[Ad Break]
Narrator: "This week on 'Shikamaru', Kiba and Naruto are in a race against time..."
Naruto and Kiba are in an office.
"But what if Shikamaru isn't dead?" asked Kiba. "He could be in hiding, waiting for the right time to reveal himself."
"But Kiba, Sakura's autopsy confirmed that the body is Shikamaru's," said Naruto.
Kiba slams his palm onto the desk. "But the autopsy could be wrong!"
Kiba and Naruto are in Autopsy as Sakura looks at an x-ray picture of a skull. "Like I said before, blunt force trauma to the head."
"Are you sure?" asked Kiba.
Sakura shows the X-Ray to Kiba and Naruto. "Of course..." Then, Sakura notices something strange with the skull. "Wait a minute. This isn't Shikamaru's skull. This is a skull of a...woman!"
Both Naruto and Kiba are shocked at this turn of events. There's a chance that Shikamaru is alive...
"Oh wait. That is Shikamaru's X-Ray." Sakura corrected herself, destroying whatever remaining hope that our heroes have.
Narrator: "All new 'Shikamaru' at 9:30 Thursday Nights on KonohaTV, followed by 'Pikachu, Invisible Dentist?' at 10.
Naruto News Show: Series Four
By PikaFlash And the News Team
Edition 6: Giant Clay Man
Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and scenes are not.
Naruto is wearing a pair of glasses when he looks up at the camera. "Hi and hope you guys had a happy Equinox. On this edition of the Naruto News Show:"
[Life on the streets of Konoha returns to normal as Fifth Hokage pays off massive debts]
[Life on the streets of Konoha returns to normal as local rivers flow with blood]
[And Life on the streets of Konoha returns to normal as Miso Soup causes cancer]
Naruto is at the desk holding a piece of paper. "Excuse me while I move this paper across." Naruto moves the paper then resumes his work. "Well, Shinobis are shocked at the rage in artificially improving the performance of Shinobis. Ino Yamanaka has more..."
[Ino Yamanaka reporting...]
Kiba is walking in a forest wearing a Sports jacket with stars on the sleeves.
Ino: "Kiba Inuzuka, not his real name, is a Shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. And competition between Shinobis is fierce and when Kiba is seen to have high Mission Successes, far outstripping his previous month's mission successes, the Hokage Administration has become suspicious of Kiba."
Shikamaru is having a smoke.
Ino: "Shikamaru Nara, his real name, claims that Kiba is a Sports Cheat."
Shikamaru looks at the camera. "Everybody knows that he is using sporting goods to complete his missions like wearing tracksuit pants for comfort instead of the standard Shinobi Uniform and sneakers for a fast running. There is no way that Kiba would easily complete his missions successfully that quickly. It's bullshit."
Shikamaru takes another puff of his cigarette...
Kiba is hiding behind a tree trunk...
Ino: "Kiba refused to speak on camera for this story, and so did I. But Kiba denies Shikamaru's accusations. But as this secret footage shows, his use of sporting goods go beyond what Shikamaru has described, as a list of sports implicated in Shinobi work grows. Tennis, soccer and the even good old fashioned sport of baseball is disgraced..."
As an enemy Shinobi sneaks by Kiba's hiding place, Kiba pulls out a tennis racket and ball and smacks the ball at the enemy Shinobi's head, knocking the Shinobi out. And as an added measure, Kiba pulls out a baseball bat and beats the crap out of the enemy Shinobi with the bat.
Ino: "And until the Hokage takes the issue seriously, this problem for Shinobis will get only worst. Ino Yamanaka for the Naruto News Show..."
Naruto makes his comment on the previous story. "Well, Money certainly is making a Shinobi's work go boom."
Naruto looks at another camera. "Still on things that go boom, a Giant Clay Man exploded in the Naruto Manga, narrowly missing this edition of the Naruto News Show."
[Giant Deidara Goes Boom!]
A Giant Deidara Clay Figure is fighting Sasuke Uchiha.
Naruto: "The Giant Clay Man was about to chase after his nemesis when he failed to negotiate with his miniature self, causing a massive explosion."
[Witness, Rock Lee]
Lee is in front of a reporter.
"I heard this almighty bang which sounded like a giant unyouthful man exploding," said Rock Lee. "And guess what I saw when I got out of my house, a giant unyouthful man exploding."
[Konoha Resident, Tenten]
Tenten is in front of her house.
"I was at home when there was this loud boom, like a giant man exploding. And when I got out of the house to check, I saw a giant man exploding."
[Konoha Resident, Choji Akimichi]
Choji is at a Ramen Shop.
"I was having lunch here when I heard this loud noise, and my first thought is a giant man exploding. When I left the shop to check, and I couldn't believe it, a Giant Man has exploded and that confirmed my original thought.
[Konoha Shinobi, Hinata Hyuga]
Hinata is under a tree.
"I was at the other end of the forest where the giant clay man exploded and that's what I heard. I but wasn't there during the explosion because I was visiting my sister Hanabi, but thanks to the miracles of FanFiction writing, I was able to get back to my team to the scene of the explosion just after it happened."
[Hinata's Sister, Hanabi Hyuga]
Hanabi just happens to be next to Hinata.
"I was inside when it turns out that there was an explosion near where my sister is supposed to be on her mission. It turns out that a giant clay man exploded and Hinata was pretty shocked about it..."
Hanabi hugs her sister...
[Pokémon Trainer, Ash Ketchum]
Ash is outside his house. "Yeah, I was inside my house watching the news when I saw the Giant Clay Man exploding in the Naruto Manga I was reading off the Internet. I didn't actually see it its originality as it was translated by a translation group."
[Akatsuki Member, Anonymous]
An Akatsuki member with his orange mask blurred is on camera and his voice distorted.
"I was there when that Giant Clay Guy exploded. It's true and I survived."
"Police are appealing for witnesses," said Naruto, finishing the report. "COUGHJokeCOUGH!"
Naruto looks at some sheets. "Anyway, as another major election is coming up, one person is not pleased with our coverage of this election. Hanabi Sarutobi, wife and part-time Clan Head is with me in this room. Hanabi, are you angry at our coverage of the US Elections?"
Hanabi simply shrugged. "No, I'm not."
"Why is that?" asks Naruto.
"I really don't have time to care about these things, since I got a Clan to run and kids to take care off."
Naruto nods to Hanabi. "Ok. Well, I heard that there is a 25 Percent chance that the next President would be a woman," Naruto spins around, turning towards Shikamaru, who is sitting behind Naruto. "...right Shikamaru?"
Shikamaru nods in agreement. "Yes and I'd bet they would find it troublesome if their woman is like our Hokage."
Naruto smiled. "Ok, can we cut to that Pikachu?"
In a grass field, a Pikachu is looking at a camera.
Naruto: "Boo!"
The Pikachu fell on it's backside in surprise...
Both Hanabi and Shikamaru are giggling as Naruto resumes his work. He notices that both Shikamaru and Hanabi are still with him.
"What just happened to our time skip?" Naruto asks to nobody in particular. He simply shrugged and decides to continue his report, since Shikamaru and Hanabi won't make an impact in this fanfic. "Anyway, what are our latest poll results, Ino?"
Ino smiled. "Thanks, Naruto. The results of our latest poll, 'Reasons for Japan to invade the Digi-World again' are now in."
[0.1 Percent: Stop them from building Digital WMDs]
"0.1 percent said that we must stop the Digimons from making WMDs again."
[0.1 Percent: Convenience of Troops already there]
"Another 0.1 percent cites the convenience of troops already there."
[0.2 Percent: Leader is a Crazy Man]
"0.2 Percent says that President of the Digi-World, Ken Ichijouji is a crazy man."
[0.3 Percent: War is the best way out of Economic Recession]
"An all-out war is the best way out of Economic Recession, claims 0.3 percent."
[99.3 Percent: Other]
"And 99.3 Percent said 'Other'. And finally, two thirds of the people we surveyed represent a staggering 66.7 percent of that group. Back to you, Naruto."
Ino then crossed her arms and does a nod, disappearing into thin air like a Genie.
Shikamaru and Hanabi have mysteriously disappeared, leaving Naruto alone at his desk. But Naruto is distracted by Ino's disappearing act. "It's like magic! Anyway, a look at tomorrow's headlines..."
[Konoha Times - "Otogakure Paranoia annoys editor"]
Naruto: "Konoha Times and their view of what we think..."
[Kanto News - "Jessie and James escapes in Ketchum wig"]
Naruto: "The Kanto News giving a nice story about the Hokage's visit to the Celadon Game Corner."
[Oto Review - "Icha Icha Tactics Movie previews on page 10"]
Naruto: "And the Oto Review trying to broaden its appeal."
"And before we go, a quick look at the many internal struggles we have between the Pokémons and Digimons..."
[Pokémons Vs. Digimons Tally Board]
Magneton Factory Builders - 345, 123 Digimons slaves forced into building factories
Ogremons - 0 Pokémons killed in retaliation
Charizards trained for Digimon Hunting from Johto - 18, 432 Agumons hunted
Agumons - 0 Pokémons killed while defending home
Pikachu's Real Estate - 5000 Digimon Homes Destroyed
Gatomons - Evicted
Arcanines trained for Digimon Poaching from Kanto - 24, 532 Palmons uprooted
Miss Mimi's Palmons - Completely extinct
Japanese-trained Pokémon Scientists - 10 Mil Whamons
Whamons - Completely Extinct
"And that's all we have," finishes Naruto, before falling asleep at his desk...
Citizens of Konoha are being interview in the streets of Konoha...
Choji: "I mean, Soylent Green is people. Well, you are what you eat..."
Kiba: "I think it's time for people to stop obsessing about sports and start to kick their own goals."
Hanabi: "I am sick and tired of the illness and lack of sleep in this country."