Chapter 37: Whole

You are in love - Taylor Swift

'You can't still be hungry, you just fed' I giggled as Alex stared up at me wide eyed as he tried to find my boob.

'Maybe he just wants something to suck on, try putting your finger in his mouth' Nina suggested from the corner where she was sat reading a book. I took her advice and placed the tip of my finger into his mouth and he latched on and started sucking immediately.

'Aww my precious baby' I smiled lifting him up to my chest and nuzzling his nose with my own. 'Let's go get you something.'

It was almost Valentine's Day and Alex was just a little over six weeks old. He was my everything. He was such a good and happy baby and he hardly ever cried when he was in my arms. Alex adored me and he always wanted kisses and cuddles and to be snuggled up to me. I loved him more than anything.

Jacob had started back at work a few weeks ago and things were pretty much back to normal now. I missed him when he was at work but I'd gotten used to it. I went upstairs into Alex's nursery where he never slept and found out one of the many pacifiers I'd received at my baby shower. I wasn't particularly for or against these but I was willing to try and see. I chose a small green one and he took to it immediately. He looked up at me with love in his eyes and I gave him a kiss on the forehead.

'I love you so much sweetie.'

So far, for all intents and purposes Alex was a completely human baby with a few exceptions. His already established routine being one of them and his awareness. He knew when he was somewhere different or if he was in somebody else's arms. He was my precious clever little baby. Grandpa assured me that even though he was a human baby he strongly suspected that when he was grown up he would most likely phase which gave me relief. Only then and with time would we be able to see which vampire parts (if any) he'd inherited. I already knew it was going to be his intelligence though.

Nina was here today. I'm not quite sure why but she said she'd missed me and Alex and wanted to spend the day with us which was fine by me.

'So, are you and Jacob...' Nina asked, putting her book down after I'd gotten Alex to sleep. I looked down at him as his long eyelashes fluttered over his little face. He was so beautiful. I looked up from him and looked over to her confused.

'Are me and Jacob what?' I asked

'You know' she made some funny motion with her hand and then rolled her eyes in defeat. 'Are you back to having sex?'

'Oh' I said. 'Um...no'

'Why not?' She gasped 'it's been almost seven weeks!'

'I know how long it's been' I said, feeling a little irritated.

'Sorry' she apologised. 'I was just wondering.'

'No, I'm sorry' I sighed. 'It's just a sensitive topic right now. Jacob just doesn't seem to be in to it lately.'

'He's a guy Ness, of course he's into it. Maybe you just have to be the one to initiate it.'

'Alex sleeps with me at night' I shrugged.

'Nessie he has a nursery. The most beautiful nursery I've ever seen might I add. He should be in there.'

I was a little annoyed that Nina was trying to tell me how I should look after my baby. It was, quite frankly none of her business.

'So what if he's in there anyway?' She added 'he's asleep in his crib. It's not like he knows what you're doing. And besides, it doesn't have to be at night it can be anytime. You can't let your love life suffer because you've had a baby.'

'What love life?' Jacob asked as he walked through the door. I was relieved he was here.

'Hi Jakey' I said as he leaned down to kiss me. 'Nina was just leaving.'

Nina huffed before stomping off.

'Tell Embry I said hi' Jake said a little confused as she shut the door.

'You two have an argument or something?' He asked

'No, she was just trying to tell me how to look after my baby and make sure my husband is satisfied.'

His eyebrows furrowed and he flopped down next to me. 'You're amazing Ness, you know that. You don't need anybody else's opinions.'

I could feel tears coming so I turned my face away from Jacob. I didn't want him to see me crying.

'Nessie?'

I wiped away a few tears from my eyes and Jake moved close to me and wrapped an arm around me.

'I can see you crying Ness, tell me what's wrong honey'

'I just want you to make love to me and you won't' I finally said. 'It makes me feel unwanted.'

'Baby, you've been healing.'

'I'm fine now Jacob. And it's not just that, it's when I tried to do things to you. You didn't want to.'

'We had a house full of people Ness'

'So what? We use to do it all the time in Seattle.'

'Were parents now Nessie.'

I didn't say anything else. I got up and gave Alex to Jacob.

'I'm going to make dinner.'

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Dinner was quiet. We didn't speak very much and when I was finished I took Alex upstairs to give him a bath. He enjoyed the feel of the warm water on his skin and although it had been difficult at first, it was something I loved to do now. I got him into a clean onesie and gave him a feed as he fell to sleep. It was 8pm and I placed him in his crib in his nursery. Although he only slept in there for a few hours before I came to bed, the calming lights and the pretty colours helped send him to sleep. And that's where I liked to get him ready because it was such a pretty lovely room. He would wake around midnight which gave me time to have a bath and relax or things like that. Today though I just lay in my bed as I listened to the rain fall gently outside my windows. I twiddled with the diamond ring on my finger and then I heard Jacob enter. I felt his presence and his breath on my neck. I felt him slowly start to unbutton my shirt from the top down until I placed my hand on his wrist to stop him.

I don't want you to do this because you feel like you have to. You have to want it to I sent him.

His response was biting down on the skin between my neck and my shoulder and I let out a moan in response to the pleasure. He finished the hurried undoing of my shirt and moved me so I was on my back. He kissed me hard. Hunger, passion, want. I tangled my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer as I attacked his lips with my own. Our clothes were scattered on the floor in seconds.

I groaned when I saw Jacob rolling that wretched condom onto him but he just smirked.

'Women are really fertile after they've just had a baby' he told me, licking my neck and rubbing my clit with his thumb. I let out a low cry of pleasure. 'So unless you're ready for baby number two so soon...I suggest you learn to like my little rubber friend since you refuse to take birth control pills.' He was right. I didn't want to take them right now. I was breastfeeding my baby and whatever went into me went into him. I didn't particularly care for condoms but Jake was right. I didn't want baby number two so soon. I needed to concentrate on Alex and shower him with all the love and attention he deserves at least for a few years.

He slid into me and I let out a loud sigh. I held onto his shoulders as he thrusted deeper.

'Oh God' Jacob breathed into my neck 'you're so tight.'

'It feels like the first time' I breathed

'Don't you dare doubt I want you. Everything I do is to make sure you're safe and well and happy okay?' He whispered into my ear. I nodded against his skin.

'I miss being close to you like this' I murmured as I kissed underneath his ear. I wrapped my legs around his own and moaned when he thrusted again.

'You don't have to anymore' he said to me lovingly. 'I'm right here Nessie. Always.'

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Winter turned into spring and before we knew it, Summer time was here again. I couldn't believe it had been a whole year since Jacob and I had been married. We'd had our first test of leaving our baby when Jacob and I spent the weekend in a beautiful hotel in California, doing really fun things. We even tried surfing. I had an amazing time but by the time we came back I was missing Alex so much it hurt. My family were back in Seattle now and they had relished in the chance to steal Alex for a weekend. He loved my parents and I knew he'd be okay with them but I was still completely nervous. I'd had to pump a ton of milk and put them into bottles for him but he was eating a little solid food now as well. When we arrived back he crawled across the floor as fast as he could into my arms and buried his face into my neck and that's where he spent the entire night. He'd missed me so much and he let me know it. I definitely wasn't having a weekend trip again so soon.

It was late in July and the sun was so warm. It was such a beautiful day.

'Where are you going?' I giggled as I reached over into the flowers and lifted my crawling baby out of the tulips. He smiled and babbled at me as he clutched a red tulip in his tiny hand.

'Wow, did you pick that for Mommy?' I asked, bouncing him up and down on my knee. I tried to take the flower from him but he held it tightly to his chest. 'No?' I asked 'is it not for Mommy? Is it for Alex?'

He laughed and I let him down and he went off crawling again. My skin was glowing in the sunlight and my life certainly felt magical right now. Alex was 7 months old and I fell more in love with him every single day. He was a little more advanced for his age than the average baby but not by much. When he was a few months old we'd shown him Jacob phase into a wolf. He'd been petrified at first but soon calmed down after much reassuring that it was still daddy. Just daddy with fur. Now, he revelled in every time Jake phased. He thought of it as a game and would clap his hands which was the most adorable thing in the world.

We were currently sitting outside in our huge back yard and I was by the flower garden on a blanket while Alex crawled around in the grass happily picking all my flowers and playing with his toys and Elsa. Elsa and Alex loved each other just as I'd predicted. She was always really protective over him which was cute to watch because she was such a tiny thing herself. Rachel had only just left with Brandon and Alex had been a little upset by it. He loved his cousin a lot and they had so much fun playing together. When they were together they were inseparable. I loved my life so much right now. Everything was perfect and I was happy.

We stayed outside for a few more hours until Alex decided he was hungry and then we went in. I fed him and then he fell to sleep. Alex mostly slept through the night now. He fed and went to sleep at around 8pm, then he would usually wake again around 12/1am and then would sleep through until 7 in the morning. I was looking forward to his birthday and Christmas this year because by then I knew he'd be walking and would hopefully be able to help open some of his presents. He was already trying to learn to walk. He'd stand and hold onto the couch but then he'd fall back down on his bum and get a little frown line between his eyebrows. It was funny to watch. I took so many pictures of Alex that there were enough to fill a museum. Documenting and videoing his life and progress was something that was really important to me. I carried him upstairs and put him to nap in his nursery and I went up onto the third floor into my studio to finish off my painting.

When Alex was 4 months old Nina had come over one day and she was looking around at all the paintings we had framed. When she asked where I'd gotten my art work from I was confused. I told her I'd painted all of the art work we had in our house myself. She was completely taken aback. She knew I could paint and draw, but apparently not to that extent. And then she asked me why I wasn't selling my work. I shrugged, the thought had never even entered my mind. Painting was just a hobby, it was something I liked to do for Jacob and now Alex. I knew they enjoyed my pictures. Jake and I sat down and discussed it and he thought it was a brilliant idea for me to start selling my work. I tested the idea out on my family and friends first and they all loved them.

'You can do so well with this' daddy told me happily. 'You're so talented.'

So that's how I started. Jacob and I chose a room on the third floor with a big glass window overlooking La Push and I set up my art studio there. We went into town with Alex and brought a ton of art supplies, brushes, canvases, paints, everything. I started painting abstract art and daddy got in contact with an agent who was selling them for me. I was surprised at how much money I was making off my paintings but I vowed not to let it take over my life and my priorities. As long as I was still enjoying it I would indulge in it but the moment it came to be a burden I knew I would stop. I still only painted sporadically and only when I got inspiration. I never forced myself. It was really good though because it meant that Jake could stay home more and we had enough money now for him to set up his other shop in Forks. I could make money and still stay with my baby.

I got to finish most of my painting before Alex woke up which was good. He was sitting up crying when I went in there and rubbing his eyes with his little hands. 'Aw my baby' I cooed as I lifted him up. He buried his head into my neck immediately (that was his thing) and stopped crying.

'Don't cry honey' I said to him, stroking his hair softly. 'Mommy was just painting. I'm here now.'

Alex sometimes cried when he woke up and he couldn't see me, it was no big deal. He cheered up soon enough in my arms as I brought him downstairs.

'Let's give you some juice baby' I said as I carried him into the kitchen. He was using a little baby cup now and it was the cutest thing ever. I poured some juice in there for him and he drank eagerly. I made my own juice for him because I didn't want to give him all that sugary crap they sold in stores. I just filled a whole jug of water with a few different berries which I'd leave to dissolve and I'd give him a little bit of that usually once or twice a day. Today it was strawberry. He loved it. As soon as he'd finished I went to sit on the couch and I put him down on the floor to play with his toys. He put down his building blocks and crawled to Jake as soon as he came in through the door. Jake bent down and swooped him up in the air lifting him high above his head.

'Hey buddy did you miss daddy?' he asked. Alex giggled. The sound of my baby's laughs was music to my ears. I loved watching Jacob and Alex together. They were so cute.

'Hi baby' Jake said making his way over to me and kissing me on the lips. Alex leaned forward in Jake's arms and copied him which made us laugh. I snuggled up underneath Jake's arm and sighed in contentment.

'Missed you' he told me, running his hands through my hair. I looked up at him and smiled.

Me too.

'You look beautiful and summery today, did you have a nice day?' he asked

'Yes. Rachel and Brandon came over and I almost finished my painting. Oh, and I love my baby' I smiled leaning over to kiss Alex. Our son had a habit of sitting on Jacob every time he came home for at least half an hour before he'd be set down again. I think it was for reassurance that he was here and to make sure he didn't leave again. I loved my boys so much.

We had dinner and then relaxed for a while until it was time to give Alex a bath and put him to bed. I knew I was spoiling him by letting him feed and fall to sleep in my arms downstairs but I couldn't help it. He was happy and that's all I cared about.

'You look after him so well Nessie. I told you you'd be the perfect mom' Jake said to me.

'You look after him well too Jakey. He loves us both so much.'

'He does doesn't he?' Jake smiled looking down at our sleeping baby. I nodded.

'Hey, I was thinking...' he told me scooting closer and placing delicate kisses on my neck. 'That we could put Alex to bed and maybe have some alone time.'

'What did you have planned?' I asked

'Just you and me. Watching a movie, making love...the possibilities are endless.'

I giggled. 'We'll watch a movie.'

After putting Alex in his nursery I decided to change into something a little more...see through. I had endless amounts of lingerie. I changed into a cute little strappy baby doll night gown which was slightly see through, all lace and barely covered my butt with matching panties. I came down the stairs and went to pick out a DVD to watch.

'What do you want to watch?' I asked, turning to face him as he sat on the couch. His eyes were raking the entire length of my body and I smirked.

'Jake! What movie?'

'Um...whatever you want babe.'

I picked out titanic and Jake groaned. We always watched his boy movies as I liked to call them so this time it was my turn. We watched the movie together and I had my head in his lap while he played with my hair softly. When the scene came on when Rose was naked and Jack was drawing a portrait of her Jacob turned his head from the screen and looked down at me.

'Why did you turn away?' I asked

'I don't want to look at her naked.'

'Why?' I smiled

'You're the only woman I ever want to see naked' he told me truthfully

'Oh, you're the sweetest. But I do like that idea though, you could paint me while I lie down with nothing on but a necklace.'

He chuckled and ran his fingers up and down my sides. 'I'd like that very much but it probably wouldn't be any good. You're the painter out of the two of us.'

'Yeah you're right' I nodded. 'Maybe I could paint you naked.'

He laughed and brought me up to kiss me. 'How about you pose naked, I will take a picture of you and then you paint that picture for me.'

'Really?' I giggled 'that would be weird painting a naked picture of myself.'

'No it wouldn't' he disagreed 'you're so beautiful. Just a small painting, for me.'

'I'll think about it' I relented. He grinned and kissed my longingly.

'You really are trying to tempt me' he said huskily. 'Do you have any idea of how sexy you look right now?'

'Why don't you show me' I whispered. He lay me down on the couch and showered my neck with kisses, trailing a blazing path across my collar bone, down my neck, to my cleavage. I arched my back wanting more.

'Tell me what you want baby' he breathed against my neck. 'I'll give you anything.'

'I just want you' I said, holding his neck and stroking his soft hair. 'Just you.'

He continued his assult of kisses all the way down my body as he slowly peeled off my gown.

'Turn over' he instructed. I obliged and turned over into the soft cushions. He kissed my neck and then down my spine, so slowly - savoring each touch. He pulled my panties down with his teeth and I shivered with pleasure as he kissed his way back up my body. It was so erotic.

'I don't think I'll ever get over how soft and beautiful your skin is' he whispered into my ear. He licked a trail from my neck up to my ear where he bit down softly.

'I love having sex with you' I moaned. Jacob chuckled before turning me back over and hovering above me. He grinned and leaned down to kiss me. He gave me everything.

We lay together on the couch in the aftermath of our bliss, the movie long forgotten and the credits rolling. I was draped on top of Jacob, listening to his steady heartbeat and his arm was curled around my waist.

'That was beautiful' I smiled. Each time we made love was special but that moment right there was just beauty captured in the physical form of love. The romantic movie in the background, the spontaneous moment on the couch, the long drawn out kisses and touches. We made it last forever.

'Yeah, it was' he agreed. I kissed his chest and ran my fingers through his hair, loving the way it felt like silk beneath my fingertips. Sometimes, I still couldn't believe that this man was mine.

'You're so gorgeous' I told him as I kissed his neck. I bit down softly and he groaned and held onto my waist tightly.

'You taste so delicious' I whispered as I pulled back and licked the little wound. 'My favourite flavour.'

'My sexy little half vampire who drinks my blood' he smirked.

'I can't help it, you taste so good.'

I didn't drink Jake's blood much since Alex had been born. I usually hunted once a month with my dad because it was something we liked to do together. We'd spend the day together and he'd take me out for a meal or something. It was nice.

Occasionally though I'd get a craving for my husband's delicious blood and I'd indulge my urges. Like just now.

We stayed entwined with each other until our supernatural hearing detected a little whimper coming from upstairs. I gave Jacob a kiss before slipping my night gown back on and climbing the stairs. Alex was awake and sitting up trying to find his pacifier which had fell through the crib and onto the floor. He clapped his hands in delight when he saw me and put his little arms in the air for me to pick him up. I did and found him out a clean pacifier.

'Hey baby, did you miss mommy?' I asked, giving him a kiss on the forehead. He snuggled into my chest closing his weary little eyes and I carried him into my room where Jacob soon joined us. I loved my adorable little family more than anything. I really did.