"I know how you feel, Mr. Deeks, and—." Hetty got cut off.
"No one knows how I feel Hetty, and don't expect me to forgive them after what they did to me!" Deeks yelled back at her.
"Okay. You are right. No one knows how you feel, but I don't want you to deal with this alone. So, you are going to do what I say and there will be no arguments about that. Do you understand me?" She asked in a serious tone.
"Hetty, I'm fine. I don't need any help…" Before he could continue, Hetty interrupted him.
"You are not fine, Mr. Deeks, and you need to understand that what I'm saying is final and there is no way for you to get out of this. You are going to do what I say, period!" Hetty didn't realize she'd raised her voice, inadvertently drawing the team inside the room.
"Is everything okay Hetty?" Callen asked.
Deeks looked away from them. They all noticed the gesture but decided not to push it, at least not right now.
"Everything is fine. If you'll excuse us, we need to finish our conversation." Hetty said in a firm tone, not taking her eyes from Deeks. The team nodded and complied, walking out of the room. "Now listen to me, Mr. Deeks. Ms. Blye is going to stay with you the whole time you need to recover."
"But Hetty you can't do this to me! At least not Kensi, let Eric stay with me, please Hetty!" Deeks pleaded, annoyed.
"There will be no buts, Mr. Deeks. Eric can't do this, he can't take care of you. You need someone who has the time to stay with you, and Eric does not; he is needed at work. I have already given Kensi time off so she is the only one who can do this. I trust you Mr. Deeks, and I need you to trust me on this. It's not negotiable. Ms. Blye will stay with you until you are fully recovered. After that it's up to you if you want any one of them in your life or not." Hetty commanded, trying to make him accept that he needed help.
Deeks was at a loss for words. He didn't want to accept Hetty's orders, but he couldn't fight her. At last he nodded in agreement. "Although it's not what I want, I'll do it."
"Excellent. Now, the team is waiting to see you. I'm going to go out and let them come in. Don't do anything stupid, okay?" Hetty said before getting up. Deeks just nodded, and, with that, she walked out.
"What happened in there Hetty?" Sam asked when he saw Hetty.
"We settled everything, now you can go and check on him. Just don't bring up any difficult conversations; he needs time to figure things out." Hetty replied.
"And how will he take care of himself after he's discharged?" Nell asked, concerned for Deeks.
"Don't worry about that Ms. Jones. We agreed that Ms. Blye, here, will stay with him and help him until his full recovery." Hetty informed them before walking away.
With nothing else to stop them, they entered Deeks' room. The moment they were all inside they could feel the tension permeating the air. They all just stared at Deeks while his eyes moved between each one of them, waiting for someone to speak. No one dared to, except Eric and Nell.
"How are you doing there buddy?" Eric asked when no one else said anything.
"I'm fine. Just a headache, nothing more." He didn't sound convincing, which made Kensi shake her head in annoyance. Deeks caught the movement but chose to ignore it.
"You are not fine Deeks!" Nell exclaimed in anger. "You could barely speak, not to mention move! We were all worried about you, so don't act like this and push us away!"
Deeks didn't know exactly how to respond to that. After all, they had been the ones to push him away in the first place. He said the only thing he could. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it's just that I'm feeling like crap and this headache is killing me and I reached the max amount of pain killer I'm allowed and I don't know what to do." He did what Hetty had told him to; he ignored everything, waiting until he'd recovered. Until that time he was just going to do what he was good at: putting everything in a box and burying it in the back of his mind.
"Do you need us to call a nurse or someone? To see if we can increase the amount?" Callen asked, speaking for the first time. He was worried by Deeks' response.
"No, it's okay man. If they increase it I'll be talking about another world and rambling like an idiot, and I don't want to fall asleep; I couldn't believe it when I woke up." He replied with a smile on his face.
Everyone knew what he was doing, that he was trying to ignore the tension between them, and in that moment they realized if they pushed him they truly would lose him forever.
"So what happened with Sidorov?" Deeks asked after a minute of silence. That was the last thing they'd been expecting him to want to discuss. He saw the looks on their faces and immediately interpreted them correctly. "It's okay, no need to worry. I'm okay, really."
"Well… after we arrived at the house he was holding you at , we managed to eliminate his men. When we arrived in your room you were unconscious and he was pointing a gun at you." Sam began. "We tried to convince him to surrender, but, before we knew it, he pulled the trigger and shot you. Kensi then shot him and we brought you both to the hospital. He's under surveillance right now, until he's healed, and then he'll be moved to a highly secure prison." Sam finished, refusing to look directly at him. In fact, except for Kensi, no one was willing to look at him. Kensi looked directly into his eyes and the sadness she saw there almost broke her heart. She wanted to run towards him and hold his hand, tell him that everything would be fine, tell him that he would be safe and that nothing was going to hurt him—that she would make sure of that—but she couldn't. She was afraid of how he would react, so she just stood, there crying inside, because she couldn't help him.
"Good, but could anyone explain to me how he got out in the first place?" Deeks asked suspiciously.
"Well, apparently the agents who were supposed to transfer him to prison were attacked by some of his men, who managed to free him, and it didn't occur to them," Sam pointed an accusing finger at the other team members, "to inform us about it."
Deeks nodded and allowed his head to fall forward and rest on his chest. He stared at his lap as he took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He'd promised Hetty he wouldn't get angry and he was trying his best to keep that promise.
"Are you okay?" Kensi spoke for the first time, her voice gentle and caring.
He lifted his head and looked her directly in the eyes. He saw that she was close to crying and he felt something… he broke eye contact because he didn't want to feel sorry for her, not after everything she'd done to him. She needed to feel the pain he'd felt. He didn't want to forgive her and he knew that if he saw her crying, his heart would go soft, and he wasn't ready for that.
"I'm fine." He replied coldly.
Kensi felt his words like knives stabbing her directly in her heart and she felt a few tears fall silently down her cheeks.
The rest of the day passed by in an uncomfortable silence, broken only by a few, short, sporadic conversations. Eventually the doctor came and told them that they should leave to allow Deeks to rest so he could be discharged tomorrow.
"Hang in there buddy." Eric encouraged, giving him a handshake.
"Thanks man." Deeks replied, truly grateful.
"We will see you when you get out tomorrow." Nell said before bending down and giving him a light kiss on the cheek.
Deeks cleared his throat, embarrassed, and managed to say, "Thanks Nell."
"Take it easy man, and don't try to push it." Sam said, patting him gently on the shoulder before following Eric and Nell out the door.
Deeks nodded to him. "Thanks."
"I really don't know what to say other than that I can't wait until you get better, Deeks. We will be waiting for you." Callen said, extending his hand towards the Detective.
Deeks hesitated before accepting the handshake. "Don't worry, I'll be jumping before you know it." Deeks said with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"Kensi, are you coming?" Callen asked her.
"No, I'm staying here, thanks." She replied before turning and sitting in the chair next to Deeks' bed. The Detective looked away from her.
Callen nodded and left.
Kensi sat in silence, glancing at Deeks every now and then. He caught her looking at him and he realized that if she'd done that before everything that had happened between them, then he would have been happy. Now it just annoyed him. "What?" He demanded harshly.
Kensi started at him before opening her mouth to speak. "I'm sorry, it's just that I was so scared that you were going to die and I…" She trailed off as she began to cry.
Deeks sighed in frustration. He didn't know what to do—or what he could do—he couldn't think of anything. He took a deep breath. "I'm fine. I'm not dead, as you can see." He said in a soft tone. 'How can she have this power over me? He thought to himself in frustration.
"I know, but I can't help thinking that you were about to die and that all of this happened because of me Deeks. It was my fault—." She said through the tears, but was cut off by Deeks.
"Kensi don't go there. Please. I don't want to talk about that, okay? Just leave it there." Deeks said, annoyed.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I should probably let you rest for tomorrow." She said before standing and walking out of the room.
When she was out, she collapsed on a chair beside the door and let the tears truly start to fall. She placed her hand over her mouth to smother the sobs.
Inside the room Deeks sank lower in the bred, letting out a frustrated breath. He was angry with himself. 'Oh my God, why is this so damn hard? How come she still affects me? Come on man, she left you alone! You need to move on! Keep her away from you, all she did was break your heart!' He lectured himself in his mind.
Several hours later a nurse came in to check on him. She was surprised to find him awake. After running through the checkup she asked him curiously, "Why is your girlfriend sleeping on the chair outside?"
"She's not my girlfriend, and I thought she went home." He replied honestly.
"She isn't? Wow. She never left your side except for a few trips to the washroom and cafeteria. She even slept next to you on the bed. The way she acted, the way she looked at you, I thought she was." The nurse mused, somewhat confused.
"Well, she isn't my girlfriend." Deeks replied firmly.