Disclaimer:
Twilight and all of it's beautiful creatures belong to Stephenie Meyer.
I'm just lucky to have read the books :)
Specials thanks to Snusa for being a great critic and help me shape this chapter to what it is now!
You rock!
Have fun reading.....
BPOV
In front of me Carlisle was talking and Esme was sitting with me, holding my hand.
I didn't hear them, didn't see them.
It felt like I was completely numb. Waiting for whatever tests to happen to me, wishing I'd never agreed to Esme's warm motherly smile, gestures and voice. Walked away when she had asked me about how I felt and told me they were all worried.
Of course I shouldn't be surprised. The fragile human… stumbles into their flawless world. This morning when Edward had been at my bedside he hadn't mentioned it. But my bloody clothes were gone, my face was clean and he was the only one there. He had to know.
Just like Alice knew and Rosalie knew. Probably all of them knew.
So now I sat numb and comfortable in my own world, waiting for whatever would happen to me. The gentle squeeze in my hand brought me back to the room.
"Bella, honey. Did you understand what Carlisle was explaining to you?" Esme was turned to face me and both her and Carlisle were looking at me. Heat flushed my face as I realised that in fact I hadn't heard a thing they had said.
Looking down I heard Carlisle say something about wanting to perform an MRI on me.
Great. Map the flawed humans brain, make sure it in fact doesn't work properly. Sighing I let Esme pull me to my feet. I had promised to not start a scene and undergo the exams.
She had persuaded that it would be the best thing to do, now I couldn't remember why I had said yes. Did that mean my short term memory had gone defect also? Great. Trying not to roll my eyes at my own sarcastic thoughts I continued to walk with Esme and Carlisle.
At least Edward wasn't here, somehow for him to see me like this would be even more humiliating. Carlisle was my doctor and Esme was like a second mom. Holding my hand they walked into a room I'd been in before.
In the middle of the room was an examination table and slowly I walked to it and let Esme help me up on it. Sitting down I winced at the memories of the last time I'd been here. At least this time I wouldn't be alone. Vampires were almost indestructible and Carlisle had promised Esme was allowed to stay in the room with me.
Removing all my jewellery and my watch and handing them to Esme, I kicked of my shoes and straightened down on the examination table. Carlisle handed me a pair of ear plugs and thankful for this gesture, I quickly put them in my ears.
Just to make sure I wouldn't move they put a strap around me, I giggled at the thought of how only crazy people get tied down to a bed. Carlisle looked at me with a surprised look but I mouthed at him everything was all right so he continued preparing the device they would put around my head.
"We are going to place a smaller machine over your head since we are only taking a deeper look at your brain, see if anything that couldn't be seen on the CT scans is visible with the MRI. You can talk to us, if you feel any pain or discomfort tell us and we'll stop the machine." Esme surprised me, she was so efficient and gentle at the same time.
"It's important you don't move at all. We're going to make several sets of images, each taking somewhere between 2 to 15 minutes. Depending on the images, it may take up to 1 hour to finish." Carlisle fastened the last strap, securing me into place. Carefully he placed the machine over my head.
Both of them stepped away and I closed my eyes, wishing they had given me a mild sedative so I could relax.
The moment Carlisle turned on the machine my mind seemed to take me away to a safe place. Somewhere in the background I could hear the loud humming noise and thumping in the background, even with my ear plugs in.
After the first set I got used to it and managed to ignore the sound as much as possible. By the time Carlisle came back in to remove the contraption from my head and free me from the straps. I'd almost gotten used to the slight warm sensation that tickled my skull and the humming.
I felt slightly woozy when I sat up and Esme put her hand under my elbow, steering my straight out the door and back to Carlisle's office. Halfway down the hall I stopped.
What if the images showed some major catastrophe, did I want to sit and wait for my time to be up?
Thinking of that i turned to Esme. " Would you mind taking me somewhere?"
She smiled at me and nodded. I didn't wait for her to speak, instead I just turned around and grabbed her hand. Suddenly knowing what I wanted to do most.
When we got the parking lot she took the lead and showed me to the sleek shiny Mercedes. My keys were somewhere in my bag but with Esme it felt weird driving in my truck so I was glad she opted to take their car instead.
The comfortable seat felt as good as I remembered and with a happy face I wriggled around after I'd fastened my seatbelt. Esme laughed at me when she saw what I was doing. "As soon as you are comfortable, let me know where we are going." Turning the key in the ignition she slowly let the car run forward.
"We are going Christmas shopping, only 4 days left and I have no gifts at all." Knowing that the words sounded all wrong and Alice would probably kill me for going shopping without her, it was nice to get a chance to be just around Esme.
"Shopping for presents, anyone in particular you want to look around for?" Still waiting for me to make a final decision. She was now at the stop sign at the exit of the parking lot. Looking left, looking right and repeating. It felt like being a little kid again, crossing the road for the first time without my mother.
" I need to buy Charlie some fishing gear, so an outdoors store. Perhaps something crafty for Angela and I need presents for you guys." Winking at her I made up my mind.
"Let's go to Port Angeles."
Esme winked back at me. Indicating the direction she was going, she took on last look and exited the parking lot. Driving me away from whatever doom awaited me in Carlisle's office.
In the end it turned out shopping for Christmas gifts with Esme was the most wonderful and easiest thing I'd ever done. For each person she found something personal and useful. For Charlie I bought a new comfortable fishing chair with one of those small tents that you could set up to cover you while you sat at the water. It was both practical and something he would use and love because he didn't have anything like it.
At the same outdoors store I found some gps watches for Jasper and Emmet. Getting them a gift was really difficult, but everyone needed a good watch and these were supposed to not only weatherproof and indestructible, as far as anything was indestructible around Emmet, but would also give them the gps coordinates of where they were. Esme assured me they would love it, and for fun I bought a map with it and a box of blue and red pins for them to map where they had been.
With Esme's help I picked some stunning antique earrings for Rosalie and a turn of the century silver bracelet for Alice. Hoping they would love them I had the saleslady wrap them for me while Esme looked at some furniture. It was very special to see her in the store. Something about the way she carried herself made you forget the modern clothes she was wearing. I couldn't help but feel like I had stepped back in time as she stood in front of the antique cabinet examining some art deco vases that were displayed.
Picking up the largest of the set she carried it the counter. As soon as she set it down the women behind the counter started to gush at the thought of selling such an expensive item. Explaining it was early 20th century Royal Doulton ceramics. Turning to Esme she continued her lecture finishing by telling her how rare it was to find something from England this old and in mint condition.
At the last remark Esme managed to keep a straight face and answer that in fact, she did know and at home had an even older English piece that in fact was in mint condition also. I had to turn around and hide my face. Pinching my arm to stop myself from laughing out loud. When everything was securely wrapped we finally left the store and as soon as I got out, the laughter grabbed hold of me. Collapsing on a seat outside, the laughing got so bad I ended up with hiccups and tears in my eyes.
It felt good to just laugh for the first time in a while and when the hiccups died away and the tears in my eyes were dried again I scrambled to my feet again. Knowing that I still needed to find something for Angela. In the end I managed to find her a book I knew she wanted to read, hoping she hadn't bought it herself.
The only people that were still on my list where Esme, Carlisle and Edward. Getting a gift for Esme and Carlisle was almost impossible so in the end I decided on getting them tickets for a play that Carlisle had mentioned being interested in. Knowing they would love a night out with the two of them dressed up and spending some private time together.
That left me with Edward. All day I had looked at things, picking them up, twisting them... turning them.. examining them from every angle. But each thing seemed insignificant to my feelings for him. And I had ended up buying nothing.
So when we finally drive back to the Cullen house, it felt like I had failed a test. Unknowingly having set upon myself the task to buy Edward a perfect Christmas gift.
When we got back to the Cullen house Esme parked the car gracefully, like everything she had done today. Taking her time but showing a sub-human grace and devotion to what she was doing.
As soon as the car stood still the passenger door was almost ripped of it's hinges. With a shriek I snapped my head to see Rosalie standing next to me. For the first time since i'd gotten to know her again I could see how she had scared me. Her face was livid, lips tight and her eyes looked like an endless pit of black fire.
"How could you break our promise, do you have any idea how much trouble Edward gave me for keeping your secret? And how difficult it was to keep that secret from him!" Her voice wasn't as angry as I had feared it would be, in fact it sounded defeated.
Biting my lip I fought my tears back.
"I was scared for you Bella." This time her voice was softer and the fire in her eyes seemed to die away.
"I was scared also." Breaking out in tears as for the first time I spoke out loud that the black dreams, vivid nightmares, mind numbing headaches and most of all the nosebleeds had in fact scared me very much.
Wiping my tears back I managed to smile an apologetic smile at her. To my relieve Esme was now standing next to Rosalie, having somehow managed to calm her down. Getting out of the car I stood in front of them, unsure with else to say or to do.
They both wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in a hug. The three of us stood there for a moment until loud footsteps broke away the silence.
" Group hug!" A roar sounded and made me look up just in time to see Emmet charging for us. His statement made me giggle, Esme laugh and Rosalie roll her eyes.
The three of us were enveloped in his arms, almost picking us up at the same time.
When he finally let go and stepped back, we all let go of each other also. The tears and anger were completely forgotten.
" You're just in time to bring in all the shopping." Rosalie waved one hand at the trunk of the car as she turned to face Emmet. He pouted at her, looking like a little kid instead of the giant vampire he was.
Esme ran to retrieve her mint condition vase first, picking it up carefully.
Rosalie swayed her hip to the side and brought her hand to her mouth, kissing it while keeping her eyes on Emmet and lightly blowing the kiss to him.
It was apparently all the motivation he needed because within 2 steps he had rounded the car and collected all the bags in one hand and closed the trunk. Walking towards us first and slapping Rosalie's behind with a grin on his face before he followed Esme to the house.
We followed, Rosalie adjusting her pace to my slow steps.
"How long have you and Emmet been together?" Hoping the question wasn't too personal.
She didn't look at me at first but I could see by looking at her profile she was smiling.
"It seems like yesterday but in fact we have been together for a long time, a lifetime for humans." Her voice was proud as she replied.
"Did you know at first sight he was the one for you?" Not sure where I wanted this conversation to go, I mentally slapped myself for not biting my tongue and stop asking these questions.
Rosalie instead, sped up and pulled me close to her. "Let's talk about this inside."
She managed to get me to the house in record time, at least for me. Leading me up the stairs to her room, I was surprised to see Alice already sitting on the bed.
" Bella and Rose, you two were about to have the guys-talk without me? " Her face was showing a fake pout as she looked at both of us. Her eyes shining at the anticipation of our conversation.
"No not really. But can you forgive me?" Plopping down on the bed I faked a pout back at her and batted my eyes at her, earning me a giggle from both Rosalie and Alice.
Rosalie just shrugged as she sat down next to us.
"So. Now we are inside. Did you know at first sight Emmet was the one for you?" Turning to face Rosalie I asked the question again. Hoping she would answer them now we were inside.
I watched her think as she leaned back and rested her back against the headboard.
" For you to understand I need to tell you the whole story...." She paused and turned away from us, no longer facing us directly but talking to our reflection in the window.
"I never asked to be this, to have this immortal life. But Carlisle found me one evening. Someone I thought was the person who would make me the happiest person in the world, he destroyed me. Both inside and out.
If Carlisle hadn't found me and turned me into a vampire, I would have died. He couldn't leave me behind, his first motivation was that it was a waste for so much beauty to be lost. And true to his words, after I was turned. My beauty was enhanced and each time I looked into the mirror, I loved the image I would see. But the inside, it was dark, lonely and bitter. All I could feel was hatred.
Never did I imagine finding someone that would bring out all the things I had lost that evening when all my trust had been destroyed. If you ask Edward he'll tell you how bad I was, and he'll probably sugar-coat it too because he is a gentleman and would never speak bad about a women." Her last line made her eyes sparkle and she turned to face me for a moment. I knew she was complimenting Edward in a way but at the same time the feeling that her version of the story was just a thin layer of reality. It made me feel sad for her.
" After several years I was out in the woods, alone and hunting. The scent of fresh human blood made my throat burn and I pushed myself as fast as I could to find the source. What I found was a bear mauling a young man. The man was dying, he had injuries all over his body and I crouched, ready to pounce the bear and fight him for my find. Never in my life had I wanted a humans blood this bad and I was ready to give in to the hunger. But as I did the man turned his face to me and I couldn't do it. Instead I killed the bear and took the man back to Carlisle. Not knowing at the time why. All I knew was, this man couldn't die.
Carlisle turned him and we have been together from that day onwards. If you believe that is love at first sight, I suppose then yes I do believe in it. But it has also taught me that great things happen when you least expect them to happen. That day changed my life, something inside of me sparked. It made me believe Edward was wrong, we did have a soul and mine had fallen in love. By falling in love this warm spark inside of me brought me back to life."
Rosalie was finished and the silence in the room was eery as both Alice and Rosalie sat like statues aside of me on the bed. Rosalie was looking outside but through the reflection I could see her face. Her usually beautiful face looked even more stunning as her eyes grew soft and her lips pulled up in a loving smile as she thought about her husband.
"The man was Emmet? He was human when you found him and Carlisle turned him for you?" I felt like I was choking at my own words, or perhaps it was because the truth made me feel breathless. Rosalie had chosen her love and Carlisle had made him a vampire so they could stay together forever.
Alice finally moved and linked her arm through mine, pulling me into her shoulder. The gesture was probably meant to comfort me but it only felt like I was being held into place while all I wanted to do was get up and stamp my feet. Carlisle had given Rosalie and Emmet forever. Why had he not done that for me and Edward. It felt like betrayal, like he didn't want me to be a part of his family.
Frustration build up to raw anger. My head started to tingle and I needed fresh air. I pushed Alice's hands away and tried to get away. Falling from the bed to my hands and knees, pushing forward and getting to my feet while moving towards the door.
The thoughts running through my head completely occupied me and prevented me from hearing Rosalie calling after me, apologising for upsetting me.
Also I didn't see Jasper's shocked expression as I almost crashed into him as I rushed down the stairs. I couldn't hear anything or feel anything besides betrayal and too late I realised that my mind was playing tricks on me again.
Too late I started turning towards Jasper who had grabbed my hand. Barely managing to hold on as everything around me went black.