Chapter 36: Scandalous

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy

DPOV

I was just finishing combat with the moroi when I heard her screams. It was the sound I feard the most. Rose was in pain. I rushed to where she was standing. Her eyes were filled with terror and she was backing away from something invisible. Lissa stood off to the side her arms raised. There was an evil look in her eyes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She was deliberately using her dark magic to make Rose see I don't know what. Adrian and Sydney were yelling for her to stop.

"Roza," I called out to her, but she didn't hear me. Her shrieking became louder as she struck out violently.

"Roza, it's not real! I'm here, please come back to me." I held her in my arms stroking her hair gently trying to bring her out of her vision.

"No, get away from me!" she screamed thrashing in my arms.

"Roza, calm down, everything is okay. It was only a vision," I kept my hold on her trying to force her to make eye contact with me. Her eyes began to focus and they searched mine and after finding what she needed, she broke down into hysterics.

She refused to talk about it, but I already knew. The moment she opened her eyes, she looked at me with fear. The same fear she'd looked at me with when I was Strigoi. She was searching for the red in my eyes. When she didn't see it she relaxed into my arms. I had been trying my best to forgive myself for the things I'd done to her, but it was an everyday process. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't feel the guilt, but today, the terror in her beautiful eyes was my breaking point. I needed to push it out of my mind once and for all. If she could forgive me after everything I did, then I had to find a way to let it go. That meant talking about it. I didn't know with who right now, but it had to be someone and soon. It would never be over for either of us, but talking out our issues was a necessary step towards healing, one that we'd both been putting off for too long.

Waiting for Lissa to wake up went from twelve hours to twenty four and stretched on. The doctor had been in twice to check her vitals and assure us that she would wake when her body was ready. It had now been thirty-six hours since she'd slipped into her mini coma. Christian was a mess, Adrian and Sydney had gone back to their room and Rose had been pacing a hole in the floor. She hadn't slept, she wouldn't eat. She maintained a constant vigil at her side and there was no arguing with her.

"Roza," I started, but she cut me off.

"I know what you're going to say, but I can't. I can't leave her until I know she's going to be okay."

"Come here," I requested taking her in my arms. "Just rest my love. I will wake you if she comes to," I told her motioning for her to climb into my lap. She shot one last look at Lissa in hopes that she had magically regained conciousness, disappointed she curled her body into mine burying her face in the crook of my neck.

"I don't know what I'd do without you Comrade," she whispered crying silent tears. I could feel them running down my neck.

"You won't ever have to find out," I promised kissing her forehead gently. I stroked her back until I felt her breathing even out. I meant every word I said. I was going to get help and rid myself of the guilt and pain I was carrying around. I wanted to be the best man I could be for her.

"Rose?" Lissa's voice cut through the silence several hours later . It was scratchy from being asleep so long.

"She's sleeping," I told her shifting my weight and lying Rose down in the chair I'd been sitting in. She didn't stir. She was so exhausted, I didn't want to wake her just yet. I had a few things to settle with Lissa and I didn't want Rose to had gone to speak with the doctor so it was just the two of us.

"Can I get you some water?" I asked holding up a cup with a straw so she could take a drink.

"Thank you," she rasped her voice still hoarse.

"How are you feeling?" I asked helping her into a semi-sitting position.

"Not so good," she admitted.

"Would you like me to get the doctor? Christian is speaking with her at the moment," I offered.

"No, I'm okay, just tired and a little shaky. Go ahead and let me have it," she said looking me in the eye.

I paused wondering if I should say what was on my mind.

"Oh come on, I know you want to and I deserve it, so have at it," she ordered. It was now or never and she needed to be set straight whether she was in the condition to hear it or not.

"Do you know what you did to her?" I asked trying to keep calm when inside I was a raging mess. She nodded tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I made her see the thing she fears the most."

"Do you know what that is?" I growled.

"Losing you again," she sniffled.

"She's not unbreakable you know. By letting the darkness get to you it's been hurting those around you, especially Rose. Do you know what it was like for me to see her like that? What it was like for her to live her worst nightmare like that?"

"I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to go that far. I thought I could handle it. I never meant to hurt Rose. She is one of the two most important people in my life and I would rather die than cause her pain." She was full on sobbing by now. I sat down on the bed and wrapped my arms around her. I had wanted to get through to her, but I wasn't in the business of bullying woman, especially not the Queen.

"I know it is hard and you feel helpless and I know that you want to help, but sometimes asking for help is the best course of action. You can't keep going on like this. The things you said to her, she would never repeat them. I've only heard from Ivashkov, but if you truly feel that way then you need to let her go. She may just be a dhampir to you, but she is everything to me and I won't allow you or anyone else to hurt her. She's been through enough."

"I love the way you love her. She deserves the best and you're right. The things I said to her were awful. I don't think of her like that. I never have. She's my sister and that is the only way I've ever thought of her. I love her so much. I'm so sorry Dimitri. I promise I will stop using dark magic for good."

"I hope you really mean that," I told her pointedly.

"Does she hate me?"

I smiled a little. The old Lissa had returned. "Does Rose have it in her to hate anyone?" I asked.

"That makes me feel worse," she sobbed. "She's always there for me, helping me, dying for me and all I do is cause her pain. I even forgot her birthday. I am so selfish."

"You just need to focus more on being a good leader and a good friend than on saving the world. We dhampirs do know a thing or two about killing Strigoi. Can you trust us to do our jobs."

"I think I can do that," she nodded.

"I should wake Rose up, she'll be angry that I didn't wake her the minute you woke up."

"No, let her sleep. If I know her she needs it," Lissa said. "Besides I need a few minutes before I can face her."

Christian came back and he and Lissa shared a few words and tears before embracing lovingly. Rose began to stir shortly after.

"Is she awake?" she asked rubbing her still tired eyes.

"I'm awake," Lissa said softly. Rose jumped out of the chair.

"Hey," Rose said awkwardly.

"Rose, I'm so sorry. There's no excuse for what I did. It was the darkness ," she said. "But it was my fault. I should have listened when you asked me to stop. I'm so sorry," Lissa cried. "The things I said were terrible. You didn't deserve that and hitting you with that vision was the most malicious thing I've ever done. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm ashamed of myself."
"Do you honestly think I care about any of that? You know you could have died or become brain dead like Avery don't you?" Rose seethed. "You scared the hell out of me. I thought you weren't going to wake up!" she screeched. Christian and I stood back allowing them to work this out on their own.

"Rose I'm so sorry."

"I thought I was going to lose you. Liss you're my best friend. I need you. The court needs you. You can't be taking risks like that. I can't live without you," she cried throwing her arms around Lissa and holding her tight.

"You're not mad?" Lissa asked.

"It wasn't you. I know what it is like to be possessed by the darkness. It's not easy to fight it. Luckily there was someone there to bring me back from it," she said looking in my direction and smiling.

"Now I want a promise that you're going to rest for the rest of spring break and not use any magic. They've given you a shot of anti-depressants so you can't use them anyhow," she explained.

"I promise. I meant what I said. I love you Rose."

"I love you too Liss. I'll let you and Sparky have some alone time. I'll see you tomorrow?"

She grabbed my hand. "I need food," she groaned dragging me back to our suite.

"What would you like Milaya?" I asked.

"Anything that's fast. I am so hungry my stomach is eating itself."

"Well you haven't eaten in two days," I reminded her pulling out the ingredients to make grilled cheese with tomato soup. I found it an odd combination, but most people liked it.

"Do you think she can abstain?" I asked setting a large bowl of steaming soup in front of her.

"I hope so. She can't handle the darkness."

"It isn't good for anyone. You have no idea how relieved I am that you are not affected by that anymore," I told her sitting next to her as we ate.

"You were afraid I would go crazy and kill myself like Anna?" she questioned.

"It was my biggest fear," I confessed. "Losing you has always been my biggest fear."

She stopped eating her spoon in mid air. A haunted look came over her face.

"It's okay Roza, I know what you saw. I see it in my dreams all the time."

"You do?" she asked turning to me. I nodded.

"I'm going to talk to someone," I told her. "I would like for you to come with me."

"Really you want me to come?"

"I do. As much as I don't want you to hear the things I've done, I think I need you to know so that I can fully move on. So that we can move on together."

"I'm proud of you Comrade. I would love to come with you, but I'm going to be back at school."

"We'll work it out," I told her.

"Do you want to sleep a little?" She nodded.

"Come hold me," she requested.

There was no way I could deny her that.

RPOV

It was good, but a little scary that Dimitri had finally decided he wanted to talk about his time as a Strigoi. I knew some of the things he had done including the things he'd done to me, but I knew that the things I knew about were only the tip of the iceberg and that it would be unpleasant to hear, but I knew that part of him needed to get it off his chest.

There were only three more days until Lissa and I had to go back to Lehigh and tonight Sydney and Adrian had invited Dimitri and I over to see their new place. I was baffled as to how he'd convinced the most bigoted girl I knew to move in with him in only eight months time. I was so happy that they'd hit it off so well. It was so ironic that a former womanizer and a human religious nut fell in love. They were so sweet together though. I'm glad I was right about Adrian finding his other half. She truly brought out the best in him.

"Should we bring something like maybe a bottle of wine or an appetizer?" I asked walking into the bedroom where Dimitri was getting ready.

"What's with the good pants?" I asked. He was not wearing his usual old worn out pair of jeans. He was wearing his dark ones that I had nick named his fancy pants.

"Well our hosts are both impeccably dressed pretty much all the time. I thought it would be best not to look schlocky."

"Good idea, I never thought of that," I said looking down at my own crappy jeans and t-shirt.

"Why don't you put on that black sweater thing? You look really hot in that," he said looking me up and down. "Wait on second thought how about you wear your guardian attire," he corrected himself.

"Comrade, you have nothing to be jealous of," I said stripping off my clothes and rummaging in my closet for the black sweater. I threw on a pair of leggings and the zebra print scarf I'd found at this really cute vintage shop a few weeks ago.

"Better?" I asked seeking his approval.

"Definitely not!" My face fell. I thought I looked really cute.

"What's wrong with it? Is the scarf too much?"

"Nothing's wrong with it. I just prefer you naked," he said grabbing me and slamming me against the wall kissing me senseless.

"The feeling is mutual Comrade," I managed smoothing out my disheveled hair and straightening my sweater. He smirked.

"We'll finish this later," he promised.

"I'm going to hold you to that."

I ended up grabbing a bottle of wine from the collection my father kept bringing us even though there was no way two people would ever be able to drink that much wine. Well maybe Adrian and Lissa, but not two guardians.

I knocked on the door to their new suite which was a little further down into the old Ivahskov wing. I hadn't seen it yet and I wondered if it was nice.

Sydney opened the door. Just as Dimitri had expected she was wearing a dress.

"Hey guys, come on in," she said rather loudly. Too loudly.

"You're so dead Comrade," I growled realizing I'd been set up right before everyone jumped out and yelled surprise.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not," he said snaking his arm around my waist pulling me in for a kiss.

"Sneaky bastards," I muttered forcing a smile onto my face.

"You were actually surprised!" Lissa exclaimed smiling brightly. She looked much better than she had a few days ago. It was worth putting up with her crazy party to put that smile on her face. I also knew from talking to Christian that she was heavily medicated.

"Would you care for a drink? We're serving Rosalitas in honor of the birthday girl," Sydney said pointing to the wet bar where Adrian was skillfully playing bartender. He was mixing up some sort of red drink in a shaker. He poured it into a martini glass, popped an olive into it and handed it to me.

"What's in there if you don't mind me asking?" I eyed the glass cautiously.

"Don't worry Little Dhampir it's just vodka and pomegranate juice. They're delicious, I've taste tested them," he said raising his own empty glass, winking at me. He handed one to Sydney and one to Mia and we all raised our glasses in a toast. Lissa was drinking water. She wasn't allowed alcohol with her meds.

"To Rose, the guest of honor," Mia toasted.

"You guys are too much," I said taking a sip of my drink. Adrian was right, it was delicious.

"Thank you though. It's nice to feel appreciated."

"It's no problem Rose. You're the one always sticking your neck out for us," Christian said.

"Aww you're so sweet Sparky," I said pinching his cheek. He scowled walking away in embarrassment.

My parents ended up dropping by the party and while everyone else was occupied dancing and talking and drinking my father approached me.

"Heard you had a rough week little girl," he said handing me another drink.

"It was not one I'll forget, that's for sure."

"Well this should cheer you up," he said handing me a small box.

"Baba what did you do?" I asked hoping he hadn't been using his huge bank accounts.

"Just open it," he commanded.

I flipped open the box and inside lay a very expensive looking man's watch. I looked at him in confusion.

"It's a very nice watch and I know that I'm a guardian and all and I wear a lot of black and I can kick most guy's asses, but I'm still a girl," I told him.

He laughed heartily. "It isn't for you."

"Oh," I said confused once again.

"It's for Belikov," he said.

"You bought him a watch?" I asked. "You know Dimitri is rather punctual."

"I didn't buy him a watch. This watch belonged to my grandfather. I don't have a son, but I'd like to think of him as my son-in-law," he said with a wink. My eyes widened.

"You know we're not married right?" He nodded. "And we're not going to get married," I continued.

"Marriage is just a piece of paper. I believe that the love the two of you share transcends the law," he replied.

I smiled. "You really are something else old man," I told him wiping a tear from my eye.

"So when are you going to give it to him?" I asked.

"I'm not. You are," he said. "When you feel the time is right. No pun intended." I snickered and gave him a hug.

He walked over to where Sydney was chatting with Eddie and Mia. The minute she saw Abe she stiffened and averted her eyes. He proceeded to pull her aside and they had a brief tense conversation. When he left to find my mother she looked entirely relieved. I walked over to where she was standing alone.

"What exactly is it that makes you so afraid of Abe?" I asked bluntly.

"I'm not afraid of him," she stuttered.

"Oh come on. Every time he gets within a hundred feet of you, your whole body starts to quiver. He's my father and I deserve to know what's going on. Is he blackmailing you?"

"Not exactly," she said. "Come on out with it," I told her. I was tired of wondering if my father was as shady as people said he was.

"Okay, but only you," she relented pulling me towards the bedroom. We had just sat down on the bed when Adrian stumbled into the room.

"Hey there if you guys were going to have some girl on girl action you should have asked me if I wanted to watch," he said winking.

"Adrian this is not the time," I growled.

"Geez I guess you two really do want to be alone," he muttered.

"No, he can stay. I want him to know. I'm tired of carrying around this huge secret. It's tearing me up inside." Now I was really wondering what kind of dirt my father had on her.

"Abe is not blackmailing me or at least not really. It's just that my family owes him so much," she started. Adrian had closed and locked the door and we were now all sitting together each of us on one side of her for support. She looked like she was about to fall apart.

"You know how I told you that I wouldn't be stuck doing this if it weren't for my older sister deciding not to be an alchemist and running away with her boyfriend?" We both nodded.

"Well when I was ten my older sister Florence (don't know if that is right, but go with it.) decided that she was tired of studying to be an alchemist and wanted nothing to do with us."

"So she ran away?" I asked.

"Not exactly. Well she did run away with her boyfriend, but it was more than that." The look in her eyes as she spoke was haunted like she was remembering something traumatic.

"You don't have to tell us if you don't want," I offered. She seemed distraught and I didn't want to be the reason she came apart.

"No I need to do this for myself. I need to stop being afraid of what people will think."

She took a deep breath before continuing and Adrian rubbed her back supportively.

"She didn't run away and get married. That is what my father tells people. It's the cover story. She ran away and…" she paused.
"She willingly turned Strigoi," she said breaking down into sobs. Of all the things I was expecting to hear that was not even in the top ten. I'd thought drugs, alcohol abuse, unwanted pregnancy or maybe she'd run off to become a stripper, but an alchemist turning Strigioi was unheard of. It was the biggest scandal I'd ever heard. It was even bigger than Tasha killing Queen Tatiana.

"It was so shameful. My father was devastated." From the way she was trembling I knew there was more to the story.

"One night she came back for us. She was going to turn us all against our will to teach my parents a lesson for trying to control her. She and her boyfriend who also turned broke into our house and would have killed us except my parents had a guest that night."

"Abe," I breathed. She nodded.

"We were helpless, defenseless against two strigoi and we would have all died, but your father heard the commotion from his room and he and his guardians came to our rescue. He lit both of them on fire and then his guardians took them down. We owe him our lives."

That definitely sounded like Abe. My father the hero, I thought. Her story was tragic and I felt nothing but compassion for her, but I couldn't help but be proud of my father.

"So your family owes Abe for saving your lives?" Adrian asked.

"Not just for that. If the rest of the alchemists found out what happened and it got out to the council that my sister turned willingly, our family would have been shamed and probably killed. It's an unwritten rule amongst the alchemists that if one of us were ever to turn, the entire family would pay with their lives." She sniffed.

"Your father took care of the bodies and paid to have our house fixed. He came up with a cover story and paid witnesses to say that our house was burglarized by a human gang. He also faked pictures of my sister and her boyfriend from their supposed wedding so no one would wonder what happened to her. Abe Mazur is the kindest man I know, but my family has lived in fear that someday he would ask us to repay the favor. That is why I do everything he asks. He doesn't make me. I'm just afraid if I get on his bad side that he will tell."

"Oh Syd, I had no idea you'd been through so much. You know that you have nothing to worry about. My father would never tell anyone. Like you said he is a good man."

"Everyone has skeletons in their family closet. The Ivashkov's have more scandals than anyone. We just pay people to keep quiet," Adrian said sympathizing.

"You know we of all people would never judge you or your family," I told her.

She nodded. "I know. That is why I helped you and Dimitri when you were accused of murder. I know what it is like to have someone I love turn into an evil being. I would give anything for a second chance with her. I couldn't let yours go to waste because you were framed."

"You are one hell of a woman Sydney Sage," Adrian told her wiping the tears from her eyes.

"That you are," I agreed.

"I won't tell anyone and Abe will keep it a secret as long as he lives, I'm sure of that, but if I might suggest something," I said.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"Talk to Dimitri. He needs someone to talk to and I think that the two of you could help each other work through your pain and fear. You could also talk to Christian. He's been through the same thing."

"If there is one person who would truly understand it would be him," Adrian agreed.

"Maybe I will," she said. I left her and Adrian and rejoined the party having wiped the tears I'd shed for her and her family out of my eyes. It was good to finally know her story, but hell to know what she'd been through. It made me love Abe more than ever though. I was so proud that he was my father.

"There you are, I've been looking for you. Eddie said he thought he'd seen you, Sydney and Ivashkov go into the bedroom." He looked at me questioningly.

"Yea, we like a little ménage a trois every now and then," I said with a wink, watching in amusement as his jaw dropped and his fists clenched.

"You know I'm kidding right?"

"It wasn't funny," he growled grabbing me around the waist. "Remember what I said about finishing it later," he whispered in my ear, sending tingling sensations all through my body.

"Uh huh," I mumbled.

"It's later," he said excusing us from the party and thanking our friends for a lovely evening.

So we have answers about Sydney's family secret. How many of you guessed it? Next chapter we are back at Lehigh. Beware it is going to be a really bumpy ride. In case you were wondering, the errand Sydney ran a few chapters ago was to go to Istanbul and pick up the watch. Abe wouldn't want it to fall into the wrong hands. It's a family heirloom. He also only asks her to do those things because he is fond of her family and feels fatherly towards her. He's not a blackmailer. He got her the job at court so she could be safe and escape a worse punishment from the alchemist's council. How many people think Lissa's issues with the darkness are over? Please Review=)