The Avvar, known as Salve Claw, picks up Mona in his arms and carries her into a hut in the upper part of the village. Inside the cottage I can feel the spirits. They linger against the veil as they are used to pass through it and back with ease. There are several bookcases, shelves with herbs and potions, a desk, and a large bed covered in furs. Atish'an follows us inside the cottage, while Iron Bull and Varric remain outside. Cole sits on a chest wringing his hands - distressed that he can't help. Salve Claw puts her down on the bed and opens her eyes to look at them. Atish'an walks up next to her master and put her front paws up on the bed looking at her, while I begin to unpack all that I suspect we will need. I hear a cat hissing as it bolts out a window at the sight of Atish'an.
"Silly cat," he groans. "Tish won't hurt you. Isn't that right, girl?"
Atish'an grumbles up at him as he strokes her head.
He removes the pelt and reveals his longer blonde hair. I knew his voice sounded familiar…
"I'm Anders by the way."
"My name is Solas and that's Cole." I nod in the spirits direction
"Hello." Cole's voice is pained and timid, his eyes turned towards the ground.
Anders looks at me for a moment and with wide eyes - his eyes shifting from Mona to me for a brief second. He makes a movement as if he is about to say something, but then thinks better of it as I walk towards him with the rune. He groans as he sees it.
"I hate that blighted thing…"
"Didn't you help create it?"
"Sort of… where is the counterpart?"
"Counterpart?" I look at him with worry.
He motion for me to throw the rune into the pelt he holds towards me - refusing to touch it with his bare hands. I can't say that I blame him.
"The problem with this one is that it projects guilt and pain onto anyone it's in contact with. That means the person using it will feel all that they are exposing the other person to. So, if you use this device on say a torturer-"
"You will feel all the suffering of his victims." I hold my hand to my mouth and close my eyes as I recall the Fear demon at Adamant. All that suffering that must have been cursing through her. No wonder it affected her mind. I then sit down on the bed next to her and let the back of my fingers caress her cheek. It's cold.
"Exactly…" he pauses as he sees my gesture, but I can't be bothered to look away from Mona to see his expression. "That's why we created a counterpart that was supposed to limit the effects - in theory at least - but if it isn't here…"
"It burns. Pulses like lightning that stops the heart. It became too sharp, so it shattered," Cole murmurs.
Anders raises an eyebrow uncertain what to make of Cole's words.
"It broke, when she used it last," I clarify.
"Or it never actually worked… never mind," Anders sighed.
He sits down on the other side of the bed and puts his hands around her neck. His magic dances across her skin intermingling with her senses and mind. Seeing someone else use their magic on her in such an intimate way affects me unexpectedly. Rationally, I know he is trying to help her. He is more familiar with the runes and her medical history. He needs to form his own opinion. Emotionally, I could have done that myself without his help. I did not risk the life of my heart by traveling all the way here just so that he might rekindle whatever affection he holds for her.
He pulls away and scratches his neck with a frown.
"The rune shouldn't affect her to this extend. That she is even alive at this point has to be your doing." Anders looks at me for a moment. "You must be very skilled and powerful to have kept her alive."
"My abilities are not limited by circle training." It's the only answer I can possibly give.
"Alright, tell me everything you tried. Perhaps together we can still save her."
I go through every step and spell I have used. I tell him about the growing presence I have sensed in her head, but he does not seem to calm. If anything his expression become more grim with each passing moment.
"It doesn't make sense… Everything you did... It should have worked... unless…" he turns to look at her. "Oh please tell me you didn't!"
He runs to one of the shelves and rummages through boxes and pots.
"Of all the reckless, mind blowingly, senseless people I have ever met!" He hisses.
He finally finds a piece of metal attached to a leather string. He runs up next to her and lets it roam over her head like a talisman.
"What are you doing?"
"It's a magnet, so if I'm right-" as he says it the magnet is pulled towards her temple.
"There you are, you little blighter." He puts the magnet aside and brushes through her hair. Close to her right temple is a small patch of hair shorter than the rest. I see the scarring from stitches. Anders takes my hand unceremoniously and my fingers brush against the spot. I feel the uneven texture of her skull underneath. I have no idea what this is, but it still has the lingering sense of magic I sensed the night all this began.
"Jolt. Twitching. Then empty. It isn't her fault. She didn't know it had started to sing again." Cole looks at me his eyes heavy with worry.
" Vhenan , what did you do?"
"One of her blighted inventions." Anders hisses in his worry. "When she created this it was to connect better to the fade."
To connect better with the fade…
"Shadows upon shadows upon memories. 'I hope I'm not too late. Please, let me find him'... She was so afraid." Cole stands at the foot of the bed looking at her.
"So, she has had it for years?" I reason.
"Yes, but then it was just a minor nuisance - and it never worked. I helped put it in - reluctantly. She swore to me it wasn't working or even doing anything." His fingers brushes over it with great care. "That clearly isn't the case anymore. Perhaps the rune and the encounter in the fade made it worse this time? Activated it somehow?"
He walks to the shelves and comes back with some alcohol and a small sharp knife.
"Will you hold her hair?"
I lift her head carefully and place it in my lap, holding her head in the right position for him to cut as my one hand keeps her hair away. My other hand ignites the torch on the wall with veil fire giving him as much light as possible.
"Thank you. Now, let's see what we can do about this." He carefully removes the small patch of hair with a barber blade before delicately cutting along the scar. He truly is a very skilled healer. I take a piece of cloth and help soak up the blood, and then we see it. A minute little piece of metal somehow attached to her skull. How did she manage to do this? With a pair of tweezers he removes it and puts it in a bowl. I, however, hardly notice as I see what's underneath. Small blue crystals.
"Lyrium…"
"Lyrium?" Anders' eyes snap back at the wound. "How in the name of Andraste did she get lyrium in there?"
"She didn't. They are growing in out of her."
A gasp escapes him.
"How…That can't be... is that even possible?"
"Apparently so." Though, as to how that is possible is another question. "We need to remove them."
"Obviously."
Anders reaches in with the tweezers and uses the delicate knife to pry them loose. Then stitches it together and heals it. He examines her again, but there is no need. I can sense that there has been no change. She still feels hollow and empty. Despite the fact that her head is placed in my lap he leans forward placing his forehead against hers and brushes her nose with his own.
"Don't you dare die on me…" his growl turns into a whisper. "Please."
When he pulls away his mouth is pressed into a thin line, but his eyes contain more water than before.
"Varric said you're good with spirits?"
"I have experience, yes." An understatement if there ever was one.
"Good, help me complete the summoning."
As he says it I know what he intends and I help him. The way the Avvar summon spirits is a lot more kind than the barbaric methods used by the circle mages. Seems that Anders has learned quite a lot living among them. A spirit appears, but before either of us says a word it rushes to the Mona's side. It seems distressed as it looks at her.
"Mona…" it laments. "How could this be? She is not a mage. What purpose would this serve?" It sounds downright furious looking at both Anders and I as if we are the cause. Or can at the very least be held accountable somehow. I remember the Crossroads and my jaw tightens as I look to the floor closing my eyes in shame. Had I only known...
"All will be made clear, but please. Help her." I make my request at gently as I can keeping my guilt suppressed.
"Of course," it nods and it reaches out to her. "Compassion?"
"Yes… I will help."
The spirit seems hesitant - almost afraid that it will somehow harm or corrupt her. Cole stands next to the bed and puts his hand on her head - waiting for the other spirit to reach for her as well. The spirit pulls at her heart. There is a darkness there left by the rune. A darkness that meanders through her spine and skull. I know it is there, because I have kept it at bay since Adamant. Slowly making it less pronounced until time could remove it. If only it had been enough. But if this is the spirit, who helped create the rune, then it can remove the part of itself latched on to her.
Anders kneels down next to her as the spirit touches her mind. Both it and Cole interact with her spirit, connecting with her consciousness. Her breathing returns to normal, and when her eyes flutter open I feel my chest heave for breath as well. And audible sigh escapes my as I put a fist to my mouth and lean against the wall for support… it worked.
"Justice…" she murmurs and reaches out for the spirit.
Its spirit hand seems to caress through her hair before it slips back through the veil. She catches the sight of Cole and gives him a small smile. When the spirit goes back beyond the veil she falls unconscious. I rush to her side, but Anders begins to examine her first. A part of me wants to push him out of the way so I can do it myself, but cooler heads prevail. He gives a relieved sigh.
"I think she is going to make it." He smiles.
I sit down on the bed and take her hand giving it a deep and long kiss. Anders looks at me, but I only see her and the comfort of her chest rising and lowering at a normal pace.
"How are you feeling?"
The sincerity of his question takes me off guard.
"You need not concern yourself."
"If I don't, Mona will have my head when she wakes - at least if she feels just a fraction of what you feel for her. So, mana exhaustion. Any other symptoms? Dizziness, headaches?"
"Thank you, but it is nothing a little rest won't cure. I will deal with it."
Anders gives me a wry grin.
"I never said otherwise."
He walks to a cabinet and pulls out some more herbs as he rummages through it.
"I wouldn't recommend anymore lyrium potions - you have probably had your share already. But-" he walks over to me and hands me a bowl of herbs. "- chew these. They will help. We can brew a tea from them later if you're still feeling fatigued. And then try to get some rest."
I look into the bowl and frown.
"Some of these are for calming nerves."
"You obviously care about Mona. If anyone ever needed those herbs, it's you." He chuckles.
I give him an incredulous look.
"Look, most people don't have to worry about their partners going into battle on a frequent basis - or actively seeking it out. But for some of us that is reality, and though we never get used to it we learn to control it. But Mona… She knows the danger coming and runs directly into the jaws of the beast anyway. Worse, she meddles with things that often seem out of our comprehension. Like this thing." He shakes the bowl with the small bit of metal. "You and I know how to heal wounds. You seems very capable and strong, so I'm sure you can with some confidence that you can deal with most situations. But when it comes to her, and the trouble she gets into - it's all just guesswork."
"True enough." I give a rueful smile.
"She would not have survived long enough to get here if not for you." He pats my shoulder before walking towards the door. "I'll go let Varric and that Qunari know she is going to recover. How did she manage to pick up a Qunari anyway?" There is mirth in his voice as he shakes his head.
I sit by the side of the bed holding her hand as she sleeps. I should get some rest as well, but I'm terrified that when I wake up something will have happened to her.
"You don't need to be afraid, Solas. You're her heart." Cole comforts as he leaves.
Hours later my heart is still trapped in a dreamless slumber. What I wouldn't give to see her eyes looking back at mine.
I hear the door open behind me and I expect it to be Varric or Iron Bull coming to check on her again. Cole is always close by, but all the spirits hovering by the thin veil distract him. Instead it's Anders who comes bringing some tea of all things.
"You need to keep your strength up."
I keep the desire to cringe at bay and take the tea. I force a sip of it down my throat. He is right - it will help me with the fatigue I'm feeling.
"Thank you."
He nods and goes to one of the shelves. He takes down a book and walks back towards me.
"It's one of her oldest notebooks. After Justice and I were separated she left in such a hurry she forgot a few of her things. This was one of them."
I take the book as he hands it to me. I let it rest in my lap as I thank him, my attention still turned towards my heart.
"Open it and look at the first page."
Curious, I does as he asks. The first page is a long list of names. Some with a circle around them - others have been crossed out. My name is on the top of the list.
"What is this?"
"It's a list of names of all the people she attempted or will attempt to save. Justice and I are second on that list, but you are first. I don't know, what your future has in store for you, but if you are so important to her that you were the first one she remembered, I would try to keep my head low." His voice is an odd mixture of hurt and anger, yet some of his affection for her shines through as he looks at her.
"I will do what I can." What else can I possibly say? I have no answer to give, as I'm not even certain what it is specifically she wants to save me from. Was it the stupidity that led to my orb being in Corypheus' hands? Or something else, which either is too painful or too worried for her to mention to me. I have a nagging suspicion that regardless of the event, she is trying to protect me from myself.
Anders walks to the other side of the bed and feels her arm for warmth, then covers her with another blanket to ensure she is comfortable.
"You've noticed it, too, haven't you? How the runes somehow interact with a differently than anyone else." Anders looks at me.
"Yes," I admit.
"I wish I knew more, but she was always rather secretive, but I assume it has something to do with that blighted relic she found in the Deep Roads."
I merely nod. I know now that there wasn't truly any relic to give her all the information she has, but there might have been something else that could have affected her. I curse myself. Had I been at my full strength I could have easily explored the area without any fear of Darkspawn or blight and gotten the information hidden there. I could gain the knowledge I need to help her. I resist the urge to punch my fist into the wall, but in truth I want to scream. All I can do is sit here and wait for her to recover. Hope that Justice removing his essence from her will be enough. The whole scenario terrifies me as I remember how she struggled silently in the fade at Adamant. When I tear down the viel how will it affect her? A more interesting question is why. I feel like I'm missing something, but I have no idea where to begin looking.
I bring her hand to my lips and give in a tender kiss. Her pulse is getting stronger. She just needs to recover, but I fear if her mind has been damaged in some way. This ordeal has been going on for months and I am no closer to understanding, what demons and the Profane could possibly want with her. I suspect neither does she. Frustrated, I rub my face. I shouldn't get wrapped up in all this. Corypheus and reclaiming my orb must be my first priority. Restoring the elven people is my purpose and I must remain true to it. But my heart aches to protect her. Needs to know that she is safe from harm.
"It was not suppose to happen this way." I sigh to myself and look at her sleeping form. "It was not supposed to be this complicated. Ar ghilan'him banal'vhen. Lasa ghilan, ma vhenan. "
I wake by a familiar tender touch stroking my head. I barely realised I had fallen asleep. I look up and see Mona's hazel eyes looking at me with a tired smile. Some of the colour has returned to her face, but there is still pain in her eyes. I release an uneven breath as I look at her as warmth spreads through my chest.
"Vhenan…" I sit up on the bed and take her face between my hands. "Are you hurting? Can you see?"
"I'm tired, nauseous, and my vision is a little blurry. But I'm fine."
"It will take some time for you to regain it all. You have been through a gre-"
"Solas," she interrupts softly and caresses my cheek. "It's alright. I'm here, well, and safe. I'm going to be fine."
She pulls me closer and I bury my face in the crook of her neck. When she makes a calm humming sound while stroking my back, I shatter with a silent tremble tightening my hold on her. I could have lost her.
Her life is so short and fragile. I close my eyes as I recall the feeling, when I thought she would die. Feelings that still linger just underneath my skin.
Perhaps I can postpone my plans. Be by her side until time takes her from me and love her for the short time she has left. My people need me, but they have waited for centuries… will a few more decades make a difference?
But should the last of the dragons in the depths be discovered before then the Evanuris will be freed. These conflicting feelings are the reason why I should never I have given into my love for her. I should never have fallen in love with her - but looking back that seems inevitable regardless of my choices. I hear Anders' voice outside and my insides turn. Had things been differently she might be in his arms. He would get to see every time her spirit radiates with curiosity and fascination. He would be the one to explain magical concepts to her, while she would listen tentatively and nibble at her lower lip. He would be the one to see her every discovery as her lively hazel eyes would twinkle with enthusiasm. The thought of her looking at him as she does me makes the ache in me stir. The People forgive me for my selfishness, but my heart could not bear it. The world has gone awry, but she makes it seem alive and hopeful.
Notes:
Hi everyone. Thank you for reading this far and I hope you're still enjoying the story.
This chapter hasn't been beta read, so please forgive any mistakes.
And as always if there is something you wish me to write - a certain scene, topic or a character you want me to include - feel free to mention it in the comments below :)
Ar ghilan'him banal'vhen. Lasa ghilan, ma vhenan." = My path leads astray. Give me guidance, my heart.