I've got only two more chapters planned – stay with me!
One way at a time, the peace will grow and fill our empty souls.
"Incoming trauma, 20 year-old with crush injuries to the chest and abdomen, unresponsive on scene and in critical condition," a nurse called from the desk phone. "Paramedics are two minutes out, stand by."
"That's us," Owen said grimly. "Teddy, you ready?"
It was her first day back at work in the hospital that had since become her home, the first time in months that she stood on this ground as the surgeon she was. In her heart, she knew this was supposed to feel right – so why was she so damn scared?
"Please. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself," Teddy quipped, her voice reedy with nerves.
Owen had known her long enough to see right through the bravado, but he humored her anyway. "If you say so."
"I do," Teddy said, more so to reassure herself than Owen. Stalking out of the ER towards the ambulance bay, she wasted no time awaiting Owen's reply. She'd sworn to herself the night before that this day would be no different than her last rotation on the day shift – unduly hectic, feverish and most of all, satisfying. Today, she would save lives.
That was probably why she was so irked when Owen insisted on pissing on her parade.
"There's no problem with taking a slow day – you know that, right?" Owen reminded Teddy tentatively as he joined her outside in the freezing rain.
"Owen, don't patronize me. I'm fine. I'm a hundred percent on my game and I think I'd fare a little better without you reading into my every move," Teddy snapped, injecting every ounce of sharpness she could into her words.
"Ouch," Owen said, but with a smile. "You're right – there's no need to doubt you. You'll kick ass today."
Teddy was about to thank him with a grin, but at that moment an ambulance rounded the corner, all skidding wheels and whining sirens.
"Car versus truck, this guy's on the losing side," the young paramedic frantically said jumping out the back of the bus. "BP is a hundred over sixty, pulse one-oh-five. I tried to bring it down but there wasn't anything more –"
"Thanks, we'll take it from here," Teddy cut her off abruptly. "The jugular is distended; it looks like his chest is filling up with blood. Trauma 2, inbound! Somebody get me a portable ultrasound." Teddy called out, feeling the first trickle of adrenaline make her heart beat faster. Oh, how good it felt to be back; to save lives once again.
Smiling to himself, Owen followed in Teddy's wake, IV fluid bag in his hand. He missed having Teddy around, the dauntless hurricane she was – if anyone could make you feel empowered, it was her.
Teddy already had the ultrasound in her hand by the time Owen reached her side.
"Yep, it's a tension hemothorax. Prep a chest tube tray, stat! You want to evacuate the blood, Hunt?"
"Don't mind if I do," Owen murmured, picking up the instruments.
"Place the drain anteriorly; he's definitely got a couple broken ribs." Teddy instructed.
"I'm not stupid, Teddy; it's not like I haven't already done a thousand of these," Owen said amusedly.
"Yeah, but this is a teaching hospital," Teddy bantered back. To an observing intern, she quickly fired off: "You – why are we placing the drain anteriorly and not posteriorly?"
"Uh…" The intern stalled, probably wondering why an unfamiliar face was running the trauma with the Chief wrapped around her little finger.
"Well?" Teddy prompted, staunching blood from the lacerations painting the man's chest red.
"I – I don't know," the intern stammered, looking as pale as the patient on the gurney.
Teddy rolled her eyes, but a grin was lighting up her face. Turning to Owen, "You're really smart, aren't you, Chief? Why are you placing that drain anteriorly, then?"
Owen looked up at her incredulously, shaking his head and trying to hold back a laugh. "You're unbelievable."
Teddy would have stuck her tongue out under different circumstances, but as it was, she couldn't resist giving Owen a smirk. "Are you done with that or not? We've got to get going. There's no time for a CT; he's circling the drain. Get an OR prepped for us, will you? We'll need to mend the damage done to his thoracic cavity if we're going to save this man."
"You got it," Owen assured. It seemed like all the missing puzzle pieces in the world were finally falling into place.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Time was running out for the man on the table, and Teddy knew it. She couldn't stumble now. In her mind, she was building up an armory – those memories couldn't hurt her if they couldn't touch her.
And then the door swung open.
The stale air of the scrub room hit her like a shattered memory; tactile, in a sense that just the sheer feeling of it sent her stumbling into a broken history she wished she could forget. Teddy had been at home in this place before – so why was it that all she could feel was foreboding?
And in that moment it all came crashing back down again. It was strife of the worst possible kind – on the one hand, she was dying to quench that raging thirst to prove herself; on the other hand, she held all her doubts and insecurities in her fists. Teddy knew that this was not the time or place to concede and betray herself to weakness, but what if she wasn't ready? What if she couldn't be good enough to save that man's life?
But Teddy knew what she was really thinking of. The last time she'd been in an OR, it was as a patient and not as the lead surgeon on the case. That was a time of the crude, biting fear that had been eating her from the outside in. Then, she'd been the one who needed saving.
Owen could see it in her eyes; the consternation that had never been there before was setting in, and it hurt him to see it. He'd thought she was over all of this, but apparently he was wrong. Unsure, his fingers faltered on their way to helping Teddy with the knot at the back of her gown.
"You okay?" Owen asked, concerned.
Teddy's losses had inexorably stolen her fire, her ability to dive head-on into terror and fear without a second thought. But what she'd held on so tightly to all this time was the bravery that had seen her through it all. And right then, she knew what she had to do.
"I'm good," Teddy said, voice holding an earnest determination that set Owen's apprehensions straight once again.
With that, she stalked into the OR with her head held high; raising her hands to be gloved, it was now or never – either she'd prove herself, or she wouldn't. And in the end, it was all up to her.
Addie watched on, trepidation making the blood run like ice through her veins. Her shift had been over for an hour now, but she knew she had to stay, to make sure that Teddy would be okay. Seeing the man lying draped on the table, she knew this surgery would be no easy feat.
Teddy was taking a long time in the scrub room. Addie couldn't see clearly from where she stood in the gallery, but it looked like Owen was in there with her – doing what? Talking her into taking an easy day? It didn't come entirely as a surprise to Addie when she felt a twinge of jealousy that she couldn't be in there with her.
Was Teddy really ready for this? Addie couldn't help but think that Owen had thrown Teddy to the dogs, somewhat, by allowing her to come back to work so soon. The hushed soul Addie had witnessed the past couple months at home didn't measure up to the surgeon Teddy once was – and could be, given time. But this surgery wasn't giving Teddy any time at all.
Addie was on the verge on vacating the gallery and demanding that the surgery be taken out of Teddy's hands, but at that moment Teddy entered the OR. Gasping, Addie felt her heart brimming with an incomprehensible pride.
The look on Teddy's face was nothing less than a fervent thirst to save a life.
It was only after the patient was on his way to post-op when the realization finally set in. But slowly, surely, a grin crept up Teddy's lips, and soon enough she was beaming.
"Nice work in there," Owen said sincerely.
"You didn't do too bad yourself," Teddy joked back.
"Thanks," he replied dryly.
The banter came fluently, just as it had all those years ago in Iraq. It was an inspiriting feeling, this; Owen had lost Teddy for far too long, but now she had finally come home.
"I'm so proud of you," Addie exclaimed, rounding the corner just as Teddy finished scrubbing.
"I did it, didn't I?" Teddy gasped, radiance lighting her skin a glowing pink for the first time since she could remember. It was warm everywhere, a strange sort of comforting, and her excitement was as relentless as a rising wave. Rushing forward, she threw herself into Addie's arms.
"You sure did," Addie smiled, planting a kiss in Teddy's hair. "I knew you could."
Whichever lucky stars had allowed Teddy to pull through this, she owed them – she'd saved a life, and now she had the confidence to save many more.
The joy Addie took in seeing the lines of Teddy's face crease in a smile and not sadness had a place beyond words in her heart. She stood straight and proud, no longer enslaved to her misgivings – and Addie meant it when she whispered: "Yesterday's nothing but history."
And tomorrow will shelter our dreams.
That's it for now; I hope you enjoyed this. I'm sorry it was a little disjointed in places, I rushed this more than I'd like to admit.