So, we're finally coming to an end and I'm guessing there's only three-ish? chapters left I presume... Don't worry though, it'll have a happy ending, despite what the next chapter brings!

Is there anything you'd like to see before I end it?

Rachel :)

Chapter 36

Spock slowly woke to the sound of low beeping and an even quieter muttering.

Keeping his eyes closed, he carefully took his situation into account.

He was lying down on a hard bed with soft sheets and his skin was pulled taut in more than a few places, meaning that all his wounds were stitched up, and the rest of his body was surprisingly pain free despite the amount of medical tape and bandages he could feel covering him.

His internal clock was offline, and appeared to have been so for quite some time.

The last thing he remembered was turning the dinner knife on himself, the look of cruel satisfaction on Syvar's face before there was a burst of green blood as a terrified Jim Kirk striked him across the face.

Which meant he was safe.

He was safe, Jim had saved him, they had won.

And it was with that final, comforting thought, that he gathered the courage to open his eyes.

The first thing he saw, was the brightness of a white ceiling above him.

The second thing, was the slightly ruffled and mildly irritated Doctor Leonard McCoy standing by his bedside.

And the third thing his sharp gaze picked up, was the very ruffled and even more so exhausted Captain Jim Kirk asleep in the chair on the other side of him.

He blinked.

Bones frowned, "... Spock?"

He slowly turned to face the man, who seemed strangely worried, an expression that he had only seen on the doctor a handful of times before.

"... Do you remember us coming to rescue you?"

The Vulcan paused, before slowly nodding, not trusting his voice based on his dry mouth and parched throat.

"Do you remember everything that happened?"

Trust Bones to read between the lines.

He reluctantly shook his head.

The man sighed, before taking a seat on the edge of his bed, careful not to actually come into contact with his body directly.

Spock appreciated it immensely.

"We fought your father and fiancé" McCoy explained, before suddenly pausing, "... They're now dead".

He'd guessed as much.

"Your father, Sarek, he... he jumped from the balcony of the dining room. Died on impact" He continued, thankfully not sugar-coating it, "As for Syvar... Jim killed him".

Spock swallowed thickly.

He'd seen it happen, could recall with painful clarity the blood that had trickled from the older Vulcan's mouth, the way glassy eyes had stared back at him, almost accusingly.

He'd made Jim kill someone.

He forced Jim to murder someone.

Spock felt his breathing hitch, and almost immediately Bones was back on his feet and leaning over him reassuringly but not over-crowding him.

"Hey hey hey! Hobgoblin, calm down! Calm down, alright? Just take some deep breaths... Spock! Breathe!"

But he couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't!

Because all the commotion and Bones's loud swearing and the wailing of the hospital machines behind him had woken the sleeping captain up, and now Jim was quickly rubbing the sleep from his eyes and jumping up, startled at the sudden commotion.

The second their eyes met, Spock felt himself flinch, and Jim recoiled as if struck.

"Breath, dammit!" McCoy was still yelling but he didn't understand, he didn't understand, he couldn't understand because he wasn't the one who had made Jim kill someone!

"Get out of here, kid".

The captain turned tot face the doctor, movements jerky and bleary, "I- What?"

"Get out of here!" He snapped, "He's hyperventilating and you're not making things any better!"

"But I... I didn't mean to-"

"Jim!" Bones all-but yelled as Spock found his vision starting to blur at the edges, "He flinched back from you. So get out of here. Now!"

And with one last startled look in the Vulcan's direction, Jim fled.

And with one last guilt-ridden look in the Terran's direction, Spock passed out.

Jim didn't know what to think.

They'd rescued Spock only days before, and he'd been immediately rushed to hospital back on the Starfleet Base, with Bones acting as doctor-in-charge.

He's been sedated, and had remained unconscious since then, and the blonde had refused to leave his side until he'd woken up.

But he had woken up.

And Spock had been scared of him.

Jim swore and kicked the nearest wall, not caring about the strange looks he got from passer-by's.

It couldn't end like this.

It just couldn't!

He couldn't have met Spock all those months ago, eventually started dating him, have him taken away from him by his abusive family, only to rescue him again, and now lose it all.

Spock was scared of him.

But why?!

Jim stopped, leant his forehead against the cool brick wall, and took a deep breath.

He'd killed Spock's last remaining family.

Spock's only family.

And despite their unlawful and quite frankly disgusting treatment of him, they were still his family.

Jim had killed them.

And he'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Even if that did mean Spock hated him for it.

Taking another calming breath, he straightened up, and resolutely made his way to Christopher Pike's office.

If Spock hated him after all this... then fine.

He'd deal with it.

He wouldn't like it, he wouldn't enjoy it, and he sure as hell wouldn't be happy about it... but if it made his favourite Vulcan happy...

Well...

He'd just have to accept it, then, wouldn't he?

Knocking on the old wooden door, it opened within moments, and a stern-faced admiral greeted him.

"Ah, Jim, you've thought about Starfleet's offer, I presume?"

"I have" He replied, his voice sounding strangely distant, "And I want to accept".

The man blinked, looking almost surprised, "You... accept?"

He nodded once.

"Jim... You know how soon this mission starts... You'd have to leave by the end of the week".

"I know" He replied, "I'll tell my crew".

Pike hesitated, "Lad... Spock's still in hospital, he won't be in any position to-"

"Spock and I have parted ways" Jim forced himself to say, blood rushing loudly in his ears, "I'd appreciate it if you'd tell the board of directors".

He left before the older man could say another word, and forced him to ignore the yells after him.

It was for the best, after all.

Spock deserved to be happy.

And if he couldn't do that with Jim... well... they'd just have to leave each other then.

Unbeknownst to both the Vulcan and the Terran, their thoughts had taken very similar dark paths, down unforgiving roads filled of guilt and regret, and while both men were spurred on by very different reasons, one thought remained the same in both their minds.

He hates me.