XXXVI

The Imp

The days following his failed attempt on Jaime's life were mostly a blur, Tyrion had never drank so much before and gotten so little pleasure from it. Jaime had gone, he remembered that at least, he'd refused to see him before his departure. Each day was merely a search for an end, either passed out drunk or asleep somewhere. His dreams were only a little better, Tysha's crying face often haunted them, as did his father's mocking laugh.

They were keeping him under guard now, not that it mattered since there was no way he'd be leaving in any case. Cersei had come to yell at him at some point, he wasn't sure how long she'd stayed or what she'd said. He'd just mumbled some apologies that only seemed to make her angrier. Myrcella had brought him a bouquet of flowers but he'd merely waved her away, he held nothing against the girl and foresaw that no good that would come from them speaking, it was one of the more coherent thoughts he'd had. Still, during one of his brief moments of sobriety he managed to wonder what Bronn had promised the Citadel Guard to make them leave his chambers while they spoke.

"Lord Tyrion," he said with a sly grin, "I know that things have been a bit… rough, so the lads and I decided we'd get you a little gift to help you back to your senses." The door behind him opened and a pair of beautiful women walked through wearing nothing but smallclothes adorned with jewelry.

"Get them out of here!" he roared as he threw his wine goblet at them. With a startled cry the two girls obeyed and ran back down the hall.

"Alright now, what in the seven hells was that?" Bronn asked angrily, "It's hard enough finding a whore in this city, and harder still to sneak her up here into the citadel."

Tyrion sighed, "I'm sorry Bronn, I'll pay you back for the coin. It's just that…" He sighed, "I'm not in a mood for whores right now."
Bronn cocked an eyebrow, "Well that's a first, is there anything I can get you then?"

"More wine," Tyrion said, walking over to pick up the thrown cup.

"I didn't think I'd ever be the man saying this but, well… I think you've had enough mate."

Tyrion waved at him dismissively, "Oh what do you care, you're just a sellsword, you wouldn't be here if not for the promise of coin."

Bronn shrugged, "Well I certainly wouldn't risk my neck for you, and if it were hard labor involved you could certainly fuck right off with that, but you're an alright fellow to travel and drink with."

Tyrion smiled, "Kinder words I fear have never been spoken of me. So what have you been doing to keep busy without my company?"

Bronn pulled up a chair next the small table Tyrion had sat at, "Well I've been with Crakehall and Shagga mostly. Alright sorts, if a bit thick."

Suddenly he chuckled, "You won't believe it, Crakehall knighted Shagga."

He felt a smile appear on his face for the first time in days, "You must be joking, he's a skilled fighter but he's no knight!"

"Well the way Crakehall tells it any knight can make a knight of any other man he deems worthy," he paused a moment, "You know if that's true?"

Tyrion rolled his eyes, "Technically yes, I suppose it is, tell me what coat of arms has "Ser" Shagga taken?"

"He's not just Ser Shagga, he's Ser Shagga of House Dolf, and his sigil is a grey crow atop three peaks," Bronn replied, "He's already had patches made and he's sown them onto his clothes."

"A stone crow," Tyrion said thoughtfully, "I'll give him this, it's clever enough… though with the rest of the Stone Crows living around the Tooth somewhere I have a feeling there might be some fighting over who gets to use it."

"Well those fools can figure it out themselves," Bronn said with a smile, "Come on, you've been in here too long, let's go take a walk."

The two of them left through the throne room, which had been scrubbed clean and now reflected the morning sun brightly. Tyrion noticed a pair of guards had begun shadowing them but didn't say anything, he knew they had good cause to do so.

They finally came to the courtyard where Faramir, and the Wizard Gandalf the Grey waited for them. From the way they were arrayed and the silence at his approach Tyrion could tell they waited for him.

"Greetings wizard," Tyrion said, "I suppose your business here is something to do with me?"

Gandalf gave him a small smile, "I'm afraid so yes, Faramir sent a great many messengers to seek me out and one finally caught up with me."

"And Bronn?" He asked

"We felt it best that a friendly face fetch you," Faramir said.

Tyrion laughed, "Then why'd you send Bronn?"

"Hey now," Bronn said in mock offense, "You'd say that after all we've been through?" He looked embarrassed a moment at the Wizard and the Ranger, "He err… He didn't need as much time with the girls as I'd thought."

Tyrion was about to make a remark about that but suddenly he realized someone was missing, "Where is Denethor?" he asked suddenly, "Surely he should be here for… whatever this is?"

Gandalf rolled his eyes, "Sometimes the Steward does not know the best course of action even when it lays directly in front of him. It is fortunate that Boromir is in the field today, he's a good man but in this regard he is his father's son."

Tyrion considered this, "So you mean to do something with me that you do not believe the Steward will approve of… I can't say I'm thrilled with whatever it could be."

"It was your brother's request actually," Faramir said, "Something I promised him I'd do before he left. He asked me to find what help I could for you, and if none could be found to send you into hiding. He fears your father's wrath…"

"And with good reason," Tyrion said searching for his flask. He realized it must've been taken from him at some point over the last few days and sighed, "He will likely follow my dear sister's advice and take my head. Trying to kill Jaime gives him the pretense to do what he's desired since my birth." He chuckled grimly, "I'll probably leave this life the same way I came into it, being punished for a crime I didn't even get to commit."

"Lord Tyrion I will hear no more of this talk," Gandalf said firmly in a voice that shocked the dwarf. "Whatever else you are still a living man, I will take you from here to a safe place where you may perhaps find some sort of peace."

"All this just for me, I'm touched. And what do I owe you for this pleasure Wizard?"

Gandalf sighed, "You are not the only reason I must travel to Rivendell… and in any case the ring of King Thrain could not be allowed to remain in Gondor," he produced the ring that had been given to Tyrion and he suddenly felt a brief longing for it, but it was overwhelmed by sorrow.

"I care little in any case," he said with resignation, "Casterly Rock, Minas Tirith, Rivendell… I doubt there's much for me in any of them."

Bronn stepped forward, "Whatever does wait for you wherever you're going, we had some good days together, take care Tyrion Lannister."
He smiled a little but couldn't find any words for his friend.

The horses were already packed and prepared, Gandalf traveled light and it seemed he expected Tyrion to do the same. They left the city without fanfare, going through a far Northern gate in the Rammas Echor that Gandalf explained was seldom used, and therefore unlikely to be graced by an inspection from Boromir or his father.

They rode northward and passed many folk on the road who seemed to pay them little notice, "It's considered somewhat rude to point and stare at Dwarves," Gandalf explained, "There are many stories that if one does so they will soon find a quarrel, and there are none so stubborn in quarrels as Dwarves."

"Well that's the first time I've gotten anything for being a dwarf," Tyrion said sarcastically, "Aren't Durin's folk supposed to wear great beards?"
Gandalf chuckled, "Few in these parts have met a dwarf, they live far to the north and they're not fond of travel, it takes a promise of wealth or a hate of foes to bring them forth."

"And Wizards?" He asked, "Is it rude to point and stare at a Wizard?"

"Wizards look like any other old man," Gandalf replied, "Is it common where you come from to point and stare at old men?"

"If they wear great big hats like that yes I imagine that they would attract at least a passing comment," He thought a moment, "Gandalf, how old are you?"

Gandalf was silent for a time, "It's probably best not to say Tyrion," he said finally, "Just know that I've aged gracefully."

"I know that there are those who are deathless," Tyrion said, "I've met them myself…" he shuddered remembering the Nazgul's withered visage.

"Whatever stories they told you were but lies and half truths meant to make you their slave," the Wizard was angry now, "They have turned many good men to evil paths with their false promises and dark arts." His voice suddenly grew quiet, "Faramir told me what your father did to you… your brother as well."

Tyrion scowled, "Good, now everyone will be sure to know what happens when someone disgraces House Lannister," tears stung his eyes now, "Shall I sing the Rains of Castamere to drive how the message?"

The road grew rocky and their travel slowed, "Tyrion…" The wizard started, he sighed and brought his horse to a stop. "I cannot tell you I know the pain you have suffered, I don't envy anyone who could… But I am certain that there is some light in your soul, and in your brother's…"

"Then you are a fool," Tyrion spat. "I would've gladly been a kinslayer, and Jaime betrayed many others he was sworn to protect before he betrayed me."

"King Aerys?" Gandalf snorted dismissively, "Yes I know of that, a king that would do such things is no king that has earned a faithful servant. Do not hold it against Jaime that he would not go to battle against his own family for a man who had committed such atrocities." His serious demeanor returned, "As for you, he has done you a great wrong, and nothing he says or does could ever repay that debt."

"A Lannister always pays his debts…" Tyrion mumbled.

"So I've heard," Gandalf said sarcastically, "But when such a debt is incurred forgiveness is sometimes the proper path. Can you truly say you have no more love for your brother?"

"No…" Tyrion muttered, "I cannot."

"Nor would he say the same of you, else he would have done as you feared he would and killed you. Instead he sends you to safety."

They began riding onwards again. Tyrion thought over what the Wizard had said, in fact very little else occupied his thoughts. He realized the Wizard was right, Jaime still cared for him, but his brother had helped steal away the only woman who'd ever loved him…

They were passing a city now, not a large one by Westerosi stanards, but a city nonetheless. He took the opportunity to try and get the Wizard to stop for some drinks and perhaps a bed.

"Gandalf, perhaps we should rest there tonight," he said, pointing towards the walled settlement.

"No. We will not stop in Aldburg," The Wizard replied, "Rohan is less friendly than it used to be. We will stop in no settlements until we have passed these borders… I fear the enemy's spies."

No inns or wine then, Tyrion thought with annoyance, "Perhaps we could wear some manner of disguise?"

Gandalf laughed genuinely now, "Lord Tyrion man does not live on wine alone… if you need drink so badly I promise that Rivendell has the fullest and richest in all of Middle Earth." Tyrion crossed his arms and a sour expression sat upon his face, but he said nothing in protest. Gandalf just smiled and they traveled on.

A few nights later they were awoken by a high sharp howl, "Wolves!" Tyrion whispered. One of the items that had been packed in his supplies had been a long knife, perhaps just long enough to be used as a short sword for one of his height. He drew it now and looked into the darkness. He couldn't see much, the embers of their fire had gone low now.

Gandalf whispered something and his staff lit up the roadside where they camped, a white light shining from the strange crystal atop it, "There should be no wolves in Rohan…" He growled, "At least none that prey upon men."

Out of the dark a beast lunged and with a cry the Wizard drew his sword and slashed at it's throat with an accuracy that Tyrion would've expected out of his brother. That was just the first and most eager of the wolves, five of them entered the circle of light now, their mouths foaming and their eyes black as night.

"Fuck me," Tyrion rasped, he backed towards the Wizard, who scanned the creatures with a determined look. The wolves were nothing like the animals Tyrion knew, they were much larger for one, and they had enormous fangs that made those of the Dire-Wolves on the Stark banner seem small by comparison.

Suddenly one lunged at Tyrion, jaws open wide. Gandalf pirouetted quickly and stabbed the beast right in the throat. Another ran towards the Wizard's flank but he brought his staff down on it's head with a loud crack and then his sword penetrated the stunned animal's eye.

While the Wizard's back was turned one of the remaining wolves jumped towards him. With a grimace Tyrion ran forward and stuck his blade outward with his eyes closed. He heard a whimper and when he dared to look again a dead beast lay before him, a bleeding wound on it's neck. The remaining two barked loudly and ran off into the night, leaving Gandalf and Tyrion panting in a mixture of exhaustion and triumph.

"They won't come again," Gandalf said confidently, "They saw an old man and a Halfling on the road and they found naught but cold steel."

"Surely such creatures cannot think," Tyrion said as he sheathed his sword.

"Those were Wargs," Gandalf said angrily, "If you wonder if they can think simply see to our mounts."

Tyrion turned and saw that their horses had been savaged, their throats torn open and their legs covered in deep bites. Their mounts had not died well.

"Aldburg is but two day's ride behind us," Tyrion said suddenly, "We could walk back there and-"

"No," Gandalf interrupted, "It would be shorter to walk to Edoras now… though I am uncertain we shall receive a warm welcome."

"Oh lovely" he said, "What was it, a pretty noble girl or perhaps a tavern quarrel that went bad?"

"Neither," the wizard replied, "I could not tell you why Grima despises me, only that he does. Theoden, King of Rohan, unfortunately heeds his counsel."

"Well then let's not speak with him, it seems that Faramir packed me some of my gold, let's just buy some new horses and be done with it."

Gandalf just smiled at him, "Will any man look at a Westerosi gold dragon and conclude it arrived in Edoras by chance? No, we will seek an audience with the king… for better or for worse."

Tyrion shrugged, "He can hardly be worse than the kings I've willingly knelt before." He thought a moment, "Will the Wargs return?"

"No," Gandalf said confidently, "They will not trouble us this night at least." Somehow Tyrion believed him and slept soundly. When the sun rose they began the walk to Edoras.

A/N: I suppose I've been neglecting my reader base here and for that I'm sorry. This was discussed on the various forums I'm posting this to about a month ago so it slipped my mind when I posted here. Anyways for some reference the Westerlands has a population that has been calculated as being between 3 and 5 million total, and in some (in my opinion inflated) estimates as high as 15 million. These estimates are generally made by medieval scholars and are based around the number of troops they can field at any given time. Gondor has similarly been estimated at a population of between 2 and 4 million, and Rohan is usually estimated at just under 1 million itself. For the purposes of this fic assume that Gondor and the Westerlands both have a population of around 4 million. The Westerlands can raise around 30,000 "elite" troops with a division of around 10,000 cavalry and 20,000 foot. If everything is called up they can probably manage around 45,000 with around 12,500 cavalry and 32,500 foot. If they put a sword in every old man and boy's hand fit to carry one they could probably manage 50-60k, but most of those raised would be infantry.

Weylandcorp 4 - We'll probably get a full account of it if ever Tyrion and Sandor meet but essentially my vision was that Tyrion promised Gregor a chance to be "off the leash" if ever he became lord of the Westerlands. Gregor doesn't care much about anything but getting to hurt people, an evil Tyrion could offer him that on a scale Tywin never could.

Hotrod 333 - The Starks are fun and all, but Ned would take one look at Mordor and call the banners to war. Hell if we go by the same rules as this fic Robert Baratheon would probably get teleported to Middle Earth with him and then you'd have a great story of two friends taking on Mordor together... problem is that's a fairly predictable story. I'm sure it could be fun as a sort of mini-series and maybe I'll write it as an omake for Hear Me Roar when it's all done (given the requests I've gotten on Spacebattles we might see a mini of each great house) but I doubt I'll be writing it as a full length separate fic. If anyone else wants to feel free though, I don't own Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings so I couldn't stop you even if I wanted to.

Cyricist001 - Yep Euron knows most of the crazy magicks that lurk on the edge of the map in a World of Ice and Fire. He got to come along for the ride in this fic because he's one of the more supernaturally active characters in Martin's series and if the Lannisters have to deal with a world of elves and Wizards then Middle Earth has to deal with the dark wonders of Asshai.