Author's Note: Hello, hope everyone is having an amazing day!

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Warm-Amber92, who was the 550th reviewer! Thank you so much for sticking with me over the years and continuing to review, Warm-Amber92!

Amazing Betas: Penthesileia, Not_Towa_Wakasa

.

.

Chapter 36: The Desperation Deep Inside

.

.

Inuyasha

Inuyasha snarled, tearing at the arrow that speared him to the tree, shredding his claws against it as he listened helplessly to Kagome's clumsy footsteps fade into the thicket.

"Kagome!" he shouted, voice echoing out into the night. His heart thumped in his chest. What the fuck was that idiot doing? She knew how dangerous it was to run off without him, knew that she was no match for any youkai who was out for blood. So what the hell did she think she could do?

His panic rose as her footsteps drifted out of earshot. His stomach churned. No matter how much he ripped at the arrow struck through his chest, it was no good.

He was stuck.

His ears swiveled as he tried to ignore the sounds of crickets and other night creatures. They were fucking loud as shit. Made it harder for him to pin Kagome's location.

How far would she go before she stopped chasing the fox runt? He would fucking tear her a new one when she got back. If she got back.

...If.

It wasn't just other youkai Inuyasha was worried about. She's so fucking weak, a bear could do her in, that fucking idiot! he raged. How had he let her slip from his fingers so easily? She was it, his only fucking hope, his only chance of getting what he wanted. His only chance of survival.

...It had nothing to do with the fact that she seemed, somehow, to understand him. Really understand him. She had watched him practically tear the seeker wolf into two and still, despite her wide, tearful eyes, she'd moved towards him. Before he'd known it, got close enough to touch him.

"I don't want you to fall back into what you were, Inuyasha," she had said, standing up to his anger, "before I pulled you out of the mirror. Remember? I don't want you to become what Kikyou made you."

Had he really changed that much since first laying eyes on her, in the museum? He had wanted to kill her then, so confused as to what she was playing at, completely convinced she was Kikyou. But after all this time, after his frustration of wanting her dead, of realizing he needed her to accomplish his goal despite wanting nothing to do with her...

"You're not the darkest parts of who you could become."

Her words had cut through him. Cut through his youkai. They pierced him, not unlike the arrow in his chest. She had gone from thinking he was a fucking daydream to being terrified of him, to… well… something else.

He could still feel her hand in his, breaking through his defenses before pulling him into a hug.

Despite what he decided, that he wasn't going to dwell on the issue of how she made him feel, it filled him all the way up inside. The very idea that she was out there in the dark, alone, defenseless save for her shitty wooden arrows…

She'd be dead already if it wasn't for him. That fucking spider youkai would have killed her, like she'd said! That poison would have torn her up on the inside if he hadn't fucking sucked it out of her thigh! What the fuck was she thinking?

Inuyasha looked down at the arrow. It was stuck into him by trickery, although he could fucking feel that shit, that was for sure. But there was no bleeding. The place where the arrow struck him was neat and clean, even through his fire rat coat and his white tee underneath, it wasn't really torn.

"Fucking foxes!" he roared, thrashing his body about to try and get free.

Sift, you idiot, sift! Argh, how could he have forgotten? He hadn't sifted in ages, there was no point to if he couldn't pinpoint the shards himself, and he wasn't about to sift into a possible den of enemy youkai, so it had been out of the question. But in order to get out of this ridiculous trap…

He closed his eyes, concentrating. He sifted.

...Except he didn't.

He was still stuck right fucking there on that stupid fucking tree with that stupid fucking arrow stuck through his goddamn chest and -goddammit I'm going to kill that fucking fox when I get out of here, I'm going to hunt him down and rip him into two! Was it possible that the only way he could get free would to be sucked back inside the mirror?

The horror settled inside him like tar, thick and heavy and - fuck - he didn't want to even think about what that would mean. It was just moving from one shitty trap to an even shittier trap! He wouldn't be able to help Kagome then, and what, he'd just fucking sit there? For the wolves to find him? For Kikyou to track him down once she healed? Because despite the state that she'd been in when he last saw her, there was no way she wasn't still alive.

Fuck that!

He was going to fucking dig it out of his chest.

His jaw clenched. His stomach lurched at the thought.

It was crazy, he knew it. Even his youkai was telling him he'd be better off dead. Because it was just that: a trick. The stupid arrow couldn't be real, they never were, coming from a fox.

His hand shaking, Inuyasha pressed a fingernail to his chest, right where the fake-arrow pierced his skin.

...It didn't help his nerve that it was struck right through where his heart should be.

It pounded loudly in its cavity, a thup, thup, thup, that filled his ears with each pump. Could he really do it? Could he dig it out?

Fool.

"Yeah, I get it," he muttered.

A high-pitched shriek reached his ears, and Kagome's voice - "no!" - pierced through the noise of the forest and cut right to him.

"Kagome!" he yelled, although he knew she couldn't fucking hear him. She was farther away than he hoped she was. "Fuck!" he growled, as his claw dug into his skin. There was no other fucking way to do it. She was in trouble, he wasn't going to just fucking sit here and let her die. His freedom was slipping through his fingers, his hope of leading any sort of normal life, his hope of, even if it wasn't supposed to be, having one person stay alive that knew him - actually knew him - was slowly fading.

"Argh!" he shouted, digging deeper into his own flesh. Blood poured through the wound, dripping down his chest and splattering into the dirt under him.

I can sense them… they're here…

Inuyasha's head whipped up, eyes glaring through the trees that surrounded him. That voice… It wasn't his youkai, it was… worse. Far worse.

You have them… give them to me… the jewel… the jewel…

What kind of fucking trap did that fox lead her into?

"No! Give it back! Give it back!" It was the runt, it had to be.

A few seconds later, he saw it. A flash of light. It was her light, he knew. He'd recognize that priestess shit anywhere. A pop echoed through the forest and the sickening sound of wet flesh splattering through the branches caught his ear.

Good girl, you fucking do it again, Kagome, he growled to himself. Hope wasn't lost yet. Because if she could just get back to him… if she was fighting to get back to him… I can rip this fucking thing out of my heart, he seethed.

This time he dug in with renewed resolve. The pain was unbearable. He clenched his teeth together, desperate not to allow himself to bite his tongue as he slowly inched his way closer to his heart. Deeper and deeper he gouged, bringing his other hand up to his mouth to bite onto his sleeve. He closed his eyes and screamed into it.

When his eyes opened, he thought he was hallucinating due to the pain.

Because there stood that fucking bastard fox. Eyes wide and terrified, tears running down his face, tiny hands clenched into fists.

"The fuck…?" Inuyasha panted, spitting out his sleeve.

"Y-you…" the runt started, pointing up to him, his brows drawn together in determination. "You better not kill me!"

"Kill you?" he spat, fingers slopping out of his open chest, "I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to fucking eat you."

He let out a terrified squeak and stepped back. Inuyasha watched as he seemed to waver, for his mind to figure out whatever shitty thought he was mulling over. He didn't have fucking time for this shit.

"Where's Kagome?!" he shouted down at the runt. "Where is she?!"

"Sh-she promised you wouldn't hurt me!" he cried, taking a step towards him. "You have to agree to her promise, 'cause otherwise she'll die and she's really nice and I like her and I don't want her to!" he wailed.

Fucking rip him apart, his youkai seethed. But no, Kagome was in danger, and this little brat was the only one who could free him quickly. It wasn't too late, he could still get to her. He had to get to her.

"I won't kill you," he said, hating the words as they left his mouth. "I won't kill you, but you have to let me out or she'll die."

"Can you really save her?"

"I can save her. I can save her, so fucking let me out of here before it's too late!"

Tentatively, the fox moved towards him. He climbed up his legs and onto his chest. He gripped onto the fire rat coat with one hand and held out the other, fist closed, motioning for Inuyasha to hold out his hand.

"She told me to give these to you, she said you'd keep them safe."

He watched, wide-eyed, as the fox dropped the dirty, blood-covered shards into his open palm.

He felt his own blood pumping in his ears, felt his youkai start to push in at the edges.

The Jewel… Consume it. We can save her if we consume it.

He grit his teeth, his growing fangs piercing the skin of his lip as he bit back the transformation. If he let his youkai take over now, Kagome would not be safe. Not after he killed the youkai attacking her. His bloodlust would be too great. He would attack her next.

But still… he could…

Do it…

DO IT!

He brought the shard up to his nose. Inhaled.

It was her blood, and his youkai pushed him to taste it.

NO! He yanked them back from his face and covered his nose. He grabbed for a corner of his shirt, creating a small pouch with the white fabric and twisted them inside, tying it together so they hung at his hip. As soon as they no longer touched his skin the urge to use them lessened. He let out his breath, long and deep.

He almost didn't notice the fox reach out and grip the arrow with his free hand. It dissolved into nothing, a thin puff of smoke the only clue it had ever been there.

Inuyasha fell, grabbing onto the fox's tail before his hands and knees slammed onto the ground.

Fucking kill the fox! his youkai raged.

His back arched up as he pushed back against it, his vision seeping red, his claws digging desperately into the dirt as it threatened to take over. Drool frothed and spilled from his mouth as he fought back, snarling at it, forcing it to retreat. Now was not the time. It wasn't the fucking time! He ignored the fox's squeals, struggling to free himself from Inuyasha's grasp. He gave the runt a shake and hoped it hurt a lot.

"Get on my back," he panted, having gained better control, "and tell me what the fuck is attacking her!" He whipped the fox around and he gripped onto his shoulder without another complaint.

"It's a Naraku," he cried as Inuyasha took off through the trees, running faster than he ever had before, following her sent. "There's a lot more of them now, and we-"

"What the fuck is a Naraku?" he shouted as he ran.

"They're youkai who eat other youkai! They came out of nowhere over the last few weeks, and the wolves are scared of them, they're even careful when they patrol. They stay closer to home because of the Naraku!"

Keh. Scared. Inuyasha would show the youkai what fear meant. Whatever it was, it was about to fucking die.

Kagome screamed again.

"Fuck you!" she cried, " FUCK! YOU!"

His ears twitched, now having locked somewhat onto her position. He reached around and grabbed the fox. "Hold on tight," he said, then sifted.

He appeared only a few feet away, cursing his lack of accuracy. Just another sign that Kikyou's magic was fading.

Through the trees he saw her. A tentacle had wrapped around her neck and was squeezing her life away. Her bow was lying useless on the ground, her arrows broken and scattered, except for the one in her hand. She was stabbing at it with weakened arms, and it was doing nothing. He watched, running straight for her, as she tried to grip at the appendage with her hands, as she tried to force her powers into them.

"KAGOME!" he shouted, leaping through the air and throwing himself towards the tentacle. His claws lengthened into sharp knives and he drove them through the rubbery flesh, satisfaction seeping into every part of him as he ripped it apart.

It screeched, the bloody stump inching slowly back into the thicket, back to where its main body must be. He needed to get to it before it re-grouped itself, but he had to check on Kagome first.

He grabbed her and pulled her back towards him, looking her over. She was shivering. Freezing cold. But he couldn't see any sting wounds where toxins may have been applied. He didn't want another fucking spider incident happening again.

He breathed an inner sigh of relief to find that, while covered in a gross, gooey substance, she seemed to be whole. His arms wrapped around her, hugging her to him. Fuck, he'd been terrified he was too late.

"Kagome, hey," he said.

She was a mess, her face wet, her clothes and skin covered in that weird goop. She seemed fragile, like if he held her too tight he would break her. He wiped at her cheeks to get rid of the grime the youkai left behind. He needed her to talk to him, to tell him she was okay so he could go and murder the fucking bastard that did this to her. But she wasn't responding, and it sent another jolt of panic through him.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me. Look at me." He gripped her jaw and turned her face towards him.

She opened her eyes. Weary blue gazed up at him. He watched as they slowly filled with water.

"Inuyasha," she said, a shaky hand coming up to touch his face. "You came."

What, she thought he'd just leave her there?

Of course she did, you idiot, it's not like you've been nice to her or anything.

These feelings… these feelings that he never wanted to feel… it was more than his crazy, intense, I-need-to-release-myself-after-300-years lust that he had felt until recently. Could he really hide it from himself anymore?

His wall was feeble, like the wall that separated himself from his youkai. He was on the edge, tipping over, willing to rip his fucking heart out to keep her safe. Could he really fool himself into thinking it was just about the damn jewel?

"Of course I came," he said, "what, you think I-"

Her hand moved from his cheek. She wrapped it behind his neck. Drew him to her.

He wouldn't be able to hold himself back if she broke him down. It was too raw right now, like the open wound he'd inflicted on himself. He was too raw.

But still, without a second thought she brought her lips to his, fresh tears leaking down her cheeks. He could smell the salt, could taste it as she kissed him.

Even this kiss, without the crazy drive to get into her pants, to feel her wrapped around him... it was different. Different, even, from the soft kisses he'd shared with Kikyou.

...Whom he had loved, right?

...Right?

He breathed her in, holding her lightly. She thought she was going to die, he knew. He could feel her relief. She was thanking him the only way her emotions knew how at this moment.

His youkai stayed asleep, deep inside him.

Inuyasha wanted to wrap her up in his coat and take her back to the cave before daybreak and have her fall asleep comfortable and safe in his lap. But he heard the tentacle youkai moving around, getting ready to strike. Reluctantly, he broke the kiss. His heart squeezed painfully at the look she gave him as he pulled away.

"Can you sit up on your own?" he asked

...Why was it so hard to catch his breath?

She nodded, eyes hooded like she was about to pass out. Not good.

"I can do anything you ask me to," she whispered, and he felt his youkai stir at her unaware submission to him. Still, he wasn't convinced she was telling him the truth. He didn't want to leave her alone, but he didn't have a choice right now. He couldn't chance the youkai coming for her again. He turned to the fox, put all the threatful force behind his words he could muster.

"Stay with her, runt. You protect her with your life, do you understand me?"

"I'll protect her with my life." he agreed, eyes steady.

"If you don't, I'll do worse to you than I'm about to do to this youkai," Inuyasha warned, letting the message really sink in.

"I got it, you stupid dog. She saved my life, so I'll protect her with it!"

Huh. Runt can be admirable after all. He still wanted to throttle him for getting Kagome into this mess in the first place. It would just have to wait.

"I'll give it to you, fox," he had to admit, "you're brave for a little shit."

The fox clenched his jaw together and nodded.

"Stay here," Inuyasha turned to face the youkai in the dark. Naraku, the runt had called him. Absorbed other youkai, did he?

Well… he thought, his fangs dropping, his claws lengthening. He let his youkai leak through the built-up wall - just enough to really give this Naraku creature a good fight. We'll just have to see how he absorbs me!

He lept.

.

.

Inuyasha stared down at the remains of the youkai.

...if he could even call it that.

Never in his life had he seen a youkai so vile as the one he just fought. It was fucking sick, the way all those disjointed bodies withered around inside the bloated mass of skin, as if they were encased in a balloon stretched too thin.

And yeah, it had a fucking shard. Goddammit, he couldn't see it anywhere in the mess that he'd made out of the youkai. He didn't want to make Kagome do it, but he could already see the blobs of gore moving, inching slowly towards each other. He turned and ran the few feet back to the tree he'd left her under.

She was doubled over with one hand pressed to her forehead. The runt was rubbing at her arms, trying to keep warm. Inuyasha picked him up and placed him on the ground, out of the way.

Throw the little shit against the tree.

He wanted to. Instead, he shrugged out of his fire rat coat and draped it over Kagome's shoulders. She was shivering, worse than before.

"Kagome, it has a shard, yeah?"

She looked up at him through her messy bangs, her teeth chattering, her lips slightly tinted blue. Fuck, why was she so cold? It's not like winter had fully kicked in yet, and they were pretty far down south. The night air wasn't that cold, so what the hell was going on with her?

She nodded. "I-I can f-f-feel it."

He scooped her up into his arms. "I'm going to take you to it, then we'll get out of here and get you warm. Can you hold on a little longer?"

Again, she nodded before leaning her head against his chest. Inuyasha clenched his jaw, an attempt to stop his pounding heart from giving him away as he lept back towards the remains of the youkai. He could hear the runt scampering after them.

He was conscious of his landing, his knees taking the brunt of the impact.

"Where is it?" he asked, although he could guess better now - the chunks of flesh had started lumping together in one spot, the smaller bits slowly tumbling their way across the forest floor towards it. Kagome confirmed his suspicions by pointing towards the blob.

"It's so bright," she mumbled, "it has Shippou's shard too. Make sure you get both of them."

He bit his tongue, wrestling the urge to reprimand her for admitting the shard belonged to the runt.

It's my shard, his youkai seethed, and Inuyasha agreed.

He extracted the two shards easily and the youkai remains stilled, now just raw chunks of flesh and gore.

They're mine. Take them and release me. Release me!

Kagome's hand on his arm. Her eyes gazing up at him, tired and worn. Slowly, she moved her fingers up to his hand, taking the shards between her thumb and index finger and pulling it gently from his grasp.

Inuyasha frowned, his youkai still berating him on the inside. It was unpleasant, always there, fighting to take control. It would be different once he completed the jewel and became full youkai. The voices would stop, because the voices would be his own.

And yeah, his youkai was a bit bloodthirsty, but with Inuyasha's full consciousness in control, he'd be able to control the bloodlust better. After all, the other youkai he had grown up around seemed fully in control over themselves, despite their views on humans in general.

...Despite their views on his mother.

He allowed Kagome to take the shards from him, watched her grip them into her palm. She sighed, before glancing back up at him. "I c-can't purify it r-right now," she said. "I-I'm too tired."

"Just hold onto it for now, we'll worry about it later. We gotta get you back to the cave, you're freezing. You must have a fever or something."

She shook her head, "n-no, take me to a st-stream, I n-need to rin-n-n-nse off."

"You can barely speak, I'm not letting you get in the cold water, you could-"

"I-I'm pretty sure i-it's the s-s-sl-slime," she chattered, pointing towards the fox at his feet. Inuyasha glanced down, his eyes widening as he noticed for the first time that the runt was shivering too.

"You've gotta fucking be kidding me," he spat, turning and heading away from the now-completely-dead youkai. They had passed a fairly deep stream not to far away, and he headed towards it.

"W-wait, Inuyasha-"

"Shut up and conserve your energy, you can't fucking die on me right now," he growled. Pushing through a clump of trees, he managed to find an area clear enough for him to jump up into the branches. He crouched down.

"N-no!" Kagome said. She reached up, her face contorting in pain, and yanked on his ear.

"Ah! Fuck! What the hell!" Inuyasha shouted, jerking back.

"T-take Sh-sh-shippou, don't l-leave him!" Her shivering was almost violent, her lips now fully blue. He didn't fucking have time for this.

"That little shit pinned me to a fucking tree! He almost got you killed! Let him turn blue and die, dammit!"

"H-he saved me!" She shivered again. Violently. But her steel eyes held steady to his. He set his jaw to hide the shock he felt. She kept fucking surprising him with her resolve. He wondered how angry she would be if he just left the runt behind anyway, but decided against it.

Air hissed through his teeth as he turned and marched back. He swept the shivering fox onto his shoulder.

"Fucking happy, you idiot?" he snapped. He didn't look down at her, but he knew she was smiling.

It didn't take very long to get to the river, but by the time he landed at the embankment, he was worried she wouldn't make it in time. Quickly he set her on the floor and shook the runt from his shoulder. Kagome immediately wrapped her arms around herself, trying to create friction with her hands, but it wasn't doing much. Inuyasha reached out to touch her forehead.

Her skin felt like ice.

"You're smarter than you fucking look," he growled, pulling her shoes off her feet, "your temperature is so low the water will probably actually be warmer than your skin." he reached out to grab the hem of her shirt but her hands stopped him. His eyes flicked up to hers.

"I-I can d-d-do it, don't look," she said.

He fingers gripped onto the cloth. "Are you kidding me? It's dark out!"

"Y-you can s-s-s-see in the dark!" Her shivering fingers stayed on his hands.

"Kagome. You can barely fucking move. You're obviously in pain. And fuck, it's not like I haven't..." He let his words trail off, felt the familiar stir at the apex of his hips. He cursed mentally. Now was not the fucking time to imagine the way he'd already touched her.

"I-Inuyasha!" She said, her voice insistent.

He threw his hands up in the air. "Fine! I'm turning my back, but I'm not leaving! And if I don't hear you getting into the water in twenty seconds, I don't care what you want me to see, I'm picking you up and fucking throwing you in." He turned his back to her.

He could hear her moving around, even over the sound of her teeth knocking together. His ears whipped back, listening as she slid off the embankment and stepped into the water.

"C-cold!" She cried. Then, "Sh-sh-shippou, come here! I-it's not very warm, but w-we need to get that gunk off you!"

He turned his head slightly, his teeth grinding together. "Oi, I can't undress you, but you're all for that little shit seeing you naked?" he yelled over his shoulder.

"I-if he d-dies, it'll be all your fault!" She shouted back at him. Weakly. Then she slipped.

He heard her fall into the water, her back flopping against the surface.

"Kagome!" the runt shouted, but Inuyasha was already up and undressing. He ran the short distance to the embankment and caught a glimpse of her black hair being swallowed up by the water, the current pulling her downstream.

"Fuck!" he cursed and lept as far as he could, diving into the deeper part of the river, the wound in his chest stinging brutally as the water rushed inside. He grit his teeth together as he came up for air, ignoring the pain and locking on to Kagome's bobbing head. The current wasn't even that strong, but dammit, he should have checked it first. Her body temperature was so low, there was no way she could have fought against it. Plus, it was freezing! He shouldn't have let her get in alone.

He swam fast and caught up to her easy, grabbing onto her wrist and yanking her to his chest, bringing them both up for air. She coughed and hacked against him and he slapped his hand against her back as the water left her esophagus.

"Dammit, Kagome, I can't take you anywhere," he growled, holding her tight as he side-stroked upriver with his free arm, "keeping you alive while Kikyou was after you was easier than this!"

"S-sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around him. She no longer seemed worried about her nakedness. Inuyasha kept his focus on the water rushing around him as he swam against the current, as Kagome pressed her face into his chest and inhaled deep.

"S-s-sorry," she repeated.

.

.

Thank for reading, everyone~! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! My favorite chapters are always from Inuyasha's pov! See you all again in chapter 37!

SugarRos