It wasn't the desolation or the lifelessness or soul-searing monotony that was the worst part about life on Tatooine. All those things could be remedied easily enough. Canyons and other rock formations could be found in the desert ocean, wondrous and hauntingly beautiful works of art produced not by the hands or tools of sentient life, but by the winds of the unforgiving planet itself. Tough grasses and small spiny trees thrived in some places, forcing their way through the sand to reach for the twin suns before realizing their error and trying to shrink back to where they'd come from. Even the stultifying sameness could be broken by a visit to even the smallest village or roughest cantina.
It was the nightmares. They were the worst part. They couldn't be appeased, frightened away, reasoned with, or bartered with. They came when they pleased, and they brought with them a pain that was nearly unbearable. Because they weren't just simple nightmares.
They were memories.
Sometimes they were exact and clear as day, other times they were fuzzy, like looking through old glass. Sometimes they were spotty and fragmented, yet others they seemed to be under a microscope until every single detail stood out like a main feature.
The one Obi-Wan found himself trapped in now was one of the worst. The heat that surrounded him wasn't that of the desert wastes of Tatooine. It was the lava and molten rock of a volcano planet, one he dreaded even thinking the name of these days. Soot and ash filled his nostrils and throat until they threatened to choke him. No, he thought, fear gripping his heart with iron claws. Not again.
A snap and a hum behind him caught him off guard. A flash of red whizzed by his head, mere millimeters from slicing it in two. He spun away from the attack and ignited his own weapon. He already knew the face of his enemy, but seeing it always ripped his heart asunder once again. There at the end of an energy blade as red as blood was the man he had once called brother. Gone was the youthful face of Anakin Skywalker, so full of life and compassion and more than a hint of arrogance. This was the face of Darth Vader, twisted and deformed by rage and fear and greed. The eyes that had once been so familiar were no longer as blue as his namesake, but a sickly yellow rimmed with red. And they looked at him with a tangible hatred so powerful it could have killed him where he stood.
Vader raised his crimson blade again. Obi-Wan fought back tears.
They lunged toward each other...
A kick to her feet was the first sign that something was wrong. The second kick snapped her awake. Asajj turned to see Obi-Wan deep in the grip of another nightmare. He was shaking and whimpering. The sight and sound broke her heart, but it didn't slow her down as she reached for him. She called out his name, hoping the sound of her voice would be enough to snap him out of it (usually it was). Sadly, it didn't work this time. She shook his shoulder once, twice...
By the time she could move her hand again, his lightsaber was in his. In less than an instant she found herself flat on the bed, a hand around her throat, and staring down the same blade that had threatened her so many times before, before she had renounced her allegiance to the Dark Side, before she had found herself in love with her longtime enemy. That wasn't what made ever fiber of her body freeze, however.
Beyond that blinding glow of light was the face of the man she loved, but instead of gentle and patient and unerringly kind, it was contorted into a vicious snarl like that of a mindless beast. She shook her temporary paralysis away and shouted, "Obi-Wan! It's me!" That made him pause, but his eyes were still unfocused. Asajj took the opportunity and lifted a hand to his cheek. His eyes closed at the touch, a good sign. "It's Asajj," she said softer. "It's me."
Obi-Wan still trembled above her, but his face had softened and his breathing had evened out, although it was still labored and shaky. When his eyes opened, they were once again clear and familiar. Confusion shone in them when he looked down at her, then horror as he saw his hand wrapped around her neck and his humming lightsaber poised above her head.
He flung the weapon away and threw himself from their bed as if he'd been burned. Asajj remained motionless for a moment, still digesting what had just happened, before slowly pushing herself up onto her hands. Obi-Wan stood at the far end of the room with his back to her and his hands repeatedly raking through his hair. She silently stood from the bed and took a cautious step towards him. "Obi-Wan." He didn't respond. She stepped closer, one hand raised in an instinctive gesture to comfort him. When she came into his periphery he pushed her away and took three steps from her.
That hurt. Asajj didn't blame him, she couldn't; but it hurt just the same. But she and her feelings weren't important at the moment. She called out her lover's name again. Again, he didn't respond. His arm stayed up to keep her at its length and his head stayed down. "Darling, look at me," she pleaded softly. When she took another step he didn't answer, but he didn't move away either. That was a good sign. What wasn't good was how he flinched violently when her hand touched his arm. "Obi-Wan, please. Talk to me."
He still didn't look at her. His chest still heaved as he tried to catch his breath. The arm Asajj now stroked in an attempt to calm him a bit shook. Long moments passed before she understood he wasn't going to say anything. So she decided to do the talking for him. "It was another nightmare, wasn't it." She didn't phrase it as a question. She knew very well that his sleep was often plagued by them. He would never talk about them, though. Said it was because he didn't want to burden her with them, said she had enough unpleasant dreams and memories of her own that she didn't need to bear his as well. She could mutter all the indignant curses she wanted, but he never let up in that belief. "Don't give me any of your sanctimonious rhetoric about how they're some kind of punishment for what happened. Don't tell me or yourself that you deserve them. You're not going to hide from me anymore, Kenobi." With each word she moved closer to him, until she stood directly in his line of sight...if he would lift his head, that is.
She saw him swallow once, hard, and he finally spoke. "It's not just that," he mumbled thickly.
Asajj wrapped her fingers around the hand that had kept her at bay and drew it to her chest. "Then what is it?" she asked in a deliberately softened tone.
His fingers gripped hers with a strength belied by the shakiness of his voice and the trembling of his body. He had to try twice before words would form again. "You." The word was so soft, so unsteady she wasn't sure she'd heard right. She touched his cheek with her free hand, hoping to coax more form him than just that. It worked. "I almost...almost killed you." His voice broke on the last word.
Asajj's heart went out to him. But that didn't mean she was going to let him wallow in self-pity. "Obi-Wan, look at me. Now."
His head started to lift, then fell just as quickly. "I can't," came the broken exhale.
"Kenobi. I mean it." Her tone brooked no argument, no debate. It was the same one she'd used when he'd tried to talk her out of joining him in exile on Tatooine in order to 'spare her the burden'. He was quite hung up on that word. Nevermind that she made her own choices and accepted their consequences no matter what. He wasn't going to run her off then, and he certainly wasn't going to do it now. She fixed him with a steady stare when he finally met her eyes. Bright blue was now clouded with regret and misery, not just for what had happened moments ago, but for things far more painful. "You were trapped in a nightmare. I know what that's like." She cut him off when he began to shake his head. "Don't interrupt. You weren't in control. You weren't even awake."
"I nearly killed you, Asajj!" he exclaimed. He took his hand from hers and gripped her head with both as if willing her to fear or hate him. "One more second and..." He trailed off with a choked sob and fell to his knees. His arms locked around her legs and wouldn't be budged even with the Force, and his face buried itself in her abdomen.
Asajj was at a loss. All she could do was hold him to her and comb her fingers through his hair. He'd once confessed how soothing he found that, and she hoped he would find it so now. She gave him some time to try to calm down on his own, but the longer she waited the more helpless she felt. How could she hope to help the man she loved so dearly through such turmoil when she could only barely handle her own nighttime tortures? Had he ever been plagued by such nightmares before, or were these new, brought on by the heartbreak he had suffered at the end of the war? He'd never divulged such things to her, and she had never pressed. But now they'd come to a head and it very well could have cost her her life had his hand been just slightly faster than her words.
Asajj let out a sympathetic sigh, one hand continuing to run through his hair while the other stroked the back of his neck. "My dear Obi-Wan. You of all people should know" -his head lifted slightly, and her fingers under his chin raised it the rest of the way "-'nearly' isn't the same as 'certainly'." She smiled at him, hoping to coax one from him as well.
It didn't. "It was close enough." He blinked a few times, then stood on tremulous feet. "I'll sleep downstairs."
He managed to take a full half-step before Asajj pulled him back, and not gently at all. "You will not," she declared forcefully. "You're not going to punish yourself like that."
"Asajj, I nearly killed you. I could do so again. Do you not understand that?"
Asajj felt her eyes harden. "Don't lecture me, Kenobi. I'm not some weak-minded Padawan or brainless idiot. You will not isolate yourself for something you couldn't control." He opened his mouth to argue. "Stop trying to interrupt me. These nightmares, these memories, they're still fresh and raw. And they're not going to get better if you run from them." She had to consciously soften her voice when she saw how he was starting to close himself off to her. "Obi-Wan, please. Come back to bed. Let me help you." Her fingertip brushed a loose piece of hair from his forehead and traced down the line of his jaw. "You're not infallible, my darling. But you don't need to go through this alone."
Inexplicably, that got a tiny smile from him. "You're turning my own words against me, Asajj."
It didn't hit her until a moment later that that was exactly what she'd done; he'd said the exact same words to her when they'd begun sharing a bed before the end of the war. Her nightmares had sometimes resulted in her waking both herself and him with gutwrenching screams and long periods of holding back tears. It was only because of Obi-Wan's encouragement, comfort, and mere presence that she had been able to deal with the torment. Now it was time to return the favor.
"If it works, I'll use whatever I can to keep you sane and in bed." She didn't give him a chance to rebut. Her arms slipped under his and pulled him against her. Doubt began to surface when he didn't return the embrace right away, but once his hands pressed against her back and his cheek brushed over hers it withered away like an offworld flower in the Tatooine suns. Asajj turned her head to kiss that cheek. "Come back to bed, my dear," she whispered against the skin.
Obi-Wan tensed slightly in her embrace before relaxing and letting out a long exhale. "Are you giving me a choice in the matter?" The words would have been accusatory if not for the lightness in his tone and the small smile on his lips.
Asajj, happy that he was no longer completely at the mercy of whatever horrific memory or vision had so disturbed him, played along. "Not at all."
This time when they settled back under the sheets, Asajj kept her arms around him. She stroked his hair until he fell asleep, then whispered a gentle spell against his temple. Hopefully, the Force-imbued magick would keep his nightmares at bay for a few hours. He of all people certainly didn't deserve to be tortured by his own mind. Satisfied that she'd done all she could for now, Asajj closed her eyes and allowed herself to sleep.