Chapter 37

"Minefields Surrender"

Gotham

Alfred casually walked to the front door of Wayne Manor and opened it. Standing there in a formal evening gown was Shayera Hol. Alfred glanced down to see the mace in her hand and then straightened his bowtie.

"You must be Miss Hol," Alfred said. "Please come in. Master Wayne will be with you momentarily."

She nodded and entered the house, her eyes scanning over its size and obvious wealth.

"You look lovely, if I may say."

"Thank you, it's Alfred, isn't it,' she replied.

"Yes, miss, it is."

Shayera nodded and absently tapped her mace against her palm as she looked around.

"That's an interesting accessory you have, miss,' Alfred observed. "Quite daring, most young women would have gone with a clutch purse."

"Oh, um, ah, I like to be prepared,' she lamely offered.

"I was under the impression it was a party you were attending, not fisticuffs."

"That remains to be seen," Shayera replied. "Your 'Mr. Wayne' can be very infuriating at times."

"That's probably true,' Alfred admitted. "And yet you're going up with him again."

"I know, I don't get it either."

"If I may suggest, miss, perhaps he's as interested and confused as you are," Alfred said.

"Bruce? Confused? You've met him, right,' Shayera asked. "I mean you know what he does and who he is, don't you? Confused isn't the word I'd ever use to describe him."

"Yes Miss Hol, I know what you're referring to, but I would suggest it is in that role he is most comfortable and assured," Alfred replied. "If it helps, I've known Master Bruce all his life. He doesn't ask a lady out more than once unless he's interested."

"How about Selina Kyle?"

'A fascinating woman, Miss Kyle" Alfred offered. "Again, though, I would point out he asked you out, Miss Hol, not Miss Kyle."

"I suppose," Shayera reluctantly admitted. "He just did it in such a sneaky way, though."

"I would suggest to you we all fall back on what we know when it comes to getting what we want," Alfred replied. He glanced down at her mace and then looking into her eyes. "I think you know what I mean?"

"I suppose."

The sound of the library door opening caused them both to turn and see Bruce Wayne step into the room.

"Sorry I was delayed, Shayera," he said. "You look lovely tonight."

"Thank you, so do you,' she replied.

"If I'm needed, Alfred, you know how to reach me."

"Of course, sir."

"Well then,' he said to Shayera. "Shall we get this second date underway?"

"Third date,' she replied.

"Yes, right, third date," he corrected himself. They started moving towards the door. "Second one I asked you on."

Shayera stopped and gripped her mace a little tighter.

"It's the third, Bruce and we're not leaving till we get this straight!"

"It's the third date, I already admitted that,' he replied.

"And?"

"And what?"

"And the third date you asked me on,' she fired at him.

"Second."

"Bruce, damn it, it was the third!" She shouted. Shayera slammed her mace into her hand and turned towards Alfred. "Alfred, you be the arbiter, he won't admit he asked me out three times."

"The first time, Huntress asked if I would take you out, so that doesn't count," Bruce added.

"You specifically said how about Thursday, I'll pick you up at seven! That qualifies as asking me out, so it's three," Shayera countered.

"No it doesn't, tell her Alfred," Bruce replied. The two of them turned to look at the older man. He glanced back and forth at them.

"I would tend to support Miss Hol on this, Master Bruce,' Alfred said.

"See? I was right!"

Bruce looked over and saw the satisfied smile on her face and then turned back to Alfred.

"You're selling me out, Alfred? I am still technically your employer I might point out."

"True, but Miss Hol has a mace in her hands," Alfred replied. "I thought it wise to agree with her at the moment."

"Very diplomatic of you."

"So admit it,' Shayera said to him.

"Okay, it's the third time," Bruce replied. "Now can we go?"

"Yes."

Alfred opened the door for them and being a gentleman, Bruce let her go first. As he followed and was just about out the door, he turned and whispered to Alfred.

"It's really the second time, you know that, don't you?"

"Bruce! I heard that,' Shayera shouted.

"Have a pleasant evening, both of you," Alfred smoothly replied and closed the door.

The Javelin

A thoroughly soaked Zatanna walked inside and dropped down into one of the chairs. Following her was a concerned Clark, an amorous Princess Sabine and a distracted Wally still carrying a large bucket of water.

"Just say the word, Zee, if you start to feel like you're going to float, I'm ready," Wally said. She turned her gaze towards him and she did not look happy. Brushing her wet tangled hair from her face, Zatanna flicked her hand and water splashed on the deck.

"Are you trying to drowned me?"

"Just trying to make up for letting you slip away earlier, Zee,' Wally replied. The Princess took this moment to run her hand along Wally's back. "Hey! One crisis at a time, please."

"How are you holding up, Zatanna,' Clark asked.

"Well, besides being cold and wet, I'm tired,' she said. The other three moved over and took seats by her.

"You do look haggard, Zatanna," Sabine said.

"Well, having buckets of water dumped on you kind of does that."

"But you're not floating,' Wally added. "Give the word, I'm ready!"

"I think you're enjoying this a little too much, Wally," Zee said. "Are you doing it to get me back for turning you into a kite?"

"Me?" Wally gave her his most innocent smile. "I'm shocked you would even suggest that, Zatanna."

"You are, aren't you,' she replied. "I'm even too tired to hit you. Princess, would you please?"

Sabine reached over smacked Wally across the face. He was stunned, his mouth hanging open in shock. Clark and Zee were equally taken aback. Sabine looked at the others and a confused look came over her lovely countenance.

"What? Was that not how it is done,' she asked.

"Well, no, that's not how it's done!" Wally replied. "You slap my face if I say something offensive, not do something offensive! Like this!"

Wally reached over and smacked Zee on the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"See? There are rules about this sort of thing. Jeez, don't you people do anything else except, well you know, around here? By the way, for a little thing, you pack a wallop, Sabine. I think I'm going to have you handprint on my face for a week."

"Try again, Princess," Zee said as she rubbed her shoulder. Sabine immediately reached over and smacked Wally hard on the shoulder.

"Ease up! Ow! It's not a blood sport! It's a light tap, not a haul off and hit someone as hard as you can thing,' Wally complained. He started to rub his shoulder too.

"Okay, let's get back to the real problem, please,' Clark finally interjected. "If you feel the need to hit someone, hit me, I'm invulnerable."

Sabine immediately reached over and smacked him just as hard.

"Ow! That hurt,' she complained. She began to rub her hand and frowned. Zee and Wally shared a small smile.

"Now that you have that out of your system, I think we need to find a more permanent solution to Zee's curse."

"Well how do they stop it in the fairy tale," Wally asked.

"The Light Princess finally cries," Zee explained.

"So if I understand this right, you cry and it's over,' Wally replied.

"I suppose, but I'm not really unhappy," Zee offered. "I mean, yeah, I'm worn out and soaking wet, but I really don't feel like crying."

"Pull out a nose hair,' Wally suggested. Both Sabine and Zatanna made a face at this suggestion.

"Maybe we should try something less drastic,' Clark suggested. "Why don't you try and think of something sad? Perhaps that will make you cry."

"Like what?"

"Your father,' Clark offered.

"I already thought of that, it's just that I've already cried so much over his death I can't seem to cry any more,' Zee replied.

"How about imagining you pigged out on nothing but fudge for a couple of months and become like a real porker and can only shop at Lane Bryant,' Wally offered. "That costume wasn't intended for an extra plus size gal, wasn't it? I can almost picture the fat squeezing it's way out of those fishnets."

'Sad, Wally, not angry,' Zee growled.

"Okay, how about a busload of nuns going off a bridge,' Wally suggested.

"Is that one of those stupid what's black and white and red all over jokes Plastic man is always telling,' Clark asked. Zatanna scowled at Wally.

"Princess," Zee said. Sabine immediately backhanded Wally, nearly knocking him off his chair.

"Ow! That hurt! Really, honey, I know you have problems with moderation, but come on, work with me here!"

"I didn't even hit you full strength,' Sabine countered.

"Are you kidding, you started that from your shoe tops! What are you lifting weights on the side or something? Moderation! Please, don't you have that word in your native tongue?"

"Yes, of course," Sabine replied. She went on to say it in her native language. The other three were clueless.

"Okay, forget that, how about you hit Supes if you fell the urge from now on?"

"I'd rather not,' Sabine said. "It hurts hitting him, while you are much softer."

"You really know how to stroke a guy's ego, don't you,' Wally sarcastically said. Sabine smiled at this and ran her hand up Wally's thigh under the table. He quickly jerked away.

"Not what I meant! You are really lovely, Sabine, I'm mean lovely, but you kind of focus on one thing, don't you? Moderation, let's try that again, please?"

Sabine reluctantly nodded and Wally slipped back into his chair. Zatanna leaned against Clark, almost as if the effort to sit up was too much for her.

"I'm just so tired,' Zee groaned. "I feel like every muscle in my body aches. I just want to sleep."

"Come on, Zee, stay with me," Clark urged. "Try and think of something that will make you cry."

"I still say nose hair, works every time,' Wally said.

"I'm so tired, I can' think of anything. I'm sorry," Zee offered.

"It's okay, we'll fight this together, honey, I promise,' Clark gently said, kissing her on the forehead.

"Never knowing love,' Sabine quietly stated.

"Excuse me,' Zee asked.

"Imagine hearing of love your whole life, seeing it all around you, yet it slips by,' Sabine said. "Or worse, imagine knowing it, but being afraid to reach for it. Imagine looking back on your life and realizing you didn't have love in it because you were too afraid to take the chance."

They all sat there for a moment in silence as Sabine's words sunk in. Zee glanced over at Clark and then felt a tear start to roll down her cheek.

"Wally?" Sabine said to him.

"I think I got something in my eye,' he managed to reply. "Just give me a moment."

The Watchtower

Dinah, Mari and Jonn sat in the cafeteria on break. They were discussing some of the latest missions, when Vigilante walked in. He loudly said howdy to everyone as he got a cup of coffee and then headed back out.

'What's up with him,' Dinah asked.

"What do you mean," Jonn asked.

"He seems way too happy,' Diana replied.

"Yeah, what's up with all the howdys and calling everyone pardner,' Mari added.

"Why is him being in a good mood a problem exactly,' Jonn asked.

"He's in too good a mood, Jonn,' Dinah explained. "He's practically beaming from ear to ear."

"He has a mask on, how could you possibility know he's smiling?"

'Even with the mask, you can tell,' Dinah said. "I think he's actually strutting. There's definitely something going on with him."

"He acts like he got laid or something,' Mari offered.

"Yes, that it! Jonn, do a quick scan of him and see who it was,' Dinah said.

"I'm not going to invade his privacy like that, Dinah,' he countered.

"Oh, come on, I'm not asking you to mess with his mind, just a quick peak."

"I'm sorry, no, Dinah." Jonn stood up and was about to leave.

"Okay, I'm sorry to put you in that position, Jonn,' Dinah quickly said. "Please, sit back down."

"All right,' he replied and resumed his seat.

"So if you had to guess, who would you say he slept with,' Dinah immediately asked.

"I wouldn't guess,' Jonn firmly said.

"Lady Blackhawk,' Mari excitedly offered.

"Lady Blackhawk? Why,' Dinah asked.

"I don't know, her name just popped into my head,' Mari admitted.

"I don't believe they even know each other, Mari,' Jonn said. "You should refrain from wildly speculating about our teammates like that."

"Sorry, yeah, you're right,' Mari replied.

"Besides, that was a terrible guess,' Dinah chimed in. "We have to do this logically, if Jonn's not going to be a friend and scan him."

"Which I'm not,' Jonn quickly added.

"Thought you might reconsider,' Dinah admitted. "Moving on, we know Vigilante hangs out with Wildcat and Shining Knight. So logically we need to look at…"

"Big Barda,' Mari exclaimed.

Dinah and Jonn turned and gave her a puzzled look.

"Oh, right, she's married."

"You are really horrible at this, you know,' Dinah said.

The Circus

The fairy tale characters were all gathered under the big top. Showtime wasn't for a few hours, but Scaramouche had called them together.

"So what is it this time,' Snowball asked. "He probably wants us all to take pay cuts. That's what happens when you don't control the means of production! You're just wage slaves to the Man!"

"I thought you were on about the Aristos,' the third witch asked. "Now it's the Man?"

"Aristos was too obscure for most, so I went with the modern parlance,' Snowball explained.

"Who exactly is the Man in this case, anyway,' Steve the ogre asked.

'If I understand the metaphor right," Pete the Dragon said. "Scaramouche would be the Man, wouldn't he?"

"Now that's what I thought too, at first,' Punch spoke up. "The problem with that interpretation is that he doesn't own the circus, does he? He would be just another wage slave in Snowball's scenario."

"Than it's the Queen of Fables, right,' the second witch said. 'She's the real boss, so it has to be her, doesn't it?"

"I'd prefer we didn't talk about the Queen if you don't mind,' The Big Bad Wolf said.

"But wouldn't she be just another cog in the wheel,' Steve the ogre offered. "If we're getting metaphysical here, than ultimately some unnamed Deity would be the ultimate Man, wouldn't he?"

"See I didn't take it that far,' the third witch replied. "Maybe I'm narrow casting here, but I thought the pig's agitprop was more of the Workers of the World Unite variety."

"Boy, he just won't let that go, will he,' Punch observed.

"It worked on the farm,' Snowball shouted. "I need a drink! You people don't have the sense to throw off your chains or even see them!"

"Now is chains a metaphor, too,' Pete the Dragon asked.

Before anyone could answer, Scaramouche came in carrying a stack of papers.

"Friends! Friends! Gather round," he shouted. "I bring the means of our freedom!"

"What?"

"Asylum applications! I talked to the deputy registrar and all we have to do is prove we're magical in nature and fill out the correct paperwork. Oh, and have it notarized of course."

"I've got my notary license," the first witch piped up. Everyone cheered.

"I'm surrounded by file clerks,' Snowball grumbled.

The Javelin

Zee was bawling, the tears streaming down her face. Clark sat next to her, holding her and letting her cry it out. Sabine sat with her head down, a frown marring her beauty.

"I told myself I wasn't going to cry,' Wally murmured. "But it gets you right here, you know."

His lower lip quivered as he looked away.

'It's okay, it's okay,' Clark whispered, rubbing Zee's shoulders.

"Thanks, Big Blue, I appreciate that,' Wally said. "I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip, but I'm only human."

"I was talking to Zee, Wally."

Zatanna wiped her red, puffy eyes and looked up at Clark.

"I don't understand,' she said. "I'm crying, but it's not working. According to the fairy tale I cry and the curse goes away. It's still there, I can feel it, and I'm going to still float."

In the next moment, Wally picked up the bucket of water and drenched both Zee and Clark.

"Thanks,' Clark said, wiping the water from his eye. Zatanna pushed a soaked lock of hair away from her face and glared at Wally.

"Princess!"

Sabine immediately backhanded Wally, this time knocking him off his chair.

"Owww! Damn it, honey, moderation, please!" Wally groaned as he got back up and sat down. "I swear if you weren't so hot, I think you were trying to kill me!"

Gotham

The party was in full swing. Bruce and Shayera had been dancing together all night. They had also been verbally sparring the whole night.

"Look, just admit it was underhanded how you asked me out, will you,' Shayera said.

"No,' Bruce said, shaking his head. "You practically begged me to ask you out again. What was I supposed to do?"

Shayera stopped dancing and stood glaring at him.

"What? I begged you," Shayera gasped. "That's a laugh! You were all Mr. Devious getting me upset so you could sneak asking me out in. I said yes before I even knew what was happening."

It was Bruce's turn to glare.

"So I tricked you, is that what you're saying?"

"Yes."

"Wonderful,' Bruce said in a snide voice. "Here I thought Selina was an infuriating woman! Just for the record, Shayera, I don't have to trick women to get them to go out with me. You jumped at the chance the first opening you got! Oh, and while we're discussing it, it was the second time!"

He stepped back and started to walk away. Shayera was livid. She almost kicked herself for leaving her mace in the car. How dare he, she thought. She wasn't going to take that from him. Grinding her teeth, Shayera stormed after him. She caught up to Bruce just near the glass doors that lead out to the balcony. She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him outside. He started to protest, but she unfurled her wings and launched them both up into the sky.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Shayera?"

"Now you can't walk away, Bruce,' she fired back. "For the record, I didn't jump at anything! I just asked why you hadn't called! You took it on yourself to ask me out again, for the third time!"

"Second,' he countered. "There was nothing sneaky about it! And I only ask you out because I enjoy our previous dates!"

"I enjoyed them too and it was the third time!"

"Second!"

"Third!"

"Second!"

Thi.."

He cut her off with the kiss.