A/N: AU, the characters are a bit OOC. No offense intended to anyone who finds this offensive.
"Hey," a guy grinned at Marius from across the street. He swaggered his way over to Marius. "How do you do, my name's Courfeyrac—"
"Those are my lines!" a boy cried from the streets.
Courfeyrac shrugged. "All of us steal each other's lines."
"It is very nice to meet you Courfeyrac, I am Marius," Marius said, trying not to freak out that the guy was sniffing him.
"You know what, I like you!" Courfeyrac grinned. "Why don't you come to our top secret meeting where we are planning to revolt against the King!? Wait, do you like the King?"
"No, but I prefer Napoleon Bonaparte. I'm a bonapartist democrat," Marius said.
"Well we all hate Bonaparte and are republicans, but I'm sure we'll love you!" Courfeyrac said.
"Okay then, I'll come," Marius said, following Courfeyrac to the old Musain café. The café was falling apart, and the windows were all boarded up. Dust was everywhere, and it had a very ancient feel to it.
Courfeyrac lead Marius inside the back room, where all of his friends were.
"Courfeyrac, why have you brought this snack—man, I meant man," Enjolras said.
"Because he needs us," Courfeyrac winked.
"Your fangs are showing," Combeferre whispered urgently to Courfeyrac.
Courfeyrac frowned. "Come on, I need a real snack—friend! Totally meant friend, dude."
"I'm hungry and this conversation is going nowhere," Bahorel said.
"Um, are you guys going to eat me?" Marius asked timidly.
"Of course not!" Jehan laughed.
"Yeah, we're just going to suck your blood out of your body. Now, if we only suck out a little bit, we could turn you into a vampire. It's better than completely draining you," Grantaire said.
Marius paled. "Come on, puny human! We're hungry!" Feuilly said. "Some of us haven't eaten in days!"
Marius ran outside, and the vampires followed him. He ran into the sunlight and looked back. He couldn't see them and breathed out in relief. He ran into Éponine.
"Éponine! You have to save me!" Marius cried out.
Éponine, the girl who was very much human, frowned. "With what?"
"Well there are—OMG WHO IS THAT GIRL?!" Marius pointed to a beautiful girl walking around.
"Oh, that's Cosette," Éponine wrinkled her nose.
"Go find out her address!" Marius smiled.
Éponine nodded and left.
Marius decided to randomly take a shady back alleyway, because he thought the vampires were gone. He was wrong.
"Thought you could run?" Bahorel hissed into his ear.
Marius jumped. He was surrounded by them. "Why can't you kill me before I saw my soul mate?"
"Again, we are not killing you! We're just turning you into a vampire," Combeferre said.
"You were in the sunlight. The sun burns our skins and we can burst into flames if we're not careful," Feuilly said.
"Most of the time we're fine though if we're full and covered up. It's still uncomfortable though," Jehan said.
"I still think Apollo will sparkle in the sun," Grantaire said.
"I don't sparkle," Enjolras muttered.
"Besides, that girl had werewolf smell on her," Joly said. "Werewolves are bad."
"'Ponine's a werewolf!" Marius panicked.
"No, we said she just had the smell," Courfeyrac sighed. "It's Patron-Minette, I recognize it now. That band of werewolves."
"Can you still not turn me into a vampire? I am sort of in love with a human," Marius pleaded.
"Just turn her into a vampire as well. That's what we did with Musichetta," Bossuet said.
"I don't want to," Marius said. "I may hurt her."
"You're not a vampire yet, remember? And it has to be her," Combeferre said.
"Why?" Marius pouted.
"The person who turns a vampire has control over them," Enjolras explained. "They're like their mentor. Whether it's a friendship, a sibling, or a love, the bond is still there."
"Fine, I'll turn her myself," Marius said.
"We still haven't changed you yet," Bahorel frowned.
"Well, do it soon!" Marius cried.
Courfeyrac took a deep breath and bit him. Marius became a vampire. The whole thing lasted barely five minutes. They spent more time talking than actually changing Marius.
"Are you hungry for some blood?" Grantaire asked, drinking out of his bottle again. Marius assumed it was wine from the redness, but then he smelt it.
"Whose blood is that?" Marius asked, craving blood and cookies.
"Who knows," Grantaire shrugged. "Musichetta keeps up with the supplies. It's stale, so no one drinks it but me. And it doesn't help with the sun unless you drink like five a day. Which I do."
The vampires welcomed Marius in and taught him the ways of keeping a low profile as they prepared to lead the revolution.
Meanwhile, Éponine noticed the change in Marius. She just assumed it was just love for Cosette.
The revolution came and everyone was fighting. Éponine decided to take a bullet for Marius because her best friend failed to mention he was vampire and could only get hurt by a stake to the heart (or bayonet in this case).
"'Ponine! You've been wounded!" Marius exclaimed.
"No duh, Sherlock," Éponine retorted.
"What's Sherlock?" Marius asked.
Éponine sighed. "Marius, I'm dying. Comfort me."
"Okay, only because you're dying," Marius said.
"Did you have to say that? Couldn't you just lie? I'M DYING IN YOUR ARMS THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS PRETEND TO LOVE ME BACK!" Éponine screamed at him.
"Your blood looks delicious," Marius said, licking his lips.
"Wha—" Éponine asked, before falling into unconsciousness.
"NO, SHE'S DEAD AND NOW I CAN DO NOTHING!" Marius was crying.
Grantaire frowned. Bahorel was marked as the stupid boy, but that title was going to change to Marius. "ARE YOU A VAMPIRE OR NOT?" Grantaire screamed. He grabbed Éponine, bit her, and turned her into a vampire.
Previously, Éponine was ugly. Her hair was messy, her face was crinkled, and her eyes looked like poop. But now, as a vampire, she was gorgeous. Her hair turned into a beautiful brown color, and fell in perfect waves down to her waist. Her eyes turned into a dark brown. She looked beautiful.
"Éponine you're beautiful," Marius smiled. "At first I thought you were ugly and gross and automatically didn't like you. So I liked Cosette, even though I know I can never be with her. But now you're gorgeous! Marry me?"
Éponine frowned and slapped him. "You're so shallow, Marius." She turned to Grantaire and smiled. "Thank you, Monsieur."
Grantaire kissed her hand. "Anytime, Mademoiselle," he grinned.
"Well, this stinks," Marius said.
"MARIUS! I HAVE COME TO MAKE SURE YOU DIE—I MEAN RESCUE YOU!" Valjean cried out, running inside the barricade.
"Why? I'm a vampire! I can't be with Cosette!" Marius started crying.
"Really? Thank goodness!" Valjean smiled. "You see, my daughter and me are vampires as well. I was worried I was going to have to change you for you two to be together."
"Wow, looks like everyone's happy!" Jehan smiled.
"Seriously?! This is Les Misérables! More people have to die!" Enjolras said. "That's why we're doing this! To become martyrs!"
"We're vampires," Combeferre pointed out.
"Eh, we can be stabbed through the chest by bayonets and killed," Courfeyrac.
"Yes! I have found out your weakness!" Javert cried out since Gavroche is absent from this story (although he made a cameo in the beginning) and he's the only one who apparently realized that guy was Javert.
"We're going to kill you before you can leave though," Enjolras pointed out.
"Awww come on guys! Even though he keeps trying to kill us, he's really nice!" Valjean complained.
Everyone stared at him. "No Valjean/Javert in this story, please," Feuilly prayed.
"Well, there's some Éponine/Grantaire," Courfeyrac smirked, looking towards where Grantaire and Éponine were hugged and kissing in a corner.
"Hey, we're all going to die in the morning. Why shouldn't we make our last night count?" Grantaire said to them, before continuing to kiss Éponine.
Valjean left with Javert and Marius. Les Amis began singing Drink with Me. Grantaire and Éponine disappeared into the Musain café. They managed to not die the next day, but still lost the revolution since only ten of them actually believed in it.
"Soooooo, what do we do now?" Bossuet asked.
"Now, we move on to the world!" Enjolras cried out.
"The power's gone to his head," Combeferre said, weakly.
"Now we continue on our way to raise up a vampire army," Courfeyrac cried.
"Alright, but I'm killing anyone who decides to bite a young boy named Edward Cullen who's dying of the Spanish influenza," Enjolras said.
"Well, I only bit someone named Carlisle, so we have nothing to worry about!" Bossuet said happily.
Everyone looked at Bossuet, and he frowned. "Crap," he muttered.
"Come on, we have a story to stop," Courfeyrac said.
"LES AMIS TO THE RESCUE!" Bahorel cried, punching the air.