Ch 36 It wasn't a dream afterall

A/n: This is THE SURPRISE CHAPTER...enjoy:)

BPOV

I woke up to the smallest amount of light peeking through the blinds. I knew it still had to be early but I had to know this was not all a dream.

Things like yesterday just do not happen to me. My life hasn't involved that type of luck.

But, it was real. It wasn't a dream afterall.

I'm lying smothered in Edward Cullen's arms. I sighed and drew in a deep breath.

He smelled positively radiant. All man and something sweet but musky.

I think I'm still in shock.

When I realized it was him in the grocery store I was completely bamboozled. I felt like I had an out of body experience. I felt like I was that shy eleven year old girl again, with a secret crush on the older guy. He had grown into a beautiful man; exactly as I always imagined he would.

But it all happened so fast, I met him, he shocked me with his revelation that Renee had lied to me about. I shouldn't have been surprised.

Then there was Alice and her reappearance, his confession that he loved me and then later he admitted he wanted to marry me.

But, the biggest event of that day was his giving me my first kiss. I can replay it from memory in perfect recall. Every single detail. Every single thought. Every single sensation I experienced.

My head was still in a tailspin.

I had missed the Cullens more than I could ever express in words. They were like my real family from the time I first met Alice in pre-school until the moment I sat in the backseat of my mom's car as we drove away.

They accepted me. They loved me. They geniunely cared about me. I was always welcomed and cherished in their home. Moving away from them had hurt my heart in ways that I could not describe.

Alice was the sister I needed to be strong and confident. She also kept me social and active insteading of hiding in my books. She made me giggle and be girly, without her I don't think I'd be half of what I am today. She was a force of nature and I allowed myself to channel some of her spirit as I grew up without her. I always wanted to be as outspoken and outgoing as she was.

Esme was the warm, loving mother that my own mother should have been but never was. She tended to my hair and kept me clothed decently when Renee couldn't be bothered. She even tended to me while I was sick. I had the chicken pox when I was seven, Renee had no problem allowing me to stay at the Cullen's due to Alice having them too. Esme was warm and caring, her arms always ready to give a hug and her words showed love and respect.

Carlisle was a wonderful father-figure, as well. I know that Charlie loved me but with his job and dealing with Renee, I got pushed to the way side. Carlisle offered me guidance and discipline when I needed it. It warms my heart to think of the kindness he always showed me.

But Edward...I missed him more than all of the rest. I had always been drawn to him but when he tended my knee when I was seven years old, I fell in love with him. He was my hero, my protector. I never thought of him like a big brother, ever. He was my idea of Prince Charming.

My heart had always belonged to the man whose arms encircled me in a vice grip. I stared at his sleeping form and my heart swelled with love.

He loved me. He wanted me. He wanted to make his wife someday.

GAH! Could I really be enough for him? I mean, before him I had never held hands with anyone or kissed them. He's gorgeous and kind and smart and …...I'm just me.

Plain ole Bella. Boring Bella as the mean girls at work call me.

I run my finger along his cheek. I could hope and dream, right? I could pray that he means what he said. That our fairy tale will come true?

I feel the tears form in my eyes and I can't do anything to stop them.

I want that so badly. I want the life he spoke of; moving to Forks, having a family, being near Carlisle and Esme. The tears start to fall at the thought of never having that and for the actual reality that it could happen.

I want to be his. All of me. I want him to touch me. I want him to feel me. I want to see that huge package he's always sporting. I want to know what it's like to take him inside of me.

I think I need to change my panties now. I was mortified he would smell me all day yesterday. I was so embarrassed about all the times I found myself wet in the panties. I'm sure I would have gone through a weeks supply of underwear just yesterday alone.

UGH, I really need a shower. But I don't want to leave the comfort of his arms, the warmth of his body or the feel of that enormous penis that is poking my belly. I don't know if something that big will fit inside of me, but he's going to be a doctor, so I'm sure he'll think of some way to make it work.

I sigh again, a doctor...and a pediatrician to boot. I feel like I should pinch myself at the luck I seem to have found in Edward.

He's so perfect. I'm so flawed.

I want to be good enough for him. I want to look perfect on his arm. I want him to be proud to call me his girlfriend.

I know that Alice can help me with all of that stuff. It's what she does best.

And her little 'losing your virginity' speech was making me nervous. I know about sex even though I haven't had it yet. And I trust Edward to never hurt me unnecessarily.

But what if I'm no good. What if I can't please him? He'll break my heart and move on to some perfect looking, confident woman and I'll be all alone again.

I stare at him and close my eyes, feeling the tears flow down my cheeks.

Please don't let him break my heart. I've loved him all my life. I need him for the rest of my life.

I tighten my grip on him and snuggle a little deeper into his arms. I listen to the sound of his breathing. I hear the thump of his heartbeat against his chest.

Please let me be all that he wants and needs, I pray.

And to think, I found all of this because of those damn peas.