Disclaimer: Still not mine.
BAZ
Snow tells me I'm fit on a regular basis. Fiona has commented that I got all the looks in the family. Even Bunce has groused about me being "devastatingly good-looking" (though she'd had a few drinks first). I used to question them—my hair is ridiculous, with the widow's peak like an arrow pointing down my face ("This way to the vampire!"), and I'm grey, for snakes' sakes—but eventually I came to recognize that, with that much consensus (plus Wellbelove and Daphne, and later Mordelia), they're probably right. I probably am good-looking, at least to some degree. Merlin knows I work at it.
But the thing is that my looks are basically a trap. I mean, if Snow's any indication, my looks can ensnare someone into falling for me. (Well, maybe it's not just my looks.) But I'm a vampire. I have fangs. I'm a rose garden filled with thorns, pretty enough to lure you in but sharp enough to hurt you. And with me being a vampire, that hurt would not be temporary. It would be about as permanent as it's possible to be.
My deepest fear is that I'll Turn Snow. I fear that more than I fear losing him, more than I fear facing my father about my queerness, more than I fear not being prepared for classes at a Normal university after eight years at Watford, more than I fear numpties, more than I fear my nightmares. When Snow kisses me, I lose my head, and that's exactly what I can't afford to do, not if I'm going to keep him safe.
He questions why I pull away sometimes when we're in the middle of making out. Luckily I've always managed to keep my fangs retracted, so he doesn't suspect how close I've come to biting him. But I pull away because I feel my fangs trying to pop, and I know that as soon as that happens it's all over. I don't know what Snow would do if I Turned him—if he'd kill himself or try to live a normal life or even join Nicodemus and company—but I'm sure it wouldn't involve me. Turning him would be unforgivable. (A tiny part of me whispers that he might love me enough to forgive me, but I can't believe that. Becoming a vampire is a permanent transition that no one in their right mind could possibly want. And besides, Snow can't really love me anywhere near that much. That would be ridiculous.)
Occasionally I consider trying to drive Snow away, for his own safety. But then he nuzzles into me and tells me he loves me and I am weak enough to stay.