Edward POV
"Damn, stupid tie," I mutter under my breath as I try for the fourth time to put it in the right knot. Who knew there were so many different ways to knot a tie? The Brooks Brothers website listed six; all with complete video instruction. Maybe I should have taken the time to watch them.
My fingers fumble so badly, they keep slipping over the blue silk.
"Having trouble?"
I see my dad's reflection in the mirror. He's behind me, leaning in the doorway of my room, watching me with a one sided smirk.
"No." I narrow my eyes at myself and square my shoulders.
I will do this.
One perfectly arched eyebrow rises into his hairline. Clearly, he doesn't believe me. Oh, who am I kidding? My shoulders slump back down in defeat.
Bested by a piece of clothing.
"Yeah. Can you...?" I tug at the offending piece of fabric around my neck. One man's fashion statement is another man's noose.
"You'll have to ask your mother. She always does mine." He chuckles and walks away calling out my mother's name.
Too bad I don't have any clip-ons like I did when I was a kid. Now that was a beautiful invention.
I'm still working on the knot when my mom knocks on the door frame.
"Your Dad said you needed my assistance." She is smiling and her eyes have that twinkle in them that they always get when she's trying not to laugh.
With a huff I turn to her, tilting my head back so she can work her magic. Her deft fingers make quick work of the task and not one minute later, she is smoothing out my collar and smiling.
"My, don't you look handsome?"
I suppose I do, dressed in my crisp white shirt, black suit pants and blue tie. My hair still maintains that messy look that Bella loves but the rest of me is wrinkle and messy free.
"Thanks for your help with all of this." I tell her and I don't just mean the tie.
She had been instrumental in helping me plan.
I had opened my mouth to Emmett to tell him I was going to do something special for my one month anniversary with Bella and he laughed.
"Dude, seriously? It's been one month. At least wait until it's been six or she's just going to expect something big every month. That's how women are. You'll have to outdo what you did the month before. It's a vicious cycle."
He didn't understand but Mom did.
I was originally going to buy Bella roses, a dozen red ones. That was until Mom had looked at me thoughtfully and went to get one of her botany books, "The Language of Flowers."
"Roses are so common," She had said. "Look through here and find something that really says how you feel."
So I did.
I scoured through the tome and found exactly what I needed. The poetry idea was Alice's.
"She won't know what these mean, Edward, unless you tell her. What better way than using poetry? No girl can refuse poetry."
I am a musician, not a poet so I used the internet to find exactly the right words to convey how I felt. Finding one for devotion had been a problem until I caught my mom and dad watching "Grease" and that idea was born.
My next stop was Ava's, one of the two florists in town. I had it on Jasper's good authority that it was the better of the two. If the lady behind the counter had been surprised by my grocery list of flower requests, she didn't show it.
Arranging the actual delivery had proved to be the most challenging but Bella had made some good friends in each class so I recruited their help.
I watched each reaction with bated breath. Was I being too over the top? Would she be scared off?
I didn't anticipate, although I should have, that her first reaction would be to feel guilty.
"Have fun tonight." Mom smiles at me and brings me to the present.
"You don't think I'm being too much?" I ask because Emmett's words still have a lingering effect.
"Do you?"
"Well, no...but I've never done this before."
"Edward, if you were the type of boy that falls in love on a constant basis, I would say yes because I wouldn't think the feelings were genuine. But you're not. In fact, your relationship with Bella is the very first time I've seen you so willing to open yourself up. It's a joy to watch."
She reaches up to drop a motherly kiss on my cheek and I feel myself flush.
"How did Bella like the flowers?"
"She felt...guilty...at first." I tell her honestly. "She was upset that she didn't have anything to reciprocate with. I didn't care. I didn't want anything in return."
"From what I know of Bella, that's understandable. She's used to taking care of people and has a difficult time accepting someone taking care of her."
It's true, I realize. Bella takes care of everyone around her without giving any thought about her wants and needs. It's infuriating and endearing all at once.
I want to take care of Bella...if she'll let me.
I'm not quite prepared for the seductive vision in blue that walks down the stairs. My whole body feels slapped stupid and if I'm not mistaken, yes, that is my jaw on the floor. It's Bella as I've never seen her before; a goddess that would put Venus to shame. She's all sleek straight hair and smoky eyes in a dress meant to unman me.
"You're droolin', son." Charlie winks at me and nudges my shoulder with his own. I rub the corner of my mouth because frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if I was drooling.
"Is it?...Do I look okay?" She asks when she finally greets me at the bottom of the steps.
A small line appears across her forehead and I want to smooth it away with my lips. She cocks her head at me and her tongue darts out nervously across her bottom lip.
I want to do dirty, dirty things to those pouty red lips.
Down boy. You can think about dirty things later when Charlie is not breathing down your neck.
"You look breathtaking," I tell her reverently when I can form a coherent thought.
Her smile is brilliant, her cheeks stain pink and my heart is bursting.
"Thank you…umm…you look pretty hot yourself."
I feel hot too, in an Oh-my-God-she-just-said-I-was-hot-in-front-of her-dad kind of way.
"Remember, one o'clock." Charlie reminds us, tapping his watch when we step out the front door into the night.
"Will do Charlie."
"Bye Dad."
He watches as I open the car door for her and help her inside before he shuts the front door with an approving nod.
Her scent, a sweet mingling of citrus and strawberry, envelopes me once we're inside my car. I don't recognize the perfume and something tells me it's something my sister chose for her as she chose everything else. While I find this this altered version of Bella sexy and seductive, I have a longing for my sweet girl; unadorned by the trappings of the cosmetics that she doesn't need.
My fingers itch to touch her everywhere just to make sure underneath all the glamour, she is still mine…she is still my Bella. I settle for entwining my fingers with hers and bringing them to my lips so I can kiss her knuckles.
Hearing her breath hitch, I smile and indulge myself once more on her fragrant skin. The pulse point on the underside of her wrist beats faster under my caressing tongue.
"Edward," She moans low and husky and I thank the good Lord above for long wool coats.
"You don't know how badly I want to kiss you right now."
"What's stopping you?" She purrs.
Christ! Death by desire…what a way to go.
The hand that's on the steering wheel tightens and I fight to keep the car from swerving into the narrow shoulder of the road.
Does she have to tell me things like that and say it just that way? The way that makes me want to abandon all reason and good intentions?
"You are an evil, evil woman, Miss Swan." I tease, shaking my head with a grin. "If we didn't have a reservation, I would have pulled over…don't you doubt it."
The brisk March air holds the salty smell of the sea and Front Street is teeming with life as lovers and friends, alike walk hand in hand along the street populated with restaurants, gift shops and small hotels. We pass La Bella Italia and I reflect on the first time Bella had come out and the changes in her that took place since then.
Although she still maintains an air of fragility, she's been growing stronger day by day and I have been growing more and more in love.
Her hair whips around her face revealing the creamy expanse of neck underneath and I can only think of how badly I want to kiss her and suckle her there. Bram Stoker has nothing on me.
"Beware the ides of March!" A homeless man, his voice thick with drink, shouts at us from his spot under the awning of a closed store. "You never know when it's coming for you."
"Jerk," I mumble as I usher Bella quickly down the street.
Why do I feel like someone has just walked on my grave?
"Wait," Bella whispers to me as she stops walking. She is digging through her purse and I hear the distinct jingle of change.
"You're not thinking of giving him money, are you?"
I'm aghast. I can't help it.
Living in Chicago as I did, I'd become used to the bums flittered around the city and learned to ignore them. You give a vagrant money and a whole slew of others would come out of the woodwork with their hands out.
"He looks hungry."
"You give him money and guaranteed he won't be spending it on food," I tell her. "He'll be buying a forty from the nearest liquor store."
Her eyes narrow, admonishing me as she pulls her hand from my grasp and walks over to the drunk. Feeling deprived of her touch, I follow her back the few steps and tense as I see her lean down and place a few coins in his hands that are shaking badly.
Probably suffering from the DT's, I think.
"Please get something to eat," She tells him in a voice that is a compassionate demand.
"You are an angel of mercy," His eyes are lucid as they gaze up at her reverently and blows a sour-smelled kiss at her. "God bless you."
Even bums are in love with my Bella.
"Aw, hell," I mumble begrudgingly and pull a dollar bill from my pocket and hand it over to him.
"Thank you."
It is not the bum that thanks me but Bella and she slips her hand back in mine.
Michael's Seafood and Steakhouse is the perfect romantic setting with it's half wood panel, half creamy butter yellow walls and candlelit tables. Dad suggested it and I am am glad I took him up on his suggestion.
The hostess eyes me up and down in an uncomfortable way before she leads us to our table. Bella's hand on mine tightens and her lips twist. I swear I can hear her mumbling something derogatory and very un-Bella like under her breath as we follow the hostess to our table.
Jealous Bella is adorable.
I am not the only one getting looks though. Bella has captured some attention of her own. I see the way those three guys off to the side watch her every move; their eyes roaming all over her body.
I don't think so fellas.
I lean down and give her a claiming kiss before pulling her chair out for her.
Now everyone here know she is mine and I am hers.
Her eyes bulge when she opens the menu and she looks at me nervously.
"What's wrong?"
"Everything is just so..."
"So...so what?"
"Expensive," Her voice is barely above a whiper as she looks around making sure no one overhears her.
"Its fine, Bella. I can afford it if that's what you're worried about."
"But..."
"Nope." I shake my head with a smile. "I won't let you do this. Now what do you want for an appetizer?"
We end up getting the crab, artichoke and spinach dip and the Northwest Paella for two as an entree. As we share our meal, I can't help but watch the flickering lights of the candle dance on her face.
I am absolutely mesmerized by her.
It will always be so. I know it.
Even fifty years from now, I will always look at her like this.
Whoa!
I dive for my soda with a shaking hand that reminds me of the bum outside. My tie suddenly feels too tight.
Her lips are moving. She is talking but I can't hear a word above the ringing in my own ears.
Not because I am terrified at the thought of fifty years from now. Because I want it so badly, I can't breathe.
"Edward? Are you alright? Are you choking?" She's half out of her chair, ready to give me the Heimlich Maneuver. I just know it.
Wouldn't that be just fucking embarrassing?
Her arms wrapped around tightly me might be worth it though.
"I'm fine," I squeak. "All better now."
She sits back down, still watching me cautiously.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. Never better. Now what were you saying?"
"I asked what you were doing for Spring Break?"
Ah, yes. Spring Break. It was right around the corner. Only another week away.
"I'm spending it with you."
She blushes sweetly and I realize I have to kiss her again.
So I do.
The night is cold but we are both up for a walk down by the waterfront. With her arm tucked beneath mine, we stroll along Front Street as the full moon peaks in and out of the moving clouds.
I pepper her with questions about the time she spent living with her grandmother; a relativley safe topic now. She tells me how her Nana taught her how to bake cookies and make a great spaghetti sauce; how she used to tell her stories about 'the old days" and sing her lullabys to help her sleep.
In turn, I share with her the first baseball game my dad took me to; my biological dad. It was a Chicago Cubs game and I was three. I tell her how most of my hot dog with everything on it ended up more around my mouth and on my clothes than in my stomach, how I spent most of the game in my father's lap because I couldn't see in my own seat and how I ended up falling asleep midway through the game but it didn't matter because the Cubs lost anyway.
I tell her how my real Mom used to call me her "little man" and dance with me, read me Dr. Seuss stories in funny voices and take me to museums around Chicago. I tell her about the floor to ceiling, real Christmas trees we used to buy every year and the way we used to make home-made decorations for it; at least my parents did. I was a little wrecking ball armed with glue, sparkles and magic markers.
It startles me how much I do remember. I've kept these memories locked away for so long, sharing them with Bella seems inevitable and so right. My throat swells with emotion and I can feel the hot pricks of tears behind my eyes.
"I miss them so much," I choke out on a whisper.
Bella wraps her arms around me, squeezing me tightly to her, rubbing her hands down my trembling back. I hug her closer still, my hands weaving through her hair and in the darkness my lips find hers. I am desperate for her warmth...her love and my mouth and tongue tell her so as I kiss her.
I holdnothing back.
"I love you," She says huskily.
"I love you too...so much."
Tasting salty tears, I'm not sure if they are mine or hers.
My ears register a whistle. Startled, I break the kiss and glance up to see a couple of guys watching us and not in a good way.
Mostly everything is closed except for the restaurants and bars, I realize. There aren't as many people out now and my instincts tell me it's time to go back to the car. Besides, I have one more stop in mind.
Shielding Bella's body with my own, I usher us back towards my Volvo at a quick pace. Bella doesn't say a word but her breathing has picked up. It's harsher and more erratic. She knows the possible threat to us.
I don't want to get into a fight but I will if I have to. Jasper's not the only one who knows how to kick ass and I'd do anything to defend Bella...anything at all.
My surge of testosterone ebbs when I realize we're not followed.
My headlights cast two long rays of bright light over Crescent Lake. The waters though still, run quite deep and the glow from my high-beams illuminate the brilliant blue water. My dad told me once that the surreal blue color is due to a lack of nitrogen in the water which prevents algae from growing.
I don't care about the scientific reasons. The lake is magical and the perfect make out spot.
"It's beautiful, Edward." Bella gasps looking out onto the water through the windshield. "Thank you for taking me here."
While Bella watches the water, I watch her. My fingers play with the tendrils of her hair that rest on the nape of her neck. That I opened up and talked about my parents after keeping those memories locked away is nothing short of miraculous. Even Esme, my adoptive mom, had never been able to coax them out of me and she has a degree in psychology.
It adds one more bond to the many I already have tethered to Bella.
God help me if any of them sever.
What will become of me then?
Her breath hitches and she turns in my direction.
"What will become of you, when?"
Crap. I've just spoken aloud.
"Its...um...nothing." I shrug it off., feeling suddenly chilled. "Just thinking out loud."
I play with the stereo system, bringing it to a soft music station and adjust the heat in the car. Depeche Mode is singing about a Higher Love and the words fill me. I drag her into my arms and curse the console that is between us.
"Wait." I pull back, holding one finger up before I dive into the back seat, urging her to follow.
Grinning, she takes my hand and I help her climb between the seats.
She is in my arms again. No barriers, just hot kisses and, warm tangled limbs. Our coats end up in an undignified heap on the floor of the car followed by my suit jacket and that damn, stupid tie.
Her breathless moans in between heated tongue strokes as she fumbles with the top few buttons of my shirt is nearly my undoing. I take pity on her and help her with the last few on the row and hastily un-tuck the shirt from my pants. She pulls it down my shoulders revealing the white tank t-shirt I have on underneath.
"Your shoulders are so strong." She whispers using her hands to glide down the bunched muscles of my arms.
I am a trembling mass of need and desire. My chest heaves with want as I take in her flushed face and dewy, kiss ravaged lips before I descend on her again.
Tentatively, I knead her breasts over her dress and as she arches into my hand, I feel like I might burst.
I want her.
I want this.
More than anything.
My lips caress her neck before I use my mouth to taste the succulent, citrus smelling flesh. Her fingers dig into my biceps as I rub the hardness in between my thighs in-between her own.
"I want you." I rasp as my hands find their way beneath the hem of her dress and travel upwards until I hit the satin of her panties.
Oh sweet heaven.
Her hands still and her body stiffens beneath me.
"Bella?" I look up at her and see the terror in her eyes and I freeze.
"I'm sorry."
Her bottom lip is trembling and a single tears escaped the corner of her eye.
I feel like an ass. What are we doing? Am I really going to take her virginity...give her my own in the back seat of a car? How freakin' cliché is that? Bella is worth so much more than a few awkward moments in this tight, confined space in the middle of nowhere.
"Bella, baby, look at me."
I touch her cheek and she reluctantly drags her eyes to meet mine.
"I'm the one that's sorry. Our first time is not going to be in a car. I promise you that. I just get so carried away with you...I can't help it."
"It's not the car, it's me. I'm not sure I'm ready yet." Her chin trembles ever so slightly and I realize I have to fix this.
This is not a conversation to be had lying down in the back seat , however, so I sit up and adjust myself before pulling her into a sitting position next to me, wrapping my arms around her.
"Okay." I breath out and my balls, which I envision are a distinct hue of blue right now, are screaming out in denial.
"Okay? Just, okay?" She sounds shocked.
"You're not ready, so okay."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have led you on like that." She worries her bottom lip with her teeth. "I just wanted to touch you so badly."
I silence her with my finger over her lips.
"First of all, don't apologize. Anywhere, anytime you want to touch me, you won't hear any complaints from me. I love that you want to, believe me."
"But…"
"Bella," I hush her once more. "This may sound strange but I am glad you told me you're not ready. You have a tendency to put your own wants and needs in place of others so it's a big deal that you were honest with me and didn't give in to what you think I wanted. When it finally does happen for us, I don't want it to be because you feel you have to give in to my desires but because it's something we both desire equally. I'll wait, no matter how long it takes."
She's silent and I think I can see her mind literally deliberating what I just told her. It's true…all of it. I want Bella naked and under me because that's where she wants to be, not because she thinks it's what I want.
Any other way would be empty and meaningless, everything that our relationship isn't.