It had been a nice afternoon and dinner. They talked about things like normal people. Vincent was still planning his real wedding for his sham marriage to Rachel. Diederich understood the deep feelings of lament Vincent had for spending two hours at a florist. He also understood the lament of Vincent being married, which Vincent assured him, did not actually change the way he felt about Diederich had that he did not actually love Rachel. Their marriage was one of convenience and their friendship was completely platonic. That was as far as could be discussed in public, in case there were spies in dimly lit places waiting for Vincent to say something. He worked for the crown, and the crown was unpredictable. It was safe to just assume they were everywhere that was public. They had gone from the restaurant to walking around the city even though it was dark and there was nothing they actually wanted to see. They were just content with each other's company. It was like going out with Rachel except that at the end of everything, this was a person whom he actually wanted to get married to, and go out on not-platonic dates with, and not have to worry about being killed for falling in love with. Sure, the scandal and danger was always something to be excited by, but the excitement wore thin. About a year ago they were taking their vows to be prefects at Weston. Diederich let it be known that he thought that Vincent was a sorry excuse for a prefect, and that it was shameful that anyone let a slacker like him take charge of anything. Vincent wasn't so sure that opinion had changed, but a lot of other things did.

"You look nervous," Vincent said. Diederich shook his head. He was so nervous. He just wouldn't admit to it. Vincent was getting lost in his thoughts, letting himself be preoccupied by feeling of the past instead of feelings of the walking towards his townhouse right now.

"Stay with me," Vincent said, offering him a smoke. It was late. They were currently sitting on a couch near the entrance of Vincent's town house in London. It was close to the front door. They had migrated there just by-chance. Tanaka was near by, sorting things out. Rachel had not come home yet. She was out with her sister partying like two single ladies because the ring on Rachel's finger did not matter. Frances was at the manor in the countryside, probably asleep already so she could get up at the crack of dawn.

"I have to feed my cats," Diederich excused himself. Of course, he could not stay very long, not long enough for a in depth private conversation. The kind that can't be said in public places. Damn him. He was getting Vincent's hopes up for naught but Vincent could not be vanquished this type of tactic.

"I'll send Tanaka to feed your cats," Vincent said.

"Tanaka, can you please go feed his cats?" Vincent asked Tanaka. Tanaka happened to be close enough to hear him to ask them. He had great timing. He was probably the best butler to ever be a butler. Some could even say that he was one hell of a butler.

"Of course," Tanaka said. He left the room quickly. The sound of the front door opening and closing shut could be heard from the sitting room.

"How does he even know where I live? And how will he get a key?" Diederich asked.

"He has a key," Vincent said.

"Are you just passing out copies of my apartment key to people? Do I need to buy a colony of bears to keep you out of my house?" Diederich asked. Vincent wasn't just handing them out, and of course he would make one than one copy. What kind of fool was he? The person who steals a friend's key out of his pocket to only get a single key out of it? Of course not, that would be madness. Not to mention a waste of the key smith's fees. He got at least five of them.

"It won't do any good, I'll just bring Frances. She's an excellent marksman," Vincent said. He had it all thought out. Diederich stared at him.

"I'm avoiding you," Diederich said. At least he would admit to that much. Vincent stood up and started to walk towards a different room. Just because he could. Diederich followed him like a lost puppy.

"You do a terrible job of it," Vincent commented. He and Diederich were sitting in the lounge. Vincent walked over to the liquor cabinet and took out two crystal tumblers. Diederich sat down on a dark purple brocade couch that had gold details. It matched the green, purple, and gold colored decor that Rachel picked out. It was gaudy but the only thing Vincent did in this room was drink and smoke and after a few drinks and smokes the colors all blurred into one fuzzy memory. Vincent poured two glasses of brandy and sat on the couch next to him. Diederich took a glass from him.

"You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?" Diederich asked. Since when did Vincent make things easy for him? According to Vincent, he'd make even the simplest task a supernatural obstacle course full of sphinxes and pissed off ghosts. But it was always nice for his efforts towards making Diederich's life a living hell being appreciated.

"It's only as difficult as you make it out to be for yourself. It's really not hard to say it."

"You have no idea how I feel about these things," Diederich said. He was right. Vincent didn't know how he felt at all, but he wasn't even giving Vincent a chance to try and be less callous than usual. Sure, he acted like he was weaving a never ending plot and that he was always fourteen thousand steps ahead of everyone else, but it was mostly for show. Most of the time, he was barely even a single step ahead and he was making it all up as it happened. He was just great at making other people think he had more ammunition than would fit in his cargohold. To the outside he was the haughty noble who nobody could catch, who couldn't be pinned down, who couldn't be outwilled or out-wiled; but once you took off the glamour, he was just a scarred young man. Covering up the damage of the past with wild boasts and fancy clothes, but those things couldn't erase that unchangable thing hiding underneath the disguise. For a second, he thought he could show it all to Diederich, but he wasn't going to show the man his scars if he wouldn't do the same.

"I can't understand you better if you don't talk to me about it," Vincent told him. Diederich sipped idly on his drink. He didn't understand the point of self loathing. Diederich was the self loathing type, Vincent was the one with the grandiose ego. He lived through too much of his life with everyone else hating him and wanting him dead. Vincent did need to add more to it. Why bother? He would be one of the very few people on earth who didn't want him dead.

"Oh come on, I kill people as an occupation and the things I do for fun are only marginally less immoral. Do you really that I'm going to judge you for anything you tell me? And even if I did, what kind of moral weight do my words hold over you?" Vincent asked. He wasn't a moral man. He killed people for a living and even then he dicked around more than he killed people. As far as hitmen went, he wasn't all that great. Sure, he killed them, but he was easily distracted.

"They hold a lot over me, because," Diederich said, and then stopped the sentence there. Just as it was getting good. He had let it out for two seconds before reeling it back in. As though his thoughts were perverse and had to be kept locked away at all times. Which they were, but keeping the audience in mind, perverse would have been very welcome.

"Becauuuse..." Vincent drawled, urging him to finish that trail of thought.

"Damn it, Vincent."

"I have all night to hear you say it. I'll even play you a soundtrack on the piano."

"That won't help," Diederich said. And good thing too, because Vincent was terrible at the piano. He didn't even know how to play it. Frances was the one who took piano lessons. Vincent had never even touched the damn thing out of fear she might cut his hands off. Diederich set the glass he was holding on the table. Diederich tried to reach forward, as though he wanted to kiss him, but Vincent stopped him from doing it.

"I'm not letting you distract me with kisses or debauchery, not until you say it," Vincent told him. He held Diederich's wrists in his hand.

"You know the answer, and if you don't, you certainly think that you do," Diederich said. Now he was getting better at avoiding the topic. He'd just throw it away from his problems and towards the mention of Vincent's know it all attitude. Vincent wasn't go grab onto the bait. There would be no distractions. He would overcome his nature to being easily distracted.

"Remove all doubt in my mind," Vincent said. He was trying to be supportive.

"You are not a man who doubts himself," Diederich said. It was a nicer way of calling Vincent a self-assured, arrogant prick.

"But you are," Vincent said. He would turn the conversation directly back to the topic of the night.

"It's not your problem to deal with," Diederich told him. He wouldn't even admit to the problem. The lack of admitting was the problem, but it was really very circular. He would not admit that he had a problem, but he also knew that he had a problem that he was actively trying to avoid. It was a merry-go-round of pointless selfhatred.

"You've made me an active player in your game of self hatred and I want out of it," Vincent told him. It wasn't the greatest choice of words to be had in the history of mankind but he was trying.

"Then I'll leave."

"Please, don't leave," Vincent said. Vincent looked up at him with pleading eyes, "What will you do afterwards? Will you go forward, never knowing what would have happened if you were just strong enough to admit that you loved me?" He asked. He didn't want Diederich leave him, not tonight, and not on any night either.

"I always thought I could go on and live normally if I ignored what I felt and followed the rules. If I run long enough, if I worked hard enough, if I stayed by myself, I would never have to confront the evil inside of me. You've ruined that for me, you've dragged me down into a world of sorrow, debauchery and murder. You have extracted every nasty part of me and made it into a perverse celebration of vulgarity, and now I'm afraid to look into myself in fear of what I might have to see."

"You don't have to do it alone," Vincent offered. Diederich looked like even saying these things hurt him, as if with every word he spoke he'd taken a step into a pile of broken glass. Vincent wanted to replace that hurt expression with a smile but he didn't know wasn't a great offer but it's what Vincent had. It was really all he could say to make the celebrations of vulgarity more inviting. If they were going to walk through hell, then in the very least, they would never have to do so alone. Vincent wasn't a kind of loving man and what few feelings he had were twisted by his demented personality, but he was trying his best. And he didn't just try that for anyone, either.

"I love you," Diederich admitted. There it was. He said it softly, not biting the words on their merry way out of his mouth. It was less than two seconds of a sort of feeling that Vincent felt when Diederich said that. Vincent wrapped his arms around Diederich and embraced him. Maybe it wasn't warmth that Vincent felt, but the feeling of being a little less numb.

"I love you too."

Romance is the achilles heel of my writing because romance is so boring to me in real life that I can't even care about it in my writing. I confess that I am not a perfect writer. (spoiler alert: nobody is) I'd rather write about Vincent killing Diederich and having his insides for dinner while taxidermy-ing the shell of his corpse and having it be a decorative centerpiece. But thats not in the outline. :c It's my birthday today. Wowee. Twenty two years straight without dying. Such accomplish. It's weird to think that I am older than Vincent and Diederich. Like come on you boys are only nineteen years old and have only known each other for a year and you are already out murdering people together and falling in love. Slow down, crazy, slow down.

The title I totally took from Crystal Castles song "Insectica". I mean more than half of the chapters have titles that are ham-handed references to Crystal Castles. But Insectica is special because the cover image is also inspired by that song. Here's the lyrics! "Your power eclipses me/ As I take my place beneath thee /I want to be in your colony / I want to serve your queen /For the venom through iron wings/Still beats in symmetry/".