Here you go guys! This is the next chapter and I hope you enjoy it! Sorry it has taken so long! Please read my AN at the bottom as well. You guys are great! thanks SCC for being my beta as usual :)
JPOV
Take my hands and keep them busy again for I think I'm losing my whole belief system
I keep a lot of problems in my head sometimes and I keep on forgetting.
So take my hands and keep them busy again.
Save me a place inside the quiet.
I don't hate, 'cause I see it in everyone around and lately I've been losing truth.
Faith, I have been losing too.
I sang as I strummed my guitar loudly. Sitting on my bed in my room, I looked around at all the boxes pack to go away in storage and stared at my bags by the door. I can't believe I'm doing this, I'm such a fucking idiot. I was torn between Bella and Esme, but at least Charlie understood. God forbid Bella ever found out that I have been talking to Charlie… she'd be mad, and hopefully more with me than Charlie. I loved Bella. I still do I love her with my whole being, but I know she will never forgive me for this. I've fucked us up one too many times.
I could't stand the feeling I was pulling her down with me, I couldn't stand the feeling that she constantly worried about me, I couldn't stand the feeling that I couldn't be strong for her like I'm supposed to be. I feel weak, and she doesn't deserve that. She deserves much much better than that. She deserves an emotionally stable boyfriend who isn't plagued with death. That's how Carlisle and Esme put it, well at least that's how it translated bluntly.
When I started telling Esme no, she wouldn't even listen to it. I love my aunt but sometimes she just needs to get her way. Of course I understand that she is doing this out of love, and I know she is doing this because she cares about me but she doesn't understand what she has asked me to leave behind. I love my life here and she's asking me to change that. Change isn't something more I need right now, but when she brought up my mother… It made me start to rethink my answer to her. Then she started going on about how Carlisle and her were talking about all my "trauma" and how I should be taken care of (I wanted to argue Bella would take care of me, but that added to the feeling that Bella deserved someone strong and she didn't need another person to rely on her).
Max sat at my feet and whimpered softly. "Me too Buddy," I murmured in response as I patted his head.
Esme called then, making sure everything was going smoothly for me. She wishes she could be here with me but she couldn't get a flight any sooner than Friday, two days from now. I told her it was fine. Then whole time I'm on the phone I'm staring out the windows of my room, into the backyard on this horrible rainy day, thinking about what Bella is doing right now and how she is feeling. I'd hate me too… Hell, Annie even hates me. I think Daniel kind of understands but he's still siding with the girls. Annie and I got into it the day after I broke it off with Bella. She was fuming, and it has been a long time since she has been that way with me. I deserved that, and I deserved much much more.
"Jasper?" Esme asked when I didn't respond to her.
"Pardon?" I apologized.
With sigh I could hear the sadness in her voice, "I'm sorry Jasper. I feel like you're hating me for all of this."
"No, Esme. I don't hate you. I understand completely," I sighed. "I promise, I just… It'll take some getting used to again."
I almost thought I heard her sniffle before she spoke again. "I love you Jasper, I know we haven't spoken in a while and I'm so sorry for that."
"I love you too Esme. I'll see you Friday."
We said our goodbyes and after I hung up I continued to look out the window, feeling like this rain was a plague of my life. The rain represented much more than sadness, it represented the flood inside of me of the weakness and pain I refuse to show.
BPOV
Meanwhile
"Hey Bells, cheer up. We just went shopping with you for five hours," Daniel said lightly, pulling me close to him in the back of the cruiser.
Instead of sitting by the window as usual, I curled up next to Daniel in the middle seat. My twin was the only person to give me true comfort like this, other than Jasper of course but we are over... I think it had to do with our twin telepathy. Dad sighed from the front seat, "Daniel's right Bella. It's not the end of the world."
I'm sure that's what you said when Mom left too, I thought sarcastically. "I know it's not but he's being so stupid! It completely irks me," I grumbled.
"He feels like he's doing the right thing," Dad said. "You can't judge a man for that."
"You're siding with my ex-boyfriend?" I asked. "I'm sure pretty sure dads are supposed to want to kick their butts instead."
"I'm not siding Kid," Dad chuckled. "I can just see where he is coming from. I know you love him, and I know it hurts. Sure will it take a while to get over him? Yes. But can you do it? Yes. You're in high school Bella, you still have college to get through. Things change, people change. Jasper might even come back to Forks, if his aunt situation doesn't work out."
"Well he better not come crawling back to me," I grumbled again even though that's exactly what I would want him to do.
Dad chuckled again. "I said the same thing about your mom but I didn't mean it. Besides, look at me now, I've got Lisa and I'm happier than I have been in a long time."
Daniel and I laughed. "Thanks Dad."
"No problem Bella. Man, this storm is getting worse. Good thing we are only twenty minutes outside Forks, otherwise I would've been pulling off now." Dad comments.
"I agree," Daniel said as he held me against him.
I hated being like that. I hated seemly like one of these kind of girls but I could't get over him and I couldn't believe he could let me go so easily. If his aunt hadn't said anything to him, then he never would have done this. He still would've been with me, and over time I could've helped him get through it all. I started to doze off lightly through our drive, finding the rain soothing but suddenly I heard a loud honk and saw a flash of headlights.
JPOV
"There you go Max," I smiled as I put more food in his bowl before I sat to eat my own dinner.
The house felt so quiet and empty with just me and Max in it. I don't remember it feeling that way when I first moved here. It feels like it's missing something. Or someone.
"I keep drinking malted milk, trying to drive my blues away. I keep drinking malted milk, trying to drive my blues away. Baby, you're just as welcome to my loving as the flowers is in May. Malted milk, keep rushing to my head. And I have a funny, funny feeling and I'm talking all out of my head." I sang Eric Clapton's Malted Milk while eating until my phone rang, and I didn't recognize the number.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hello, Jasper Whitlock?" a woman said on the other end.
"Yes?" I answered a little confused.
"This is Forks Hospital calling."
Ok guys! Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it! PLEASE let me know what you think! And as for the songs (malted milk by eric clapton and Work In Progress by the Dangerous Summer) they are all on my website here: cantdecodeme (.) weebly (.) com (/) save-me (.) html (please go check it out. I work on hard on putting all this on)
AN: Okay and here is some kind of (i guess) big news... I'm thinking about quitting FanFiction after I finish Music Savior and my other little on going stories. I have a poll on my profile about people who want me to stay. I want to stay but I feel like I work really hard at trying to post things quickly and make a dead line for myself but no one ends up reading them anymore and it has really been stifling my enthusiasm as a writer to post on here. I might as well just write and not post because if no one is gonna read it than I shouldn't have to rush myself. Its sounds selfish but I don't know how else to put and that's how I feel.
I would really appreciate comments on what you think about this issue.
Thanks agains guys for all your support and especially to those who have stuck with me since day one with Wake Up Call and Final Thoughts.