to backfire on you?"
"Yes!" Edward replied. '…absolutely – just tell me already, please!' "Tell me what you want and you can have it."
'I can't believe how awkward and idiotic I feel.' I'd thought. 'I haven't got the faintest idea how to be desirable and alluring. I'll just have to settle for flushed and self-conscious. I can't tell him. I'll have to show him instead. He needs a hint.' "You." I finally answered him almost incoherently.
'I'm completely torn up in this state of confusion.' Edward thought and it almost seemed as though he would throw his hands up in frustration. 'I can't fathom what she could possibly want that would require all this lead up, all this confusion, all this stress. How about a hint of what is coming? She seems so uncomfortable, unable to make this simple request. I am completely baffled'.
"She's told him twice and twice he's missed the obvious." Llasa said as he started drawing stick figures in the condensation he'd created on the glass expressly for that purpose.
Edward thought, 'WHAT? Is that easy?' "I'm yours." 'Is that all? All this angst – for that? I'm already hers – doesn't she know? Does this mean she wanted to get married? Or not? I feel… happy? But I'm still totally confused with the entire conversation; as though I'm still missing some vital portion of the last few minutes. Does she simply need reassurance of my love, of my devotion? Let me get back to my replay…'
From the visual I leaned forward and kissed him then. Edward kissed me back bewildered yet willing. Then my hands slipped from his collar to the front of his shirt and I started unbuttoning.
'That works." Sammon commented in satisfaction with a quick glance in our direction. "When subtle doesn't work; go with blatantly obvious."
Edward was busily replaying our entire conversation from the time we'd arrived in the house until up to that point back in his mind when I'd begun the kiss. As his body responded back– a part of his vampire brain started gauging the pressure and strength with which he pressed his lips to mine, part of his brain kept a firm grasp on the desire that was building within him, while the rest continued to work through the puzzle of our exchange. He was so engaged in solving the puzzle, only a small fragment of his mind noticed when my hands slipped from around his neck and began unbuttoning his shirt. That was when the pieces all suddenly came together and there in his bedroom visual Edward froze. His thoughts placed the pieces in their correct alignment.
'Bingo!" Llasa said as he was about to complete a hang man figure.
…
"You know why I have to say no. You know that I want you, too." Edward explained gently. 'I want you right now. But I have to be firm on this. I have to keep her safe. I have to be responsible. Or do I? Yes—yes, I do!'
"Actually, no you don't Edward." Dagda said while still concentrating on his wife Chandra. While the distracted actions of all of the four perfected beings seemed slightly odd, I couldn't comprehend what it was the two of them were doing. It didn't appear to be any kind of intimate moment—but rather as though they were locked in a joint mental task of some kind. "Do you?" I had whispered back at Edward.
"Don't even think that Bella." Mother chided me gently. "This is very difficult for Edward but you are right to fight for this, so don't get your feelings hurt. Show your mettle here. You know how Edward feels." Edward was lost trying to decipher my words and expression.
"You need to listen to Bella and your body at least this time." Dagda said again. He appeared to be Edward's own personal cheering section. From the visual I'd fought for control to keep my voice firm and reasonable to say what I had needed to say, "But that's the problem. I won't be the same when I'm less breakable. I won't be the same! I don't know who I'll be then." "You'll still be Bella" Edward said to reassured me. "But I will always be thirsty most of all. It will be what I want most, won't it? Blood, blood and more blood." I demanded. "The fact that you are still alive is proof that is not true." Edward pointed out.
"Don't let him talk you out of this Bella." Chandra encouraged me from her mind game. "Over eighty years later" I replied countering Edward, "What I meant was physically, though. Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be myself--after awhile. But just purely physically – I will always be thirsty, more than anything else."
"I think it's time to finally give Edward an epiphany of his own." Dagda said while continuing to stare into Chandra's eyes. The rest of the supernaturals nodded in agreement. Edward's thoughts became reflective
"So, I will be different." I went on, completely unaware of Edward's epiphany. "Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you; more than food, or water, or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically…" From the visual, I twisted my head to kiss the palm of his hand.
"You can do this Edward." Dagda said in a commanding voice. "In fact, you must. It is your destiny."'It feels as though a bolt of electricity is coursing straight through my hand and into my body from Bella's kiss. I have, time and time again, underestimated her – her perception, her ability to accept me for what I am, her ability to love me, and the depths of her feelings. Am I also underestimating this – how much it means to her – not just something she wants or some form of reassurance of my love or her desirability? I have no point of comparison, no way to tell her it will be like this again. I have never felt this way before myself. Not even when I was human.' Edward thoughts continued their reasoning and he caught his breath. He then inhaled deeply but it was unsteady. I remembered this surprising me.
'Can I give her this?' My head says 'NO!" while my entire body screams 'YES' at me. Look at how much we've already overcome. And yet, it would take only a moment, a small lapse in control, a second of surrender and I could lose it all.'
"Bella, I could kill you." Edward whispered. 'In a moment of lost control I could crush her.'
"True." Llasa said, "But we won't let you.""I don't think you could." I replied obstinately from the visual. "…and I already know how strong you are." "What did you mean then?" Edward asked in a dark voice.
"Don't back down now Bella, Believe it or not, your backing him right into a checkmate." Chandra said pleasantly. Still her focus remained on her mate, Dagda.
"Chess," Llasa said turning for the first time from the window and grinning over to Samon who went to a nightstand where there was suddenly a three-D chessboard set up. "Excellent" Llasa said enthusiastically.
'I need to stay calm and focused or I'll never explain this right.' I'd thought as I took a deep breath in the visual and continued. "Obviously, not that you aren't physically able to hurt me if you wanted to. More that, you don't want to hurt me; so much so that I don't think that you ever could."
"You must Edward. This is your future--your destiny. Trust Bella in this. It is right and it is meant to be. You are destined to be a father--an important father. This is meant to be. Not only can you do this--you must." Dagda said with more urgency to Edward this time. Edward's thoughts were in a snarl and he shook his head back and forth slowly.
"Did you hear that qualifier Bella?" Chandra pointed out.
'Yes! My opening! Finally, this might work after all!' I thought seizing upon the sudden hope but my reply was a scoff. "Might? You have no more idea what you're talking about than I do."
"You're thinking this too much Edward. Your thinking is flawed. You can do this without hurting Bella. You need to trust yourself more." Dagda told him firmly. "Exactly. Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?" Edward concluded.
"Perhaps you should try begging now Bella" Mother encouraged. From the visual I looked into his eyes for a long moment
"Are you going to let her beg you for what she needs from you like that? Think of all the times you have already overcome the darkness in you to be what you were meant to be with Bella." Dagda goaded Edward encouragingly.
'How can I possible deny her anything when her voice comes to me like this? It is the sweetest of pleadings – with the gentlest softness, caressing away my arguments; weakening my will. She's closed her eyes. In effect she is, closing her self – closing her soul off to me. With that minute action I can see what is at stake and I understand what this means to her. I remember how much I had desired her blood that first day, and so many days after and yet, even as the fire burned in my throat with every breath, I could not bring myself to kill her. I thought of the meadow and how, though the desire for her blood and her body were so strong I had almost satisfied both in a moment of weakness, I had been able to run away. I remember how I had drawn out the venom stained blood from James' bite and, though the taste was the sweetest thing I had ever known, I had found the will to stop before killing her. Could I do this? Can I be intimate with her as a human?' Edward thought through his mental anguish.
"Of course you can." Llasa said. "In fact, we will be rather put out with you if you don't."
"Checkmate," Samon said from the side of the chessboard where he and Llasa had played a micro game. Llasa looked startled and then started scrutinizing the middle board. "Time for you to add a qualifier now Bella, that will seal the deal for you." Chandra said still concentrating.
'Where is my quick and final no? What is he doing now? Is his breathing—uneven again?' I opened my eyes and saw Edward's pained expression. "Please?" I whispered again. 'Is he thinking about it now? Really considering it?' I jumped in, my words spilling out of me as I rushed to take advantage of his sudden uncertainty. "You don't have to make any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then that's that. Just let us try--only try. And I'll give you want you want. I'll marry you. I'll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won't complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just… please." 'I'm being rash, but I don't really care just now.'
"Don't deny her Edward. You know this is meant to be. Deep in your core you know it. You need to have more faith in yourself, in Bella and in your ability to keep her safe." Dagda continued.
"Then don't refuse." I suggested back to him breathlessly. He didn't respond. "Please" I implored him again.
'Everything in my being desires to give her what she wants – not only because I want it myself, but because I want, so much, to give her--her heart's desire.' From the visual Edward clutched me tighter to him. 'How can I deny her? When I feel her warmth and hear her heart? How do I will myself to refuse her – to refuse myself, when my will has just deserted me? I now know somehow I will agree to her demand. Somehow I will find a way to make it work. But how?' "This is unbearable." Edward whispered in my ear, "So many things I've wanted to give you – and this is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?"
"That seems to be working rather well!" Llasa said as though he'd done all the work. "Okay, now make them stop."
'That doesn't feel like a denial. No, it sounds more like surrender.' I thought with a deep intensity as I twisted in his arms to kiss his lips. His hands seized my face. 'Is this it? Is he going to push me away again? No, I'm wrong. This kiss is not so gentle. I can feel the conflict coming through it. There is a desperation in the way his lips move.'
"Stop now! Edward, Bella," Mother said in rising alarm. "They weren't supposed to take care of Bella's demand right now!" She said in a panic.
"No they're not." Samon said as the game vanished and he stood up. He didn't seem to pay any attention to us on the bed but rather focused his energy on Chandra and Dagda. "Hello, we have a major problem here."
'My body just takes right over as soon as I yield. But this time it feels different. My desire is flaring with a ferocity that eclipses every feeling I have ever felt before. The one remaining hold out – a small part, a very, very small part of my brain – is still telling me 'no' – but I have no further arguments, no further will to fight against my desire coupled with her own.' Edward thought in capitulation.
From the visual our passion deepened as I locked my arms around his neck and pressed my body closer to him.
Dagda said as though struggling to hold on to a bucking bull, "I know it reared up out of nowhere. I'm working on it."
"They aren't married yet." Mother said worriedly. "Edward, this is not how you treat your intended. DO you hear me?" She sighed and then turned on me, "Bella, you need to show a little more reserve now. Trust me on this. Do you have any idea how much trouble you'll get in if you cannot restrain yourself until you are married in the sight of God?"
Edward thought then, 'I'm not sure exactly how this started happening. I don't know and I don't care—I just don't want it to end. Her body feels like molten lava against mine and her shivering isn't from the cold. I can't get enough of her.'
"Elizabeth makes a good point." Llasa said sheepishly. "Not to mention how much trouble we could get in too. I mean, we're the ones that gave Bella too many hormones here and Dagda you were just telling Edward to go for it, weren't you?"
When I was out of air in the visual, I broke away gasping for air and Edward moved his lips down my throat.
"Bella dear, this is bad timing." Mother said hopelessly.
My thoughts were almost euphoric. 'I'm actually going to get what I want. I feel like I'm riding some strange 'high' from my victory. I feel…powerful—brave.' I was very thankful Chandra put everyone into a 'sleep state' as I from the visual deftly unbuttoned Edward's shirt and traced the planes of his chest. 'He is too beautiful. He is a magnificent statue of a god. What was the word he just used? Unbearable—that was it; his beauty is too much to bear.'
"This is not good for a number of reasons." Chandra said still in deep concentration and thought lines crossed her forehead. "Vampire sperm carries the characteristics of its host."
"What do you mean by that?" Llasa said perplexed. "Are you saying they're fast little guys?"
Edward's thoughts revealed the feelings he was succumbing to. 'When exactly did Bella undo my shirt? I'm not sure but suddenly it feels as though the lava is flowing down my chest from her fingers as she touches me. Desire courses through my body unrestrained now and I need to taste her mouth again.' I watched as Edward removed one hand from my face and wrapped it tightly around my waist. 'There, I can press her body closer to my now bare chest. It feels as though my body is dry tinder and she is the flame. I don't mind it at all. Under her touch, her body, I'll happily burn.'
"Fast and accurate," Dagda responded quickly while still working to maintain control of his mental link with not just Chandra but Edward as well.
"No!" Llasa said aghast. "We can't have 'The Hope of the World' conceived out of wedlock. The repercussions would be staggering. And yet we can try to influence them but we can't take away their free will to chose." In the visual I pulled his mouth back to mine as I thought.
Then Samon closed his eyes and a look of deep concentration spread across his face as well. Then he sighed and a look of dread spread across his features. "It's worse than that. A fertilized vampire egg starts multiplying at an astronomical rate and as such, requires attachment to the uterine wall almost immediately to sustain its nutritional requirements. Bella isn't at the right point in her cycle for an egg to make it that far. If Edward's sperm are introduced into Bella's system now; Bella will still become pregnant but it would produce a fertilized egg that would attach in her fallopian tube and she would have a vampiric ectopic pregnancy that would kill her before she even knew she was pregnant.'
All five of the supernaturals looked and listened to Edward's next thought in growing dismay. 'What is she trying to do now? She's trying to remove her blouse. Sorry Bella, I'm feeling inclined to do that myself instead. I'll just reach down to remove her hands so I can take their place.' Edward thought amorously.
"We have to stop them at all costs!" Mother said. "We need to get to Edward! Bella has too many hormones playing havoc with her. Focus on Edward. He knows better anyway. I know he does--as I was the one who taught him."
"We can remind him he needs to talk to Carlisle first!" Dagda said urgently.
At that all five of them yelled at Edward, "STOP!! Don't forget to talk to Carlisle first!"
"STOP…Carlisle?' Edward thought. He was startled by the shout in his head and it took him a minute to realize it was his own thoughts; though they were boosted a bit. Then he'd pulled my hand away from my blouse and over my head, laying me on a pillow. Edward breathed deeply and it was easy to see him regain control from the visual. 'I need to rein in this desire. Just moments ago it was running rampant through my entire body. I can barely trust myself to speak, but I need her help if I'm going to do this right. "Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?" He said right next to my ear.
The supernaturals in the room all visibly relaxed. "Do you want to do that part?" I asked Edward confused.
"You listen to me Edward." Mother said sternly. "You'd better show this young lady a little more respect. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have her? Just because she hasn't been taught about proper sexual relationships, and her mother didn't set the best example for her in that department, doesn't give you the right to take advantage of her in such a manner. You do this the right way—the honorable way—the gentleman's way, and most importantly of all, the Masen way."
My husband looked to his side at his Mother and gave her a squeeze. "Thank you Mom. What would I ever do without you? Even unseen you were there guiding me."
Elizabeth gazed back and said, "Thank you, Son. Thank you for listening. You are a good son. Both when you were mortal as well as now." She patted our hands and the visual started back up.
"Edward, don't… " I cut her off. "I'm not saying 'no', I'm just saying not tonight." Edward said to reassure me.
'Yes, I want to do that part, but her unexpected response just gave me what I needed. Because If I am going to do this…I mean, if we are going to do this, we need to do it the right way.' "Not tonight" I brushed my lips gently against her face.
"Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night?" I'd argued back. 'Great, I'm still breathless and it makes the frustration in my voice much less impressive.'
"You may as well spell it out for her, Edward. Just spit it out." Llasa advised him as he lounged on the black sofa next to Mother now. "She's more perceptive than you. She'll probably get it pretty fast."
I leaned back into my husband upon hearing Llasa's constant barrage of off-handed comments thrown good-naturedly at my sweetheart. "Who does Llasa remind you of?" I murmured softly to him as I brought my hand up to cradle his face as it rested on my shoulder from behind.
"Definitely Emmett." He said back with a sly grin. "Emmett with an electric bite!"
Mother still sitting next to Edward and I patted him on the back good naturedly.
"The thunder god?" I asked him with a chuckle.
Chandra looked at us and grinned. Mother did too. At the time, we were the only four conscious 'people' in the room. It would only seem natural they would be included in any conversation. Especially, since they could read our minds at will. "Llasa is quite a character." Chandra agreed. "Just take everything he says with a grain of salt. He does have a heart of pure gold--figuratively speaking of course, and he really does love both of you two. So don't get too put out with him."
'Hmm…' Edward thought in the visual. 'I'm reluctant to give her my real reason; it is something so private to me that I have a fear that she'd mock me for it. So instead, I'll go back to our negotiation, I can always hope she'll buy my explanation'. "I wasn't born yesterday" 'the humor of that statement in my particular case suddenly makes me want to laugh.' "Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won't go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much more reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore… you first." Edward thought's started out full of self-recriminations
"Don't start counting your chickens now, Edward," Dagda warned. "This isn't exactly a done deal yet. But it is definitely headed in a good direction now." I exhaled with a loud huff in the visual. My eyes got big as the shock of his words hit me. "I have to marry you first?" I asked incredulously
'Okay, it wasn't a solid yes – yet.' Edward thought. "That's the deal – take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?" 'I know it isn't fair, but I'll go ahead and take advantage of my new found appreciation for her physical desire –by kissing her deeply, persuasively… after all, I never agreed to fight fair.'
With that he kissed me with as much passion as he had just moments before.
"Edward is getting pretty good at this 'art of persuasion' you know." Llasa said as though giving his own stamp of approval.
…
"Look Edward" I murmured. My voice sounded wheedling. "I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I'll sign a contract in my own blood."
Llasa started laughing hysterically. Samon joined in but tried to stifle his laughter by hiding it in a throat clearing. "That Bella is really a hoot. Imagine that--offering to sign a contract with a vampire in blood." Llasa said. He appeared to be trying to bat tears out of his eyes. Okay, come on Llasa, it really wasn't that funny. And to back me up, from the visual Edward agreed. "Not funny." Edward murmured in between kisses from where his lips sat at the moment at the inside of my wrist. I pressed on, "What I'm saying is this – I'm not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So there's really no reason to wait. We're completely alone. How often does that happen? And you've provided this very large and comfortable bed…"
"Well, not precisely alone…" Chandra corrected.
'My Bella is definitely persistent.' Edward thought dryly but in good humor. "Not tonight." He repeated, 'If I'm doing this, I'm doing it right.'
"He is great isn't he?" Mother said happily. "Don't you trust me?" I asked simply. "Of course I do."Edward answered. In the visual, I'd used the hand he was still kissing to pull his face back up to where I could see his expression. "Then what's the problem? It's not like you didn't know you were going to win in the end." I scowled as I muttered, "You always win."
"Actually, this way you both win! You just don't see that yet." Chandra said smugly. '
"See, what did I say? Bella is too perceptive." Llasa said. "How long do you think it will take her to get this one?" His siblings just laughed at him. They weren't about to speculate on my awareness. They knew I was on the verge of figuring this one out. After all, they were the ones who had given me my 'keen' powers of observation to begin with. "There's something else." I guessed narrowing my eyes.
Edward's thoughts picked up then. 'When she looks at me like this, she usually figures things out. She is SO perceptive. I wonder how long it will take her to ferry out my true motivation, my true reason. I haven't been able to keep anything from her for long – not when she's seeking truth.'
"Are you planning to go back on your word?" I finally asked him. "No, I swear to you, we will try. After you marry me." Edward promised solemnly.
"That's my boy!" Mother nodded with evident pride. She leaned over and patted his cheek from where she sat with her arm around him there seated in Chandra's home room. Back in the visual, I'd laughed without humor and shook my head, "You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama – twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girls' virtue."
"Bingo!" Llasa said. Okay, now I was positive he and Emmett were somehow related.
In the visual, I'd watched as Edward's eyes wearily flashed across my face before he quickly ducked down to press his lips to my collarbone. 'I don't believe it!' I thought humorously. 'Oh, oh…' Edward thought as he caught sight of my face. 'I think she's already processed my motives. But maybe if I can distract her with more kisses, she won't realize that she's just hit the nail on the head: one…two…three kisses…four…'
"She needs to know Edward, the sooner you make her understand your position and how important it is to you, the sooner you can become officially engaged. How does that sound?" Dagda said confidently.
"That's it, isn't it?" I answered. A short laugh escaped me that was more shocked than amused. I'd covered my mouth to muffle the giggle that followed. "You're trying to protect your virtue!" 'I have to admit, I never saw that one coming! It's so…old-fashioned.''
"Now Bella dear, you need to calm down and really listen to Edward. This is important to him and even though you don't realize it yet. This is important to you as well." Mother had admonished me sagely. Edward stopped kissing me in the visual. His thoughts were full of hurt and self reproach.
"I'm sorry Sweetie," I said to my husband there at Chandra's place. "I didn't understand how closely your morality and your honor were tied together--at least not yet. And for what it's worth, you were right." I rolled my eyes, though from his position behind me the gesture was lost on him. "You're always right."
"It's okay love. Everything turned out okay. I never realized how fortunate we were that night. It has always been one of my favorite nights." My husband replied to me as I sat there in his lap.
"Hmmm, top ten?" I murmured back to him.
"Definitely!" He whispered back in my ear. "Of all the ridiculous-" I sounded so affronted in the visual. It was a bit embarrassing, given the company hearing my tirade. From the visual, Edward cut me off. His tone was a little angry. "Let me ask you something "Two," I responded with absolute conviction
"See love, sometimes you're the one who's right." Edward whispered in my ear as we watched the visual continue.
Edward had thought, 'Maybe she was right. But still, that's just all the more reason to not disrupt things.' Then he said, "All right. Maybe that's true. Now, there's a world full of dissension about this`, but the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed." Then he continued his thoughts, 'I've had almost a century to think through this and now it's all coming out at once. I have to make her see – to understand how important this is to me. How strongly I feel about this principle.' "Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul." "No it isn't" I argued angrily. "Thou shalt not kill" is commonly accepted by most major belief systems. And I've killed a lot of people, Bella." "Only the bad ones."
Samon shook his head. "More to the point, you recognized that it was still wrong to kill. You felt remorse and stopped doing it; denying your inert nature in the process." Edward shrugged in the visual. "Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn't. But you haven't killed anyone-" "That you know about" I muttered.
'She's trying to deter me with humor – but she opened this can of worms and now she's going to hear what I think on this particular subject.' Edward thoughts almost sounded perturbed. His voice did not betray his angst. "And I'm going to do my best to keep you out of temptation's way." "Okay. But we weren't fighting over committing murder." I had reminded him. I realized as I watched the visual, that I had been as dense to understand Edward's dilemma as he had been to understand mine just minutes earlier that evening. Edward continued quietly and calmly. "The same principle applies – the only difference is that this is the one area in which I'm just as spotless as you are. Can't I leave one rule unbroken?"
"So that's it. You won't sleep with me until we're married." I looked up at him waiting for him to confirm my analysis.
I'd rolled my eyes and then slightly narrowed them. "I think you have an ulterior motive."
"Well, technically I can't ever sleep with you." Edward said pointing out the discrepancy. "But, other than that detail, yes, you've got it right."
All four of the 'perfected being' siblings laughed at this remark. Chandra was getting high fives and shoulder nudges from all of them. "Another one?" Edward said aloud while his eyes widened in surprise. '
"You know this will speed things up." I accused him.
"It's about time something sped up." Llasa commented dryly. 'Hmm, actually that is also a good point. I'm really glad that she is so perceptive.' Edward thought in buoyant relief. "There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever. But for that, it's true; your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point."
"Make that: impatient and overloaded human hormones and Chandra." Samon corrected. My thoughts took off in a panic.
"Now she worries about people thinking she got 'knocked up' by her boyfriend; when that almost happened just now and with fatal consequences." Samon said shaking his head.
'She has been thinking through the ramifications of our compromise and I can tell she's distressed but now something is different… something in her face – a change – no a resolve. She looks like this; I've seen it so many times before. She agonizes over a decision, but once she has really made it – she simply follows through. It's one of her strengths of character that I fell in love with – her goodness that I am trying so desperately, to preserve as much as I can.' Edward contemplated. 'But, still, I can make this easier for her. A wedding, with guests, her in a white dress, on her father's arm – that is my fantasy, not hers. She has given me what I really want – a claim on her. Why not give her a way to make it easy.' Then he spoke out loud for my benefit. "It doesn't have to be a big production. I don't need any fanfare. You won't have to tell anyone or make any changes. We'll go to Vegas – you can wear old jeans and we'll go to the chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official – that you belong to me and no one else."
"Edward!" His Mother said in shock. "Jeans and a trip to Vegas? You don't marry someone like this exquisite young woman in such a fashion. You must follow protocol. I want to see her wearing white and on her father's arm." Wow, Mother actually stomped her foot. "It couldn't be any more official than it already is." I complaint half heartedly,
"Relax Elizabeth" Dagda said comfortingly. "One thing at a time."
"Well, okay. I suppose your right. Maybe I am getting a little ahead of myself." Elizabeth said regaining her composure. "I hope he gives her my ring now. I just know she'll love it!"
"We'll see about that."Edward said as he smiled complacently. 'I wonder how in the world I'm supposed to get this past Alice…' then he interrupted his own thoughts. "I suppose you don't want your ring now?" From the visual, I appeared to be choking on nothing. 'Yes, I unfortunately anticipated her reaction correctly this time.'
"You suppose correctly." I finally managed to stammer out. 'A ring? Is he kidding? That would be a little conspicuous--wouldn't you say? That sounds a little 'too' married for me just yet.'
I laughed at her pained expression. 'You'd think I'd have just proposed pulling her toe nails off one by one instead of marriage. She is definitely not like any other girl I have ever known.' "That's fine. I'll get it on your finger soon enough."
"Bella, you'll really like this ring. Wait until you see it! It is the one thing I can give you too." Elizabeth said with real feeling. From the visual I'd glared at Edward and said, "You talk like you already have one." "You're unbelievable." I said back almost in a scathing manner. "Do you want to see it?" Edward asked with excitement shinning in his liquid topaz eyes.
"Of course she does!" Mother said excitedly.
"No!" My response was a shout and an automatic reflex. In the visual, Edward's face fell ever so slightly. 'Shoot, why did I blurt that out? I hate to hurt Edward's feelings. What is my problem? What is the big panic about an engagement ring anyway?'
"Of course you do!" Mother said shooting an exasperated look in my direction.
You know, I was starting to get an uneasy feeling about this. I loved being married and I loved my ring. But I hadn't been the most gracious fiancée to grace the planet. If I had understood that not only was it Edward's mother's ring, but that she was there watching me get it--well, I might have been a little more courteous about the whole thing. For that matter, if I'd known what my mother's reaction would have been and how much I would actually love being Edward's wife. Well, I couldn't change the past. Only repair the damage and make a better future. So I knew it was high time for some repairing.
'I thought I was gauging her responses correctly but this one has truly shocked me, although I should have anticipated it. Still, I'm disappointed. I had hoped, once she saw the ring, maybe she'd want to try it on. Maybe even wear it. But I guess maybe I've already pushed things enough for tonight. I've actually advanced our relationship so much further than I had hoped or dreamed. I should be ecstatic. Of course…so should she.' Edward thought grimly.
"Bella, you're hurting Edward's feelings. You don't want to do that, do you?" Mother said carefully to me. "Unless you really want to show it to me." I'd amended my previous statement while grinding my teeth in my stress.
'She's trying to appease me. The problem is that I'm not really interested in being appeased – I want her to want it.' Edward then replied shrugging his shoulders. "That's all right. It can wait." I sighed, "Show me the damn right, Edward."
'Nice…' Edward had thought sarcastically while he shook his head. "No."
"Nooooo! She did not just say that." Mother's voice was scathing as she put a hand over her heart. "Of all the unsophisticated, uncivilized distinctions to give to MY ring! My poor son! Poor me too!" She shook her head and her lips turned into a grim line. "You had better straighten up right now young lady. And apparently, I'm using that term loosely at this moment."
I looked over at my wonderful mother-in-law as she sat beside Edward and I. She was looking at me as well. We both looked a little embarrassed. "Mother," I began. "I am truly sorry that I said that about your ring." It was hard to hold her gaze. Edward rubbed my shoulder in encouragement. "I don't really know why I behaved that way and I was so terrified of marriage. I know I came from a broken home and I was still pretty young for our day and age, but those were just excuses and I do love my ring. Now that I know and love you, my wedding ring is extremely precious to me. I'll think about you every time I see it."
Mother seemed to have a hard time composing herself as well and she finally said, "You are an amazing woman Bella. You are the only one I would ever want for my Edward. I know that you were panicked about marriage and I shouldn't have been so shocked by your outburst. I also am sorry. Sorry that I said you were not a lady. You are a lady I am proud to call my daughter. And I love you too."
Before I even had a chance to realize it, I was in another three person embrace as I hugged Elizabeth while Edward was still attached to me. I kissed her cheek while Edward kissed my hair from behind. I turned to him and added, "You know Edward, I am sorry that I laughed at you for being 'old-fashioned' and gave you so much trouble about the ring and s-e-x that night."
Edward gave me one of his most dazzling smiles that was so bright it literally knocked me off my feet. He felt my knees give way and caught me—pulling me back into his arms and sat down again. "I've still got it! And I'll take that apology later—when we're alone." Then it was my turn to smile. Thank goodness Emmett was in lala land. He would have a field day with a comment like that. The visual started back up again as I'd studied Edward's expression for a long moment.
'There, her expression has changed--softened and in it, I can now see, looking deep in her eyes, her love.' Edward thought peacefully.
"Please" I pleaded in my soft, quiet, small voice. I touched his face lightly with the tips of my fingers. 'I wonder how well I can experiment here with my newly discovered weapon.' "Please, can I see it?"'What is it about that her voice making such quiet pleas that melts my irritation and resolve away? It's her quiet voice that I can't seem to bring myself to resist.' Edward thought and in the visual he narrowed his eyes. 'I know it isn't from desire for my ring or even for our engagement that she makes her request. No, nothing has changed. But she knows now that I can't resist her and she's right.' "You are the most dangerous creature I've ever met." Edward declared. In the visual, Edward gracefully got up and knelt next to the small bed side table. In an instant he was sitting next to me on the bed again. One of his arms was around my shoulder. The other hand held a small black box which he balanced on my knee. While he retrieved the ring he thought.
I held my breath.
"She'd better like it." Mother said in the visual still irritated. I'd hesitated in the visual, and there was a tremor in my hands as I'd lifted the small box "I didn't spend anything." Edward assured me. "It's just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother." Edward hesitated "Oh," I said surprised. '
"Okay," Mother said. "She understands now at least." She sounded somewhat mollified.
'She seems surprised and, possibly, pleased? I can hardly dare to hope she'll like it after all this. Wait, she's hesitating. Maybe I should take it back. Maybe it would be better if we went shopping for a ring together – let her pick out one she likes – that is more practical.' Edward thought worriedly. "I suppose it's a little outdated--old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern; something from Tiffany's?" 'Wait, she's not giving it back.' He'd thought hopefully again. "I like old fashioned things." I'd stammered as I'd hesitantly lifted the lid.
"Of course you do dear, you're a good girl." Mother had added, apparently over her former irritation.
Obviously I knew what my beautiful wedding ring looked like but it was still kind of fun watching my expression from the visual and seeing the awe and wonder that sprang to my face upon seeing the unique setting and glimmering diamonds. 'This is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen before in my life. The band is small with delicate gold fragile webbing around the diamonds that sit in slanting rows in front of a large oval diamond. It has to be one of a kind.' I stroked the shimmering gems without thinking.
Mother sighed in contentment at my reaction. "It is one of a kind. Edward Senior had it custom designed for me. Oh, I knew you'd like it!" She exclaimed happily. "Edward has held on to it all this time, just waiting for you to come so he could give it to you."
Edward was watching me. 'What can I tell from her face, her eyes, and her mouth as she looks down at my mother's ring? Does she like it? Does she hate it? I can't imagine what is going through her mind. It seems like an eternity that she's sitting there looking down at the ring, though, in truth, it has only been six seconds.' As Edward peered into my face, his eye caught my finger's movement as it brushed over the face of the ring.
"It's so pretty." I murmured to myself in surprise.'Ahh, A spark of pleasure sweeps through me at her response.' Edward asked me eagerly, "Do you like it?" I wanted to hear it again. The façade was back, "It's beautiful." I said feigning interest as I shrugged my shoulders. "What's not to like."
"Now Bella, What's with this ridiculous charade? I know what it is. It's a show the two of you put on to cover your feelings of panic or pain. Now is the time for happiness though." Mother was not to be deterred. She was practically jumping up and down in her glee. "See if it fits," Edward encouraged me.
"Me too!" Elizabeth sang out. In response to his suggestion, my hand tightened into a fist and panic swept across my face. I took a deep breath and let it out.
'Why is this so difficult for her? I'll have to appeal to her practical side. I guess.' Edward sighed again. "Bella, I'm not going to solder it to your finger. Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off." He'd said reasonably.
"Maybe you should solder it to her finger." Llasa said. "You guys are meeting up with Jacob Black tomorrow…" "Fine." I grumbled in almost poor humor.
"You'd better do this right Edward." Mother said. "Put it on her finger and say something romantic while you're at it." She said as if giving pointers. I started to reach in the visual for the ring but Edward's long fingers beat me there. Thanks to my newly restored memories, I remembered this night clearly from the first time around as well.
'Sorry Bella, but this is another thing I want to do and, unlike our earlier activities, this is entirely appropriate, given the circumstances.' Edward thought as he moved slowly, deliberately as he took my left hand in mine. 'I would like to say something meaningful, something significant, but I know I've already pushed things much further than I had hoped for tonight and I don't want to scare her. There is a tiny part of me that still expects her to run screaming away from me. So, I'll only think the words I hoped to say as I slip the ring on her finger. I feel another spark of pleasure because I can see that it is a perfect fit--a good omen.'
As I gazed at his Mother's ring on my finger with him I'd thought, 'Now this isn't so awful. Really, Huh. It is kind of pretty sparkling there on my finger. No, it's not as bad as I feared it would be. It actually looks like it belongs there somehow. Go figure.'
"Yes, she loves it!" Mother said joyously clapping her hands. Tears sprung to her eyes.
'I am filled with such sudden joy that it's difficult to contain, yet I must maintain a calm demeanor.' Edward said rather indifferently, "A perfect fit. That's nice – saves me a trip to the jewelers."
I looked up into his eyes then in the visual. 'I can hear some strong emotion burning from underneath his casual tone…yes; it's there in his eyes as well. It's visible despite the careful nonchalance of his expression.' "You like that, don't you?" I asked him suspiciously as I fluttered my fingers. 'It's really too bad I didn't break my left hand. No, I don't mean that. Why am I still so panicky about this?'
'Of course I am. The way the light dance across the stones of my ring--your ring, is as dazzling, as are you. I'm completely entranced by my Bella in this moment. I want to shout from the mountain tops, to sing at the top of my lungs, to run from house to house. She said 'yes'. She is wearing my ring, she is mine! I've got to get a grip on myself. It's taking every ounce of control I have to simply maintain my calm.' Edward shrugged his shoulders and added still very casually, "Sure. It looks very nice on you."
I continued to stare into his eyes. 'What is that emotion smoldering just under the surface Edward? As I look into your eyes, your casual pretense dissolves and somehow…I can see you glowing. You're angel's face is brilliant with joy and victory. You look so glorious that it knocks me breathless. And you want me?'
'I can't keep up this charade any longer. Not while staring into her impossibly deep chocolate brown eyes, I can contain my joy no longer. I've never felt such pleasure, such completeness. She is mine and I am hers. It is the ultimate acceptance – who I am, what I am - for all time. This joy boils up and flows over.' In the visual Edward had beamed back at me. '… my Bella, my fiancée, my bride to be. I can't resist any longer. I'll kiss her now--claiming her as my own.' Edward kissed me then there on his bed. It was as I'd remembered--a kiss of triumph. It was exuberant. His breathing raced as did my own. I was lightheaded when he moved his mouth to whisper in my ear. "Yes, I like it. You have no idea."
"This is wonderful! Don't forget to propose properly Edward now." Mother encouraged Edward.
I'd laughed and gasping a little replied, "I believe you."
'Finally, there is the joy I have hoped that she would have! Oh, but I want--no I need to get this right – to complete the way I've imagined I would do this.' "Do you mind if I do something?"He'd whispered in my ear, while holding me closer. "Anything you want." I'd replied happily. As Edward backed from me I'd complained, "Anything but that"
'Too late Miss Bella, I'm way too full of joy, too filled with purpose to notice.' He'd pulled me toward him, off the bed standing in front of him, steadying me and himself. His face was very serious.
"Oh, he's doing it." Mother said in excitement. The four siblings looked on in anticipation as well--although they were more focused on Mother and her ecstatic exuberance. Edward had looked at me with his hands on my shoulders and pleaded, "Now, I want to do this right. Please, please keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and don't ruin it for me." He got down on one knee and held his breath. "Be nice," Edward warned. I was surprised to hear his mother's voice shadow his as she said the same thing at the same time. I took a deep breath. Edward took another one also to steady himself. '
"Oh no" I gasped as I watched him slide down onto one knee.
"Isabella Swan?" He'd paused to look into my eyes, again.
My thoughts were in a whirl. 'When he looks at me through his impossibly long lashes I get dazzled again. Is he even really real? How is it his eyes are so soft and yet so scorching at the same time?' I'd thought. 'I'm not sure, but somehow, looking into his eyes is keeping my panic at bay.'
Edward's thoughts caught up to mine in that instant. 'From the moment we met it has always been her eyes. They've held me off from my blood lust, they've captured my curiosity, and they've been the windows to her secrets – to her soul that I have fallen in love with. So many times I have looked into them expecting to see fear, revulsion, and hate – but have found only acceptance and love. In her eyes, I am at home.' "I promise to love you forever – every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"
"Hmmm' Mother said in nervous anticipation. There was a little bounce to her feet and her hands were holding her heart.
'There are so many things I want to say to him right now. Some of them aren't very nice at all, and others are more disgustingly gooey and romantic than he probably ever dreamed me capable of. But rather than embarrass myself with either of them…' I thought softly.
Edward thoughts were still a little anxious. 'She always surprises me with her responses and, even now, I don't know what to expect. She has already surprised me with her love, her tenderness and now by simply saying the one only word I had ever wanted to hear…'
"Yes." I whispered.
"Thank you," He simply said. He took my left hand in his and kissed each one of my fingertips before he kissed the ring on my left hand.
"Did you see that?" Mother said excitedly to the other supernaturals in the room. Yes, she was actually jumping. "Edward is engaged! My son is getting married! Whoop!!!" She jumped right into Chandra's arms and the two of them bounced together. She did the same with the rest of them as well. She was literally bouncing off the walls.
Later, when Elizabeth had finally settled down and the other supernaturals were discussing plans for the battle with the newborns, I was finally drooping off to sleep, I'd thought about what I had promised--my part of our compromise. 'This shouldn't bother me. It really is no big thing at all! A road trip to Vegas! I'll do him one better than old jeans though. Ha! I'll wear old sweats. How long can the ceremony take? Certainly not that long—fifteen minutes tops, right? So I can handle that. And then…when it was over, he'd have to fulfill his side of the bargain. I'll concentrate on that!'
"Chandra!" Mother almost shouted in alarm startling the four siblings. When Chandra looked over to her Mother said indignantly. "Bella believes that she can just run off to Las Vegas to partake of the sacrament of marriage. And I thought old jeans were inappropriate attire, but she's planning on going in old sweats. She can't be serious. Does she know I'm here and she's making a joke of some kind? We have to stop her. After everything we've done to get the two of them together; we deserve something grander than a Vegas drive-thru marriage. Sweats!!!!" Mother was beside herself.
The four siblings looked at each other and suddenly burst into a fit of laughter. Mother looked shocked and then confused. Finally Chandra took Mother by the shoulders and said sweetly. "Relax Elizabeth. Bella won't be going anywhere near Vegas. There's something she hasn't really thought about yet."
"And that would be…" Mother prodded them.
Llasa, Samon, Dagda and Chandra looked at each other with twinkling eyes and responded in unison, "Alice!"
***A big THANK YOU to Erica for letting me sift through all of her Eclipse pieces for little cameos of this chapter…If you haven't had a chance to read her Eclipse chapters---well get ready for the 'Midnight Sun' of Eclipse! That's what you're looking at! It is truly fantastic! To see what she's got so far go to this link:
I have links to Erica's Eclipse—Edward's POV fan fiction and her many other stories on my profile page underneath notes for Chapter 33